One more thing to feel guilty about... No, two more things

I kinda feel like I made Matt go crazy. Now I know that he has a genetic predesposition to anxeity, but I feel like I pushed him over the edge. And He wouldnt be blowing up at work, if I hadnt made a big deal about him not taking things out on me. Now I see that he needed to vent, too and I pretty much told him dont bother me with it. I am working so hard, I wish that I could make him understand that I am making money now, and I am busting my ass for it. And though it cant happen right away, we will be ok, and we will get our debts paid. He just needs to realize that. It wont happen right away but I get more money every day that I work so it will be ok. But then if I take a day off, I just think all day about how I should be at work, making money so he can have some mental relief. But I have to take a day off once in awhile. SO I have no reason to feel guilty.

Then he decided that he wants to get out early. And if July hadnt happened, he could leave right now if they let him, but he cant because of me. I have us tied here, until my charity work is done. So I have to work three times as hard at getting that done so we can leave and still work to make money to keep him from freaking out. I just dont know what to do. Keep on keepin on I guess. There isnt anything I can do. Nothing I say helps and I work way too much again, but that isnt helping.

I do think he is glad that I have friends again. Yesterday I went and saw Amber and Carrie at their new spa. And we went to get groceries, the first time since mom and dad left, and Emily and Micki came up to me and we were chatting. I didnt even see them come up, so I feel like I have made some friends at work. And I saw Jen in the parking lot last week and we talked for awhile. And I have been talking to Rachel, Danielle, and Kim on mySpace, so really Cori is the only one i havent gotten to talk to yet.

But anyway, he has an appointment with the doctor today at 3 so maybe he will be able to get some relief, and maybe he will be able to get to sleep.