Scared

Ok, so I thought that I would be able to postpone the fear, but it showed up in full force this morning at 3 am, which seems to be Cricket's favorite time of day. (I have taken to calling the baby Cricket) I am just so scared that I am going to lose her. (Matthew decided it was a girl, even though its just a blastocyte, or aomething like that!) Especially since we told people. But I wanted to, cuz I'll need my family if something DOES happen. It just happened so fast and it was so easy... That maybe I dont deserve her, because we didnt have to work very hard for her. But I love her so much already. And I am going to do everything to keep her as safe as I can. So of course, there was NO way I was going to be able to get back to sleep after that! 3 am. Always 3 am. I am sure all of this is normal. And in a way, I am sure that it is going to make me more aware of what I am and am not doing to my body and my Cricket. (Matthew thinks the baby has made me wierd cuz I am calling her Cricket, be he refers to her as "The Pea" and of course since I pee 9 times a day, that what brings to my mind.)