Feeling Good

I started doing a cleanse this week. It is only Tuesday and I am already feeling good. I forgot what a difference it makes! Maybe its because I am closing in a 20 lbs lost, or because the weather is nice...I don't know, but I am feeling good. Energized. That is a good word to describe it. I feel energized. Basically the complete opposite from how I was feeling last week. I count that a notch in the win column. Anything that is an improvement from last week is a welcome change. I was VERY tempted to walk to work today, but I didn't since then I would have to walk home to get my car so I could go pick up Hayden. Maybe tomorrow, though. It is supposed to be nice tomorrow. I can just wear my tennis shoes and then change when I get to work... It is probably something I am going to do this week since it is supposed to be so nice. I wish it weren't supposed to rain on Saturday cuz I wanted to take Hayden to the Egg "Hunt" at the park. I think he would have fun and I thought I would support my old 4-H Alma Mater. Does that term apply in this situation? Now I just want to walk home. HA! See, what I mean? I'm kinda giddy. All because I feel good. Ok, back to the cleanse. I think I may do it for 2 weeks instead of 1 since it has been SO LONG since the last time I did it. I am having to leave the room a lot more since it is making me a tad gassy (unlike one of my coworkers who will pass gas no matter where she is and no matter who is around her!). But I remember that is part of the cleanse process and soon I will be getting rid of more waste, so to say. But I can feel the difference already. I feel lighter. I just keep in mind that it is all to keep me on the path to my goals!

So I have totally NOT lived up to my goal of weighing and measuring everything I ate this week. That was my goal, but it didn't happen. I just couldn't motivate myself to do much of anything this week. A lot of that has to do with it being my Woman's Week. So Sunday is REALLY NOT going to go well. As long as I didn't gain anything I will be ok. We went to HuHot for supper last night. I did really good. I stuck to LOTS of veggies and tofu with some Krab mixed in and a little rice. I LOVE their Jasmine Rice. I should have just had one plate but I went up for more which I hardly even had any of so I felt guilty for wasting. I wish they let you have to go boxes but I can understand why they don't. So I tried to eat most of the vegetables off that plate and left the rest. I took a cue from Amanda and had a separate bowl for my spinach. I never feel like I get enough spinach cuz it shrinks down so dramatically. It was nice to have a whole bowl full. I think that is my favorite place to go and eat cuz I control exactly what is in my food and I do love my veggies! I am hoping that I will be pleasantly surprised at my weigh in on Sunday, but a part of me thinks that it wouldn't be the best if I do lose some cuz I wouldn't really deserve it. I didn't work for it. I am seriously considering doing a cleanse. I think it would help. I remember when I did it in AK, I felt really good fterwards. There is a good possibility that I will do that in the near future. I want to do a bit of research to see if I want to use the same product I used before or if there is a better one out there. I know Jillian Micheals has a Cleanse product. I think I would trust her to have a good product. We'll see where that decision leads.

Having An Off Week

I am having an "off week." I cant get myself to work out. I want to be outside in the nice weather and walk, and since it hasn't been nice, I haven't been outside. So I am finding it hard to make myself go downstairs when I really want to be outside. Then these other thoughts creep in my head like, why is it so hard? Am I actually trying to sabotage what I am doing? I wouldn't put it past my brain to try and make me fail in some way. I guess this is my barrier I have to break through. I mean I can always adjust my calorie intake to balance my burn, but I don't want to give into whatever is going on in my head. I want to make this change and I don't want to keep being the thing that stands in my way! I have to find a way. Apparently having the desire isn't enough, at least not for this particular battle. That desire is what is going to ultimately help me over this hurdle, but I have to find what what will make me jump in the first place. I don't want that jumping point to be a bad result on the scale on Sunday. I don't want to wait that long to push through, for one thing. And for another thing, I don't want to HAVE a bad result on the scale. I want to keep moving forward. But I also remind myself that to make a change like this, conquering the mental battles are JUST, if not more, important, at this point in the game, as conquering the physical battles. Unfortunately, the things I know to be true aren't the things that reign supreme in my head. The truth doesn't necessarily mean that it is what sticks in my head, its not the prominent thought, though it should be. One day at a time, right? Just because I have only worked out like once so far this week, doesn't mean that I have failed. It just means that tonight is a new night and I can do more than I have been doing. I am having more difficulty in making my burn, but that shouldn't stop me from trying. I keep saying to myself, it will be better when... or I will do this when... What I really need to say is I am doing this now.

Weigh in Day

I was a little discouraged this week. I lost 3.2 lbs. I was just thinking that it would be more. I guess I need to make more of an effort to hit my calorie burn. I mean I get close to it and I think that I am ok because of the deficit from what I ate, but apparently I am underestimating something somewhere. I just need to get out in the mornings and do my walk. Then I will have a start on the day so when I am done and home I will know if should go down and workout again. I also have to keep in mind that the goal I set for myself was pretty high. I have to lose at least 3 lbs a week to meet it and they say you should lose more than 2 a week. And I know as I get closer to the 6 month goal it will become harder to drop 3lbs a week. I know that I am not hitting my burn everyday. That is a fact. I thought that I was doing a good job of controlling what I ate, but apparently I wasn't. I need to make a more conscious effort to mind my portion sizes. I have been getting better about weighing all my food and measuring the amounts I eat, but apparently I need to do a bit better. This is all new to me and I cant just "eye" something and know how much a portion should be. I also need to have more veggies and side dishes on hand. Like salads and things like that. Maybe we need to go to Sam's and get a couple of those really big bags of salad mix... that is something to think about. So my goal for this week is to weigh and measure everything I eat.

Winding Down Week 4

I found it much easier to hit my calorie burn this week because it was so nice out. I took Hayden to the park, we took walks downtown... It is so much more enjoyable to burn calories actually DOING something then it is sitting on a stationary bike for an hour. I am finding it a challenge to eat as many calories as I should. I try to account for this by keeping .y deficit as close to my target as I can, but I am afraid of eating too much. So I ere on the side of caution, but I think I am too far over on that side! So I will see what my results are tomorrow and adjust from there. I have set myself some pretty high goals on my BodyBugg system. So I may need to be a bit more realistic.

I have been constructing a Goal List which I will post at a later date. I continue to edit the list because I have decided that no matter how small the goal seems it deserves a place on my list. The items range from being able to climb to the top slide on the playground with Hayden to having more shoe options to adding years to my life. I think it is important to remember why I want to do this, especially when it starts to get tough and I want to quit. I mean, staying fat is easy, but it wont get me any of those things on the list. If it did, then there would be no need to make the list. I want to be able to play with Hayden and keep up. I want to be able to ride the Kiddie Rides with him next year in Disney World. I want to buy cute strappy sandals. I want to have another baby... There are so many things that I want. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much I make myself do without just because its easier. And the more I realize that the more angry I get with myself for settling in an unhealthy, sub par body. There are so many things to do with this life and this is what I have chosen to do with mine? I make me a little sad. No, a lot sad.

Watching hockey with Daddy

Week 4

Today is the start of Week 4. I guess I have been doing OK. I haven't been meeting my burn every day, but I believe I have hit my deficit everyday. Today was another pound loss. If I wasn't taking measurements I would be VERY discouraged at this point. BUT I am measuring my hips, waist and chest cuz those are the three I care about right now. I suppose I should do my thighs too, but I haven't been. I have lost two inches off my hips in the last two weeks, and an inch and a half off my waist, and 1/2 an inch off my chest. SO OBVIOUSLY, I am doing something. And though the scale doesn't reflect it, based on my Body Fat loss percentage I have lost 11.8 lbs of body fat, and I am VERY satisfied with that cuz the rest is muscle gain. I know that the scale will eventually start showing me numbers that I want to see, but its tough. The logical and sensible part of my brain is telling me that I am doing really good and the number on the scale is a VERY small part of the whole picture, just look at the measurements! But the other part of me, the brainwashed part, thinks that the scale should be telling me bigger losses and smaller numbers. I know how this works though. You wouldn't think it by looking at me, but I know that there are LOTS of factors that go into it: water weight, muscle gain, hormones... They are all "invisible" variables, but try telling that to my brainwashed side. I guess part of this battle is overcoming that, too. It is all about choices. I am still learning to make wiser choices when it comes to my health. If I change too many things at once, I will be overwhelmed and quit. And I am trying to avoid that. I am trying to overcome the brainwashed said that would see me give up because the scale isn't saying what I want it to say. Good thing I have the logical side too that knows that no matter what I am eating better and exercising more and even if that's all I do, its better than what I WAS doing, because in the end, those things WILL pay off. I will feel better. I already do. I like exercising. I miss it when I don't do it. I feel guilty too, but more I miss it. Its 'Me' time when its just me and the TV, or my iPod, doing something that is good for ME. Not taking care of Hayden (though indirectly it does take care of Hayden cuz a healthier Mommy will be around longer for Mister Hayden and I can chase him around longer) I not cleaning up after Matthew and dealing with his mood swings. I am doing it for me, and I have to get used to that too. Accepting that it is ok to do something that is just for me. I am looking forward to when it gets nicer out and I can go walking with Vickie, or take Hayden to the playground where we can run around and Mommy wont get so tired as quickly. Its those goals that I try to keep in my mind. I have a list of goals for me. I will share those at a later time. But I decided that no matter how small the goal was, I was going to write it down, so that when I get discouraged, i can look at that list and remember why I am doing this in the first place. Its not to see a certain number on the scale, its to look at those things on my list and know that I can do them.

Long Time No See

I know I haven't been updating this that much, but now I think I will. Amanda bought me a Body Bugg and at times I find myself wanting to say things and share my journey, but I guess I don't really know when I can sit down and do it. I have a minute now before Hayden wakes up so maybe I can start on that. As I said, Amanda bought me a Body Bugg, like what they use on the The Biggest Loser in order to track calorie burn and intake levels. The Bugg is strapped to your arm and monitors what your body burns and then you enter in what you eat and it does the calculations and stuff and shows you the deficit. You always know where you stand and I like that. It is like having a bit of control, knowing how many calories your body is burning. Having that control gives me a mindset of having control over what goes into my body as well. I like that. I am a bit obsessive about checking my calorie burn but I think at this point I need to be. At least until I am more aware or my body and the things that it does and needs. I am starting my third week. The first week I lost like 5 lbs. This last week I only lost 1 pound, but I am ok with that cuz its Women's Week, and I lost an inch around my waist and an inch around my hips so I know its muscle gain that offset my fat loss. And I am A-OK with muscle gain! I did bump up my weights a bit this week so, like I said, I am OK with one pound. I know I need to work a bit harder this week.