3 am

I had to force myself back to sleep last night when the sudden urge to get up and do EVERYTHING. I had laundry to put away, house to clean, car to clean... And I was just overwhelmed by these things that had to be done. Yes, I know this is the n-word, and that's a good sign, but I am TIRED!!!! How am I supposed to get all of this done f I am up all night thinking about it and not sleeping? Anyway, I may have more time than I thought, since Marie and Mary thought yesterday was my last day, not Saturday. I am going in today anyway, so we will see what they do, if they send me home or what. If they do, I know what I will be doing. I really kinda doubt that they will, but I am 50/50 on both sides. I know I should keep working to make that much more money for when I CANT work, but at the same time, I am so uncomfortable and miserable and there isn't much there for me to do, I am pretty ok with staying at home and getting things cleaned. Especially since tomorrow and Friday will be half days anyway... No, I'll still go. I know that I need to, and I know Matthew would want me to. Maybe I just wont go on Saturday. I can do without a full day on my feet, they get so swollen anyway. If I sit for too long, they swell, if I stand for too long they swell... I cant bend over so I cant get product off the bottom shelf, or help put product away cuz they put the boxes on the floor... I think I am trying too hard to talk myself OUT of going to work. But if I really think about it, that is stupid cuz there isn't anything TO DO, so I am being paid to do meaningless crap all day, easy way to make some extra money, so I will go. It also ensures that I am moving around and walking, and if I stay home, I will be less likely to do that. I mean I have to be honest with myself here, i I stay home, I wont go on a walk I will get my stuff done and then I will sit around and wait until I go crazy with the waiting. And I think that I am crazy enough.