Tomorrow is the day. I am not packed. I am not reay and I dont really care. I havent even been able to think about the fact that we ar eleaving soon, cuz I had so much other stuff to do. Now it is winding down, and I hve no idea where to start. I did do my laundry so at least when I do pack I can pack clean clothes. Ha. I worked my ass off yesterday. I didnt end up going to the hockey game cuz I would have just felt guilty cuz I wasnt at work. Fot those of you who have been in the commissary before, the line for check out was so long that it wrapped all the way around the back of the store (by the milk and eggs) and went went all the way to the otherside by the produce. We were busy. They probably will be again today but I worked so had yesterday, my entire body aches. BUT it dos say a lot or that medicine I am taking for my fatigue cuz I went from 11 am to 7 pm without a problem. It was really tough but tell me a HONEST profession where I can just walk in and make $30 an hour? Sweet. Well, I dont think it was that much throughout the day but it was in he last half hour. I got a $20 and two $5's from my last three customers so I called it a night. I suppose i should go and start doig something, Matt is finally up now so I can pack some more. K. C'ya all in a couple days.

I am doing the best that I can. (Does it seem that I am starting out like that a lot, I guess thats how you know that its not going very good) I have to make enough money one weweeks to pay off the Disney card card before we leave on Monday. So I am a little on edge because I have to work so damn hard in the frezzing cold, and I am tired. i am working as much as I can, but I cant go in anymore cuz I have to work my CWS, and that has to be done before January 1st. And Matthew forgot to go get my album from the store, so I talked to Danielle so she was going to do her best to get it for me today. Matthew went along, but since She wasnt there, I went in cuz I wanted to see the store. And I was shaking so bad. And I felt so sick to my stomach. And now he says that he forgot to add $100 into the budget for the other credit card and I needed to make another $100. How am I supposed to do that. We have 3 freaking Aces games this weekend. Thursday, Saturday and Sunday and, of course, they have to be afternoon games and not night games, so I am basically losing 3 days of work. So I said sell my tickets. I'l go to one of the games. ANd he makes a huff about that too. What am I supposed to do? I am working the MS office every morning so I get up at 6:40 shower, get ready so I can be there by 8:30, I come home around noon, change grb something to eat and go work the commissary til around 8:30. Come home try to eat, and go to bed exhausted. I am tired. I am so tired. And I do all of this when it is a struggle to find the energy to lift my arms. And I tell him that I am tired and he doesnt understand. I'm not sleepy. I have enough energy to breathe and blink, the rest is a constant struggle to be able to do anything. And somewhere along the line I have to do laundry and pack for a 3 weeks trip. I dont know how much more I can do. I just wish he could understand. I am doing my best. but it never seems to be enough for him, there is always something more that I have to do. I just have to not go to the gams. That is all there is to it. I was tempted to just use the money that Laurie gave me as a gift, but I knew that I, one, would get into trouble for that, and two, I didnt want to do that, it was for me, so that i could get something for myself. Instead of a big pile of failure. Cuz thats all I seem to be able to see lately. He just needs to calm down, cuz in about a month I will have two paying jobs instead of one. He is just so insensitive sometimes. I am actually looking forward to being home cuz I know that he will stay at his parents' house and I will stay at mine and I can have a little vacation away from him too. I need it. He is wearing on my last nerve.

I dont know what to do. Mom needs my photo album from the store before we come home and I cant get a hold of Danielle. I dont want to go in there. I am afraid of what I would do and Matt doesnt seem to ever remember or maybe he dosnt wnt to either I dont know. He has been actin wierd lately And I tried to do it the right way and have Steve take care of it, but She never responded back to him. But I know what is going to happen, she wont give it back to me until she gets her parking card back, which Steve still has. But I want to get this over with as soon as possible. I guess on Monday I will have to call Steve and see if I can pick that stuff up. Find sometime to be able to do that, go to the store, and make the trade and hope that She isnt there. And hope that it all works out. I'll just have to find time to do it. I'll just have to listen to Matt bitch at me cuz I didnt go to work as long as I should have. God, I need to get out of here. Actually I need to alo get soe time away from Matt ad his stress and freaking out cuz Its starting to wear on me. I just have to go do what I have to do.

I burnt my tonge so bad. Its swollen. I am such a dork. I wanted to eat before work, so I made a quesadilla and burnt my tongue on the cheese. Now i cant really talk. Work is gonna suck so bad.

In two weeks we are going to be home. I am so excited. I cant believe its already here! There was a lot of stuff I was supposed to before the time to leave arrived. I am SOOOOOO ready to take some time away. I want to be able to sleep for a while. I want to spend time with my family. I want to get away from this place for awhile. Just remove myself from the residue pain that still lingers in my life here. The only thing that i am afraid of happening is that I will o home, and know how happy I am when I am home and with the people I love that I will come back here, not renewed and reenergized like I want, but miserable and longing even more for my home. But i have to NOT think that way cuz I till have a while to be here. 2 more years. 2 years, that isnt that long. When I got up here I thought 2 years was long and then it turned into 3 more years... SO anyway I have to go try and make some serious cash since Matt wants our Disney card paid off before we leave. I am so tired. Just tired. Tired of doing everything that everyone else needs me to do, being pulled in all of these directions. I need to get away or I am going to get ripped apart.

It's effing COLD!!!

Some info of interest for you: It is currently 1 degree. Yes 1 degree. And it is only November. It is going to be a LONG COLD winter. And for everyone's information, 50 degrees at night is 49 degrees warmer than it is here, so we will be in the pool. I will be in the pool.

I am SOO excited. All went well with my meeting with Juliet. She says I can keep my commissary job. I bring her signed time sheets. I think that she is letting me keep the job because I am me. You know what I mean? Cuz I'm not a loser trouble maker. So she doesnt really care what I do as long as its not illegal. And my trip has been approved. And she is lengthening her leash, I dont have to go to the office anymore, I just have to check in the first Wednesday of every month. I have to bring my time sheet and my monthly report to a substation office sometime during that day. And then when my CWS is done she is gonna put me on minimal contact where I just mail in my monthly reports and I dont have to talk to her at all. And then after a year, she is gonns recommend me for early termination. Cuz basically she told me that my coming down there wa a waste of both of our time. She has other people she needs to watch and rehabilitate and I am checking in to tell her that I havent done anything but work since the last time i saw her.

I cant believe we only have a couple weeks til Disney World and home. I have already started makig packing lists. Matt's about ready to explode. Literally I think his head is just going to burst open spilling pixie dust and mickey confetti everywhere! LOL. Now there is a picture for you!

I am doing the best that i can do. I am trying so damned hard. i work all morning, and then I come home try to eat and then change and go to my other job, and try to make money to support our family. I DO NOT need people to come home and nag at me for what I didnt do, instead of noticing the things I did do. Like spending all day at my work and then a few more hours at my other work and then I came home early so that I could clean the house because some people want to have people over this weekend to watch the hockey game but he doesnt want to clean. So this is the only time I have to clean. But then those people come home and ask what I am doing and assume that I didnt go to work. And then becauseI dont want to go back out to the cold and go to the BX, where I had just come from not an hour before he gets all mad and huffy at me. Well, poop on you. I dont want to go. And then it is like he is a martar because he went and mailed my boots back. Like it was some huge effort when he was the one who ordered a size 6 when I wear a 10. But I didnt say anything, cuz it was a mistake. But now I must praise him cuz he mailed them. Gag me. Are all guys like this?

I thought I would give y'all a little update. I really enjoy workin at the MS office. We are already starting on the organization for the '07 MS Walk. We are the centerfuge for Anchorage, Fairbanks, Matsu Valley, Copper Valley, Soldotna and Juneau. So There is a lot of paperwork and phone calls to be made. Getting the team captains started on pledges and such. But I am having fun, and I can tell that Diana is already impressed by my work. It makes me wonder what kind of people they usaually have as volunteers. But I feel like I am helping her get a lot done. Then when the Walk is done we will start on the Chocolate Affair. And all is well a the CM. Is damn cold, but I will live through it. It will make Florida's 50 degrees feel all the better. LOL. As most of you already know, we decided not to get a puppy. We are going to get a kitten instead. I really want a puppy. I always have, but I miss Joey so much, and so does Jackie. I want to give a kitten a try again and this time, we know he will be healthy. So we just have to decide on a name. It hasnt been as easy as Joey was.

I had a sucky day yesterday cuz Amanda sent me an article that said the factory that manufactures Pink Flamigos is closing. And I read another article that said Bob Barker is retiring. Amanda is already looking for plane tickets. We've always wanted to go to The Price is Right. Ever since we were little. Besides All My Children, I think it was the first show I remember watching. And she wants t get up on stage, and tell Bob that she remembers watchin him when his hair was dark. LOL. How sad. I wonder if it will be like when you take an elderly person out of their house, and they pass away, cuz it was the house that kept them strong. So anyway, that is pretty much it. Its cold. Its snowing. I am tired. And Matt is still alive. 3 weeks to go.