Imagination

I figured it was time to update I know it has been awhile. I lived throught the rash. It was some sort of allergic reaction, but they cant know for sure what it was from except the it was probably not Jackie. I went the doctor and she said it was either something I was eating or something I was using. Because of the nture of the rash. It wasnt on my face or on my back so I figure it was my soap since I dont use it on my face ad I dont scrub my back with it like I do the rest of me just cuz I cant reach as well! LOL. Anyway, she gave me some meds to take and I quit using that soap, and my lotion just to be sure. Since I dont put that on my back, it could be the culprit but I do use it rather extensively on my face so there's a predicament. Better safe then sorry I guess.

Matthew is gone so I am sole provider of care for the cat so far I am doing well. I have remembered to feed her and change her water and I have even emptied her litter box. We will be taking a bath tomorrow. Wish me luck. She is a heck of a lot bigger than the last time I gave her a bath. As we speak she is playing inside of a plastic sack. She loves that game. Then I pick her up and carry her around the house in the bag. She is entertained by that.

I dont like being alone here. I hate being alone anyway, but I dont like it in this house all by myself. I dont do well by myself. Friday I went to the mall just cuz I cant stand to be by myself. I am too dependent on other people's company. I have to be around people. I dont know how Amanda can live by herself. I hate being by myself. Even when I am in a pissy mood and I dont want to be around anyone, I still need to know they are there. So I spent a few hours at the mall, just kinda window shoppion and people watchin and I went to the store for a little while. It is just too quiet. Even with jackie, it is too quiet. I hate the quiet cuz then my brain takes overt and it has the tendency to dream up all kinds of shit. I am the same as my dad. He would spemnd hours alone in the combine and just let his mind go. He would have conversations with people and all kinds of stuff. He would get into an argument with mom, in his head, and come home all mad at her for something he dreamed up in his head. I'm, the same way. My mind gets going and before I know it I have killed off my entire family in car accidents and stuff and I am in the corner bawling cuz my family is dead. I'm psycho like that. I think about the day when They tell me mom has died or dad. Or Matthew has gotten in an accident and I am suddenly all by myself. Nad I cant stop crying cuz I have convinced myself they are dead. Thats why I hate to be by myself cuz I cant shut my brain off. I have this imagination that wont stop. Only 5 1/2 weeks and Matthew will be home.