Thursday, January 29, 2009

Overwhelmed, again

Between this hunt for jobs and Misters' new attitude I think I am going to pull all my hair out. I am just feeling over my head here. I dont know what to do for the kid anymore. I know he is missing Matthew. And I know he is having insecurities, but this is getting old, FAST. He doesnt want me to leave the room. He wont take a nap unless I am holding him (which I will NOT do) and he wakes up at night and wants to sleep with me. And I just dont know what to do about it. I am trying to leave him for short amounts of time so he can see that I will come back, but it doesnt seem to be making any difference. Oops... Anyway. I am just hoping that when Matthew gets back, it will help qwell this fear and we can get him back on track.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Today all of this will be over. We will know how much money Aurora is screwing us for, and we will know how much deeper the debt hole we are in will become. Here we go. Another crap hole of debt. I am so sick of this.

Oh, fabulous. Matthew just called with the fabulous price of our cleaning lady, who from the brief conversation we had, wasn't that good. She had better have been good enough for the price we are paying. Now Matthew thinks he could have done the same thing... But I don't know if he would have enough time. I am trying so hard to be optimistic, but it is so hard when, at every turn, something has gone wrong. I am just so glad the kitties were 1/2 the price we thought they would be so we haven't gone over our planned budget yet. It all falls with this inspection in a few hours, to see what the final price tag will be, but at least it will be over. And then all I have to be sick about is money and how we plan to get it. Or how I plan to get it, would be a better way of phrasing that. I am so tired of being sick to my stomach all the time. Why are we being punished for living in base housing? Why does this have to be so difficult? I know we are fighting a losing battle here. I feel like we are. And each set back makes it harder to believe that we aren't. The only thing that keeps me from giving up and climbing under a rock is knowing that Hayden and Matthew are depending on me, and I dont want to let them down. I can't. But that rock is looking pretty good right now.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


Yesterday was a LOOOONG day. Hayden did VERY well. I was so proud of him. He was such a good boy. The first 3 hours of the 5 hour flight to MN flew by (no pun intended) the last hour was tough cuz he wanted to be out of his seat, but that is basically the landing so he had to be in his seat. But we got into MN 45 minutes early. So instead of a four hour layover it was almost five. So we ate and talked and climbed on chairs and slept. He did alright. And then we get boarded onto the flight to Moline and it was taking forever and Hayden was getting restless sitting in his seat (I was pretty sure he was just tired) and I was silently cursing them for taking so long. Turns out it was because of our kitties. It was too cold down in cargo for them, so they flew in the cabin with us. They were good too. They didnt make a sound when they were being brought on board. I guess Jackie freaked out a bit at the beginning when Matthew dropped her off, so they put a sign on the kennel to not put your fingers in cuz she would bite. So while they were bringing the kitties on board the flight attendant thought that the sign was a joke, and I was just sitting there thiking "Its no joke. Ask our movers!" But they are safe and sound at Jim and Laurie's and doing very well there for the time being.

Everyone is asleep here, except for me. I will sleep tonight. I want to try to get adjusted to the time change and that wont happen if I take a nap. I am going to go get adjusted this afternoon, and I need to go to the Post Office. Those are my main objectives for today. Oh, and I need to get a few items like wipes and Misters Detergent. My suitcase was selected by TSA for inspection. The suitcase that had the formula in it. Two brand new cans. I figured they would be fine in the suitcase cuz they were new, so even if the top came off they still had the seal and I wouldnt get all over my clothes and shoes (do you see where I am going with this?) So in their inspection, they opened the can of fomula. Because when I opened my suitcase there was formula (expensive formula) all over my suitcase and everything in it. And I know they opened the can because the seal is completely missing. So it didnt explode or get crushed or anything. They opened it. It pisses me off. It was sealed. X-Ray it if you have to, but that stuff isnt cheap! And now I have to wash all of my undergarments, cuz thats what the suitcase was filled with, that and shoes and appliances and toiletries and formula. Randomly picked, my ass. There was a card on top of everything that said TSA preforms "random" luggage searches and my was "selected". Yeah, it just happened to be the one with the formula. If I had know they were going to tear the seal off, I would have put them in Ziploc bags, like I did the open one. I'm so annoyed.

I guess that is all for now. I am too worn out to do a lot of refelctive thinking and blogging about leaving Alaska. Mostly, I dont have the energy to start geting choked up about leaving and missing Matthew. I have the whole rest of the day to get through.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Moving day...sort of

The movers came today. Man they worked fast. The whole house (except for the basement) is paced and ready to go. I was impressed. Our house is full of boxes. Boxes EVERYWHERE! But its done and we are feeling a bit better about this whole process. Misters did a good job. Jackie was a biotch as usual. She started out fine and then I think she got territorial and bite one of the movers. He was super cool about it, but we felt so bad. We wouldn't have let her stay out, but she was acting fine for most of the day. I think she was noticing things were disappearing. Anyway, It went pretty fast. I have some pictures to post. I will be doing a late Picture Thursday. Friday for all of you. Movie Monday wont be happening, sorry, we will be busy that day. Also we had our laptop crash, so a lot of videos are on the desktop now anyway, and that is packed away so it will be a fun surprise for later. Maybe I will try to get the movies up tomorrow while they are packing the truck.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Its 1 am. I have decided to take a break. Matthew and I have come up with a deal where I will stay up and clean at night, since I can get more done without a husband and a baby under my feet, and he will get up and take care of Misters when I am sleeping, and then when I get up in the afternoon, I just head to work. So I don't get to see much of my boys, but at least things are getting done. Matthew has a tendency to take advantage of the fact that I am around. So he does all this stuff that he wants to do, mainly work out, at like the WORST times. He quit doing the windows in Hayden's room and left it to go work out, and it was nap time, so the blinds are wide open the stereo isn't turned on and I have a baby who wouldn't go to sleep cuz Mommy had to fix all this stuff and that made him wide awake... anyway... that is over and done with, windows are done, it was just an example.

I have been working on the kitchen. I don't really feel like I have accomplished anything. Which isn't really true, cuz I have been focusing on the appliances, small appliances. The ones that will be packed up in 2 days. I want them to be clean when they get packed, so I have been doing that. And the counters as I go. I have started working on the fridge, and as soon as that is done I will go to bed. I have been up since 7 this morning. I made a pot of coffee when I got home from work. So that is what is fueling me right now, besides the knowledge that I am SERIOUSLY running out of time. I wish I didn't have to go to work. That would make things a lot easier. But that is life, I guess. All these expenses keep popping up. I tell you, NOTHING about this has been easy. We have hit roadblocks at every turn. I am just praying that once we get to the other side of this move things will go a bit smoother. I am not asking that things just fall into place (though that would be nice) but just run a bit smoother. Where we don't have to struggle at everything. Its hard to stay calm. Matthew is just disgusted with Housing and that is making him edgy. He goes off the deep end at very small things. I am quite used to it. Dad used to be that way when I was younger so I know that when it happens you just stay quiet and out of the way till it blows over and then things will be fine again. I am used to it, He did kind of scare Hayden though cuz he slammed the window (which we found out was broken by the people here before us and didn't report it, so now we have to deal with it) I am just tired. Tired of this whole thing.

Well, I should get back to work. I think I am keeping the kitties up. They are trying to sleep and I am invading on their time I guess.

Sunday, January 11, 2009



Bench Videos

Movie Sunday

I am doing "Movie Sunday" because this is going to be a CRAZY week. so this is to tide you over. I cant gurantee what Picture Thursday will be or what DAY it will be since the movers will be here on Thursday and we will be cleaning. I may do it on Wednesday. I am sure everyone understands the situation and I will not recive any flack for falling behind. You do NOT want to be the thing that pushes me over the edge!

Friday, January 09, 2009


AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I am having difficulty wrapping my mind around the fact that in 9 days Hayden and I will be on a plane home. I have been preparing for this for what feels like FOREVER and it is finally here. And I am not sure what to do. LOL. Isn't that ironic? I have been trying to "do" for so long that now that I need to DO something I just don't know what to do.

#1 on my list is taking care of Misters. He has had the runs for 3 days now. He doesn't have a fever and he isn't cranky or anything, He just has really watery poo. Poor baby, has a hellacious rash too. I am trying to stay on top of the diapers, but its so watery that I cant keep him from getting the rash. Poor Misters. It looked better this morning. And he didn't wake up with Poo all over him so that is an improvement from the past couple days. I think he may be just a bit dehydrated so I have been pushing the formula and a bit of water. He loves drinking from a cup so I give him a bit of water. He did have tears when he was crying yesterday so I am not too concerned quite yet. He did have some pellets this morning, so that is promising. Unfortunately, the sink that the washer drains intois clogged and the repair people wont be here till this afternoon, so I have two hampers of my dirty clothes and a hamper full of poopy sheets and outfits that I cant wash. Is it funny that I have written a longer paragraph about Hayden's poop than I did on moving? Or is it funnier that you read it all?

Oh, and I should also mention that Matthew has started using his blog, for real this time. And he would appreciate your readership. He loves comments, and new followers. You can click on my link to the right under "My Favorite People" click on the hyperlink. Oh, and PLEASE vote in his poll... Please.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Last Ones

It took me awhile to get these posted.


Movie Monday

Sunday, January 04, 2009

We have made the decision to fly the kitties home. I have done A LOT of research and we have decided that we will go with Northwest's VIP Cargo service. It is same day service so it is the least amount of flight time, and the best care cuz its made for shipping animals. And Northwest does a ot to care for your pet and make sure that they are comfortable and safe during theor flight. So we are going to go that route.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Oh my goodness, this cat thing is turning into the biggest, most expensive pain in the ass. I am SOOOO ready to say Eff it leave them here. But that would set him off again. I know we have the money, its out Disney World money, but we have it. It means less time in Disney World, which sucks really bad, but what other choice do we have? Oh, I know, not send them home. Nothing about this Eff-ing move can be easy, can it? I dont even care anymore. Send them, dont send them, I dont give a shit anymore. We have larger issues in that this is taking all of our money so I have A LOT of cleaning to get done in the next 18 days and I have money to make and child to watch. I cant worry about these stupid cats that I didnt even really want in the first place. I like the kitties, I would miss them if they were gone, but I'd get over it. I am just done. I dont care anymore. I have so many other things to be concerned about that I dont need to bother myself with this issue. I have a whole house to clean. And I am out of cleaning supplies, so I have to go buy all new ones and then probably have to send them home with Matthew since they dont ship chemicals... I just want this shit to be over.
I just keep thinking about hosting Hayden's first birthday party. Having people over, family over, to the house. Having cake and ice cream.... When I start freaking, I just think about that. Its a special thing that I cant wait to do...

Our Windows

Those are not water pools, thats ice.

LOL> nothing makes you feel old like sleeping through New Years. Oh, well. We had a hockey game, at which both Matthew and I were falling asleep because it was past our 9 o'clock bedtime. Came home, put the kid to bed...we were in bed by 10:30, asleep by 11. Happy New Year. Oh, well, we have a lot of stuff going on, I don't need to be losing out on more sleep than I already am just because there is a 9 instead of an 8. In 365 days, it'll happen again (God willing)

We haven't solved the cat issue yet. Matthew is thinking that we can fly Jackie home and he can drive with Grizzly, cuz she's more laid back, and sleeps in the car. Jackie freaks out. He is just worried about that 3-4 day lay over in Juneau. There aren't any hotels there that allow pets. I told him to just sneak her in...Word to the wise, don't make that suggestion, cuz he flips out. Yelling about how its easy for me to say that cuz I don't have to do it. I resisted from snapping back that there is nothing easy about this whole situation for me. And it was pretty insensitive thing to say to me, but I resisted...With GREAT effort. 18 1/2 days. I am trying to get this place cleaned cuz I wont be here when he has final out inspections from the house. Since TMO is coming on a Friday and then I have the weekend to clean up what I couldn't do, maybe Diana will loan me her vacuum, and then 9:15 Monday morning Hayden and I are out of here, and Matthew is on his own. Hopefully only till the 22nd, but I am not counting on that. I am expecting him to have to take the Feb 4 ferry, and not the Jan 22. It sucks cuz he wont be home till Feb 15...but it is what it is. We'll survive. But Misters is going to miss him SOOOOOO much. You should see his face light up when Matthew gets home from work. It would melt your heart. There is a month between when we leave and when we will see him again. I know that Matthew and I have been apart for longer than that, but that was before Hayden. I just hate to think about what he will miss in that month. I just hope that he starts walking before or after that month. Oh, the things I find to fret about.