Saturday, February 12, 2005
A drop in the bucket
I have been thinking alot lately. Mainly cuz there hasnt been anything good on tv. But I have been thinking. I love all the support everyone is giving me and I am proud of myself for what I have done so far. I really am. I am just so afraid that I am going to disappoint someone. Mainly, me I guess. I look at myself and I dont know who I am anymore. I mean, yes I am me and I know WHO I am character wise and all of that, but I just seem to be a little lost. Maybe because I am syill tranitioning I dont know. But I am confused and a little disgruntled I guess. I am mad at myself for not caring how I looked before. But at the same time I was always proud of myself for accepting who I was, but in doing so I was also killing myself. And her I am in a quandry of self confidence and self deprication. I mean it is goos for me to make the reaolve that I have and I know that y'all are behind me and I appreciate it but know this... to a girl who was nearing 300 pounds 23 is just a drop in the bucket. Lets not get too excited. But at the same time I SHOULD be excited and that is what confuses me. Why am I not? Because I know that there is still a whole bucket left? Probably. Is that being realistic or pessimistic? Only time will tell I suppose. Anyway, Blue Collar Weekend is on Comedy Central and I want to watch Ron White so Catch ya later.
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2 comments:
Maybe you just have to look at it like you did what was best for you at the time. Maybe you needed to be who you were on the outside to become who you are on the inside. Now you're at a point in your life where you need to be different on the outside to better who you are on the inside.
And if there's anyone who can, it's you. You watched The Biggest Loser, right? Drea reminded me of you. You knew she was comfortable how she was but she decided she wanted to be thinner and you just *knew* she was going to do it, because of who she was on the inside. That's how I see you. I just *know* you're going to do it, because your drive isn't going to let you quit, even if you have doubts.
And I vote for realistic. I would say 23 pounds is more than a drop in the bucket, but I say more that 23 pounds is a lot more progress than a drop. If you take no more than a little bit of satisfaction that you're that far along the road, then so be it. No real need to celebrate if you don't feel like it.
I've lost a couple pounds, but I find a lot more satisfaction in the fact that I craved a salad to go with my lunch today rather than fries. I call *that* progress, because if I want to eventually reach my goal, it's the life changes that really matter.
You know sometimes I wonder whether you should have been an advice co;umnist instead of an accountant.
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