I guess this whole MS thing has been more of a mind game for me. I cant do anything about the body stuff cuz you cant stop it, sometimes you dont even now its happening. You cant predict it, and its never the same. So that is what is really hard about it. Cuz for two years (since my last MRI) I thought I was fine, but you put that image of those spots up there and it is clear I'm not fine. And it is so hard to deal with it. Logic says that there is a cause and an effect for everything that occurs. That is the way it is supposed to be. That is normal and right with in the rules of the universe. So when you are presented with only effect and you dont know the cause, and you know that you will never know the cause... It becomes too much for ones mind to deal with. And that is what I am overcoming right now. Forcing my mind to accept that, though invisible, there is a cause and I need to do whatever I can to counteract it so i can mantain a pseudo-normal life. But then what is normal? In the eye of the beholder.

I guess I am growing up. Dealing with this instead of excusing it away. Excuses are easy. I cant stand up and put my shoes on, well, I have a bad knee. I dont have any drive to have sex with my husband, well, I'm just tired. I am so exhausted all the time, I can barely lift my arms, well, I work two jobs, I am just working too hard. I cant remember where I put things if I dont put them in their assigned place, well, I am an airhead. I choke when I am eating cuz I dont have a gag reflex, well, I just eat too fast. See, excuses are easy, I can think of a million of them. But I shouldnt have to. I mean I am only 24. I shouldnt have the libdo of a 90 year old. Or the energy level. Or the bladder control. Or worry that I will choke on my food when no one is around. THAT is NOT normal. By any standard