Of course I really didnt sleep very well last night. I have another meeting this morning. I feel like I have to decide my future today. I know that it is not my whole future but right now that is what it feels like. I havent really been able to sleep since that phone call came on Thursday anyway. I hate to start having to drug myself to make me relax enough to sleep through the night... but I am not sure what else to do. I lay down and I am exhausted but as soon as my head hits that pillow, everything comes rushin into my head. Clients, and questions, and decisions, and worries, and more questions, and even more worries till I just have to get up and go downstairs. Watch something on TV to shut my brain off. I cant seem to do that, shut my brain off. Just for a little whil I just want no thoughts, no worries, no stress. Nothing. An empty brain. That sounds nice... But that isnt going to happen anytime soon. I dont know what to do except to keep trugging along, hoping the uphill struggle will level off soon. It is like a VERY steep hill. I have to keep moving forward, cuz if I go back now, I'll just have to climb this again later, and I dont think I could survive twice. I cant stop beause I will fall and the fall from here would kill me. So All I have left is to keep climbing. Keep wishing for the top of the hill. Or even just a plateau where I could rest for a it. Even if I knew rhere was more climbing to do, at last I could rest, and refresh myself. And then there are all these huge rocks that are blocking the path. And I have to ind ways around them, and sometime I stumble and fall a little because the rock is in my way. Nothing will let me just get oer this and cruise for a while. I guess I did alot of that the last couple of years. No big worries. Just strolling along. And then came this hill. I suppose I was due for a hill. Damned hill.