The Arrival of the Moving Truck

AHHHHHHH! I am so sick of all of this crap sitting around everywhere. The living room is done. So at least I have that done. But nothing else is finished. Mister's room is almost done except for a shelf and the jerseys need hung, which I asked Matthew you do, but he hasn't gotten to yet. We went to Mom and Dad's today and packed up me and Mister's stuff that was there and hat has all been put away. We have to get another brace for the pole in my closet cuz its bowing. It was kinda before I started hanging anything on it, but now it looks like it could just snap. There are still some boxes left in the little room, and there are a bunch downstairs, but I don't have to try to walk around those, so I am not as concerned about them. I am just ready to be done with this unpacking crap. Its just so much little stuff. I don't remember if I mentioned that we went to Menards yesterday and got the surround for the tub and paint for the bathroom. So We can get started on that soon. I am actually pretty excited about the bathroom. It is going to be so cute. I took a shower downstairs yesterday. It wasn't horrible, but I'm SOOOOO glad I wont have to shower down there all the time. It would be next to impossible for me to shave my legs don in that shower! I am excited to get my bathroom. Mathew is just going to keep that downstairs bathroom as his and the upstairs will be mine.

Lora Knouse called me to set up a second interview. I scheduled it for Friday. Since I am meeting with Dr Jensen on Thursday. I am expecting that to go well, but if it doesn't for whatever reason, I have the bank to fall back on. And if it goes good, then I can just call Lora and let her know that I am excepted another position. And Jim called Matthew and let him know about an IT intern position with a company that is working on the computers at their office in Moline. And the guys, at least the son, is former military so that is a BIG bonus. So he may be going to school and working this internship. He seems pretty excited about that. I wonder if MCC offers credits for an internship? Prolly if you get the internship through them. Maybe he should ask Shelly... Anyway...

Misters seems to be adjusting well. We put him back on his bedtime routine and he is doing fine. Back to normal sleeping. He isn't really taking naps though. But there is a lot going on here. He does take naps, they just aren't very long. Sometime only 10 minutes, but he seems to be fine after only 10 minutes. He is having some issues with his two top teeth. They are right at the surface, you can see them, they look like two little bubbles, but they just wont break through. So in the next couple of days, hopefully, he will have at LEAST one more tooth, if not two. I think he is enjoying his new home. I know he is happy to have the kitties back. He just squeals and smiles whenever he sees them. He has started tugging on tails. Grizzly tolerates it fine, cuz it its too hard. But Jackie doesn't like him trying to touch her and she has started nipping at him and trying to bite him. So we have to keep a VERY close eye on her when Hayden is around, but she usually avoids him. Sleeping on our bed while he is out here and then coming out when he goes to sleep.

We will be sending out a special edition of Picture Thursday this week. Along with Misters pics, we will be sending out pics from Matthew's drive home. And we recovered the pictures that were on the crashed hard drive that were supped to be included in the 1-15 Picture Thursday edition, so those will be in there too. I will also try to gather up the moving pictures from AK and delivery day here in IA. But that is low on my list of things to do right now.

Ok, I think that is enough for now.

I guess I have a few minutes. Our stuff was delivered on Friday. I am exhausted. I want to be done with all these boxes. I sick of having to maneuver around the house. Mom has the kitchen painted. It looks so good. I am VERY happy with the color, it really brightened the room up. We went and got paint for the bathroom and a tub surround to get the shower ready. I don't know when they will come to put it in, but I would say next week at the latest. We still have some boxes downstairs, but I am not as concerned with those because they are out of the way. What I really want is a complete room. I have every room started and none finished. I realize it has only been a couple days but it is getting really annoying to have all this chaos everywhere. If I had one room that was complete, then I could have somewhere to go that was away from the chaos. The living room is close. Not complete, but very close, close enough that it isn't a chore to be in there. I would like to get a footstool to go with the couch. I kinda wish we had kept the ottoman from the hated couch, but whatever. Let's see, what else. I do expect to be done by the end of the week. If I'm not don't by then, I will have lost my mind because this is just making me go crazy. So I WILL be done by the end of the week. Plus, I need to go to Mom and Dad's and pack all of our stuff back up and move it here. i am NOT looking forward to that!

I had an interview at the eye place. It went REALLY good. I am going back on Thursday to meet Dr. Jensen, and if I have his approval, then the job is mine. I am SO excited. Sara, the girl who interviewed me, said she wanted to let me know about Doc before I met him cuz he is very "Iowan" in his humor and it catches some people off guard. She goes "He is probably the most un-PC person you have ever met." To which I laughed and responded, "I don't know, you have never met my father!" I'm not worried, I can hold my own. Also, the bank called me today and wanted to set up a second interview. I need to call tomorrow. I am thinking about making it for Friday, so if Thursday goes well then I can call them and tell them I accepted a different position. I like the idea of working right in Wilton, but I am not really qualified for the job, so it would be a lot of learning. Whereas, I have to drive to Iowa City everyday, but I am so much more qualified for that job, and I'd be good at it. And the other girls who work there (there are 5) are all my age, or close to it. And I wouldn't live in the same small town as the people coming in... I was a little weirded out by that, I guess. And Jensen's offers insurance coverage, no dental, but health. And we get one free eye exam a year, and I get one free pair of glasses a year, and then my contacts and Matthew's glasses would be at cost so that is awesome. But I don't know if they cover Chiro appointments, but I could deal with later.

I am feeling pretty good right now. Better than I have felt in a LONG time. Once I get this job, a weight would be lifted off of me. But overall, I feel pretty good. I am having fun with the house, picking out paint and stuff. I am getting a little more used to the idea of living in Wilton. It was weird at first, but it helps that it comes with built in friends. I mean apart from the fact that I have my family here, a lot of my friends are still in the area and that is nice. I was so tired of being lonely. I mean I love Matthew and he is my best friend, but I like being able to go out and do something and leave them at home... have a break. I have been needing it, and I haven't really gotten it yet. But that is for a different venting post. I guess for right now, I am just tired of making decisions. I understand that when it comes to the house he doesn't want to do something without asking, but when it comes to Hayden, don't ask me everything!!!!!! I think at this point it is habit. "Do you think he's tired?" "Do you think he's hungry" I don't know! If you think he's hungry, feed him. You don't have to ask my permission. Its getting really old. And the worst part is that when I say "I don't know." He gets mad at me. Like I am supposed to know everything. I don't. Make a decision on your own. If you have an idea, try it out either it will work or it wont. But like I said I think at this point its habit. But since he is now too busy doing something VERY important., I have to go get a bottle ready for Hayden.

Daddy's come home...

Finally. After a month of waiting Matthew returned yesterday, safe and sound. It is so good to have him back. Hayden reacted just as I figured he would, he cried. He was kinda scared at first. You could tell he knew the voice, but wasnt sure about what the voice was coming out of. But then he grabbed on to Matthew's nose and then he knew who he was, lol. He was a bit unsure all of last night. He was hesitant to go to Matthew. I know it was hard on Matthew, but he handles it well. Then this morning we were all laying in bed and Hayden was in between us, and he looks at me and then over at Matthew for a while. And then back at me like "Is he really still here?" and looks back at Matthew and reaches out and touches him and looks back at me, and then smiles back at Daddy. Like he had to convince himself that Daddy was back. And now all is well. He is laughing and smiling at him. Last night, Hayden wouldnt smile at him. He would just kinda glare, like he was mad at Matthew for not being with us. And Matthew even said "I think he's mad at me." But he seems to be over it now. Matthew is out of Daddy-mode, so we have to get him back into that mindset. And Hayden has new habits and tendencies that he isnt used to. But they will be spending a lot of time together.

The Eye Care place called today and I have an interview. I am pretty excited. I want this so much. Maybe too much. But I am VERY happy that they called. Ok, Matthew is awake now so I will fill you all in on the rest later.

I am sick with anticipation for Matthew's return. Everyday goes by and its one day closer but at the same time its still SO far away. I feel like I have been waiting forever for him to be here. And now its only 3 more days, but its still 3 more days. Oh well. We are going to Iowa City tomorrow so I can fill out that application for the eye care place. I still have high hopes for that. I had my bank interview today. It went well. I just think there are more qualified people out there than me. And I am still not sure if I would even want to work there. I mean its REALLY close to home, which is a good thing and a bad thing. You know? I mean everyone there knows mom and dad and Matthew's family...and I would just feel weird I guess. But it went pretty well, I think I answered their questions ok. It was nice not HAVING to talk about LA. Well, I did, but it went well, cuz throughout I was giving examples of "good" work environment and "bad" environment and I eluded to LA almost every time on the bad so Lora asked if I had ever been fired from a job, and I didn't have to say anything but yes, I was but that was the "bad" job I was eluding to, and I just said that I was accused of something I didn't do, because the owner was trying to find any reason to get rid of me before I hit my 2 year mark and I became more expensive. Which is the truth. And it felt good that I didn't have to say anything more, or defend myself against that stupid woman anymore. Well Mom wants to try and get an early start tomorrow so we can go to the house and get some cleaning done and some moving stuff around done, as best we can do with just the two of us and the Misters, who will be an enormous help I am sure. So I should go to bed now.

Ray came this morning to look at the upstairs bathroom. He said it wouldn't take much at all yo put a shower in. A couple hours work is all. A new faucet that has a diverter thingy, and a little more plumbing. So it sounds like it is doable soon. I just need to find a surround I like, or decide if I want to tile a surround... whatever is less expensive I imagine. Mom found some bigger tiles in white, cream and beige that would look nice, and they were on sale. She didn't buy them, of course, but it is an option if we wanted to pursue it. We also painted the inside of the kitchen cabinets today. Just white, and we were very careful not to get any paint on the wood, but we just couldn't get the walls clean, and it REALLY brightens up the inside of the cupboards so you can see. It looks MUCH cleaner, and I'm sorry that you have to mourn the loss of that BEAUTIFUL green color, but I think we will all be better off! I didn't want to get anything on those cupboards so we were insanely meticulous and it took FOREVER. There is a sand paint on the walls, and it just sucked up the white paint. I am going to feel it in my shoulders tomorrow. I am getting a bit nervous for my interview tomorrow. I would maybe feel better if I knew what I was interviewing for. Oh, and the Eye place called, they already got my resume (I just mailed it yesterday, right?) and asked me to come down and fill out an application, so I have to go do that. I might do it right after my interview tomorrow since Mom will have the kid and I will look decent. I don't want to go looking like a hot mess. I better get the table set for when Dad gets home.

Some Updates

I am assuming, because Matthew hasn't called me yet, that there isn't a working phone on board the ship... I wasn't really expecting there to be. He got some good news though, one of the guys from his shop, John Wayne, is on the ship with him. So I was happy to hear that. I am getting so excited for him to get home. We are going to St. Louis on Tuesday to get my car. And Laurie said that the Arsenal called and our stuff is here, waiting for a delivery date. Too bad I don't have a house that's ready for it to go in... but Mom and I are going back tomorrow to do more cleaning and probably some moving furniture. Gotta have somewhere to put the bed and the crib... but we'll do what we can and then when Matthew gets home, we'll be able to do more. But we have a lot to keep me busy until Sunday.

Oh, I have an interview at the bank on Thursday. I have several resumes out, but they have been the first to call. I am not even sure what the job is! Mom was in there on Friday and Bill Vetter told her that they had just posted an opening and that I should turn in my resume. Mom is going to call Annette tomorrow to see if she can get some info on what he job actually is... I am really excited about this job at an eye care place in Iowa City. I want that one too much, so I am sure that means they wont call. It is so cush...and full benefits. So send out good thoughts on my resume situations. I went to Wilton today to drop off my resume at the bank and mail out a couple more, and I got to the bank and dropped it off to Lora Knouse, and I get back in the car to go to the Post Office, and there is only one envelop, and I KNEW I had both when I left the house. And I remembered that I had set them on the car when I put the car seat in, and I must have left one on the car. So I freaked. I pulled a total Coffee Mug, and drove off with it on the car, so I was hoping it fell off in the garage. So I drove all the way back home, and I pulled into the driveway (Keep in mind we had 35 mph winds today) and I pulled into the drive way and there was the manila envelop, caught in the lilac bush at the end of the driveway!! So I snatched it up and drove back to Wilton to the Post Office. So maybe that one will be good luck!

This last Sunday I went over to Sarah's house for game night. It was a little awkward cuz it was Sarah and her husband Mike, Katie and her boyfriend Brian, Cassandra and her husband Mike, and then me and the Misters. I wasn't going to bring him along, but the girls wanted me too, so I did. He was a hit, as he usually is anywhere we go. It was nice to be around friends again. To be invited to go somewhere... I have missed having friends...lol. We played Outburst, which I haven't played in years, and Catch Phrase. And they were playing Pictionary when I left. It was 9 and the Misters needed to go to bed. I'm kinda glad cuz he gave me a reason to leave cuz the teams were uneven with me there and I felt like the odd man out, but they didn't seem to care. I am sure it was a bigger deal to me than to them. Obviously...lol. I hope Matthew will be willing to go with me cuz we may end up making it a monthly thing and if we do, I don't want to be the 7th wheel every time, and I don't want to have to blow them off every month, especially since I have waited so long to have my friends back.

Movie Monday, Sorry its late...

I realize that I kinda flipped out earlier. I want you to know I am better now. I am still stressed, but I needed to get all of that out. So all is ok. I wont say well, but it is ok. It'll be better in 8 days.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I am so sick of being a single parent. I am tired of dealing with all of this alone. I am starting to get really stressed. i cant get a damn thing done. I am trying to get a resume put together and he wont leave me alone. i am tired of the crying, the whining. I am tired of constantly having to tell him no, and get him out of whatever he is getting into now. I am tired of him waking up at night. I am tired. I am running out of time. I am sick of Matthew being gone. I am tired of being stuck in this house cuz every time I try to leave, he needs to eat or sleep or throws a fit and I cant get him in his car seat on my own. I am tired of crying. Tears of frustration. Tears cuz I miss Matthew. Tears because i am sick of all of this. And I cant do anything about it. I am just going to lose it. Maybe I already have. I need help. I need him here. With me, not on some stupid boat in the middle of the ocean. I am tired of the poopy diapers and all the feedings. I am tired of having to do it all myself. I don't want to be a single parent. If I did I never would have gotten married. I am just at a breaking point. When mom gets home from work, I am going to leave him with her. I need a break. As much as I love my son, I need a break. He is driving me crazy.

I hate that I have no contact with Matthew. I hate that it is impossible. 12 calls a day was getting annoying, but now I hate that he cant call me. I miss him. I am getting sick with waiting for him to come home. I keep picturing that moment when Hayden sees his Daddy again. I know he's going to do the same thing he does to me when I have been gone, he gets the biggest smile and then starts crying. It breaks your heart every time cuz if you hadn't left, he wouldn't have made that face. But Matthew loves when he makes the doggy lip face. So he should enjoy that... I am probably looking forward to Hayden seeing Matthew more than i am seeing him myself. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait for him to be home, but I know Hayden misses his Daddy. I miss him.

To keep my brain occupied, I am having fun getting decorating ideas for the house. I am taking down the wallpaper in the kitchen (sorry to anyone who may have liked it, but its GOT to go) I am thinking about a blue... maybe a slate blue, more blue than gray. I am also thinking about tiling a back splash under the cabinets (I haven't decided if I'll go all the way around yet) in a blue tile, or multi shades of blue. I MIGHT paint the cabinets too, I haven't decided yet. I am just NOT a white wall kinda girl. I need color. I have been surrounded by white walls for too long. Its just a sign that the house is someone else's... I was also thinking a pale green for the living room. I like the small room's wall paper, so I don't think I am going to change that. I like the stripes. It will take some planning since the layout in the living room area, and the kitchen to the basement for that matter. But I am concentrating on those things right now. I am not going out and buying anything, or making any decisions with out Matthew but I thought it would help me keep my brain busy.

I just feel like I am waiting. All the time. Waiting for Matthew. Waiting for jobs to call. Waiting for this and waiting for that. Waiting to make a decision. Any decision. Waiting to know that it will be ok. Hoping it will be ok.

clapper

More High Chair

Dishwasher Helper

High Chair

Sorry about the lack of videos. I have 10 more to post and isnt working so I will try and get them up as soon as I can.

Helping Mommy at the Computer

It still feels like I am here on a visit. I know its cuz we are staying at Mom and Dad's but I still feel like we will be packing up and going back any day now. It will be different once we get into the house and it becomes our house, and we unpack our stuff, hang our pictures on the wall... I guess it is a strange feeling...I am afraid that people wont see it as our house. Especially Matthew. I am worried that it will always be their house. But I don't want to feel that way. I don't want to come home and have it not feel like our home. When I come home I want to be comfortable, and I want the same for Matthew. But I think it will help when we get our stuff in there. I hope it will. Because I know that kind of uncomfortableness is picked up on by Hayden. And I need for him to know that is his home, otherwise he will try to sleep in my bed forever and I cant have that! It will be fine. It will all work out and we will be fine. I have faith. I have faith...

I guess I am thrown for a bigger loop because I dont feel bad that we moved from AK. I mean there will be parts I miss, like the mountains, oh how I will miss those mountains. And hockey, of course. But Deep down, that was never really home. Not in the way Iowa is home. We didnt have anything to tie us to AK, besides Hayden being born there, I suppose. But we didnt have any really close friends or anything, not anymore. It was really just the three of us when it came down to it. I suppose that has a lot to do with why I dont really feel a loss at moving. I mean, when I moved from Iowa, I was homesick for months. I wouldnt sleep, I couldnt, and when I did it was because I had cried myself to sleep. But overall, I know that it made Matthew and I closer and stronger as a couple because we had only each other, really. Can you imagine what it would be like if, deep down, it turned out we didnt really "like" the other one? I mean, as a friend, as a person. Does that make sense? I think that is why divorce is so high in the military. (well, one reason) cuz you go to a new place and its justthe two of you, what happens when you discover that you dont really like the other person? People in Matthew's shop were always surprised that we went out and DID stuff together, that we were friends, and enjoyed each others' company. I knew a lot of people who would go out with friends or work extra hours or volunteer to go TDY cuz they wanted to get away from their spouse. Matthew always tried to get out of it cuz he didnt want to leave us. And that makes me happy. I miss my husband.