Crying

So I thought we would try to have Hayden sleep in his crib last night. I convinced (sort of) myself that it was time... so I sat there and listened to him cry... while I cried. I just don't think I can do this. I decided we weren't ready. Maybe I decided I wasn't ready. Which ever is the case...He didn't cry for THAT long. Maybe ten minutes and then he fell asleep for about an hour and then he woke up again and didn't seem to be at all tired anymore. So we laid in the big bed and fell asleep. I just cant listen to him cry. Even if everything says that its the best way to do it, I just don't think I agree... or rather I don't think I can stand to hear him crying. I just feel like he is going to think that I abandoned him in this scary, dark room. I don't want him to ever think that I abandoned him. And I know that regardless, he wont remember going through this transition. I realize its my own fears and memories that I have to contend with. I just have to remember that he wont remember this. Its for his own good (cant have a 5 year old sleeping in our bed every night) and that its this hard for everyone who decides to transition from the big bed to the crib....