Today had to have been the single most emotionally draining day of my life. I really thought it was Saturday, but this was worse. Today I had to tie up the loose ends with Ralph. For those of you who dont know, I had to fire Ralph on Saturday. The same day Matthew left for Korea. So I thought that was bad, but today I had to get him to sign this no compete argeement and he wouldnt sign it. I talked with him for AT LEAST and hour before I got him to sign it. I mean he tried everything. He played every card, the friendship, the blame, the anger, the hurt. He threw everyone just to not have to sign that agreement. But I stood firm. I didnt back down. I told him if it were a different situation, and he was in my shoes he wouldnt back down either, he would do what Lori wanted, so why did he think I would cave? Because I havent shown him that side of me before. I think I went through every emotion in the book too. I was really upset about having to do this, but I had to. And it almost became a situatin where I had to prove to myself that I could do it. Because he tried verything to get me to drop it and not make him sign it, but I couldnt do that, and towards the end I really started getting mad cuz at first I let the fact that he's my friend cloud my thinking, and I was going to go soft, but then I realized what he was doing, trying to get out of the agreement he had made with Lori, the only difference was that it was now in writing. And I started to get mad at him. Why wouldnt he just sign it? Let's end this. Why was he putting me in this situation he kept saying he was sorry that I had to be in the middle but not sorry enough to sign the paper and end it. So I know that I told him to "Sign the f*$?in' paper a couple of times and I dont just say that word. It has to be pretty bad to when I resort to that kind of language. I still feel guilty when I say that word, like mom can sense whenever I say it, and will slap me again. Anyway, it's all over now. I got him to sign it, and I'm am done. I feel empty inside right now. Like it literally made me sick. I was downing the Pepto afterwards. So Lori called me and asked if I wanted to go out for a drink with her and Juan and Gloria. I was like hells yeah! She went out with Brandi tonight, I was supposed to be there, too, but I just cant. I am just worn out. This weekend had literally drained me of all my energy. But the worst part is that Matthew is so far away. I need a hug so badly. I miss him so much. It would have been so much easier if I had him to come home to. Instead I am sitting in an empty house. Which is why Lori wanted me to go out with them tonight, but if I drank I dont have anyone to come get me. Thats Matt's job. So this weekend I will have to go to the Miss Hawiian Tropic thing and Club O since I ddnt go tonight. We are sponsoring it again. But I still have to work tomorrow and I dont this weekend, so its better. And I can crash at Lori's if I want to. After today, I dont have anything to worry about. Except that I might not get to go to Vegas now. Stupid Ralph, had to ruin my birthday, too. this is the first one I have looked forward to in a long time, and now it might not happen. Oh, well. Whats one more birthday all alone.