Week 4

Today is the start of Week 4. I guess I have been doing OK. I haven't been meeting my burn every day, but I believe I have hit my deficit everyday. Today was another pound loss. If I wasn't taking measurements I would be VERY discouraged at this point. BUT I am measuring my hips, waist and chest cuz those are the three I care about right now. I suppose I should do my thighs too, but I haven't been. I have lost two inches off my hips in the last two weeks, and an inch and a half off my waist, and 1/2 an inch off my chest. SO OBVIOUSLY, I am doing something. And though the scale doesn't reflect it, based on my Body Fat loss percentage I have lost 11.8 lbs of body fat, and I am VERY satisfied with that cuz the rest is muscle gain. I know that the scale will eventually start showing me numbers that I want to see, but its tough. The logical and sensible part of my brain is telling me that I am doing really good and the number on the scale is a VERY small part of the whole picture, just look at the measurements! But the other part of me, the brainwashed part, thinks that the scale should be telling me bigger losses and smaller numbers. I know how this works though. You wouldn't think it by looking at me, but I know that there are LOTS of factors that go into it: water weight, muscle gain, hormones... They are all "invisible" variables, but try telling that to my brainwashed side. I guess part of this battle is overcoming that, too. It is all about choices. I am still learning to make wiser choices when it comes to my health. If I change too many things at once, I will be overwhelmed and quit. And I am trying to avoid that. I am trying to overcome the brainwashed said that would see me give up because the scale isn't saying what I want it to say. Good thing I have the logical side too that knows that no matter what I am eating better and exercising more and even if that's all I do, its better than what I WAS doing, because in the end, those things WILL pay off. I will feel better. I already do. I like exercising. I miss it when I don't do it. I feel guilty too, but more I miss it. Its 'Me' time when its just me and the TV, or my iPod, doing something that is good for ME. Not taking care of Hayden (though indirectly it does take care of Hayden cuz a healthier Mommy will be around longer for Mister Hayden and I can chase him around longer) I not cleaning up after Matthew and dealing with his mood swings. I am doing it for me, and I have to get used to that too. Accepting that it is ok to do something that is just for me. I am looking forward to when it gets nicer out and I can go walking with Vickie, or take Hayden to the playground where we can run around and Mommy wont get so tired as quickly. Its those goals that I try to keep in my mind. I have a list of goals for me. I will share those at a later time. But I decided that no matter how small the goal was, I was going to write it down, so that when I get discouraged, i can look at that list and remember why I am doing this in the first place. Its not to see a certain number on the scale, its to look at those things on my list and know that I can do them.