I dont know what to do about Matthew. Ever since he got home. ha hasnt been himself. I know that he just got back and it takes like a day to ajust for every hour in the time difference, but... I dont know. He keeps saying he is depressed, and I know that he is tired and stuff, but I am worried. I finally got him to take a sleeping pill last night so he would sleep through the whole night, but he just keeps snapping at me. No matter what I do, he just bitchs about it one way or another. I am not the most stable person right now, so I am trying to keep it together. But I dont know how long I can stand this. Today he told me that he was depressed and I told him that if it lasted longer than a week I wanted him to talk to someone. And of course THAT was the WRONG thng to say. But depression can be VERY serious. I know on both an acedemic level and a personal level what it can do to you if you try to ignore it. "It will get better," he says. Maybe it will. But I dont want to take any chances. And he got all upset with me for that conversation. And the day he gets back, of course he freaks out about the credit card balance. I'm sorry, I know that I charged alot on the credit card, but I could have NOT gotten out, and saved the $1000. So he was stressin me about how we were gonna pay that off. I am sorry I really havent thought about the cost of my freedom. I ont know what to tell you. Next time, I will consult you before I spend that large of an amount, but i didnt really have a choice. Well, I guess I had a choice, but I cant handle him right now. He was supposed to come back, and be strong for me so I didnt have to be,and instead I have to deal with his depression mood swings and try to keep positive that my life has not gone completely down the crapper. I can be strong for both of us. I just want to curl up in the corner and cry,but now I have to deal with him too. Him being home was supposed to make this easier,and instead I wish he would go back and be with his friends that he didnt want to leave, and then I can deal with this on my own. I know he had a good time, and I am sorry that he had to come home to a delinquent wife. I'm sorry that I cannot be what he needs right now, but I need him to be there for me. I know this may be a lot to ask, but try to understand. I cannot carry this weight on my own.

Do not guilt me about not having a job, it wasnt my decision. Do not guilt me about putting large sums on the credit card, i had no other choice. And do not gult me because you had to leave Korea, there isnt anything I can do to change that. Dont guilt me that now you like to go out dancing at the clubs, and I lost my clubbin friends. I have to deal with the fact that I lost my friends. I cant listen to all of that right now.