Ok, now I am in a quandry. The people at Bekin's called today and wanted to know if I had a ccepted another job or not. They want me to call them back. Now that I just got on at NMSS. And Diana told me today that come January there will be a temp postition open and by then my hours would be done so I could work there if I wanted to. SHe "hinted" that if I applied I would get it before ayone else cuz by that time I will know the ins and outs of the office more than anyone. But I dont know if I need to take the Bekin's job or not, but I dont know if it will be 40 hours or not, which I know that I can get at the commissary but I havent got a final aproval from Juliet about the commissary job. But I have to have 40 hours so if Bekins isnt 40 hours I dont know if I can do it, and I wont know till I go in and talk to them, but I dont want them to think that because I went in there, I am saying yes to the job, cuz if they think that I will have a hard time saying no. And I really want to stay at NMSS cuz I think I will really like it there, and if there is employment opportunity I would take that in a heart beat above all else. I want to be there, like I have never wanted to be anywhere before. And it is something I could feel good about doing, ad it actually uses skills my parents paid thousands of dollars for me to learn. I guess it just boils down to me talking to Juliet. I am just afraid if I take that job, I wont be able to work at NMSS cuz their hours are 8:30 to 4:30. So here I am in my quandry. It is nce that it s a psuedo good quandry for once. Too many people are interested in me. its a nice change.

On different, but similar note, I feel a calmness now that I havent felt in a very long time. I look around and I just feel that all my roads have led my to this place, and this is where I was meant to be. Like a calling. And that is what makes this quandry so very difficult becase for the very first time in my life, it seems like I know what I am supposed to do. What I am supposed to be doing. I am supposed to be helping people. People like me. Who are scared and confused and lost and I feel like I am supposed to do this. Not sit behind a computer all day, transposing numbers into a spreadsheet. How long until that numbs my brain? I need this. And they need me. Its ust like everything has alligned and brought me to this opprtunity and the idea that I may lose it hurts deeper than anything I have ever experienced before. Please pray that this works out and I can keep working for NMSS and that Juliet lets me keep working at the commissary. I truely believe that this is where I need to be, what I need to be doing. I have a direction. I never realized how lost I was until I realized what direction I needed to be going.