St. Louis

I had myself all prepared to go to Illinois. I was ready, accepted it. Now we may end up in St. Louis and that's a little scary to me. I mean I was scared to move to Alaska too, but it doesn't make it easier. But I am very comfortable with the idea of Boeing. I feel there is security available there, for a decent life for Hayden. But I am kinda scared. I had time to adjust to the idea of Alaska, I don't have much time to adjust to this...if we even go to St Louis. Who knows where we could end up. But I keep telling myself that anywhere in the Lower 48 is closer to home than here. Long drives or short flights, its closer than here. So here we go. Another adjustment, another home.

Onsies

I found another website this going to get me in trouble! There are so many I want to get Hayden. Some CUTE hackey ones, which arent that easy to find in any store. And some AF ones too, like this one with the F-15 on it. It is fun to look through the site. Basically, if it can be made into a tee shirt, they'll put it on a onsie. I like this one too, and this one is funny. But its the cowbell one I HAVE to have before Hockey starts!

It has already started... I shall take this election personally. She's my governor above all else. And yes, Alaska's government IS corrupt and the person that is cleaning it out is Sarah Palin and her administration. She is breaking up the circle of the Boy's Club and Big Oil and bringing this corruption to light. That's why every night on our news you hear about another politician going to trial, or being sentence to jail. And she is turning Alaska around, and if McCain wins, we will be losing a GREAT Governor. That is kinda the air around here. Alaska is a very selfish state. We want what's ours. And while we our proud that one of "our own" is marching her way to the White House, everyone is wondering what happens to us? She is in the middle of cleaning up and who is truly going to finish the job if she leaves? It isn't known how far this corruption goes, so who can we trust to finish her work? Matthew thinks that I am going to vote Republican just because of Sarah. No that isn't true, I honestly don't know who I will vote for, I have issues with both. But I do have confidence in Sarah...

Awesome onesie

I am SO going to get one of these for Misters to wear. I hope I can get one before the pre season games in October.

Palin for Vice President

I am so excited. McCain picked MY Governor to be his Vice President. I am so proud right now. I knew she was on the list, but I didn't really think that he would pick her, but I am excited that he did. I don't know if this sways my vote, I am still undecided, but I like having her on the ticket. I am VERY interested seeing the debate between Sarah and Biden. Of course I will get pissed off when they start slinging crap about her... Its a proud day to be an Alaskan.

Halloween costumes

If I thought Hayden would stay in this, I would SO buy it! I also think this one is hilarious, but Hayden is too old for it. This one is a leading option for the iside joke of it.

Several updates

I have decided to move Hayden's bedtime up. slowly, half hour by half hour. So we are starting to do our routine at 8 now, so he is put in his crib by 8:30. I think it is best for everyone. It does mean that he gets up earlier... so that is my downside. So if I want my sleep, I should go to sleep when Hayden goes to sleep. But if I want to see Matthew for more than 30 minutes, I have to stay up with him. So it is hard to make my decision.

Today Hayden and I went to Housing so we could pay our $2.89 energy bill. We went over our allowance because of the air conditioner. Anyway, we went in and all I brought was Hayden (in his car seat) and $3. I get in there and one of the girls behind the counter tells me they don't accept cash. Are you kidding? Its $3. I don't even care about the 11 cents... They are not bonded for cash or something. So at this point, one of the girls is already down on the floor playing with Hayden. So I'm like "Ok, can you watch him so I can run out to the car and get my debit card?" And she is like "Of course I can watch this cutie!" So I run out to the car, when I get back BOTH of the girls are on the floor playing with Hayden, who was smiling and flirting as usual, and there was a guy waiting at the counter! But they were too busy playing with Hayden. He is such a ridiculous flirt!

We also went Wal-Mart on our outing because Misters needs bigger jammies, he has grown out of all of his jammies. And we had to get new diapers cuz Size 1 doesn't fit anymore. So my baby is in Size 2 diapers! :( He was having poopy leaks lately, which we haven't had since we switched to the Pampers/Luvs (Huggies SUCK), AND he was having pee leaks cuz he would move and the diaper would shift slightly cuz it was too small to cover his little (not so little) butt. The sucky thing is that I just bought an 86 ct package that I had just opened up to fill the basket, so I cant go and exchange it for the different size.... So we are just going to give them away, its better than throwing them out. I got him the cutest pair of shoes, little brown boots. But they didn't have the jammies that I wanted. I wanted to get some 6-9 month jammies cuz he is going to be out of 3-6 month jammies in about a month and a half or so, so I didn't want to spend $12 on new jammies that he wont be wearing in two months, but they didn't have ANY boys jammies in 6-9 month. NONE. I told you store were sexiest against boys. And Hayden decided he didn't want to wear pink Jammies, so we got one package of 3-6 months and will hope they have the right size when we need it.

I printed out the forms to obtain my Primary School Substitute Teacher Certification for the State of Illinois. Its an option. I want to do something a little more along the lines of what I posted before, but its an option.

Here Comes the Mouse...

Jobs

I'm going to end up back in retail. I despise the very thought of it. The thought of going back...it makes me want to cry. Right now, I am holding back the tears, thinking about it. But I don't think I can do anything. I am not qualified to do anything else. Everyone wants experience...I only have experience doing that...doing what I hate to the very core of me... But Matthew will be in school, I have to bring home the bacon... I have to provide for my family and I cant do that at just any job... I know I have to do what it takes. I just don't want to think about having to do that, to willingly go back to being that miserable. To working those shitty hours. Never having weekends or holidays off... I just don't want to do it. I want to do something I WANT to do. I want to work somewhere I enjoy going to everyday... I have ideas... I don't know... I would LOVE to do something like this. And I am qualified to do that, its why I took education courses, child development courses... So I have hope that there will be something similar out there. I could SO do that... I guess this is why I am starting now.

Here is another one: This looks promising

I have the best husband...

This is my "Becoming a Mommy" present from Matthew. Isnt it beautful? He picked it out and designed it all himself. The big heart is rubies (my birthstone) and the little one is diamonds (Hayden's birthstone) I love it so much.

Stupid Smokes-A-Lot Neighbors

I am going to have to do something about the smokes-a-lot neighbors. We have adapted and modified (though I am still VERY worried about when we turn on the heater) and done our best to not have to confront them, and ask them to change their living habits... but now they (I assume its him, not they) have the bass turned up SO high after 9 o'clock. I am so afraid it is going to wake him up. It is so loud and obnoxious. I am so over accommodating them. We have been BEYOND understanding, and yet they have NO respect for their neighbors. None. I just don't know what else to do... A confrontation is coming. Matthew doesn't want me to go make trouble, but I have been more polite than I have ever been before, and I guarantee the first time they wake up Hayden with their bass, there will be a VERY angry Mommy on their front step! I am just so worried about the heater thing. I kinda want to kick them on right now just so I have an idea of what we will be dealing with, if we need to be saving up for some mega purifiers. At least one for Hayden's room. I seriously think about keeping the vents closed in his room and using the space heater. The room is small enough that I think it would be able to keep it plenty warm enough, but then I would be paranoid about the heater overheating, but he have a really nice space heater that will shut off if it gets hotter than its programmed to get. So if I program it for 70 degrees and it reaches 71, it shuts off. Off, off, not just asleep off. So there is a VERY SLIM chance of that happening. I hate that I even have to deal with this.

Edit: it is now 10:56 and their bass is STILL going! If it didn't annoy me so much I would let Matthew turn ours up really high, and when its quiet over thee, but we know they're home we'd just blast it, but I cant stand the sound of just bass... the low frequency really bothers me, and makes it difficult to hear the rest of the sound. I don't know if its a sensitivity, but it starts to hurt me after awhile...

More Hayden Videos

Mister Hayden discusses the State Fair

Family Fun

Sorry about the lighting. We had every light on. Next time we will know that this is a bad place to be for taping. But we had a little Family Fun time today. Starring Hayden Matthew. Enjoy.

Alaska State Fair

SO yesterday was the big day, train ride and the fair. Matthew finally got to ride the train. I didn't realize it was his first train ride of any kind. I guess I take for granted all of the awesome things Dad took us to do when we were little. Now that I am older, I loo back and I am just amazed and VERY grateful that we were able to take the kinds of vacations that we took, I have seen and done some awesome things. Which makes me all the more determines to take Matthew to Baraboo when we go to the Dells with the Ga's so he can ride the train there.

Anyway, it was rainy, but not too bad. Hayden was a champ (like always). We had our fair food (I PAID for eating that funnel cake!) and we went to all the exhibits. There was a whole building dedicated to quilts. Matthew made sure that I could stop and look at the ones I really liked. And we went into the 4-H building, of course... There were SO MANY photography entries, but you can imagine with all the gorgeous opportunities around here. I would have a hard time judging them. Of course, I am not trained or anything, so that might make a difference, but there were SO many good ones that didn't get the placement I thought they should, and A LOT of 1st places that I didn't agree with, even in a artistic aspect... And there was a really cool craft segment with wood carvings. And some pretty cool cakes I took some pictures, I am debating on whether to include all the pictures in Picture Thursday or just do two separate albums. I will probably do 2 since a lot of the PT recipients could prolly care less about the fair! Anyway, in this craft part they had hand painted wares (i.e. plates, vases etc.) And I did NOT agree with that judging! There were some beautiful plates, and the Judge's choice was ridiculous. I should be a judge so I know its done right! LOL.

But one of the highlights, for me, of the fair happened completely by accident. We went into a building with Science a hands on type exhibits aimed towards the kids, of course, but the building had a real bathroom with changing table, so we went in there to get out of the drizzle and feed and change Hayden and let him get some sleep. Anyway, there was a show going on and Hobo Jim was preforming! I have wanted to go and see him, but his shows sell out really fast, so I've never been able to. It was really fun. The first time I ever heard "Where legends are Born" I cried, cuz it is just a perfect picture of Alaska. And it will be the way I remember this majestic place that has been my home for almost 5 years. (Oh, and should you be desiring some Christmas gift ideas, I wouldnt mind having some of his cd's, I have none as of yet. Just putting it out there, since I usually can't ever think of anything I want, I am trying to be better this year)

I just I am starting to get, not nostalgic, but I don't know the word I am looking for... I am realizing that we are going to be leaving this place. This scary, huge place that I never thought I would like, let alone come to love. I never thought I would feel at home here. And there is a sense of pride saying you are from Alaska. Because, while my roots are strongly planted in Iowa and always will be, I am an Alaskan too. My baby was born here, so we will always be tied to this place. He will always be an Alaskan, its his birth rite. Just like I will always be an Iowan. But now it is dawning on me that we wont BE here anymore. I keep telling Matthew that we will come back someday...and I truly want to. Someday, when Hayden is a little older, I want to come and show him where he was born. Matthew doesn't think it will ever happen. He wants so bad to ride the train to Denali, and he says that he will always regret not doing it. I knew he would. That's what hurts me so bad, I knew he would and I didn't insist on it when he had the chance. He says he will always regret not doing it. There are a few available in September that fall under the 2 for one deal so we would pay $244.30 for the whole trip, it doesn't go as far as the Denali Princess Lodge, it just goes to McKinley Princess Lodge. I don't remember the scenery up to McKinley Lodge... I'm sure its worth it. And Matthew really want to do it. I just wish we could... Oh, well. You put wishes in a jar and you can still see through it. We need to be conserving as much money as we can for the move. I just wish I knew whether my PFD application was going to be approved or not, then we could go ahead and do it. Oh well. Misters is awake now so I better go.

Thunderstorm

So this prolly isnt all that interesting to you, since you hae thunderstorms all the time, but this is the first one I have seen, in prolly years. It even HAILED!!! Hopefully, this isnt a sign for this weekend!

Sorry about this being sideways. I fofot how I was holding the camera, I was too distracted by the flood.

I think the next few months are going to be pretty hairy for and between Matthew and I as we start gearing up for the move. Matthew is getting stressed, which was earlier than I had anticipated, but I also didnt know he was going to start being the Expiditor at work. Plus all this crap with Russia...I think that is weighing on everyone's mind. Matthew and I had a brief discussion about it in which I told him that if anything happened I was packing up the kitties and taking Hayden home, and he agreed with me. I was like "I'm NOT kidding, I'm totally serious." "So am I." I just wanted to make sure he did agree with me. I dont know how we'd pay for it, but we would find a way. This is just going to be a rough few months. I would be more realistic to say its going to be a rough year... Oop, Misters is up, gotta go. Little Piggy prolly needs to eat, wish I could...

Hats

Watching Men's Olympic Volleyball

I was right about the sleeping last night. He went to sleep around 9:30 and slept all the way till 5:30 this morning, when he sucked down 4 oz in about 10 minutes and fell back to sleep till 7:30, ate a bit more and then slept till 10:30. And today he had an 8 oz bottle right when he got up, we played for awhile on his new play mat, played Peek-A-Boo and looked in a mirror for awhile, had some juicies and now he is asleep again, almost 2 hours to the minute from when he woke up, he is down for his nap. I guess I should mention that Misters usually only eats a 4 oz bottle, and then SOMETIMES he will have another couple ounces if he is still a little hungry. So you have to understand that he is eating double to QUADRUPLE what he usually eats at a time. And he slept for 13 hours, 12.75 hours if you count the eating, but he wasn't exactly awake... If this isn't a growth spurt I don't know what is!

My little piggy

Seriously, Why on earth am I still awake? I could be watching this tomorrow, I have it recorded after all, yet here I am, glues to the tv, watching gymnastics, even though it has pissed me off so bad the past couple nights. Tonight was different though, Shawn won her gold, I was happy so now I am watching Jonathan Horton on High Bar. Its pretty amazing, he better medal! Ok, silver. I guess I can kinda live with that... can I go to bed now? Misters will be up soon to eat... maybe I can get in a couple hours of sleep before he does that. He shouldn't be TOO hungry. Matthew told me when I got home from work, in the time I was gone 3 1/3 hours almost 4, Misters ate 16 oz of formula and had TWO poopy diapers! He said he got more than his allotted parenting. I laughed at him. Laughed. But I cant BELIEVE 16 ounces in 3 hours. (I say 3 cuz he also took a nap during that time.) That's four of his usual bottles. Though, lately, I have had to make 6 oz bottles instead of 4 oz. I guess he is having a growth spurt or something. He didn't really eat much before bed, so he will either sleep for a long time (especially if this IS a growth spurt) and not need to eat or he will be really hungry cuz he only had about 2 oz before bed. Either way, he is going to have a WET diaper!!!

Mornings?

Ok, someone needs to tell my child that Mommy doesn't DO mornings. He has started waking up pretty regularly at 7 am now. 7 AM? Seriously? What happened to 10 am? I could believe THAT baby was MY baby. But 7 am? Yuck. It wouldn't be so bad I guess if I would go to sleep at night. Since he has been sleeping in his crib, I have been reveling in my new found night time freedoms, and staying up to watch TV... I guess I could stop. As soon as the Olympics are over! LOL.

He was a bit of a pain last night. He woke up a bit after 3 am, so I went in to feed him, but he wasn't interested in eating, he just wanted to talk, so I put him back in the crib, cuz we are awake to eat not to talk. So then he laid there and got all upset so I figured he was hungry, finally, but I put the bottle in his mouth and he starts talking again, so back into the crib and I went back to bed. Then the crying started. I knew it would cuz he didn't eat, so I let him cry for awhile, and he eventually fell asleep, and then woke up, about an hour later, screaming, so I went in to feed him (he HAS to be hungry by now, its been 7 hours since he ate last)... nope he just wanted to be held. He ate a little but I put him back down and he got this look on his face... sad and scared, and started crying again...not like a protest cry, it was a desperate cry, like "please don't leave me alone here" cry and combined with that look, I think maybe he had a bad dream... it was almost 5 by this point and I was exhausted so I just brought him in bed with me. I tried to just rock him to sleep, but I fell asleep in the chair... I know I am not being consistent, but he SO clearly didn't want me to leave him there, and since he hasn't been like that at all so far, I couldn't leave him. If I thought he just didn't want to go back to sleep or whatever, I would have left him, but he looked like he was scared and I don't want him to be frightened.

I am absolutely disgusted.

I just finished watching Nastia on the uneven bars... that was an OUTRAGE. I mean, I don't care what countries it was, it could have been China and Romania or Romania and Russia, if two athletes put in two routines that were judged (competently, or not) they were judged to be equal, down to the hundereth of a point, then BOTH of those athletes should receive a Gold medal. They tied, fine, give them BOTH what they earned. I have watched basically everything I CAN watch and I have seen two people win silver medals, because they competed and were deemed equal. I have seen two bronze medals awarded. Why not two gold gymnastics medals? I just don't understand. Does it hurt more cuz it was the US? Sure, but like I said, it doesn't matter the countries, if you tie with another athlete, in the spirit of the Olympics, you should both get medals. Gymnastics pisses me off, but I love to watch it.

Here is the fight

Ok, I knew it was coming, I knew this was just going too smoothly. Hayden is fighting sleep gums and nail. (What? HE doesn't HAVE a tooth!) No quiet complaining and passing out, tonight is crying...moaning...talking....yelling. Anything to keep himself awake. Oh, well. He will fall asleep eventually/ He cant stay up ALL night. I know cuz he hasn't done it, ever. He'll wear himself out. I guess we should have played a bit long to wear him out, but he was acting tired, and I didn't want him to get TOO tired. I'll give him 20 more minutes and then I'll go in to him, but Saturday marks 4 months, so there isn't going to be anymore going in to his crying. I know he wants his Binkie, but I cant go in every time it falls out of his mouth. Maybe when he is older and he learns that HE is in control of whether or not it stays in his mouth, then it will be easier, but until then, I am not going to stand there and hold it in his mouth. Matthew just wants to tape it to his face, but I reminded him that the tape wouldn't hold cuz of all of the slobbers! LOL. Ok, I believe he is out now. So that wasn't too bad. about 30 minutes of real complaining/crying mix. I was expecting it to be worse. He may be getting used to this falling asleep thing.

Hayden's New Tummy Mat

This is Misters' new tummy mat from Grandma and Grandpa Rosies. There is a Lady Bug Spinner in the middle so he can spin himself around to the different petals of the flower. His arms a little too short to reach any of the toys but he is already picking up how to spin himself around as you'll see. But there are rattles and crinkly wings and a mirror...

Sometimes its better NOT to look

Prompted by a statement about Google searches on Amanda's blog, I decided to Google myself (does that sound dirty to anyone else?) knowing that MY Google search would revolve around a certain movie. But I scrolled down and at the bottom of the page it says: "searches related to Emily Rose: Lucifer" Makes you feel all warm and snugly doesn't it? LOL.

Too easy?

This crib thing seems to be a little too easy... Can really be just that? He was just as ready to sleep in his crib as I was to have my bed back? It just all seems too simple, but that does seem to be the way with him. Except when it comes to food, but I'll take that over the alternative. He sleeps all night, waking up once or twice to eat, and wakes up happy in the morning. I was expecting a battle and was prepared for a war...

So what now? I have all this determination stored up for the fight over sleeping, cuz I was DETERMINED to get him to sleep in his bed and he just did it, so I have all this pent up... I know where I could spend it, but I haven't been able to get back to the gym. We went around yesterday to price bikes. It is just so hard to get there with Matthew sleeping and me needing to work. The only problem is that, for whatever reason, Matthew isn't going to bed until 10 am or so. So when I go wake him up at 3, he is too tired and doesn't get up. I guess I am going to have to find a babysitter for a couple hours a day. I thought this was going to work out but if he doesn't go to bed when he needs to, then it just isn't. Maybe I can find someone who can watch him for just a couple of hours from when I go to work to when Matthew can go pick him up. Does someone just want to come up here till January and watch him for me? Its only like 5 months. Oh well. I guess the search is on again. The lady who was going to watch him before, dropped off the face of the Earth, apparently. That's what started all of this. I was fine leaving him with her, but then I never heard from her again. I had him set to go to her in June, and then nothing... Stupid lady.

Another night down

So the boys did good last night. Matthew was in charge so I could get some good sleep (and I got some GOOD sleep) I told him that Hayden would probably wake up around 1-1:30, so just go in feed him, give him his Binkie and he will pass right back out. And this morning Matthew said that was exactly what happened. And then he woke up again around 5ish, so Matthew fed him and he slept till 7. So he seems to have fallen back into his sleeping routine already, so that makes me feel better about switching him to sleeping on Matthew's side of the bed before I moved him out all together. In those couple weeks he established a good routine, and seems to be sticking to it now that he is in his crib. So My job will be to make sure I get him to bed on time. I started his routine at 8:20 last night and it seemed to really work out well, so I will do the same thing tonight. I have decided that, even though its a lot more work, I am going to start every night with a bath. I don't think I will do a full out bath every night, but I will put him in a warm water bath, rinse him off, just to trigger his bedtime mindset. We just wont have bubbles and ducky toys and such every night, just on Saturdays, like usual, or if he needs to use up some extra energy. I am glad that I started this when I did and I am VERY happy I decided to wait. Now I need to get his naps set on a schedule. They are already, sort of. The first is at 10am usually, then at noon or 1 then at 4 or 5. and then he is awake till bedtime (sometimes not happy, but awake) I like that he is kinda getting on a schedule, it makes my days easier to plan. If I can leave right after his morning nap to run any errands, he does pretty good, cuz towards the end of the trip he is tired and will either fall asleep in the car, or shortly after we get home. Let's see what else? He is starting to consolidate his feedings now. Instead of 3 4 oz feedings, we will do 2 6 oz feedings. So that tells me he is keeping a larger amount of formula down, which makes me feel better too. They said his reflux would get better as his esophagus develops and matures, so I am finally seeing some signs that that is happening. We have started mixing two different formulas together for Hayden, and it seems to be working well. The Lipil AR, which is the thicker formula to help with the spit up, and the Lipil Gentlease, with gentler proteins and less lactose to help with the constipation. So we are hitting our stride here, I think. So the next hurdle is cereal, no not true the next hurdle is doubling his birth weight, because he hasn't done that yet, he is about 3.5-4 lbs off. I am hoping that he will have done that by his appointment on the 3rd so we can start cereal. But I am not TOO worried because he has always been on the small side, so I think he is doing alright. We'll see, he has 2 1/2 weeks till his 4 month appointment, so we have lots of time to put on that weight, and we can always wait till 5 months to start cereal. I'm not really in THAT big of a hurry to do that. We are looking forward to getting Hayden his Aces' jersey. I almost went and got it myself, but I couldn't do that to Matthew. I think he needs to be able to buy Misters his first jersey. We're going to get Boomer 00 on the back. He will look SO adorable. Man, I cant believe its time for that already! Ok, I think that is all I have for now.

New videos

A night of good news.

Hayden had two poopy diapers tonight and had NO problems. Everything was normal, and he didn't strain or anything, so I think that the juice is finally doing its thing. So I am VERY happy about that. And I think we found a good bedtime routine, he seemed to respond pretty well. We took a bath (I don't know if we will make this a nightly thing. Maybe just with warm water, not a bubble bath) and then we did a little massage, and put on our jammies. And we read three books. Two to wind him down and have our final bottle and then I turned on his Mickey and lullabies and read Goodnight Moon, and he passed right out, and has stayed that way. And I feel better about laying him down when he is almost asleep, than to lay him down and let him cry... We don't go in to him after he is put down, till after 1am, at that point when he wakes up at whatever time, we go in and feed him and let him go back to sleep. It seems to be working. And its nice to spend some time with Matthew without being interrupted. So I am afraid to hope that this is going to go smoothly... It seems to be going better than I thought it would, but its only the second night... I want to get this set and then we can try to get his bedtime adjusted earlier.

Best Picture Ever

The Next Morning

Hayden did really good last night. He woke up once at 4:30 and I fed him and he fell right back to sleep. I know understand why they say to have NOTHING in the crib with him, because when I went in I found him turned a complete 180 degrees from the way I left him and all the way up in the upper left hand corner of the crib! I guess I am going to have start putting him don at the bottom of the crib so he can work his way up... Anyway, he then slept all the way to 7, when the f*#%ing revelry starting playing and woke him up. I knew it would, but there isn't anything I could do about it cuz its coming from his room's side of the house. I guess its just one more thing we have to adjust around. So I went and got him and he slept with me for about 2 1/2 hours, till Matthew came to bed. Hayden wakes up when Daddy comes to bed and that's their happy time cuz Hayden is all smiles, an he tells Daddy about his dreams from that night while I go put my contacts in and wash my face and such. SO needless to say, Hayden did better than I did. I was nervous. I woke up at every little sound...I finally had to put my earplugs in again. ( I can hear him crying, but not the little sleepy moans) I just couldn't sleep. And then I was awake for about an hour after I had finished feeding him... I am afraid tonight will be a little rougher, but Matthew will be here to help me out. He is a bit nervous about when to go in and when not to and such...But I will feel better knowing he is here cuz then My brain will know that if I am asleep, and I don't hear him crying (which is impossible, but that's the thought that keeps me awake) I know that Matthew is here and he will check on him or feed him or whatever, just in case I apparently die in my sleep, cuz that's the only thing that would prevent his crying from waking me up... So as everyone expected, Hayden did good, I was pseudo-weak, but did as well as I could or the first night, and now the first night is behind us and it will never happen again and we work towards the independent night, knowing that tonight, we are closer to that point than we were last night, and that is something.

Crib

Tonight is Hayden's first night sleeping in his crib, all night. I am trying to be strong...He is fast approaching 4 months so I know this has to be starting NOW. It is the best thing for all of us, if he starts sleeping in his own bed. It is a bit bitter sweet. I want my bed back, but I will miss him. It will be ok. Two weeks and he will be accustomed to his crib and I will be adjusted to yet another change that distances me a bit more from my baby. He cried for about 25 minutes, then I went in (he was 1/2 asleep) so I could give him his binkie, cuz I know, from experience, that the second I gave him his Binkie he would pass right out. And he did. We put Matthew's Mickey that he got from mom up there. I got a couple CD's worth of lullabies from iTunes and put them in my iPod, so we could hook it up to the Mickey and he could have his music playing like at nap time. I can do this. I will enable him to fall asleep by himself. I will let go just a little, and I will look forward to his smiling face every morning. I will.

Holy Crap!

Wednesday, Aug 13, 2008 9:15 pm EDT

Michael Phelps eats 12,000 calories per day
By Chris Chase

After he retires from swimming, Michael Phelps might want to try his hand at competitive eating. The Olympic star recently said he consumes 12,000 calories per day, or 9,500 more than the FDA recommends for an active, young male.

Phelps has to keep his intake up in order to compensate for all the calories he burns during the 30-hours per week he spends in training. He told NBC that an average day might have the following menu:

Breakfast: 3 fried egg sandwiches, 2 cups coffee, 5-egg omlette, bowl of grits, 3 pieces of french toast, 3 chocolate chip pancakes

Lunch: 1 pound pasta, 2 ham and cheese sandwiches, energy drink (1,000 calorie)

Dinner: 1 pound pasta, 1 large pizza, energy drink (1,000 calorie)

Three years ago, Phelps told an interviewer:
I eat pretty much whatever I want. I don't have a strict diet. It's all about cramming in as many calories into my system as I possibly can. To be honest with you, I have a tough time keeping weight on.

Michael better be careful there. There's no surer way to turn new female fans into former female fans than by complaining about how hard it is to keep on weight.


Note: I am growing tired of swimming. I mean its exciting to win and all that. but I m ready for something else to start. Not that I love track and field... No, thats not true I REALLY enjoy the field part, i.e. High jump, pole vault (do they still do that?) discus, etc., but not so much the track part...

While he naps...

I know that I have been posting alot during the day, but I try to get it in while he sleeps so usually each post represents a nap! I realize I could edit the same post, but I don't. HA!

I feel really good about going to the gym last night. I really hope I can get myself into the habit of going. I have been pretty bummed since I had Hayden. I knew my body would change, and I know its only been 3 months. But its a mental downer when you know that you weigh less than you did when you got pregnant, but your shirts are still tight cuz your stomach is all stretched out. Like I said before, its like a Ziploc bag with water. Its weird and I don't like it, and there is only one way to change it. Add on top of that my hips are still all spread out.... Yes, I know its part of the package and I know it will never be exactly the same but it bums me out. So I really want to make myself do this, and I do like the gym... I am a little self conscious being there, but I keep telling myself that no one cares. No one cares what you are doing, they are focused on their own thing. I have to keep telling myself that no one is watching, no one is paying attention to how fast I am pedalling, or what the resistance is set to, or what I am wearing. All of this is BEFORE I get there, cuz I get myself all self conscious, and I wont go. Once I am there, on my bike, my earbuds in, and my iPod or TV on, I don't even know anyone else is there, but its the getting there that will prove to be the challenge until I get it to being a habit and not an obligation. And that is always my challenge. I am never consistent enough to make it into a routine, and I really do want to. I just have to make that decision. And I have to make it for myself, not because anyone else wants me to, or tells me that I need to, it has to be my decision 100%. That is just the way I work. Like when I quit smoking (I know, I know, get over the fact that I did it, I don't anymore) I wouldn't stop just cuz its bad, or because anyone wanted me to, but one day I decided that I didn't want to do it anymore. So I threw away the rest of my pack and I haven't done it since, never even wanted to, well, no that's not true, I had some weak moments where I THOUGHT I wanted to, but I never did cuz I knew I didn't... Anyway, the moral of the story is that one day I decided not to do it, so I never did. I overcame an addiction with sheer will power, mental strength. SO I KNOW that once I do it, make that decision, I will succeed. I think the key is not to focus on losing weight as the reason for doing this. I think if I am doing it because I WANT to, because I enjoy it, and it makes me feel good. that will be the difference. I haven't found anything that I really enjoy, except riding my bike (and roller blading, which is out) So I have high hopes for my latest endeavour. Because at the end of the day, I want it to be because it makes me FEEL good. I want to feel GOOD. I don't care if I LOOK good, I don't care how much weight I lose, I don't care what the number inside my jeans says, I want to feel GOOD. And once I start to feel better maybe I will branch out, maybe I will enjoy my elliptical then. (Matthew doesn't want to sell it, cuz he uses it too) 9 months to put it on, 9 months to take it off. I guess I do have ONE size goal, I want to sit comfortably (as possible without any leg room) on the airplane when we fly home.

Gym

We all went to the gym last night. Its really nice facility. They did a good job with it. So Matthew and the Misters walked around the track while I was on the bike. They have TV's hooked up to all the bikes, treadmills, stair climbers, and elliptical. Or you can hook up your iPod to the machine or whatever. Its really nice. It'll give me a place to go until I get saved up for my bike. I want to go in the mornings, so when Matthew gets home from work, and Misters is still asleep, I think I will go. I like working out in the morning better then at night, cuz I just cant fall asleep, plus Matthew doesnt really know our bedtime routine yet, so I dont think he wants to put him to bed. Plus, I dont think he wants to be involved in the crib transition cuz he doesnt like the crying. I am becoming more calloused to the crying. Somethimes, I dont even care if he cries himself to sleep, cuz I have tried everything to soothe him and nothing works...its the only option left. But he is getting better. We start our routine a little earlier, and he sems fine. Last night he oly cried for 4 minutes when I put him down. So we are doing good. He should be comfortable with his crib soon. He likes to sleep on his side, bent backwards. I would take a picture if I thought the flash wouldnt wake him up. And he is starting to move around in his sleep. I put him to bed vertical, and when I fed him at 4 this morning he was completely horizontal.

Russia vs. Georgia

This whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. I have never paid attention to anything so hard. We just need to mind our own business... Keep any effort purely humanitarian. I know the chances are VERY slim that should something happen that Matthew would be sent anywhere. Alaska is close enough that they would do any live loading here anyway. Which also scares me because we are so close, they could do the same to us. As much as it would hurt me, I would pack us up and fly us home. If there was a risk of it spilling over (if the US doesnt keep their nose out of it) I am NOT staying here. My SON is NOT staying here. So its in the back of my head, and in the pit of my stomach. I know exactly what Matthew would say, which is what I have already said here, but it doesnt stop the worry. Even if he knew something, he wouldnt be able to tell me.But I think i we were any real danger, he would tell me, because I believe he would support my decision to get out, to take our babies and leave.

We dodged a bullet for next year cuz his shop is planning a 4 month deployment. I dont know where to, but I am SO glad he wont have to do that! I told him if he did, I would be going home for 4 months. There is just no way I could be here, alone, for 4 months. He says that's what a lot of wives do, and then they never come back. He says he knows a few guys who got a phone call saying "I'm not coming back" Goes back to the "Poopy Head" blog. Its just common place. People cant handle it.

I need help.

What color frame shoud I put this in? Mahogany? or Dark walnut? or something else?

State fair

Matthew has been REALLY wanting to ride the railroad and he wanted to make sure that he did it before we left. I don't really know f it mattered WHERE we went, but I know he would have like to go north to Denali, but its just too much money to do that, so we are going to take the train to the State Fair on the 23rd. Which I am SOO ok with cuz then we don't have to drive the hour to Palmer, using OUR gas (cuz prices are not going down here, we are still at $4.36/gal) and we don't have to deal with parking (which is a nightmare) and we don't have to pay extra for parking that's like a mile away from the fairgrounds. On the train they have a station right at the entrance. So it should be fun. It is Target Family Day at the Fair (yes, that's Target, the store, Day) They are really hyping up the store openings in October. One more reason why I WONT be going to the new Target, unless its WAY early in the morning when no one will be there, and that is still only after a couple months. Just in time for Christmas shopping... maybe I wont be going to the new Target... Anyway, its Target Day so there are going to be some pretty awesome fireworks, but I don't think we will be staying that long. They don't start till after 10 pm and that is already too late for the Misters to be up, and then we would have to watch the show then still have the ride home... too much, so we opted not to stay that long and take the early train home. Plus that's a pretty long, boring day at the Fair.

On a side note, and to whet your appetite for Picture Thursday, I may have taken THE best picture of Matthew with the Misters this week. Watch out for it. I am totally getting extra copies to have framed!

And on the other side, I have had some ask about why I call him Misters. Its because all the nicknames I have given him start with Mister (i.e. Mister Stinkies, Mister Milkface, Mister Slobbers) So I have encompassed all nicknames into Misters or Little Misters. So there you go.

one more

new videos

My New Favorite Website

I have decided that this is my new favorite site for picking out toys for Hayden. I never know what to get that will be the best use of my money, but this site breaks it down, explains what skill each toy develops and gives to suggestions for extended play, so it tells you how long the kid can play with the toy and still benefit from it. It is really cool. I have already created a registry for Christmas presents! LOL. It didn't take long! But its kind fun o browse the different age groups.

Sorry, Sweetie! :)

But I do love to watch men's swimming... Yummy. LOL. Plus, I like when we win, and swimming is a good option for watching the US win. Go Phelps!!!


EDIT: Eat it French Relay Team! HAHAHAHAHA! That was AMAZING!

Note on Christmas Gifts

I dont remember who we have told so I am making a note about it here. Since we are starting to get ready to move, and its time to start thinking about Christmas shopping, we have decided that it makes more sense to have a Christmas for us, after we come home. It seems silly, to us, for you to pay shipping to get gifts up here, and then have us pack them up and send them right back. Plus any gifts you get for Hayden would be there for him while most of his things are in transit. Now, of course, if there is something you want him to open up on Christmas, by all means send it up, but either make sure its something that could easily be packed in a suitcase, or its going to get shipped TMO, so he will only have it for a couple weeks, and then its gone again. Or if its clothes that will only fit for a certain amount of time... well, you use your best judgement and then when we get home, we'll plan a post-Christmas party for Hayden's first Christmas.


Edit: One more thing, stores are sexiest against boys!!!I am disgusted with the BX right now cuz they have a HUGE section of infant clothes for girls (like 7 rows of racks!) and a teeny-tiny section for boys, only TWO rows! (but toddler boys have ONE row). They have a whole huge display of girls/infant's coats/snowsuits. And one pitiful little rack of boys with ONE option and the smallest size is 18 months. Wal-Mart isnt much better! Is this the norm or is it an Alaska thing?

Rough Day Yesterday

oh, my goodness, was I missing my bright eyed, happy baby (and feeling VERY sorry for Julie) yesterday. He was just crying...and crying... and crying. I figured eventually that he was just tired... but I didn't know what to do for him. I didn't know if he was sick... Took my first rectal temperature yesterday, he handles that like a champ, so I don't feel so bad about doing it anymore. He didn't take real long naps, but I finally got him to go to sleep... and that seemed to help. So last night we went to bed a bit early (I am SOOOO ready for him to sleep in his own bed, I think he is getting close) and he screamed for about a half an hour. I had Matthew bring my some ear plugs. (Hayden sleeps on Matthew's side of the bed, since he doesn't sleep at night with us.) And he eventually fell asleep and slept ALL night. All the way through to 6 am. Usually he wakes up, but I think that maybe I wake him up, unwittingly. Cuz every time he makes a noise I lean over and check on him, but last night I had earplugs in so I couldn't hear all those little noises, only the cry at 6 am, so I didn't move and he apparently just fell back to sleep. So I think that he is ready to move into his bed, or at least into the pack 'n' play and out of my bed. It is going to be kinda hard, but I am ready to have him sleep in his own bed. But its really hard for me, cuz I feel like I am disconnecting myself from him, and it hurts. Between going to work, and no longer breastfeeding and now, not cuddling with him at night, I am feeling like I am distancing myself from him... which I know isn't true cuz we just bond in different ways now like playing and reading books and bath time... but it isn't as physically connecting as it was before. But I feel really good about the bond that we developed in these early months. I am happy that I didn't have to go back to work right away so we had all that time together. Unfortunately, it makes me have a bit of separation anxiety (for lack of a better term) about all of this growing up. Like I said when we left him with Amanda for the first time, it feels like I am taking steps towards letting him go... I know I am making him independent, and that's what I need to do.

Talking about the Olympics

Matthew is blowing on Hayden's hair to make it move and it apparently startled him...

I LOVE this picture, between the hair and the eyes and the shirt, it has to be one of my FAVORITE pictures of Misters.

Rolling over

The first video is to illustrate his hard work to get himself over, and a bit of his movment now, though I have better video of that for later. The second video is of him finally doing it after so long, you can tell how happy I am!

First Juice

Poopy head

I guess the guys at Matthew's work were talking about the quality of their relationships (that's politely phrased for my audience) and they were all in disbelief when Matthew told them about us. That we actually go out and DO things together and the we make each other laugh. they're like "You mean you actually LIKE each other?" LOL> Sad isn't it. Matthew's like "Yeah, we even play games together. We're friends" They had such a hard time believing that we are as close as we are and they could barely believe that we were high school sweethearts and we're still together. I just think its so sad. and all Matthew could say was "Well, you have to remember that it is the military." Yes, it is and that is also sad. Relationships just have a terrible time surviving the military. But we ARE friends and we DO make each other laugh and that has saved us on many occasions. When we are at each other, one of us will make a stupid joke and that's it, we refocus. And we don't have big fights very often, rarely, actually. We have stupid arguments and ends with us calling each other a poopy head. And yes, poopy is the word we use. I love us.

talking

Tuesday's Tummy time (Chasing Kitties)

How many posts can I make in one day...

I talked to a nurse today about Hayden. She suggested that I add a bit of fruit juice to his diet, since he is old enough now. If he has anymore blood I am to bring him in so they caqn make sue it is the formula and not something else, like an infection. But like I said I took his temperature and he didn't have a fever, so I don't think its an infection. So Hayden had his first taste of juice today. VERY diluted juice, but juice none the less. I have a little video of it. And a REALLY funny picture of him right after is VERY first taste. I have to thank Grandpa Whitmer for that picture cuz he was the one who requested that I take it. It will be included in tomorrow's Picture Thursday, of course. I just hope this helps him. I don't want him to be in pain like that... He is such a sweet little boy, and that makes it so much worse. Not saying that if h wasn't such a sweetie that he would deserve it, or anything, but he never cries, so to see him cry, especially out of pain... it hurts me. Physically hurts me. Now I understand why Mom was on the floor in the corner when I had to get stitches in my knee... and why she had to leave the room when I got my lumbar puncture. And I understand now that that night she left me in the hospital, that it was probably harder on her to hear me crying on the other end of the phone as it was for me to be scared and alone. And that is an understanding I would NEVER have had if I hadn't have become a mother.

Sorry I gave you such a hard time about it!

I am watching a Bridezilla marathon on WE (no, there is nothing else on) OMG, how do people put up with these women?! I have never seen this show before today, I cant believe this behavior. I am shocked, SHOCKED, that these women aren't left at the altar. I would leave them at the altar!

My Poor Baby

He had some hard poopies this morning. It was horrible cuz there wasn't anything I could do to make it easier for him. His face was getting all red and he was crying. I think I was twice as relieved as he was when he finally passed it. The first part was all hard and there was a little spot of blood where it torn him a little, I about cried! I think we ALL know how that feels, which makes it even worse. But once the hard part was out the rest was all normal... I know its because we are transitioning him over to formula. Which makes me feel even worse for making this decision the way that I did. It makes me feel so selfish because now my decision is literally causing him pain. I left a message with his PCM (Primary Care Manager, for you non-military people) so I am waiting to hear back from them to see if they want to see him, or if there is something I can do to make this transition a little easier for him. I don't think I can give him juice quite yet... I have read that I could put some Karo syrup in his formula and it acts as a stool softener, but I am not going to do that unless his PCM says its ok. This is the first hard stool he has ever had, and he didn't seem at all uncomfortable yesterday. He didn't go poopy at all but that is fairly normal for him. He usually just has one really big poopy a day, and sometimes he doesn't go at all, and that's his norm. He doesn't have a fever. I didn't do a rectal temp though, cuz I figured his butt was just too sore right now. I figured mine would be, so I couldn't bare putting something back up when he had just suffered so much to get it out! So I did it in his armpit and it was 98.0 F so I figured a rectal would be about normal. So now its a waiting game, to see if he has another hard poopy, for the doctor's team to call, and for Julie, my Baby Advisor, to return my email. But he is sleeping now, he went poopy and fell right to sleep. I hope he's not dehydrated...

A little Tummy Time for you. today he made it all the way across his mat in about 8.5 ,minutes or so. I have it on the video camera. So far he has figured out how to hold up his shoulders. And he has figured out how to get up on his knees, just not at the same time, so his moving is similar to an inch worm, but he's moving! I didnt help him at all. Here he will tell you about it.

I am getting my haircut tomorrow!!!! I am so excited. This hair is driving me CRAZY!!!!!

Storage

So I sorted through all of Hayden's clothes to pull out the newborn and 0-3 month sizes. In my denial I have been not doing it cuz I didn't want him to be getting bigger already. He is definitely into 3 month clothes. Most 0-3 mo clothes go to 12 lbs and he is just over the 12 lb mark so some of them fit, most all of them didn't. He is on the smaller end of the scale, but I guess I want him to stay my little baby for a bit longer. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am excited for the next phase. When he starts to do more on his own, starts to crawl and get toofers and do more and more things on his own, but I will miss my little baby. He is such a big boy now. I got a Bumbo seat (thanks for that Julie, I LOVE it!) and he just sits there, so patiently, watching me do whatever I am doing. I guess the next step is getting him to sleep in his own bed... I am going to start out putting him in the Pack'n'Play in our room for a couple more weeks, till he is a a little more comfortable with sleeping by himself, and then we will move to his own room and working on letting him fall asleep on his own. But that is a couple weeks off. I would like to have him in his own crib by the time Matthew's family comes to visit. Mom sent up a bunch of my books from when I was little, so we have a MUCH BIGGER variety of stories to read at night. I know he doesn't know the difference but I can read Brown Bear, Brown Bear so many times in one week!

So anyway, this sorting has led to going through his bottles and everything that he has grown out of. We're hanging on to everything, for now. I haven't decided on the bottles yet, but we will probably hang on to those too, for the next one. No sense in buying all new clothes f the next one ends up being a boy, and a lot of it is unisex like all the rubber ducky stuff, so I just cant bring myself to get rid of it. So this has planted the bug of going through everything. We have a little over 160 days until we move, and I have a LOT of STUFF. Its in my genes to be a pack rat. I just need to honestly go through everything and get rid on some stuff. Plus we are going to be starting on taking stuff down off the walls, and patching holes and things like that, so we have a head start. I mean it is already August! We have 4 real months to get these things started, and we all now how I love to procrastinate! I just cant believe it is already August. This year seems to be going by faster than last year did!


Oh, and I am torn between a train party and a monkey party.

Is it too early to start planning a 1st birthday party?

Work

I decided to nurse Hayden for another month, till he starts on solid foods, and then I will go back on my meds. It is recommended that you breastfeed exclusively for 6 months...but I talked it over with Mom and she says that I gave him a really good start, but I need to think about me, too. And formulas today are so much more advanced. Nutrition-wise they are VERY similar to breast milk. They just don't have the immunization qualities.

I need to get back on track. I was doing so good right before I got pregnant. I was taking all my medications, I was losing weight, I was feeling good. I need to get back on that track. I know that they say to give yourself 9 months to get back to your pre-pregnancy self. I don't really need to worry about the pregnancy weight cuz I have already lost that, basically when Hayden was born, but I hate how stretched out I am. My stomach feels all weird and loose, like water in a Ziploc bag. But my stretch marks are fading pretty quickly. I need to get back on the elliptical. I kinda wish I had gone with my first desire on that and got a stationary bike instead, but it is what it is. We're probably selling it when we move anyway, I'll just get a bike then. But they are relatively inexpensive, maybe I'll use my birthday money to get one, since we're selling the elliptical anyway... I will have to think about it. I just don't like the elliptical and I did really good with Katie's bike before the wedding, just sit there and bike for an hour while I watch SVU... I just wish it were a real bike. I miss being able to ride a bike... I can just hear Matthew... "Are you going to actually USE it?" I wish the gym were open 24 hours, cuz then I could swing by on my way home from work and spend an hour on the bike there, at least thats free! Of course that would mean Matthew would have to put the kid to bed every night. But once he starts sleeping in his bed exclusively, he is going to have to do that anyway... we have to start sloly changing his bedtime to get him somewhat adjusted to the time change. We have some work ahead of us.

Letting go...

Well, we did it. We went to see Batman. I did it. It was so hard but I was better than I was on Friday. There was NO WAY I could have gone on Friday. But he did really good at Amanda's, slept most of the time, as I figured he would. The best part was seeing his smile when he saw me again. I took a big step today. I mean I cant really explain what it feels like to leave him. Its like taking everything that makes you happy, makes you alive... stuffed into your heart which you then cut out and hand it to another person and you are supposed to trust that person with it, to keep it safe. That is the trust you have to have, and I find it very difficult to find that level of trust in someone. He is my everything, and in a way, this has started me on a path of letting him go. Matthew says it will get easier after this, but now its like the first step in a line of letting go has been taken... All of this for a movie.

We were supposed to go and see Batman today... I couldn't do it. We were going to the 10:45 am show. We had a babysitter all lined up... I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave him. I had been up since 5 am worried and warring about going. I know I have to leave him eventually. And I made a big step going back to work, but its different cuz I'm leaving him with Matthew. (Which, btw, has been REALLY great for the two of them. I think they are BOTH more comfortable around each other) I just couldn't do it. I know Matthew was disappointed that I decided not to go, but I couldn't force myself to go. So he is going to MAKE me go on Sunday. I have full faith in Amanda. I know she will be fine with him, and its only a few hours, but I just couldn't do it. I mean, going that early in the morning, He would just sleep the whole time anyway, and probably not even know we were gone... I am a little disappointed in myself. I know I need to do this... I will do this. I can leave him. I know I can.

FYI: Heartburn in back. I have never had heartburn before being preggo. Good thing I have meds left from before!