A view worth the risk

Alright tonight in my search for a good viewing spot to watch the Northern Lights I jouneyed to the back of base. Now to illustrate this I have to tell you that "the back of base" is a bunch of wildness with a road through it. Its where we go fishing and crap like that. i have only driven back there once and that was when mom and dad were here and it was the middle of the day. This was the middle of the night, all by myself. And as I later found out in a truck with about 1/8th of a tnk of gas left. Which doesnt sound bad but when you drive an SUV in 4 wheel dive that doesnt get you too far. Anyway, here I am convinced that I am going to hit a moose while I am trying to watch the sky and not drive off the winding roads, I think "you know I should have brought my phone with me." Duh, moron, you think of that now? So there I was in the middle of no where, by myself with no phone. So I come up over this hill and there in front of my was the most amazing sight I have seen thus far. Over the hill and just above the line of trees were the Lights, a sparking green. they werent really bright so the camera didnt pick them up, but It is a sight I will not soon forget. In the end it was all worth it. I just wish that the camera had picked it up. I guess you have to have a VERY good camera to get the picture down here. In Fairbanks it is really easy to get that picture cuz its so much brighter, but it is a memory that I will carry with me.

America's Next Top Model

I have a new guilty pleasure and it is watching the bitchiest show on cable, Top Model. I love it. I have been sucked in. Really what I like to see is the photos at the end from the photo shoot. Some of them are really cool. So that is my new guilty pleasure.

I have started setting aside outfits to bring home. Mainly I wanted to pick out cute dress clothes. I got this cute pink stiped skirt that goes really good with my pink pointed boots. Ralph and Mark were giving me such a hard time the other day cuz I have changed so much since I have been here and since I have been working so closely with Lori cuz I have absorbed some of her in me. Cuz I came to work one day and I was blingin. I had the rhinestone earrings, braclet and rings. And they were like, "Them people in Iowa aint gonna know what to do wit you. They'll think you been hangin round those city boys too much." I just brushed it off you know, but then I thought about it, you know I have always had that in me. I love the sparkley stuff, I love dressin up and lookin cute. But I see so much more of Lori in me than I realized that I had. I dont know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I think we are a lot alike in a lot of ways and I think that is why I have done so well in working for her. And that excites me. I mean here is this strong woman who has gone through the same thing I am going through and has perservered and is successful and I am learning so much frm her. I have been so lucky in my life to have been surrounded by such strong women all my l;ife and to be able to come here and meet her and have yet another strong role model in my life... I feel very lucky. I feel lucky to have had, and continue to have, all of these wonderful women to look up to, and then to come here, away from those people thatI know and I love, and be able to find the happiness that I thought I had to leave behind... How lucky am I?

Everyday shines brighter and lately I have had a hard time seeing that because I have not allowed myself to open my eyes and look around me. I havent allowed myself to accept this place as my home for fear that I would be betraying my Iowa home and everything that it stands for in me. But I see now that by doing that I am in fact betraying even more. The past in past but the future is now. Be yourself without forgetting either one. Now I look around and I do feel at home. I am an Alaskan and I am an Iowan. Iowa is a place to visit, to remember, to love. Alaska is a place to live, to grow, to learn, and to love.

Ever notice how thoughtful you can be when you need to sleep.? LOL Love, hugs and kisses. I'll be there in 12 days. Cant wait.

Love

You know I have been thinking, again, n ot much on TV. But seriously it is both extremely amazing and extremely sad this thing called love for instance. Addison wasnt even a person a couple of days ago, (I know fetus person whatever for the sake of my discussion put those thoughts aside and just follow me here) She wasnt even a person and yet she had so many people who loved her. I mean I havent even seen her yet and I love her . But at the same exact time, there is was a child being born to a woman with no one and a heart too small and closed for that child. I mean you dont even have to be there to explode with happiness from being loved. I have gotten quite a few emails from people, family and friends, telling me that they cant wait till I get home and it is always ended Lots f love or Love ya and those little words make me so happy. I thought that I was the only one who was excited besides my mom and dad and Amanda and Lew. I know thats dumb and I should knopw better, but you know actually EXCITED. It makes me feel so good. And to have the capapblities to love so many people so much but in such diferent ways. I mean I love Matthew and I love Amanda but in VERY DIFFERENT ways but I dont necissarily love one more than the other. And that is just amazing. so here is to love. Yay for being for everyone, even if we dont realize it. Heehee.

I have to get out of the house more.

Its the bebe!  

A Baby is on the way!

Julie's water broke last night. As of right now no baby but hopefully it will be soon. I think she is goin on about 12 hours now! I will get to see my niece when I come home! I am so FREAKIN excited I could absolutely burst right now. I will never make it through the flight home because I will be dead from having to wait a minute longer to be home. I am going to miss Matthew SOOO much but OMG I am ready to come home! Auntie Em is on her way!

Please read "I love sales" to know the significance of this picture

they are these in the dark brown
And FYI Delias still has them at $52 down from $70

I love sales

There is this pair of boots I have been DYING to have since I saw them in the fall Delia's catalog. But they were too expensive. Then I saw that the Famous Footwear above our store had them but they were $80 and I couldnt bring myself to spend that money. Not now. So every day I would walk past they and long for them. So I went in there on Thursday and they were on sale for $50. I decided that I ould go ahead and buy them cuz I had about $30 left on the Simon gift card I got from Laurie for Christmas. And they still had my size! I took that as a sign. So I brought them up to the counter and was chatting with the guy and I told him how I had wanted them and didnt buy them and that I walked by everyday on my way to work. He goes, "oh, really? Where do you work?" I said "LA Style. Right below you." He goes, "well, I cant give youa mall discount or anything, but these boots are going to be 50% off tomorrow. I'll just give you the sale today." I almost hugged the man. I was SOOO excited. I was like"you made my whole week!" He was impressed that he made my week. SO I got my $80 boots for $25. You cant beat that! And I have $5 left over; Yay. I will try to find a picture of them so you can see.

The countdown is on

I now have 20 days until I once again get to see the land of Iowa. I am bursting with excitement people. You have no idea.

And Lord know I NEED this vacation. To give you an example of what I mean, yesterday I went to work, as always. I was late because they had shut dowqn the gates and no one could get off base. Still dont know what happened but Matthew is supposed to be finding out for me. Anyway, to make a long story short, I went four hours of work wearing my shirt inside out. And NO ONE not even me noticed. Cori came in a 5pm and she lookes at me and she goes, "Emily, is your shirt on inside out?" ANd in fact it was. I cant even dress myself anymore. My mind is on a thousand other things. BUT I am doing well on being the store manager. We are ahead of schedule on our tasks that had to be completed before Lori got back from LA. Which means that I dont have to go in a work tomorrow. Yay. That makes me happy. We are going to go get our taxes done and then I will clean this house.

Nothing else exciting has happened I guess. I got a Valentine from my mommy and it arrived on V-day. Mom was amazed. Matthew bought me roses. They are so pretty. And we went to supper at TGI Fridays where my eveningwas a bit spoiled by the cuddling gay couple in the booth behind Matthew. That didnt bother me so much as the pink ballon they got a hold of. they were younger guys. Anyway, I will leave that there. Not to piss of any gay people or anything but it was gross and I would have felt the same way if a chick was doing the same thing.

Anyway, 20 days people. 20 days. I almost want to pack now! But I know that I am going to spend too much time while I am home worrying about what is happening at the store. I cont help it and I ask your understanding ahead of time. That store is my life, and its hard to walk away for that long. I'm sad I know it.

A drop in the bucket

I have been thinking alot lately. Mainly cuz there hasnt been anything good on tv. But I have been thinking. I love all the support everyone is giving me and I am proud of myself for what I have done so far. I really am. I am just so afraid that I am going to disappoint someone. Mainly, me I guess. I look at myself and I dont know who I am anymore. I mean, yes I am me and I know WHO I am character wise and all of that, but I just seem to be a little lost. Maybe because I am syill tranitioning I dont know. But I am confused and a little disgruntled I guess. I am mad at myself for not caring how I looked before. But at the same time I was always proud of myself for accepting who I was, but in doing so I was also killing myself. And her I am in a quandry of self confidence and self deprication. I mean it is goos for me to make the reaolve that I have and I know that y'all are behind me and I appreciate it but know this... to a girl who was nearing 300 pounds 23 is just a drop in the bucket. Lets not get too excited. But at the same time I SHOULD be excited and that is what confuses me. Why am I not? Because I know that there is still a whole bucket left? Probably. Is that being realistic or pessimistic? Only time will tell I suppose. Anyway, Blue Collar Weekend is on Comedy Central and I want to watch Ron White so Catch ya later.

Weight Loss Update

I am 23 pounds lighter. I feel I have more energy and I seem to be sleeping better. I cant wait to see how I feel in a couple of months. I have decided that instead of forcing some numerical goal on myself this is what I want:

At the end of the year is our anniversary sale. We get all dress up to the nines. I want to walk into Mariposa (which is a clothing store somewhat similiar to Vanity where a person of mysize would NEVER find anything big enough to constitute anything but a sock) I want to go there and buy a sparkly pink dress for that anniversary sale. I am not asking to be tiny. But they only carry sizes up yo, I think its 10. That is about ten sizes smaller than what I am right now. So that is my goal. I dont care about how much that is. By December I want to buy a new dress for the sale/Christmas Party.And now all of you know it too. So there is more pressure.

I think that is what helps, not wanting everyone here to think less of me cuz I quit. And I know that they wouldnt let me quit. Froilan is a hard ass and I need that. But I have to go to work. Lots of stuff to do and so I am going in on my day off. Yay.

Update

I figured I had better start updating all of you before you start sending out a mob for me. The move went smoothly. And we are all unpacked. Well, I am, Matthew has a little left to go. I hope that you were all able to view the pictures and such. Jackie continues to be a terror around the house. But she "is only a kitten" as I am told numerous times.

We went and saw WWE at the Sullivan Aerena on Sunday. We had a good time. I yelled until me voice gave out. Matthew would have had a better time if he werent so worried about his car being towed. We parked in a bar parking lot and it was posted for customers only, so he was worried.

I have purchased my tickets for home. I am getting VERY anxious to go. I dont want to be away from Matthew, but I need to go home. It is a trade off I guess. I will be back here for a week and then me and Lori leave for Seattle. Ralph is trying to get me to take more athority and be more "crunchy" as he puts it. So he is test running me as the top dog at the store. I have to pretty much run the store. He wants to know what I can handle and IF I can. That is my task for the next month. To be the store mananger. I have already had to fire someone this week. No that was last week. I have to fire another one tomorrow. This one I want gone. I am getting pretty good at it. LOL.

Um... what else? Matthew is working as an SP this month. It's the base police. Kind of unnerving to see an M-16 strapped to his back!

It has started snowing again. Everyone, I use that term loosely, was worried that the dog races wouldnt be able to start down here, they would have to move the starting point further north because there wasnt enough snow for the dogs to run. But was got quite a bit the last couple of days so that shouldnt be an issue anymore. I think that is all for now. Later.

Not blonde anymore 

She likes to climb...Anythng 

Chillin on the couch 

WWE pictures

Alright people. Bottom line is that I am tired. So I dont feel like putting up more pictures here right now. ANd Probably not tomorrow either. SO if you want to see the pictures from WWE and of the house now that we are all unpacked you can go to the following site.


http://www.ofoto.com/BrowsePhotos.jsp?&collid=68188770806&page=1&sort_order=0

And should it do what it did last time then the email is ermwhitmer@yahoo.com and the password is matthew. Enjoy the pictures and the other albums if you would like. I will post some of the better pics onhere a little later if you dont mind waiting. There are some of me and Mat also. Take note of matthew's hair. Tell me how it looks. I did it. Ok. I will leave you with that for now. I have put in a 14 hour day today and i just want to go to sleep now. Ok it was more like 12 but i am exhausted. SO I promise to get some pics up in the near future. Thankyou for your understanding of the situation.