I miss my mommy...

I hate when family leaves. I always get so depressed and it doesn't matter how many times I say "85 days"... I have basically been crying since I left mom at the airport. I hate the airport. I am sick of the airport. But more than all of that, when family leaves, it is just a reminder that I am alone. I have a 6 month old to talk to most days. All of my friends have moved away by now. I am not going to bother investing my time and emotion in finding new friends. I just miss my family. I love when people visit, but I hate when they leave. So I come home and everything just reminds me that she isn't here anymore. The suitcase is gone, the air mattress is deflated. The food she cooked is in my fridge... I have to go back to doing everything myself, and most of it, not well. It is all coming together and I am breaking. There are so many things that I am dealing with and worrying about and messing up, so when I realise the missing my mom emotion all the rest is coming out too and I cant stop it, I cant get it back under control. Some of these things are legit concerns, and most of them are things that I have no real control of so its of no consequence to stress over them... it isn't going to change anything. I just need to go to bed, but Matthew is up there, and he will try to comfort me, cuz he knows I am probably down here crying, but as soon as he does that I will lose my control again, and right now its all I have and even that is slipping away. Quickly.