Rough Day Yesterday

oh, my goodness, was I missing my bright eyed, happy baby (and feeling VERY sorry for Julie) yesterday. He was just crying...and crying... and crying. I figured eventually that he was just tired... but I didn't know what to do for him. I didn't know if he was sick... Took my first rectal temperature yesterday, he handles that like a champ, so I don't feel so bad about doing it anymore. He didn't take real long naps, but I finally got him to go to sleep... and that seemed to help. So last night we went to bed a bit early (I am SOOOO ready for him to sleep in his own bed, I think he is getting close) and he screamed for about a half an hour. I had Matthew bring my some ear plugs. (Hayden sleeps on Matthew's side of the bed, since he doesn't sleep at night with us.) And he eventually fell asleep and slept ALL night. All the way through to 6 am. Usually he wakes up, but I think that maybe I wake him up, unwittingly. Cuz every time he makes a noise I lean over and check on him, but last night I had earplugs in so I couldn't hear all those little noises, only the cry at 6 am, so I didn't move and he apparently just fell back to sleep. So I think that he is ready to move into his bed, or at least into the pack 'n' play and out of my bed. It is going to be kinda hard, but I am ready to have him sleep in his own bed. But its really hard for me, cuz I feel like I am disconnecting myself from him, and it hurts. Between going to work, and no longer breastfeeding and now, not cuddling with him at night, I am feeling like I am distancing myself from him... which I know isn't true cuz we just bond in different ways now like playing and reading books and bath time... but it isn't as physically connecting as it was before. But I feel really good about the bond that we developed in these early months. I am happy that I didn't have to go back to work right away so we had all that time together. Unfortunately, it makes me have a bit of separation anxiety (for lack of a better term) about all of this growing up. Like I said when we left him with Amanda for the first time, it feels like I am taking steps towards letting him go... I know I am making him independent, and that's what I need to do.