America's Next Top Model

I have a new guilty pleasure and it is watching the bitchiest show on cable, Top Model. I love it. I have been sucked in. Really what I like to see is the photos at the end from the photo shoot. Some of them are really cool. So that is my new guilty pleasure.

I have started setting aside outfits to bring home. Mainly I wanted to pick out cute dress clothes. I got this cute pink stiped skirt that goes really good with my pink pointed boots. Ralph and Mark were giving me such a hard time the other day cuz I have changed so much since I have been here and since I have been working so closely with Lori cuz I have absorbed some of her in me. Cuz I came to work one day and I was blingin. I had the rhinestone earrings, braclet and rings. And they were like, "Them people in Iowa aint gonna know what to do wit you. They'll think you been hangin round those city boys too much." I just brushed it off you know, but then I thought about it, you know I have always had that in me. I love the sparkley stuff, I love dressin up and lookin cute. But I see so much more of Lori in me than I realized that I had. I dont know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I think we are a lot alike in a lot of ways and I think that is why I have done so well in working for her. And that excites me. I mean here is this strong woman who has gone through the same thing I am going through and has perservered and is successful and I am learning so much frm her. I have been so lucky in my life to have been surrounded by such strong women all my l;ife and to be able to come here and meet her and have yet another strong role model in my life... I feel very lucky. I feel lucky to have had, and continue to have, all of these wonderful women to look up to, and then to come here, away from those people thatI know and I love, and be able to find the happiness that I thought I had to leave behind... How lucky am I?

Everyday shines brighter and lately I have had a hard time seeing that because I have not allowed myself to open my eyes and look around me. I havent allowed myself to accept this place as my home for fear that I would be betraying my Iowa home and everything that it stands for in me. But I see now that by doing that I am in fact betraying even more. The past in past but the future is now. Be yourself without forgetting either one. Now I look around and I do feel at home. I am an Alaskan and I am an Iowan. Iowa is a place to visit, to remember, to love. Alaska is a place to live, to grow, to learn, and to love.

Ever notice how thoughtful you can be when you need to sleep.? LOL Love, hugs and kisses. I'll be there in 12 days. Cant wait.