NOw I know I should sleep. Lord knows I will need it come tomorrow. But I cant. I close my eyes and I see her. In the silence of the dark I hear her. My heart longs for a time no so long ago, when I was happy and had everything I needed. Now... Now its different. Is this lesson she wanted me to learn? Who she is. And ultimately who I am? I wanted to stay here. I wanted to make our life here, in this majestic and dangerous state. But here, more than anywhere else, where the majesty ends the danger begins. Now I cannot wait for the next two years to be over so we can move back home, closer to the people who are my world. I knew when I left home that I left my world behind. I forgot that for awhile. Tried to create a good life here. But All I want is to come home, start my family, and plant roots where I know they will be strong. In the ground that has allowed me protection even thousands of miles away.

Who am I? I know more than ever what makes up the person I am. It isnt some cush job, being owned by a woman without a soul. It is with my home. My strength. It is how I know in my heart I have forgiven her because I may recieve my judgement here. I will take what I get, knowing that her judgement is yet to come. Whatever happens to me, will be visited to here hundred fold by a power I have entrusted my fate to. In ten years, I know that I will have moved on. And all of this will be something that happened to me, and I lived through it. And I survived, maybe a little worse for wear, but in tact. But She will still be the same cold, lonely woman. And that is sad. I will never be given a test that I can not handle.

I can do anything through Him who gives me strength.