I dont know

I guess the biggest thing that worries me about all of this is the money. I suppose that will be true for the rest of my life. But we have so many problems now... I know that priorities will definitely have to change... And Matthew will be getting his raise, plus another dependent, plus I will have a job then too. But I dont know. I dont know what to do about daycare. I dont really even know where to start. I am getting so overwhelmed. And my new job, you have to be at a job for 12 months to get maternity leave. And I am going to want/need at least a month if not more. So that means its June (give or take) by the time I go back to work. Which means if its the hotel, I'm leaving right at the start of tourist season. Am I going to be able to just come back? Or are they going to replace me? Am I going to go back for 5-6 months and then move? I dont know what I am going to do. I have to go back to work, cuz we cant move home with no savings. But right now we dont have anything to save. Something has to go. I need a job where I dont have to worry about how much i am lifting and I cant work there once they know I'm pregnant, its against the rules. I have about two months, I figure. Maybe longer, since I can hide under sweatshirts and coats now that its getting chilly. But once it snows, the threat of slipping and falling is too great. So I am praying for one of those places to call me. I dont know what else to do. I thought about going to work at the UPS store till I find something, just to have a job, but Matthew already told them I was preggo and its getting to be Christmas time which translates into heavy boxes of Christmas presents. I need to find somewhere, something. Oh, Lord, I dont know what to do. And I am trying to not stress myself out too much. I know its best to stay calm. But I cant help it.

I guess it's more that I need to get all of this out of my head so I can start to sort this out. If it stays in there, it becomes bigger and bigger and scarier, and more overwhelming. Sometimes you have to write it out, and get an idea of what you are facing before you can prepare a battle plan. Thats all I need, is a battleplan. To know what to do and what I need to do and how to accomplish those things in the next couple of months.