This whole thing with Matthew having to leave just sucks. It sucks. A month after (maybe not even depending on when Hayden actually arrives) his son his born, he has to leave. If nothing else it re-enforces the reason why we are getting out of the AF. But worrying about that leads me to start worrying about everything else from money to daycare to food to finding a place to live to small stuff like how we are going to get all the suitcases, the cats and the baby from the truck to the check in desk at the airport!! EVERYTHING. and I wonder why I cant sleep. I need to really watch this cuz this morning I woke up at 5:30 with Matthew and couldnt get back to sleep and I could literally feel my heart beating faster and faster and faster. The whole time, trying to calm myself down, cuz this CANNOT be good for me or for Hayden. And I have for the most part, but I still think my heart is beating a bit faster than it should be. I am just getting so overwhelmed already and there is still a year between now and then. I cant imagine what condition I will be in in 8 months from now!