We're comin home!!!

I'm gonna pull an Amanda and talk about my dream here. I usually can remember my dreams, if they were pleasant ones. If they were scary then all I can really remember is the feeling of terror I have when I wake up. Last night I was so scared, I hed to call Matthew up to sit with me til I fell back asleep.

I was at mom and dad's house and we were having a Christmas party. It was kinda chilly out but no snow. I was sneakiing around, crawling in the garden, cuz I dont thik I ws supposed to be there. And there was a kid with me, I think she was mine. And there was this machine that was like a bubble machine only it was snow flakes. When they came out of the machine they were really small but thet would grow and they would get so big that they would turn into clouds in the shape of snowflakes. (this part I am sure came from doing my Christmas cards last night, you will understand when you see them) I was laying on top of my little trailer/camper that I was staying in apparently watching the snowflake clouds and All of a sudden everyone was running because there was a tornado. I jumped off the roof was helping people to safety inside the house and I felt the need to shut off all the lights. And I remember thnking "The lights dont matter in a tornado, get downstairs" SO it is me and my child and Lew. left. And I could see the thing coming and I knew we didnt have time to get to safety. And I was holding on really tight to a pole, hand rail thing a la Twister, and we were get hit. And I had to choose which to save, my child or my brother. I couldnt hang on to both. And I woke up trembling, I dont know who I chose. I dont really want to know. But it scared me.

So here i am again, unconcerned with the count down. I am fighting myself from falling asleep which is what I really want to do. I had to open the store at 9 this morning and I have to again tomorrow. And I know I will be exausted, but I keep tellingmyself it will be ok cuz I can sleep on the plane. But the flight from Anchorage to Seattle, I can never fall asleep. I know I have made that trip about 15 times. BUT I have started my laundry and I have started packing so I am making some progress.I figure I can just do my hair and makeup at work tomorrow so I can get that packed up. And most of my clothes are clean so it ok. Better get back to work.

So technically I should be cleaning or packing or doing launfry or one of the other billion things I need to do before Tuesday, yet here I sit still thinking I have PLENTY of time to get ready. In all actuality I dont. I have no time. But does that bother me? No, why should I be conccerned that house is a mess and my clothes arent clean and I havent started packing? I, afterall, have all night to do it tomorrow. Y4eah, right. And I know thiws, and yet here I sit blissfully unconcerned with the fact that in about 48 hours we will (theoretically) be ready to leave for the airport. Oh, well says my lazy brain.

I have all the pictures from our Christmad party. I will be bring those home. Matthew made a DVD of this year to bring. I need to gather all my misc pictures to bring, like Graham Webb and so on. I think I am going to bring home his book. It sounds interesting. Anyway, Matthew wants me to spend some time with him so I'd better go. C'ya in a couple of days!

So today wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. I was only there for a few hours and it went by fast. There was no where to park in the garage though. That sucked. Oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

This is a bitch session and not of interest to anyone but will help me

Ok, I need to get all of this out so that I can calm down and enjoy being on vacation. I havent been able to do that lately so I am going to try now.

So I u nderstand that shit happens and this has kinda turned in to a "boy who cried wolf" situation. Ashley always has SOMETHING going wrong in her life. I am almost sure she creates most of it to get attention. But it literally one thing after another. So she got in a car accident. And I am sure she really is hurt and I am sorry that she is, but damnit I am tired of working every damn day. I am tired. I know I have only 4 days left till I am gone for two and a half weeks but I need to have time to get ready to go. Now I have to work everyday till I leave because she cant come to work. And when she does come to work she is going to be under so many restirctions that she wont be worth shit anyway. And I am leaving. Why now? WHY NOW? Why now that I am about ready to leave? Am I being selfish? Hell, yeah. I work my ass off. I deserve this vacetion. Maybe more than anyone. (Except Ralph, he NEEDS a vacation) But that is part of the problem. I work so hard, and Ralph is totally dedicated, and Malu works hard and is always there when I need her that anything less than our standards is not acceptable to me. But Honestly I dont expect you to work 13 days straight. I dont expect you to drop what you're doing and be at my beckon call. I expect you to come to work when you are scheduled, be on time and earn the money that we pay you. I expect the same respect FROM you that I show TO you. I expect you to b considerate of those you work with and for. I do not think that is too much to expect from your employee. I think that that is what a job is. Call me crazy.

On a different note: I am ready to come home. People at work and around work are getting these 24 hour bugs. Fever and such. I WILL NOT get sick. Again I ask, "Why now?" So I am trying to get plenty of sleep and am taking my vitamins. I have 4 days to suvive and I am free. 4 days. And tomorrow is a short day. I only have to work til 1. Ok, I had better get to bed if I think I am goint o get up in the morning! Boo.

So back to the brain leakage problem...

Tara was talking to me today cuz a client wanted to know if we could get some hairspray special ordered and I was looking at her, and she was talking to me but I was NOT listening. I just checked out and didnt even realize I wasnt listening until she was done. SHe was just looking at me like "So?" and I didnt even know she had asked me a question. I was just gone. I'm like "Sorry I was TOTALLY not even listening to you." Luckily the client was cool and staered laughing and made a joke about the holidays having that effect, but I couldn'e believe it. I just checked. I am trying so heard to care about what is going on, and having things ready for when I leave and stuff but I told Ralph today, straight up I dont care. I will try to, but I dont. like Ashley was in a car accident yesterday, and I could care less about who is going to cover her shifts. I mean I have it all worked out and stuff. I'm so bad.

Anyway, I have a week left. I am going to clean the downstairs to night. Jackie wont bother me. She is pissed at us cuz we took her to the vet today. She was scootin around the house, draggin her butt on the carpet so we had to make sure she was constpated or anything. So the vet stuck her finger up her butt and squeezed the anal glands. So Jackie had a rough day. Poor cat.

I just read that sentence and it sounds like the vet stuck her finger up her own butt. LOL.

See what I mean about the brain leakage. I just thought that sentence was THE FUNNIEST thing.

The countdown is truely on as we have only eight days (seven for those of you IN Iowa) til out trek cross country. And I have yet to begin thinking about getting ready. I work everyday frm here til Tuesday and have no idea when we will get this house clean and Jackie-proof. I did clean the bathroom today since I was sick of looking at it. Matt's idea of cleaning the Bathroom is taking out the trash. Which in itself is fine but you need to do all of it. Anyway, I suppose I have technically started.

We got the pictures from the Christmas party back. They are really good. ludwig (our photographer) got a really nice protrait of Matthew and I which we are goint to use as our Christmas card pic this year. Jackie's costume will have to wait til next year, we just dont have time to do it.

I got the last of my presents sent offf to mom today, so they are all on their way to IA. I jusy need to start making my lists. My brain has shut down and is leaking out my ears so I cant really remember anything. Lori calls it short-heimer's. I'm gettin really bad. And way burnt out. I'm just ready to go, get out of here. Only 8 days to go.

One thing that is bothering me is that I got my lip waxed yesterday and today it is all bumpy. I dont usually have a problem with waxing, especially my lip. Oh, well, that what I get for waxing during that time of the month. STupid decision on my part, but it needed to be done. Friday I will need to get a fresh coat of color, my nails filled and a final wax and I should be ready to go. Man, I am high maintance.

Ok so I tried to give myself tomorrow off too but that didnt work out so well. Lori wants me to come in anyway. Oh well, I tried. Maybe next weekend. At least I dont have to be in until 2. That helps. But is extra money and we need it. I cant wait till I get my raise. So most of my Christmas shopping is done. Just so everyone doesnt get their hopes up, I am sending more of a New Year's card this year. Doubt I will get them sent beofre we leave. I'll try though. Maybe we'll get the picture done this weekend. Sunday maybe. Then I can have the cards out by Friday. Mom says all the presents are arriving safely. And all have made it so far. I have one more shipment to go and then the rest will come home with me. I am extra excited about Amanda's present. And not for the reason that she thinks. Cuz I may have made some statements that , in retrospect, may have led her to believe I got her one thing when I didnt. Sorry if you got your hopes up. BUT I think you will be even MORE happy with what I DID get you. Anyway, Oh, and dad's is really good too. But I have to say that Lew's is the one i would kep for myself. And mom's, well, I love that one too.

You know I think i just love giving gifts. It just makes me happy. I would probably cry if I ever found out someone didnt like a gift I picked out. I really would, and not because thats what I do all the time, but really. I put so much thought and love into gifts I pick out that it makes me SOOOO happy when i give them to people. Its like I included a little piece of me in it cuz i am so emotionally attatched. Of course I attach myself to everything, I am a very emotional person, but asides from that. I hope you guys like it.

It was really warm yesterday. I think it was like 36. So now everything is melting. Which is ok. Its not asd pretty as it used to be. Today its already 40 and the sun isnt even out yet. For those of you who wonder sunrise is at 10:00 today. 10:01 tomorrow. and sunset is at 3:43 pm. Yes the middle of the afternoon. BUT the light at the end of the tunnel. The 21st is the end. We will not be here but the 22nd we start getting our light back. It really starts to wear on you. I am just tired all the freeakin time. I know it has to be more than just a lot of wor. I mean I am sure that has something to do with it, but ALL the time? Just give me the sun back. I actually cant remember the last time I saw the sun. I think it was a Saturday... maybe 2-3 weeks ago. Hard to say. All my days have blended together. I dont usually know what day it is. Anyway, I need to get ready for another day at work. I'm thinkin I might take BOTH my days off this weekend. I need to get some laundry done and start cleaning this house for when we leave. i realize now that I was mistaken when I said I had only one weekend left. I have two but I thnk I will need both of them. I think that I will not send anymore presents home. Hopefully everything will get there in time. They should. It has what? 2 weeks to arrive. Go USPS. K gotta go.

A testament that Starbucks rules the world

Alaska doesnt have a lot of things that the lower 48 has. Victoria's Secret. Bath and Body Works. Target. Sales Tax. But We DO have a Starbucks. Yep. They let a Starbucks in. You cant drive to the inside of our state. You cant pass a corner without seeing an expresso drive thru. You cant go around a moose. But you can get a cup of overpriced coffee. Yippee

Alright friends and relatives, it is OVER. The sale went well. We didnt make the #'s we wanted but we did beat last year's sales by about $1000. The Christmas party went off without a hitch. And I was able to get up the next morning. But the best part of all is that its OVER. Now it is smooth sailing till vacation time. One more weekend and the holiday season is over. For work me anyway. One more weekend. I need to start cleaning. I have to hide anything paper since we have opted to leave Jackie home, she will try to eat everythig she can. Yes, we have to leave the kitty here. It was going to be an extra $200 to bring her along, so I had to decide, and we just dont have the money right now. Maybe next time.

I just thought that I would let y'all know how it went. Se ya in a couple of weeks!

I have finally found a friend. And I mean a real friend. It has taken long time, but I have found someone who thinks like me, acts like me, is my age... It has been hard trying to find someone I connected with. It is really hard when you have found that person already and then had to leave them behind. But today I realized it. I was talking to Tara and she just looks at me and goes, "You know what those earrings remind me of?" I was wearng the pink and black star earrings, the ones I was wearing when I was home and Malea kept singing Twinkle Twinkle little star. I was like "No. What?" "They remind me of Jem, do you remember Jem?" I FREAKED out! "remember? I LOVE Jem. " "I had Jem hightops." I still have my dolls. I have them all on DVD!" "No Way! I loved Jem." No one knows Jem up here. No one. I have talked about it before and people look at me like what kinda crazy Iowa show you talkin abaout. but She just brought it up and one of the reasons why I bought those earrings was that they reminded me of my childhood. Jem. Who knew it would bring us that much closer. I mean we've been hanging out and stuff, and I am bonding with her son. He is my loner baby. In that Tara says whenever I feel like I want my own baby, I need to take hers for a while and then see if I feel the same, but I love him. So I thought I would share that little conversation.

Jem, bringing the world a little closer together.

So I feel a little better after today, but tomorrow I am stuck over at the Spa all day so I cant help get ready for The Day After. Of course it was my own stupid fault because in my effort to deplete some of our overstock I suggested that they carry Matrix over in the other store. So I told Lori to make sure they price the stuff up to the dollar cuz we price down ten cents to be copetitive with REGIS and JCPenny's. She's like, "Well, why dont you go over and do it." Der, OK. Like I dont have anything else to do. As I have AT LEAST 20 maybe 30 boxes FULL of stuff we brought out for our Door Buster Sale on The Day After. And we need to get it all set up. Hopefully the girls can do it all tomorrow. Crossing my fingers but not holding my breath.

I got a VERY exciting phone call from Lew today. I cant talk about it but I have to get it out. So I dont know why I brought it up.

I have been having these crazy dreams lately With people in them that I have not even THOUGHT about in years. The other night it was Robert Dotson, he just popped up in my dream. Of course, I was in a Music Video for Green Day's Blvd of Broken Dreams and what's a dream about Green Day without Robert in it. And Last night it was Joe. Of all people. Why are these random people showing up in my dreams? Probably since its getting closer to being time to go home, so I am just thinkin aboout home. Its always in the back of my mind. I cant wait. 4 weeks. Cant go by fast enough.

So I woke up Obscenely early today so I have some time to kill before I go to work. We have so much stuff to do before Wednesday. I am so not ready for this sale. Fore anyone who doesnt know Our big anniversary sale is a week from Saturday. We have a mega huge party on the Saturday but the sale goes for 4 days. Well, it is now expanded to an anniversary sale and a Grand opening sale. SO now I have two stores to prepare for this. I dont have signs I had the girls sticker all over our give aways yesterday. We give out thousands or give aways like samples and we have wallets from American Crew, coffe mugs from Paul Mitchell, we are having drawing for two bicycles we got from Matrix I hink. And TONS of samples. Well, we have to sticker each one with a label that says thanks and has both our names on it and phone numbers. Its a nightmare. Tomorrow we get to go through all the CDs and change them ALL the Christmas music. Right now its just intermitted and occasional. Tomorrow everyday will be filled with cheer. LOL. Anyway, I have to leave for work. I newed to hop in a tanning bed quick. I have to wear a dress in a week and a half. I am so not ready for this.

Today marks my officaial start to the holiday season. From now until the time we leave I will be working six days a week again. Holidays rest for no one. And neither does retail. Super. My guess is that come Dec 21st, two weeks wont be long enough.

Insert humming of "Hail to the Chief" here 

So We have been listening to country at work lately since we are running our ad on their station. And Tara is like, have you listened to the words of this song? No, I stupidly answer. Come listen. SO I stupidly did. I sat down next to her and started listening, and I am like If she has cancer I will cry. Listen some more,. If she dies I WILL hit you. No she doesnt die, Tara says, just listen. I bawled. Here's the song. By Rascal Flatts

Sara Beth is scared to death
To hear what the doctor will say
She hasn't been well, since the day that she fell
And the bruise just won't go away
So she sits and she waits with her mother and dadA
nd flips through an old magazine
Till the nurse with the smile stands in the doorA
nd says will you please come with me

Sara Beth is scared to death
Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white, something's not right
But we're gonna take care of you
Six chances in ten, it won't come back again
With the therapy we're gonna try
It's just been approved, it's the strongest there is
And I think that we caught it in time

And Sara Beth closes her eyes.
And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And a soft wind is blowing her hair

Sara Beth is scared to death
As she sits holding her mom
Cause it would be a mistake for someone to take
A bald headed girl to the prom
For just this morning, right here on her pillow
Was the cruelest of any surprise
And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands
The proof that she couldn't deny

And Sara Beth closes her eyes
And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And a soft wind is blowing her hair

It's quarter to seven, that boy's at the door
And her daddy ushers him in
And when he takes off his cap
They all start to cry
Cause this morning where his hair had all been
Softly she touches just skin

And they go dancing, around and around
Without any cares
And her very first true love is holding her close
And for a moment she isn't scared

What a crazy couple of days. Alright so I told you about the accusition of the spa. I have spent the last couple of days over there, helping get the retail set up. They used to carry Aveda, which is an elitist type hair line cuz if you carry that, they only allow you to carry two other lines, you arent allowed to advertise that you have it and their customer support sucks, so Lori, (under some very good advice) pulled it in favor of putting in more lines to offer quality choices to the clients. So I have been in there transferring stock and inventory from our store to theirs, getting ifo inputted into their computers, and teaching them how to set up retail. Size order and the oeder in which you put the products and the styling products and so on. I will probably spend a couple of days a week over there, and the the rest in my store. Ralph and I are going to switch back and forth so one of us will be in the other building at all times. But I like it there. Its a different atmosphere. There is a different focus. It isnt about selling products, its about enhancing their experience so they keep coming back. Everything is so mellow cuz they came there to relax and be pampered and spend major cash. I'm all about gettin a piece of that. So when I get back in January we are gong to hammer out the details of my employment, in both places. I need to know that it is worth my while to go over there. I mean I wont be makin comission like i am over in my store so I need to know that I am getting that and more, since now I will be driving more and so on. But now I HAVE to go to bed. I have been on a coputer all day. I need to get off and rest my eyes.

OOOO lala. Who has her own store? I do, I do. I do, I do. I said who has her own store? I do, I do, I do I do.

Ok so there is a song there that y'all cant hear. FYI. Long story short, Lori took over Symplique, which isnt Symplique anymore, its LA Style Day Spa. And Ralph will be running that location and I will be running our location. Cool, huh? Me. General manager. Or something Like that. Anyway, thought I would share that.

I think I gave myself a carpet, rug, rope burn on the back of my neck with the edge of my towel. It hurts like that. I'll have to check it out.

I am feeling beter. I think I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder though. No joke at all.

We are gonna decorate the stoore on Sunday for Chrisymas, only a matter of time till we do the house.

We got a DVD recorder. A Christmas/birthday present for Mayyhew. So now we can record our own DVDs. I would like to bring back the VHS tapes of our family Christmas from when we were young. And some of those old shows we watched a billion time when we were little. So if there is anything you want DVD-inized. Send it on up and we should be able to do it for you. K. Gotta go. TTFN.

Helpin daddy carve pump-a-kins 

Jackie and her little pump-a-kin 

Carvin Jackie's pump-a-kin. There is A LOT of crap inside those little ones!!! 

Jackie's pump-a-kin 

My pump-a-kin 

Matthew's pump-a-kin 

Jackie's checkin out my work 

Finished by the garage 

I had the best night. Until now.

We had a lot of trick or treaters. This is my first year to actually hand out candy. I had so much fun. It made me so happy. It made me remember how much fun I had going out. Mom always took us. We had our staples, the houses we always went to. Grandma would give us chocolate chip cookies. And we had the best costumes. I remeber being an Indian one year. Lew was a cowboy and Amanda was a princess. I loved her dress, with the pointed hat. That was my favorite to play dress up in later. And I was Catwoman. I had these long red nails. I remember being a ballerina one year with this blue outfit and it was cold out so mom made me wear tights and I was so upset cuz I thought that it ruined my costume. We had so much fun. It made me so happy, cuz we were all together. Seeing the kids and being part of their night just brought back all those memories. And I had fun seeing all the little ones. There was this one, she was so cute probably about two. She was a tiger with her little black nose and little wiskers painted on. You could just see her hood with the little ears cuz her mom had her wrapped up in a fur blanket. And this one little guy, he comes to the door and goes "Treeet!" He knew what he wanted.

And Matthew came upstairs and told me that somebody took Jackie's little pump-a-kin. That stupid little thing that made me so happy. I cried. Why would someone take it? Why? Because you didnt think that it meant something to someone? Well, it did. It meant a lot to me. It would be like someone stealing my candy. Why does that one person always have to ruin it?

We carved pump-a-kins today. I ill post the pics tomorrow. I'm too lazy to go downstairs for them now. Jackie got her own little pump-a-kin. It is so adorable.

I am feeling better today. I am still a little weak in the lower back area. I got kinda sore at work today. But I feel better. I still have this fear that they will come back. Kinda like how I feel about my knee every time I go down stairs, but this one is not my own clumsiness. But today I was better.

It snowed last night and actually stuck. Matthew put on the studded tires. Boo. Cant have Halloween without snow!

Update on the Stoones. I did have to go to the ER. The pain came back, worse than this morning, so Matthew took me to the hospital. They took X-rays and gave me a shot in the ass. Now I have meds if it happens again. They told me that you very rarely find the first stone. But i got some filter anyway. They left me alone in the room for 3 hours though. I took a nap and some gloves, tape and an Ace like bandage. As dad once said, "If they leave me in here much longer, i'm gonna start stealin stuff." And I did. But I feel better now. Kinda weak and in fear that the pain will return. But I am going to bed now so Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I thought my body hated me and wanted to destroy me this morning. I woke up about 7:24 after having a dream about my back hurting, and sure enough when I came to my senses it did actually hurt. So I got up and strentched and went to the bathroom and got back in bed, and I think I angered it then cuz this horrible pain came on. Kinda right by my spine and towards the left, right above my hip. So I laid on my back thinking that would help, but it mmade it worse. So I got up. Thinking if I walked... And i was sweating so bad I thought I would suffocate in the bedroom. Matts fast asleep. So I try to walk and that doesnt help. I am hunched overthe bathroom sink feeling like I'm being ripped in half. Deciding on whether I should have Matthew take me to the ER or not. Basically deciding if I have appedicitis or something else. And so I am hunched over the keyboard trying to look up which side your appendix is on, I can barely type. I cant really move and Amanda and My dad pop in my head at the same time. Kindney stones! Your kidneys are in the back... So I look that up and the symptoms are what I am going through so I crawl downstairs and call Amanda, she would be easier to get a hold of then dad. Blast no answer. I have at least found a breathing pattern that isnt making things worst. So I call mom. Yep, she says sounds like stones. Everyone gets them at least nce in their life right? Amanda calls back. What do I do? Go to the ER or take what I have. She says they will test me to see if thats what it is and by then it might be too late to be any help. So I took some Vicadin, Thank God I had some left. And went back to bed. matt is confused. I thnk at that point it was gone, cuz I went pee right before I call and as I was taling the pain was getting less intense and I have not yet found anything. But that SUCKED. All in all it took about three hours from the start of the dream as best I can figure to going back to bed. Now it seems like a horrible dream, except that I am sore. My back aches like the dull ache I get with bad cramps, just without the cramps. I seriouly thought I was going to pass out or vomit. But I didnt cry or anything, I had a moment of panic towards the beginning.

So how was your morning?

The Adventure Continues

November 18th, 2005.

http://harrypotter.warnerbros.com/


I'm so excited. This is my favorite book.

I dont really even have anything to talk about today. Let's see, 55 days till we come home. Thats good. Work sucks. I have an Arbonne meeting tonight. Dont really want to go, but I skipped the last one. Ummm, I have no exciting news. Matthew is pretty sure he is going to Korea for Four months next year. That will suck. Gonna be REALLY ;lonely. But I get to go to Vegas with Ralph and Lori next year. Well, I suppose I should get dressed for work. We are going to decorate the store for Christmas next Sunday. Already. Matthew wants to put up our tree. I told him he had to wait till AFTER Halloween. (This was September) LOL. I love him. He is so cute... Anyway, I have to get to gettin.

60 days and we will be home. "I'll be home for Christmas..." 60 days also means that Christmas is a little over two months away. Kinda scary. This year is coming to an end... Stop. Still two and a half months away. Stop thinking about it. I got tried of working on the website. I love working on my day off. Even if it is from the comfort of my computer room. But the battery on my camera is dead and I cant find the charger so I cant put up the product pictures yet. Which means this project will continue on another day until I can get the pics posted. But at least the Eutropia products are up now.Yay. I acomplished something! Anyway, back to work I guess.

We got a couple of new girls on Saturday. I picked them out, I hired them, so we will she if they are an improvement from the past. Youngest age is 20. No more high school girls! Anyway, one of them came up to me yesterday and she's like, "You must love working here," Well, yes I do but why do you say that? She's like cuz you get to work with Ralph. He is so hot." EXCUSE ME? First, hello, it's RALPH. I have never thought of him that way. That's like having a crush on your older brother. Second, he's Lori's. And No way am I crossing THAT woman. Even if my job DIDNT depend on it. Plus they are like my family, like I said Ralph is more like a brother to me and Lori is my friend, my boss... So I'm just like, "I havenever looked at him like that." "how can you not!?" she asks. "Becuase he's dating Lori, your boss." "oh." Akward moment follows. It was just a weird conversation that brought on weird thoughts that I never want to think again!

We have only like 73 days till we get to come home. I think that Matthew could care less. He was just home so he doesnt care, but I cant wait. We pretty have decided to take Jackie home. As long as she doesnt get too spoiled, and we do bring her back. I have a feeling a certain someone will want to keep her. Just remember, she is only visiting. LOL.

Matthew and I went to the doctor on Thursday. I havent been able to shake this bug since I got back from Bellevue and I gave it to Matthew. Now its a sinus infection. But the stupid doctor gave me amoxicillin. Please. I might as well just stand on my head for as much as thats gonna help MY sinus infections. Gimme the good stuff. He didnt give Matthew any antibotics at all. Even though he has the same thing. He alost didnt give them to me. I'm thinking, "Is this guy serious?" I know when I have a sinus infection. I have been getting them since I was young. And there were those couple years when it seemed lke I got 5. He seriopusly wasnt goingt o give me antibotics. What a quack. Yes, its good you dont just hand them out, but be serious. Just cuz you dont klike to give them doesnt mean you shouldnt give them to people who need them. I want Dr. Lake back. Anyway, this quack wanted me to get a CT scan to diagnose sinitieus. Of something like that. Mom says thats just an inflammation of the sinuses. Why do I need a CT scan for that? I can tell you that my sinuses are inflammed. Otherwise, there would be more room in my head for my brain than there currently is. Quack.

So begins the busy season at work. PFD's come out this week. (for those of you who dont know those are the permenant dividend fund checks. Oil money) Kick off to the holiday season. Yippee. I think mom thinks that I work too much. Which is probably true. She asked me what I did for fun. I dont know what I do for fun. I watch TV when I get off work. We dont really have money for fun. When we get out of debt, then I will have fun. Cuz I figure, I should be dead by then, and have plenty of time to have fun. Right? right. Bleak out look. Oh, well.

Anyway, I should head off to bed.

Tis the season

Its getting colder. (30's at night, 50's during the day.) It's getting darker. (Sunrise after 8 am Sunset, 7:20 pm) It is that time of year. But it hasnt snowed yet which is more than we can say about last year. I am so not ready for this. I AM however ready to be hme for Christmas. Yay. I am so happy. I am bursting with excitement. this makes Chirstmas that much better. But we have to leave the kitty here. :( She will be so lonely. No Merry Christmas for Kitty.

I think its so funny thay when we first got married Matthew would never want to watch my shows like SVU and CSI. Now he has watched them & he loves them. He gets entire seasons from Netflix now. He is so atticted, LOL.At least I can watch them now w/o him nit picking about them. Oh, and just a note you might enjoy. Matthew & Smitty watched the last four hours of the America's Next Top Model marathon on Sunday. My power lives!

You know sometimes when people are talking to me, I just wish I could could turn, look them in the eye and tell them, "You know, I couldn't give a rats ass less about what you are saying to me right now. I just dont care so stop talking." But then I come to my senses and realize I have to still work with these people and still I have to go spend three days in Washington with them (and its not Lori, fyi). So I dont say anything. Like I dont have anything better to do than listen to your pointless story.

And then consideration for other people is about non-existant anymore! Today, I had no sooner told Ashley that I was hungry and was going to go on break than she clocked out and went. Excuse me? I just finished telling you that I was going to go eat. We all know how I get when I am hungry. Uber-bitchy. On top of that my blood sugar drops quickly and I get sick. So that pissed me off. And I had to be over at Syplique at 6pm. I made sure to tell everyone that I was goint to leave at 5 so I had an hour to make it through rush hour traffic to the otherside of town. And I told everyone early so they would have their breaks done so I could leave. What happens? Malu waits till five to take her lunch. So it is just me and Ashley and its 5:15 and then Ashle disappears. I have a store full of people and no one helping me and I need to leave. I finally get out of there at 5:30, leaving Ashley, I get to Symplique. I'm almost 20 minutes late. They're all upset with me. Sorry, what am I going to do? I should have just left. Malu's leaving at 5 and goes, "you're leaving at 5:15, right? No I'm leaving now, and then she still isnt back at 5:30. I was steamed. Cuz Ashley did the same thing to me YESTERDAY. I was supposed to be off at 5:30, my regukar time, and she takes an hour break at 5:10 so it was after 6 when I finally got to go home.

BUT, here's the icing on the cake. We leave Friday night. Friday is my regular day off. I have to close the store now because Ashley doesnt want to work 7 days in a row. She was goingt o have to cover for us being gone. So they changed my schedule without telling me, or asking me for that matter. Granted had they asked I probably would have done it, but they didnt even ask. Yet when I want to go home at my scheduled time off its like I asked them to pull a pot of gold out of their asses. You know what kiss my ass. So I scheduled a store meeting for 3 pm on Friday and she has to come in to work anyway. So suck on that you whiney baby. You want to screw me over, Ha. Bend over cuz I'll shove right back. I am SO sick of them taking advantage of me. No more. You try to screw me, I'll get you back. One way or another. But in sneaky diabolical, subtle ways so you wont even know it was coming till you are sitting in a meeting on your day off.

I like it. 

Here you can see the different shades of red better 

Profile of new hair 

My new hair color. Blonde has become boring 

I am so excited. We are going to the West Coast Beauty Show this coming weekend. And Deb, who is one of Lori's friends and pretty high up in the West Coast company, has made arrangements for a VIP meeting with Graham Webb. THE Grham Webb. I am freakin. Stylists pay BIG bucks to go to his acedemy in London and dont necessarily ever get to see Graham Webb the man. Like... I dont even know what I am going to say. I dont want to sound like a dorkus. "Der, hello Mr Webb. I sure do like your shampoo..." LOL. Lori is even even freakin out about this. She's like "I wonder what he looks like..." My big mouth, I'm like "Probably like an old British dude." So much for respect. This is like meeting John Paul Mtchell. Except he's dead. Anyway thats my cool news.

I've started planning what to get paople for Chiristmas and for the first time I know what to get Dad and no one else. I never know what to get dad. Usually I know, Lew's first then mom's. Amanda is easy cuz she has a wish list ready year round. So even if I dont find some other thing for her, I always know where to look to know what she wants. But dad... Anyway, I know what I want to get him. now it is just a matter of finding it. LOL.

Well now I have some time to kill. We have no hot water again. I cant call the office cuz they donr open up until about the time I have to leave for work. We got no notice that they were working on the heaters today. Maybe ours is broke...

Anyway, we have to have a pow wow at work. We are staging an intervention. We have a couple of girls who work for us that are not headed down a good path. They are only 15 and they are getting drunk with these older guys. And its a weekly thing. One of the girls, her mom is a stripper and left her and her dad, and then her dad was sent to prison. So she moved in with this other girl and her mom doesnt care. She's the one who gets them the alcohol. So they have been calling in and showing up with hickeys and getting into trouble. Lori doesnt want to fire anyone cuz we are so close to our busy holiday season. And I dont really want to either cuz then what? They dont have anyone who cares about them, and then we become yet another person who pushed them along and turned away. I know we are not their parents, but their parents dont give a crap. Someone should. Someone should at least try.

I think that mom's treatments suddenly make things real. That this is really happening. That this could happen to me, or Amanda or Lew. That someday, my mom will die. And that is NOT something I am ready to come to terms with. It was so much easier to pretend that it wouldnt happen when she didnt need medicine. Now... now my mom is mortal. And I can't deal with that. I dont think I will ever be able to deal with that. And yet, at the same time, I am feeling so guilty that I am not there to be with her. I dont want to think about the reality of the situation and at the same time I need to be there while she is dealing with it.

I am so sick of the rain. It rains every day. And what really blows is that I cant wish the rain away. Why? Because when the rain leaves the snow comes in its place. So its rain or snow, and while I do HATE the rain I am SO not ready for the snow yet. I still have a month and I need that month, trust me.

I have about three weeks before we go to Seattle. That should be fun...

Ummm... I know that there are things that go on in my life, I just cant remember them. Oh, I got new contacts. Yippee I know, but these are SOFT contacts. They are SOOO much more comfortable than the hard ones! My eyes dont dry out quite so much. Mom cant believe that they make soft contacts in my strength, but they do. If you dont have them I haighly recommend them (Hint Amanda).

I talked to mom for awhile yesterday. Since she starts her treatments on Tuesday. I'll probably call her again tomorrow since I dont have to work.

Lew left a really sweet message onmy phone. He was singing Forever Young. I cried my eyes out. It was so sweet. I miss him so much some times. I miss everyone. I cant wait to come home for Christmas. I am so excited. I could burst.

Back to the Friends marathon. We have no lives. Tomorrow its CSI. LOL. We are so sad.

Matthew spoils me.

He made me an appointment to get a hot stoine massage. Because he knew I needed it and would never do it myself. I have something wrong with my shoulder. I cant lfit my arm even vertical with my shoulder. It is just too tense and tight. Like I've been sleeping on it worng for a week. Matt said I have a knot about five inches big right along my shoulder blade and everytime he tries to work it out my arm starts to timgle and goes numb. So he made me an appointment with a professional to get it worked out. He is so thoughtful. I would never have done it myself. I would have just delt with it hurting and made him rub my back all the time. So now I am hopeful that some one who knows what they are doing can help me.

He's so good to me. I love him.

Malu finally heard from her sister who lives in New Orleans. She has been so worried. We all have been for her. Malu said that she and her husband were among the paople in the SuperDome when the roof started to come off. No running water. No food. Only a leaking roof over their heads. They were on the convoy that started to transport people to Texas.

I should also include a link to Matt's new webpage. he designed it himself. He is very proud. I am actually impressed with his work.

http://www.geocities.com/amnmatthewrose/mattsbluepages

I have less than a month before I am set to go back to Seattle, well, Bellview. whatever. I am SO ready to go. I need to go out and have some drinks. This time, its all girls, me and Lori, of course, but Malu and Karen are going to come too. We are going to have to get two rooms, I think. Cuz me and Lori will stay out till 3 or 4 in the morning come back shower, nap, and go to the show, but Karen and Malu already said they wont keep up with us. So we should put them in their own room. Can you imagine the four of us trying to share 1 bathroom?! There isnt enough counter space in the world for all our stuff! LOL. Well, its off to bed, Have to get plenty of sleep yto be fresh for work tomorrow. I was a little crabby today. Oh well, maybe people should quit annoying me!

Here's to Lew

There is always that one song that reminds you of someone you love.

FOREVER YOUNG
(R. Stewart/J.Cregan/K.Savigar)
May the good Lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
with a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
and in my heart you will remain
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young
Forever Young

And when you finally fly away
I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young ,Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young
For, Forever Young, Forever Young

That little two timing bitch better thank her lucky stars that I live 3600 miles away from her. It will be a sad day in her world if I ever see her. She will regret breaking MY baby brother's heart. Trust that.

Karma's a Bitch, and her name is Emily.

And Monday leaked into Tuesday. I found out that the military does not cover contacts only glasses, so Tricare will not pay for my contacts. I can get them, but they will not pay for them. And then Yesterday, I had to deal with a couple little bitches and their even bigger Bitch mothers and the Department of Labor, because these little girls lied, and didnt want to tell their mommies the truth so their mommies called the Labor board and filed a complaint. So now, even though when the guy came he couldnt find anything supporting their complaint, we remain under investigation for the next 6 monthes. So now ALL the girls who are under 17 and work for me have to suffer. She probably didnt even tell her mom that she was fired. She probnably said she quit because these false things were going on. And absurd claims like ahe was forced to work 60 hours a week. In the 3 weeks she worked for me she only worked 67 hours. We never let her have a break. She took at least two a day, sometimes more. And we didnt pay her enough. In the state of Alaska a minor working less than 30 hours a week is paid $5.15. We paid her $5.50. Now we are all suffering because of these little girls. I am not hiring any more little girls.

The bain of My Existence

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/theexorcismofemilyrose/

What a long day and I didnt even really do anything! Malu and I spent all day at a Graham Webb Retail Authority seminar. WhooHoo. It was TOO terribly boring, but they just repeated a lot of the stuff I have already learned from my other buisness classes. Oh well, doesnt hurt to refresh. The day your done learning is the day your done.

Of course it doesnt help that I lost one of my contact down the drain. I was just washing my hands and it popped right out of my eye, and of course I had the water running, so good bye eyesight. I thought I had a spare pair but only God knows where it is now. So I am reduced to wearing my glasses. Not that I cant see with my glasses, just not as well. I dont like to drive with them on, but since I am so close to work, I dont mind so much. The problem is that I havent been to the eye doctor since I have been here (Not good). So it will be a whole hoopla to get a new contact. But it is prolly a sign I should go since I have been having so many problems with my eyes lately. The climate is just too dry here. Anyway, I need to scadale off to bed. Night.

Like I dont get enough spam in my email, now they're attacking my blog!?! Give me a fucking break! I had 5 comments yesterday and only ONE of them was real.

DONT POST SHIT ON MY BLOG!!!!

I dont care about your stupid blogs, I will NEVER visit them. Screw with someone else.

Does blogger have SpamBlocker? They should.

Back to work today. Boo. At least the day went fast. They fired the manager at Symplique so now they are over there and I am incharge of the store until further notice. Bet they are glad I didnt take off longer than I did. Ralph is losing his mind. He could barely carry on a conversation for the fiven minutes that I saw him today. Poor guy.

Everyone made it home safely. I had to call to make sure since no one called me to let me know that all was well. Thats ok, I see where I rate in the food chain. Its quiet around the house. Kind of bittersweet. I loved having them up here, but its nice to have my house back too. And Since I havent gotten to spend any time alone with my husband in around three weeks and wont till the fourth week is over, I am looking forward to this weekend.

We fit a lot of stuff in during the time they were up here. I did a lot that I probably otherwise wouldnt have done, like the kayaking. I got a killer blister on my thumb, but the waterfall was worth it. Pictures are up on the kodak gallery. Shared them with most of you. If you didnt see them, and want to let me know and I will send a link. But I should go to bed. Bright and early. Bright and early...

Store update: Lori and I walked around today, trying to figure out a new layout. Well, the beginning of a new ;layout, and we have decided to take out a counter, By new peg shelves so we can do glass shleves or pegs and move all the nail stuff back by the salon (its in the front window now) and then put our "boutique" in the front window. It will have all kinds of stuff, belts, scarves, purses, these slippers that vibrate, um... just tons of accessories. It is gonna be SO MUCH work! But I think it will look awesome. people are amazed at how much stuff we have now, just wait till we knock out this counter. Oh, yeah. Anyway, I have an air matress to inflate and some blankets towash so I had better get to gettin.

I spent all day today in front of a computer. And what do I do when I get home? get on the computer. I am going to have such a migrraine. BUT I am almost ready for my vacation. We are getting SO MUCH new stuff it is not even funny. We have to sit down and replan the layout of the store because we have to find room for it all. We are going to departmentalize the store. Like Appliances, nails, mens, accessories, make up, body (LOTIONS AND BATH GELS, ETC.) travel. I mean it is pretty much like that already but we have to create more room. We just need to relocate! I told Lori that. She says if we can keep our sales up it may be an option, but not for a couple years since we just finished painting and are putting in new carpet.

Well, anyway, I need to clean the kitchen since I'm gonna go into work tomorrow. Just half day though, i have a lot of last minute stuff to do. Man, I miss my husband. I am SOOOO ready for him to came home!

Today was a good day. Ralph and Lori came back. I was straightening the shelves this morning, just last minute figiting. And I see someone run past the window and it was Ralph. He in running past the windows and down the hall, and the door flies open and he runs over to me and gives me the biggest hug. NAd Lori came a little behind, she didnt run, and gave me a big hug... You dont know how good that felt. I have been feeling so alone these past few days, and I really needed that hug. It was like... they were so glad to be back and so happy to see me, like family. And it felt so good. And I smiled.

And suddenly, I wasnt alone anymore.

I wish I could say that I would give anything to go home and be with my family, but appartently I wouldnt give $1200. I wish I could be there. I feel soooo guilty. Like I have abandoned my dad in his time of loss. Mom says no one expects me to come home, but I guess I always expected me to go home. I mean I was there for mom when grandpa died. I even helped pick out his casket. And now I cant be with dad. And I feel horrible. And the worst part is this: I am not as sad about grandma dying, only for the reason that she had a VERY long and full life, and it was her time and she isnt suffering anymore, as I am sad that I cant be with dad. I feel like I should be. Matthew is there. He is going to go to the funeral. I asked him to please be with my dad since I cant be. Maybe that will be enough. I have tried to call home but no one answered. I am not even quite sure what to say. "I'm sorry for your loss"? That seems dumb since he's my dad and its my loss too. Just say I love you and that I am thinking about you. And I wish that I could be there, but I cant.

My grandma died last night. There is no way I can go home. I cant afford it. I will never again see that little old lady with whom I share my name. Never hear her tell me I give good hugs. Never get my 5 sticks of Wrigleys gum. And I have no one to cry to.

Do you know what is is to be completely alone when your wolrd falls out of your control? Its the knowledge that people people colest to you are 3600 miles away. It knowing that a part of your family is dying and you will never see them again. Its being outside andf not be able to breathe and finding no one there to help you. No one to taking you in their arms and remind you what you love. It having faint memories of your past life and clinging so hard to them that they are leaking through your fingers, and along with the only thing that keeps you from foalling into despair. Its they desprate desire to protect the ones you love from pain and being no where near them. Its waking from a nightmare with tears stills wet on your face to a cold dark empty house in a land where you have no real friends. Its trying to be brave but in the end knowing that you are going to die anyway so whats the point? How long has it been since I have felt this way. This cold. This empty.

In the last 20 days I have worked, 18 of them. That is kinda depressing. Not bad per say, since I am going to miss a week, but depressing nonetheless. BUT I have managed to get my house clean so on Saturady all I have to do is tidy, get beds assembled and give the Jackers a bath. Cant have a smelly kitty with guests over. And I was still able to assemble a little surprise for Matthew for when he gets home. He is frustrated becasue I will not tell him the surprise, but I dont want to ruin it because I am VERY excited about it and it is very special. And I want him to have something to look forward to when he comes home so that he is not too disappointed with having to come back here.

I had a long talk witg Lew today. I knew as soon as he called what it had to do with. Since he said he needed to talk and it couldnt wait a week for when I will see him. I hope that I helped a little. I wish I could do more for him. I would so go kick some ass if I were in Iowa. You can bet on that. If not the GF then the SOB. Anyway, I have to go finish my laundry, and get to bed to bed since I have to work tomorrow. That's ok, more money to pay bills. Later.

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray, I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane
Far away And break away


Buildings with a hundred floors,
Swingon' round revolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But I gotta keep movin on, movin on,
Fly away, Break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Out of the darkness & into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

-kelly clarkson

Slowly but surely I will be ready for Amanda and Lew. I have less than two weeks now. I figure if I clean one room a day then by the time I need to be ready I can just tidy instead of clean. I should be in bed. I have to get up early to go take me truck to the shop, but I am so preoccupied with cleaning and organizing and such. Mainly to keep my mind off Matthew not being here. Its so lonely without him. And I have no one at work that I want to spend more then 32 seconds with because they are all getting on my nerves. Except Ashley. Unfortunately I will be spending most of the next 10 days there. Actually I will be there Everday except this coming Friday and next Saturaday since I have to get ready to pick everyone up at the airport. Oh well, at least I will be busy. I must go finish cleaning my bathroom now. It is so gross I dont want to do it, but I cant stand it anymore.

Matthew doesnt do bathrooms. I swear its punishment because I never did them when they were my "chore" at home. This is the universe giving me what I deserve...

And So It Begins

I alredy miss him. He will be back in two weeks but I already miss him. The house is so empty when I know he wont be coming back home. It makes my stomach hurt. like there is ten pound weight just sitting in my tummy. I miss my Matthew. Take good care of him.

Someone wants to go home to Iowa with her Daddy.

LAIDREACHT- Gaelic adjective for the strength of women. These are my adjectives:

Hazel: Strength through Loss
Evelyn: Strength in longevity
Bonnie: Strength through the inevitable
Amanda: Strength of character
Emily: Strength through...

Do you ever look around yourself and wonder. You know that the people you admire around you see you, and admire you, for things that you cant see in yourself and still feel the same way about the way you feel about them. If only we could see those things in ourselves, then maybe our low times wouldnt feel quite so low.

Two weeks from Saturday. I need to CLEAN!

This is my Madagascar cake. I get to keep the toys on it! :) 

And it has 23 candles on it 

Yes, that is all the smoke from blowing out the candles, but I did it! 

Matthew in some of his new "birthday" clothes. I like shopping for him anyway. He's so cute. 

If our sky was like this at home, we would be worried.about what was about to drop on our heads. 

Lightening hit somewhere down on the Kenai so the smoke was moving northeastish 

You'd think I was home when the sjy looks like this on one side of my house 

And look like this on the other side of my house 

It just cuts off. No clouds trailing behind. It was feirce 

We seem to get a lot of rainbows.