I got letter in the mail today that said my MRI was worse than the last one that I had a couple year ago. So this whole time I thought that i was doing fine but I wasnt. I wasnt at all. So I have to go to Nuerology on Tuesday to see what they want to do. They said treatment in the letter. I hate this. I am thought I was doing so good. I know that I am doing my meds again, so that pisses me off so much. How could I be so niave. What if I had been doing what I was supposed to all along. Would I be in a better position than I am right now. It is so scary. I am so scared. I never felt sick. But in the back of my head I knew that I was having problems. My tremors hae gotten worse. My balance. My ablity to think of words. You know that once in awhile you get that tip on your tongue thing? It happens to me all the time. I just cant think of the words. I have bladder issues. I have to wear pantyliners everyday. And I went throught the most stressful time in my whole life. How can that not effect me? It is just one more way that she has fucked up a part of my life. (Sorry out the f-bomb, but it is the only appropriate word). I dont care about her. screw her.

What really bothers me is that "nothing" really happened. Nothing big you know? So it was all happening inside me, and I had no idea, and that scares me. I know I need to not stress about it because that isnt going to help matters at all. but I cant help it. It is just hard to come to realize it. I thought I was growing and accepting that this was happening to me, but I dont know if I... I just dont know. I is so hard when you get information like this. It drives in a little deeper and a little sharper. It cuts. Deep. I have years till my 10 year mark. When they think something "big" will happen. 10 years. Please, give me 10 more.