Ok, reality has set in. And I just don't know if we are going to be able to do this. You know all that crap I was spewing about wanting to just get on with it, and get on with starting the new phase? Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. I just don't think we can do this. I am afraid that I wont be able to find a job that will pay the bills. This is just a horrible time to try to start completely over. If we didn't have Hayden I think it would be a different issue, but we do, and he is my priority. But now we have to factor in my stupid car payments... I just don't know what is going to happen and I hate that. I hate surprises. I hate the very idea of the unknown. I should have been a psychic. Now how do I explain all of this to Matthew? There is no turning back now. There is no way he will stay in and I cant ask him to because he is SO completely unhappy. Unhappy is not a strong enough word for how he feels about the military. I just don't know what to do. And now my prep time has been cut by two weeks. Me and the misters are going to be home between the 8th and 15th or January. That is LESS THAN A MONTH. And then it is up to me to try to find a place to live and a job and daycare and everything else, so we are set up when Matthew gets here. I am not expecting to be totally settled into anything, except maybe a job by the time Matthew gets here. I am so scared. I would rather stay unhappy than risk change and fail. That is the honest truth.