Ask me if I am freaking out. Go ahead ask me. Se what happens. At any given moment I think I am going to throw up. Yes, That seems accurate. At any moment, I am going to explode and there will be stress spread from Anchorage to the Florida Keys. Like the pressure of this move and all that's involved is pressing up against my skin from the inside... I just want this to be over with. Please, just lets get this OVER with. I am ready to take on the challenges of finding a job and a place to live. I am ready to do it. I have been so scared for the past few months, but I have gotten to the point where I am so ready to just DO this. I know its going to be hard, and a part of me is still scared, any sane person would be. But I don't have a choice but to stand up and accept that this is as what has to be done. I cant very well hide from it, so I might as well stand and do my best. But this new acceptance of our upcoming difficulties doesn't make my stress go away. Matthew is in charge of the car so I have to stop worrying about that issue. I have a whole house to concern myself with at this moment. I know that we are going to have someone come in to clean, but since most cleaners charge by the hour, I don't want to have to pay for 2 days of work, you know? I really just want them to come in and make sure that things are all up to housing standards. If you hire a cleaner recommended by Aurora (the housing company) they know what the check out people are looking for. So if you hire them you are guaranteed to pass cuz they are there at the check out, so if something is wrong or not up to standards they fix it right at that moment. And that is really what I am looking for. Is that guaranteed pass so as to not prolong this housing check out thing. I want to pass the first time and have it over with and done. I guess you could say that I am just ready to end this chapter and start the next. A sort of senioritis. Where you are just OVER your current life phase, and so ready to begin the next. I miss home so much and knowing that I am so close to being back and yet so very far away makes that sick feeling even worse. I just don't think that you can truly understand what the past 4 and a half years have felt like... that constant longing in the back of my mind for home. Not in the literal sense, I mean I don't want to move back to Wilton or anything, but the sense of home. The closeness. The ability to see my family when I want to. I think that you take that ability for granted when you haven't had to be without it. To know that my family is a drive away at any moment of the day... you can understand why I am so ready to have this move be over. 45 days.