Sunday, November 30, 2008


I guess it has been awhile since I actually blogged anything. I have been keeping pretty busy with Matthew having a 5 day weekend. We had a good Thanksgiving. We had fun at Craig's. His cabin was amazing and the view was even better. We have gotten an insane amount of snow today and yesterday. I tried to go to work today, and I was so scared. I don't know why I thought I could leave the house. I couldn't find the road, I couldn't see in front of me. I should have known when people were getting stuck on our road. So I made it just past Hanger 5 and turned around. I was so scared by the time I got home. I couldn't get down our road. I couldn't get into our driveway. When i finally got in the house I thought I was going to throw up. I didn't want to get out of the truck, but I was afraid to drive... I should never have tried, but Misters needed wipes so I went. Good thing it stopped snowing cuz we don't have any food to eat if we were stuck in the house.

We still haven't sold the damn Saturn. I am starting to freak a bit. Matthew doesn't seem to be too concerned since he hasn't called that dude who seemed to be very interested in it.

Misters is making leaps and bounds lately. He pulled himself up to his feet yesterday. It was pretty exciting. He is SOOOO close to crawling, he just hasn't caught on to the moving of the hands part. He is getting pretty good at feeding himself now. He likes to do it. If I don't let him use the spoon, he gets mad. So I got him these spoons that have notches in them so he can dip it in the food and feed himself. It takes a while for him to eat, but he is getting better.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

video video video video

Unloading my camera while I have time...

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How weird do these doors look?

We put the closet doors back up, while I put the doors back up, and they look weird. After 4 years of them NOT being up, its just strange to see them.

To make up for a late Picture Day

This is servinga reminder that Picture Thursday WILL BE DELAYED until Friday due to the Thanksgiving holiday. So to make up for that I have posted a couple videos to tide you over.

video video

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

So I went down to the courthouse today. I figured it was best to do it in person. I hope that everything is done now. I guess I have no reason to believe that it is. The last time I thought it was over, I got a stupid notice in the mail. But the girl said that she had what she needed. I asked her like 4 times if that was everything that I needed to do, and she said that there wasn't anything she could see. I don't trust that either. This is so frustrating. I just want my "conviction" set aside so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I am so sick of this.

Please send out good thought that this dude will buy the Vue tomorrow. Matthew is taking it to have him test drive it. I just want to get rid of this thing. I don't care if we make any money on it. I will give it to him for what we owe on it. We are running out of time, and I don't know what we will do if we don't get the damn thing sold. So pray that we do, otherwise Matthew may have to drive home afterall. Why does everything have to be so hard?
I am looking for something like a table that Hayden can sit up at and play. Like an activity table or something. So if you could keep an eye out. I only see stuff for standing. Ideally, if they make something that would adjust heights or something. I haven't found anything. I thought it might help him sit up longer. He sits pretty well, but then loses interest and falls over so I was looking for something to keep his attention for longer.

Monday, November 24, 2008

This Is Bullshit.

So after calling the Courthouse this morning, and talking to THREE different people, I have found out that no one knows why I received that notice in the mail on Friday. According to my case file, everything has been paid. Of course, I know this being as that I have the receipts proving that fact. According to their computers, my case has been dismissed and as far as they could tell, I didn't matter to the court system anymore. SO, I have two choices. I can go down to the courthouse, which I don't want to do cuz its a pain in the ass, and bring copies of my receipts and show them what, as far as I can tell, is already IN my file. Or I could send in copies of the form I received, copies of my receipts, and a letter asking that I be notified if there is anything further that I owe. Which there isn't. So I don't understand what is going on here. Apparently, there was some sort of oversight, or a box didn't get checked, I don't know. Its all a waste of my time and the taxpayer's dollar. I love the system. Its all in their computer. Its all in my file, why do I still have to do this? So, I choose to do BOTH options. I will go down to the courthouse, and I will show them my receipts, and I will show them my judgment and show them all of these things that I know are already there cuz 3 different people told me so this morning! So I get this worthless, meaningless letter in the mail that tosses my world upside down, again. That sends me over an edge that I have been teetering on for a couple weeks now. For NOTHING!!!!! Nothing. No one can tell me why I was collapsed on my bed crying in desperation... Because of some stupid mistake in some bureaucratic red tape.

Sitting up


Friday, November 21, 2008

When will this end?

So I had a true nervous break down today. Here's why:

Went out to get the mail this afternoon. (About 4ish) There was a letter from the State. "What could this be?" I ask myself. Thinking it must be final paperwork or something. Boy, was I wrong. It was a notice of non-payment of my restitution. The money I "owed" that woman. The restitution that was paid oh about a year and a half ago. Bullshit, I owe her anymore money. So for this whole time I have kept EVERY SINGLE piece of paper that was in reference to this disaster. When my Probation expired, and I had received my letter releasing me, I had Matthew take all those papers and shred them. What do I need them for? Turns out I needed them for this f**king letter I got today. I flipped. I completely lost it. I had it shredded and I had no idea how to get a copy. (By now its 4:23 pm) I called Steve (my lawyer), I called the probation office, I called the court house where i paid the money in the first place. Of course the hours at the court house are 8:30 to 4:30 so I kept getting transferred to voicemail that didn't exist. I called mom hoping I sent the paperwork to her. Nope. string by string, my grip on my control, and sanity, are snapping. I don't know what to do. I left messages with everyone I could, so now I have to wait by the phone for someone, ANYONE, to return my call. I decide to go upstairs and wake Matthew. HE has been really sick, but I needed him to calm me down. So I explain this letter and how I shouldn't have had him shred all that stuff. "I didn't shred it." "WHAT?!" "I didn't shred it. I didn't think I should." I lost it. I collapsed in a fit of bawling. I couldn't stop myself. I cried for a good 5 minutes. I lost it. He saved me. I didn't know what I was going to do. I thought I was going to have to go back to court. I thought I was going to have to pay that awful woman another$500 that I never owed her in the first place. I cant even describe the feeling of relief I had at that moment.

When is this shit going to be over? Shit keeps popping up. I don't need this right now. I don't need this added stress. I feel like I have paid for this mistake 1000 times over. I get it. I screwed up. I trusted the wrong person. I get it. I have learned to be a bit more cynical of people, but I have moved on. Just leave me alone. 61 days. 61 days and I can get the hell out of here. So I will go down to the courthouse on Monday and hand deliver the receipt that proves it has already been paid, and I will make sure this is the last thing, that needs to be taken care of. Cuz in 61 days I am not going to be able to hop a plane and go to court. I am so f**king sick of this.

"Look What I Have!"

Wow, I didnt know these were so dark! I'll try to get new ones.

video video

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Its so exciting to think that in 64 days we will be on a plane home. Not for a visit. Not for two weeks and its back on a plane. For good. I don't have to have another 12 hour flight day. I am so happy right now. For this brief moment in the midst of this stressful chaos, I am happy. Because I know what is waiting for me. For us. I am so very happy right now. Whatever comes, and I am scared beyond belief at that thought, we will be home. I have been waiting for this for so long. Do I wish it could have been before Christmas? Yes, very much so. But on the other hand, I keep thinking about all the things I don't have to miss anymore. Birthdays and graduations. Baptisms and holidays. Things I have had to live with just hearing about, or seeing pictures... I don't work that way, you know? I am so very excited. I know this feeling is fleeting, for the next about 64 days. Till we are on the ground in Moline, safe and sound. Then I can be VERY excited.
A couple notes on Misters. He is eating really well. I think we need to get a highchair. I wanted to put it off until we came home, but its getting really annoying, feeding him in the Bumbo cuz he bends backwards and turns around and blah, blah, blah. H

He is enjoying this new screaming phase. I was hoping (praying) that it would be short lived, but its not. He thinks its fun. Its the MOST when Mommy is in the middle of Target and he starts screaming. People start staring, thinking he is mad, but that doesn't really bother me. In fact, I get a bit of a kick out of it because while he is screaming, I cant stop laughing. I know he is just talking, and it is SO loud I cant help but laugh, which is why I enjoy other people's reactions cuz I don't know if they are more concerned with the baby screaming or the mother who's LAUGHING at her screaming baby. Which ever, doesn't matter to me. But this lady came up to me, probably wanting to indirectly get me to calm my baby, and said "He just isn't happy, is he?" I knew what she was doing, and I was a bit annoyed, cuz where does she get off questioning me, but whatever, I was just like "Actually he is VERY happy, he's just letting everyone know it." She gave me this look and walked away. I am sure she probably thought I was being sarcastic, but I wasn't.

He has started this new thing where he gets a toy and holds it as high as he can above his head. Like he's saying "Hey, look what I got!" Its really cute. It doesn't matter what it is, if he had to work to get it, he will hold it up in the air for all to see. He sits up so good now. It is about 1000 times easier to give that child a bath now that he sits on his own! It is easier to put his coat on too.

Matthew should be getting his orders on Monday next week. So we will be able to start booking flights and setting TMO dates and such things. So we will know when exactly we will be home. Exciting, huh?

Monday, November 17, 2008

Finding His Voice

I call these videos "Finding His Voice"



Here, he was pulling himself up to try and get his cereal boxes. He was up on his knees, its the closest he has gotten to pulling up.



And a battle will ensue over a play mat.


Thursday, November 13, 2008


So I am in love with Christmas, I always have been (except for those dark Wal-Mart years) So I put up the decorations, not the tree, but the rest of the decorations. And I have been listening to Christmas music, cuz I figured its only two weeks early. I don't care. Hayden likes the music. He laughs and tries to sing. Its adorable. I love Christmas. And I cant wait for him to get older so we can decorate cookies and leave them for Santa. And start our own traditions. And I am so excited. Misters is going to have so much fun. Maybe I'll be the one having so much fun. Whatever, its still exciting. Anyway, I decided to wait to put the tree up otherwise it will be two months of yelling at Kitties and Babies to stay out of the tree. And that is stress I don't really need to invite on myself. We aren't putting up he Retarded outside lights, which I'm kinda sad about. We aren't bringing them with either, so we are leaving the Retarded lights. Boo. But I understand why, we may not even need outside lights for awhile, who knows.

One thing I forgot.

Hayden thinks its so funny to pee without his diaper on, that he will do it every chance he gets, and if I am not fast enough, he'll do it numerous times. He is having a bit of trouble with his foreskin trying to reattach so I have to pull it back and put vaseline on it so it will heal properly, and that takes time, which he takes FULL advatage of. He is such a boy, I swear!

New Videos and 6 month appointment

A conversation with Hayden. You KNOW he thinks he is saying words, and he is starting to interchange his sounds so he it is like he is having a conversation so he'll say "mamamamamama." and then YELL and then "mamamamam" and then motorboat and then YELL... so it is realty adorable, especially when he does it to Jackie cuz she'll just sit there and look at him, like she knows what he is saying.


More of the same but around 23 seconds he starts to do the thing where he chews on his bottom lip and it puffs out his cheeks. He is just too damn adorable!


Hayden had his 6 month appointment today. He is 17 lbs and some ounces I want to say 2 or 3 ounces. I didn't write it down cuz I thought I would remember. He is 26 1/2 inches long. So he has jumped up from the 25th percentile to the 50th. Which they said could happen cuz he was on the small side and started solid foods so a jump like that is not anything to be concerned about. I figure his body finally just caught up with his head, which has always been in the 50th percentile. He got the first dose of the Flu shot so he has to go back in in 30 days to get the other half. Still no HiB... But they say he is very healthy and very happy (which I had NO worries about!) He does have a couple patches of dry skin on his belly so I need to crank up the humidifier in his room. Guess that's all for now, sounds like he is awake from his nap, gotta go!

Oh! and he drinks his juicies from a sippie cup now! He is really getting the hang of it. He is mad when the juice is gone and I take the cup away, so I give him a little water.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008