I feel like i just got home but i have to leave for Seattle tomorrow. I am still tired from being on Iowa time and now I am going to lose another hour this weekend. I just need to pass out and sleep for a couple of days. I wanted to sleep in this morning but I woke up around 8:30 cuz I kept hearing these loud noises and I thought Jackie was tearing up the house. Turns out it was the ice/snow cracking on the roof and crashing to the ground. It was so loud. So I said forget it and got up. i needed to pack anyway so I figured I might as well. And we found out that our cable package was expanded. We get our hook ups through the housing partnership thingy and they expanded our package to include Starz and Encore so I have been watching a lot of movies lately. I finally saw Daddy Daycare and Jersey Girl which are both cute little movies if you are in the mood for a cutesie type movie. Anyway, I need to get to bed so I can get some sleep. So long until I return from Seattle. And then I will have something interesting to talk about.

The mirror

Today I got dressed and like I always do, I looked in the mirror to make sure that I didnt look stupid but today was different. My mirror and I have never been good friends. We have VERY different ideas about how one should percieve reality. I prefer imagination from the neck down, and have since about the fifth or sixth grade. My mirror on the other hand has this twisted idea that a true reflection is more beneficial. What does my mirror know anyway? So there is alway a twinge, however slight, at that first glimpse. It doesnt matter what I'm wearing or how good I look there is always that twinge. But this morning, I stood in front of my mirror and I was proud of myself. It was a good thing I hadnt done my make up yet cuz I even teared up a bit. Because this time I saw a person, not a blob in tight jeans. I saw curves and I saw a slimmer waist and I saw what i have been working so hard to achieve thesae last three months. And I was proud of myself. I actually felt good. About me. And that is a feeling I have not felt in a long time. And it just strengthens my resolve all the more. I cant even imagine the feeling I will have in December when I put on that dress. I dont even care what size it is anymore. Because nothing can compare to what I felt this morning. So we are 33 lbs down only 67 more to go.

Back to work

Well, as of tomorrow, my vacation is over. That is ok though, it was a good one and I am ready to go back to work. I was so completely bored today. I need work to entertain me. It was so depressing today. Yesterday was a beautiful day. It was "warm" and sunny and Matthew and i got a lot done aka grocery shopping. and today we wake up and it is snowing. It has been snowoing all day. We have to have gotten two to three inches at least. But I was so excited to come back and it was nice. yeah, and the weather is great in Iowa again. nOw that i am gone. Well, fine, be that way. I dont care. At least I am home with my hubnby and that is all I need. Well, i should head to bed I took some sleeping pills and I think they are starting to kick in. Have a good Monday people.

Oh, have I told y'all about our neighbors dog? Well, when they leave they lock it in the basement? Yeah I told you. Anyway, apparently they have gone somewhere because that damn dog has been barking in whimpering all freakin day and it is REALLy starting to piss me off now. before I was annoyed, now I want to go and put it out of its misery. You would think the damn thing would figure out after 12 hours that no one is coming to let it out! Itis this stupid little mixed beagel lookin thing and it is sooo annoying. And I cant tune it out anymore. Usualy I can ignore it but after 12 hours I just cant do it anymore. It is coming through the vents so you can hear it throughout our house, No matter where you go you can hear that damn dog! Grrrr!

No Place like Home?

It has been so strange to be here. I have missed it so much and in so many ways nothing has changed. But in so many more infinite ways everything has changed. or it might be more realitic to say I have been the one thing that has gone through an enormous change. I went out with alot of myfriends from college, you know Katie and those guys and then my Wal-Mart people, and it was just wierd to be there. You know, it was like I was standing on the outside of the circle and I thought to myself, "I dont belong here anymore." These people, who were so very important to me dont mean as much to me right at this moment as they do in the memories I carry with me everyday. I mean I still love them all and they were such a big part of my life, but I just stood back at looked at them, and they were in the same place I left them a year ago. And I feel like i have moved mountains in the time I am gone. But one thing has remained constant, and that is Katie. We havent seen each other in almost a year and yet we are together and it is as though nothing has changed. We have this special relationship that doesnt know time or distance. Its a friendship that picks up right where it left off as if you had never left. How lucky can a person be to have found a friendship like that? Twice. I married one of my best friends the day I gave Matthew the rest of my life,but Katie is truely my best friend. And I miss her everyday. I wish that I could bring her back with me. I think her and Rob could have made an awesome couple, but now Rob is gone too, so that doesnt really matter. But you get what I am saying. But I am ready to go home. I am ready to go back to my life, my job, my kitty, and I am more than ready to go back to Matthew. I miss him so much and I need to be with him. He is my heart and I cannot live without him. This has been a tough trip in many ways. I miss my husband terribly for first and foremost. But some of the things that I have learned about myself, the person I used to be and the person that I am now have been both painful and a blessing also. So I will return to my home, Alaska, and I will look back on memories because they are built up as inattainable perfection in my head and that is how they are going to stay, even if reality can't measure up. So thank you Iowa for reminding me of where my roots are and where I have come from and thank you Alaska for showing me who can be.

Leaving on a Jet plane...

Ok peeps. I am going to work and then it is off to the airport. So you will be without bl09s for awhile when I am home! Love ya and see ya tomorrow!

We went to the start of the Iditarod yesterday. I had a good time tool a few pictures. Not a whole lot though cuz it was all the same thing. There were 80 racers and they were introduced every two minutes, their name and where they were from and their sponsers. But it was an experience. Next year we know to just stand up in the parking garage, you have a better view and there are less people. There was this one old lady and her granddaughter... We got there almost 2 hours early and stood in the cold to get a rwally good place. We were right on the fence and between 50-100 yards from the actual start line. And this old lady and her little miscriant pushed us out of the way, Smith got moved away from the fence and this old lady was all up on Matt like it was her right to be there. I'm like excuse me, we waited for this spot you can go somewhere else.so with Smith out of the picture they were both able to get right up on the fence. We stayed for a while and then I gave our spot to some nice people behind us who didnt touch me once. Ordinarily I would post the pictures but since you can se them starting thursday, I dont want to. Besides you have seen all the pics I am bringing home so there have to be some new ones! Ciao.

I have decided t5o go to the start of the race tomorrow. I dont have anu idea when to go cuz I havenever been to anything like this before. They are going to open the mall at 7:30 cuz they say a lot of people will be there. the race starts at ten I want to go early cuz I am going to try to film it cuz mom said that she would like to see it. But on the other hand I dont want to stand in the cold for a supper long time. I will have to wear my long johns for sure though. I wonder where i put those? Anyway, so hopefully I will have a tape of it so everyone can watch. But dont get too excited. I dont know if I will be able to. But I will give it my best shot! C'ya in 6 days!

Stupid snow

I should have known it was too good to be true. Lately it has been so nice out and a lot of the snow was melted and I didnt have to burn gas in 4 wheel drive... and I havent been wearing a coat cuz it was nice out. Then I wake up and we got 5 inches of snow through the night. Which I guess is good since the Iditarod starts on Saturday and there is snoow for the puppies to run in, but still... I see the Friday when I egt home it wil be 41 degrees... Wow...I havent felt that warm isinceSeptember or October. M y idea of warm and why I wasnt wearing a coat was cuz it was a balmy 36 degrees. Anyway, I have to take my shower now so TTFN.

My brain no longer works

I have GOT to go on vacation! I am such a spaz lately cuz I just have so much on my mind! I am trying to get the store ready for when I leave. And it is NOT an easy task. I didnt think my job was that difficult but apparently it is and no one gets how to do it! How hard is it to order the stuff we need? I guess its easy for me cuz I know 90% of all the products we carry w/o looking it up on the computer. And when you have as many products as we have that is a major accomplishment! So anyway, I am in a billion places at once lately, and Ralph isnt much better and together, I'm surprised we still have people working for us cuz we are both on edge right now. We are very similar me and Ralph. We have the same drive to get stuff done and the same intemsity for work I think that why we get along so well. Anyway the point of telling you all of this is to tell you what happened last night.

Lately I have been forgetting to do stupid little stuff that I have been doing since I started. Like the other night I forgot to shut a cash drawer when I left and Ralph called me to see if I was alright cuz I forgot something like that. So last night I was so intent on not doing anythjing like that that when Cori and I left for the evening I did not check my bag to make sure I had everything. Cuz I carry around this big black shoulder bag with my purse and my organizer and my water jug and stuff. Well, I got out to my truckand went to pull my billfold out cuz I always do before I leave the ramp so when I get to the gate I'm not diggin for my ID, anyway, I couldnt find my purse. It had fallen out of my bag in the cabinet under the counter. No big deal except my store key was in my purse. So My ID is locked in there withit. Great, so I was gonna all Ralph cuz he only lives like 5 minutes away and he would have come to help me except my phone was dead and I couldnt find my charger. So I go back inside to find a security guard. Usually there are like 10 of them everywhere, after wandering the mall for 45 minutes I was nearly in tears cuz I couldnt find one. I couldnt call Matthew cuz my phone didnt work and I had no change to use the pay phone since Ididnt have my billfold. Thakfully the girl at the Peircing Pagoda was still closing her kiosk and she called security for me. Well, they dont have a key to any of the stores so they couldnt help me. The girl let me use her phone to call Matt and he had to come get me. He brought me home and we picked up Smith and he drove Matt's truck back and Matt drove mine. I was so upset. I was crying by the time Matthew picked me up from the parking ramp. I thought i was stranded there. I guess I used up all my luck not getting killed in the back of the base!

Oh, and Cori told me that when I leave for lunch the new girls talk about me and say how mean I am and that I am a bitch. HeeHee. I was like "Do you think that I am mean?" She said no, of course. I am not. I am only a hardass when you dont do what you are supposed to do and you atand around and talk. I dont have time for that nonsense! I have a store to run and like I told one girl tonight, if you dont want to do what I tell you to do then you can leave I will find someone who will. They have to realize that they are dispensible. I have 10 other little high schoolers who want to work for me so I will hire one of them, and if they dont want to do it next week I will have ten more. I am tired of being nice, cuz that doesnt get anything done. But if you do what I ask you to then there is no reason for me to be upset with you. But I still need to get away. Ralph told me that I am supposed to take it easy until I leave and to enjoy my vacation. Cuz I told him that I was feeling guilty about leaving. So now he is trying to get me to relax before even leave so that I wont think about work while i am gone. Sorry, guys, but that wont happen. Like i said before, bare with me! K, see ya in a week! Well, eight days. Ah, 8 days! Ah! AAAAHHHHH! I am coming home in 8 freakin days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!