I decided not to publish any pictures of Haydn at the Air Show, you'll have to wait until Picture Thursday. I have to save up as many pictures of him as I can before Matthew leaves cuz the is a very good chance that he will be getting his Incentive Ride (FINALLY!!!) in an F-15 while he is in Fairbanks so he will be taking the camera with him. So Picture Thursday will be postponed for a couple weeks, until he gets back. I dont want to hear ANY complaining. You dont get pictures, i dont get my husband for ANOTHER 2 weeks, op, I win. No complaining. I will try to post a video instead, but like I said I am going to try to take a bunch of pictures this week and spread them out. I know its not the same, but deal. I hate to lose documentation of him a whole two weeks tough. He changes so fast...maybe I will get a disposable camera. That might work. Anyway, just letting you know the situation.
We took Hayden to his first Air Show yesterday. We are going again today. He slept through it. Big surprise. I couldn't really enjoy myself. One, because I didn't bring EP's for myself. And two, cuz I was so worried about him. He had Matt's EP's from work on and the kid was sleeping but I was still worried about the noise. And then when I had convinced myself that it was fine otherwise he wouldn't be sleeping, I was worried that I didn't put enough clothes on him. So today he is probably going to be too hot cuz I am going to put layers on him... And three I forgot Bernie. I am going to really have to learn to remember him otherwise Haydendoesn't have anything to hold on to! Poor Bernie was all alone up i mommy and daddy's bed and Hayden had to do without his Bernie! Such a guilt trip. But I will know better today. Then we are going to hang around till the end of the show so that we can get some good pictures of Hayden and the planes without a huge crowd there. So look forward to Picture Thursday! Maybe I'll post a teaser picture when we get home. We'll have to see what kind of mood the kid's in. Yesterday we got home and we all crashed on the couch for two hours before we went upstairs to bed! LOL.
I have been craving a DQ Brownie Waffle Bowl Sundae cuz it looks SOOO good in the commercial. And I usually never get something like that off TV cuz the craving usually goes away. But every time I see that commercial I think it looks o good, so I broke down and got one. And you know how it always looks so good on TV and you have it all built up in your mind as a great thing, and then you get it and it is SO not as good as you imagine... That is SOO not the case here. I got the sundae and it was SOOOOO good. A little much for me, but so good. Sweets tend to make me sick. Ever since I got pregnant with Hayden, I just have no desire to eat sweets(I will anyway, but that is a different struggle). I am more of a salty person now since now I tend to get a tummy ache with sweets, but this was SO worth it. I just thought I would share that while Mr. Stinkies is taking a decent nap. (Hayden, not Matthew for those of you not familiar with Hayden's nicknames) He hasn't been sleeping all that well since his shots, I think his little legs hurt.
Hayden did really well today. He weighs a little over 10 lbs and is almost 23 inches long. He is in the 25 percentile for height and weight. He got two shots today... he handled it better than I did. He only cried for a couple seconds and then fell asleep. I cried for longer... The needle was so big! Two more months before I have to do that again. But Dr. Traven said he is perfect, spine is straight, eyes and ears are good. And he said Hayden was "rather cute" Yes, I do have to agree.
Matthew and I have decided that until we have some set daycare (don't get me started) that he will go to sleep right when he gets home and then wake up around three so I can go to work. I kinda love that arrangement cuz Hayden would be with one of his parents at all times. I just hate the idea of him being with a stranger.
Stupid Matt's work. He has to work all this weekend at the damn Air Show and then he leaves again, and it is really hitting him hard cuz he missed Hayden so much while he was in Texas. I think he was a little surprised at just how much he missed him. I wasn't surprised...
Well, everyone is gone. The house seems so empty... its just me and the kid again...Matthew is upstairs, asleep. I swear Hayden is wondering where everyone went. He's been hollering out ever since we got home from dropping Grandma off at the airport, almost like he's looking for her, for his fans. He cried all the way home last night. I miss them already. I knew I would. No matter how much they drive me crazy, I always miss them so much more when they are gone.6 months.
I miss my husband. Thank God he will be home tomorrow. When he is here, I never truly realize what he does for me. He grounds me and makes me sane. I love my family, but being in this tight of quarters for this long is too much for me! I need him. I need to vent to keep my head about me. I am doing really well. I have snapped only a few times, mostly at Amanda. Some she deserved, some she didn't. I just need my house back. But I know as soon as they leave, I am going to miss them like crazy. Because when they leave I have to start facing reality. I m going to have to start facing leaving Hayden during the day. I am going to have to face getting ready to leave. And I am really worried about it. About the economy, finding a job, a home... I'm scared. I am SO scared. What will we do? How are we going to live? I have 6 months to agonize over this. Its like starting all over. And not like last time. Last time it was just me. Me, leaving to be with Matthew. But now we have Hayden... And he is my everything. I am just so scared. Nothing like having a child to realize there are so many more things in this world to be afraid of then you could have imagined. I need Matthew.
Hayden is handling all this excitement like a champ. And he is talking so much. He has been increasing his interaction time and seems so much more focused and responsive. And really interacting. And he has been smiling A LOT. I wish Matthew were here to see him. I know that he will when he gets back, but I hate that he is missing it for the first time, you know? I know he has seen him smile, and he can hear him talking on the phone, but its not the same. He misses Hayden so much. And what sucks is that in a couple weeks he is going to have to leave again. Meanwhile I am trying to deal with my fear of leaving him to go to work. I just don't want to leave him with someone else. And I am REALLY trying to be ok with the idea, but I'm not. How do I know he's ok How do I know if he's eating or sleeping ok? What if he gets scared at someone else's house? And I am not there to comfort him. He's my little baby. I don't know if I can do this... I am going to cry so hard that first day, even if its just for a couple hours at first, I am going to cry!!!!
Now we're just killing time until Dad and Amanda's plane gets here. Its schedules to arrive at about a quarter after 7, 30 minutes early. So we're taking naps and I am tiding up and changing sheets and blankets and such. I don't know why, maybe its a new mom thing, but I am actually not too excited about the invasion into my house. Now, don't get me wrong, I am SOOO happy that my family has come up to visit, but for some reason I am irritated at the thought of everyone being in my house. Using my stuff, invading my space. I have never been like that before. Which is making me a bit edgy and Amanda hasn't even gotten here yet. I love my sister, but I am not going to sugar coat our relationship There is no one one this earth who can get under my skin faster than she can, nor with as much accuracy... This will be trying, especially since Lew isn't here, cuz he can run interference with the best of them. Mainly cuz he makes us laugh and it cuts the tension. And Matthew isn't here for me to vent to...
We are waiting for the UPS man to get here with the package. Then we'll go check out the line and see how long the wait is at the Service office and if it isnt toolong, we can get this ID thing taken care of. If not, we'll do it right away in the morning again. Either way it'll be done by tomorrow night when we have to go pick up dad and Amanda. So ridiculous, this whole thing.
One more reminder of the fact that the U.S. Military does not consider me to be a real person. I am a dependent and I must remember that. I went in to get my ID card renewed cuz it expires on Friday (I didn't do it sooner cuz I thought I had till the end of the month) and the lady is like, "Are you Active Duty?' (i think do I LOOK like I'm Active Duty? LOL) "No." "Is your sponsor with you?" "No" "Is he here?" "No, he's TDY, Texas." "Do you have Power of Attorney?" "No." "Well you cant do this without your sponsor." "Great, now what?" "You will have to call him and have him go to the Customer Service office where he is and fill out a Form DD 1172 and fax it here." I am freaking out and pissed. I have to have my ID to get on base, WHERE MY HOUSE IS!!!, to buy food, go to the doctor... and pissed cuz here I have a valid ID in my hand, and I still have to Matthew there to get it updated. So I call Matthew and he gets the form, but they tell him down there that I am going to have to have the original, so he had to go to UPS and have it Next Day'ed up here so I can have it in time to get it renewed before it expires. It should be here on Wednesday. So we had to spend $30 to get this stupid paper sent up here cuz I cant just do it myself. I cant to move back to the real world where I can be a real person again.
The curse strikes again. The plane mom was supposed to be on right now got delayed coming into Moline, so she would have missed her connecting flight to Anchorage out of Minn/St. Paul and there are only 2 flights a day, she has to wait till tomorrow. So she wont be here till noon. Its the same thing that happened to us in December except with rain instead of snow. This sucks. I am so bummed. Stupid storms.
EDIT: So we are taking Matthew to the airport in a couple hours and it has hit me that my mom isn't going to be there. The one thing that was going to make saying good-bye tolerable wont be here till tomorrow. I just keep picturing him walking away from me and Hayden at security and I have to bite back the tears. I hate that he has to leave Hayden. I think its starting to hit him too, that he has to leave the baby behind. Even if it is for only two weeks... That's a long time to be away from your son. And now he is going to be going to Fairbanks for 12 days next month, over my birthday, which I don't really car about that, but another two weeks away from Hayden... But I am trying to be understanding cuz they didn't make him go anywhere when I was pregnant. So I cant complain too much, and Sgt. Eldridge gave him like 3 extra days off when Hayden was born, that he didn't have to use leave for, so I owe him a lot for that. But its fine this is what military wives do. They stand back and say good-bye and get through it until he comes home again. I don't know what I would have done if everyone wasn't coming up here while he was gone. I just wish that it wasn't storming in the Lower 48. Stupid weather!!!
I cant believe that mom is going to be here tomorrow. I have the house, basically, cleaned up. As much as I can when there is baby stuff everywhere. Who knew how much stuff one little bitty person needs!?! I am still not sure about sleeping arrangements, but we'll figure it out. Mom thinks she is going to sleep in the basement, but I don't like that. The cats will get locked up down there, and there is enough room in our room to put a mattress down. Matthew wont be here, so its not that big of a deal. Or we can put it downstairs. And when Amanda and dad get here, I can put a mattress in Hayden's room and sleep there with him. And then have one downstairs and mom and dad can have our bed. I think that is the best way. But who knows? My family is weird... Anyway, I should get to vacuuming the stairs, they are kinda gross with cat hair. The cats are shedding their winter coats so I am having trouble keeping up with the shedding.