Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Monday, June 21, 2004

I wish I could be as alloquint (sp?) as Amansda but I'm not so bear with me. I don't really know what I remember about dad from when I was young. He wasnt around much. He worked long hours at the power plant and then he was in the field. I always felt like that was my fault. If I hadnt gotten sick he wouldnt have had to get another job. I know now that there were athewr factors involved, but for me it was always my fault. Then I held it against him, the fact that he wasnt around much. Like I blamed him for my guilt. I have never had the relationship with dad that I would have liked to have. Sometimes two people are too alike to really become close. I see things in him that I hate about myself, for example my famous temper, and I then get annoyed with him. But there is no one like my dad. I guess the thing that I remember most is that he was always there when I needed him. He wasnt there much but if I had a problem or wanted something there he was. I see that now, looking back. At the time I was too busy holding things against him to realize that when it was truely important he was there.

Some of my favorite memories are of times with dad. Like when i would ride along with him when he made hay bales. I would sit on the fender of the tractor and we would spend a couple hours out there. One year I got a slip and slide for my birthday and for some reason I couldnt hurl myself down the thing. So Lew and manda got to play on it and I didnt. So dad came and flung my down it. It was so much fun. He would pick me up and slide me down. Of course I would have to go get him from whatever chore he was doing to help me. I'm sure he got irritated, but he always did it.

Dad is like a big teddy bear. I remember Matt telling me that he was scared of my dad at first, before he knew about the fact that dad is crazy and sooo funny. But I couldnt imagine being scared of dad. I dont think I was ever afraid of him, which isnt always a good thing because my lack of fear gave me a sense of invincibility with him.

I dont remember ever seeing him cry when I was young. Mom tells me that he is rather emotional, and that is where I get my emotional instability. lol. (Oh, FYI Matt eats the strawberry wafer cookies.) I guess the moral of this message is that I love my dad. We never really said it to each other. We usually insulted each other and poked fun and that was the same thing. Now that I am away we say it a lot more. That seems to be the case with everyone in my family.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

I was scared of Dad once. I was about seven, I think, and I was supposed to be helping dig potatoes. I didn't want to, so I ran. I thought I could outrun him. Boy, was I surprised when he caught up to me in short order and proceeded to redden my behind. I didn't know he could move so fast.

The first time I saw Dad cry, it was rather unsettling. It was at great-grandma Nellie's funeral. It's one of the reasons I think Dad and I are alike. I hate crying in front of other people. I *hated* that I cried in front of everyone at Grandpa's funeral. I tried to hold it in as long as I could, and finally when they were ready to intern him, I couldn't keep it in any longer. I hated the sympathy. I much prefer to be alone when I'm having negative feelings.