I guess its the season, or my hormones. But I have been pretty bummd lately. It is so dumb sometimes, like I was sittingin the living room, by myself, and I started crying cuz I was all by myself. And (putting Matthew aside for a moment, cuz knowing I always have him, is too logical of thinking for hormone induced fits) But I just feel all by myself... Jen is going to be leaving for Florida soon. Now that Charles is back from Iraq, they wont be here too much longer... I guess I am just bummed out. Tis the season.
I am still waiting to feel the baby move again. Sometimes I think I have and I am never sure. I wont worry too much, Cricket had a very strong heartbeat, and I have 11 days till our ultrasound. No word on the blood tests, so I am taking that as a good thing. (Remember it was the Quad Marker [for Downs or neural tube defects] and the CF screen) I am just ready to have my baby. I want my baby. I am ready to have the labor over and just have my baby. Anyhoo....
I also so want to be able to share this with my mom. Having my baby... I just value our relationship so much more now that I am going to be a mommy too. My mom is one of my best friends inthis whole world and it kills me that sh isnt a bigger part of this. But at the same time I am SO excited to make her and dad grandparents. It makes me so happy to do that, and to give them that gift. And that happiness helps fade the saddness. And when I have my baby in my arms, I know that all of that will disappear. Sometimes I feel guilty that I didnt keep my promise to wait till we were closer to home to have a baby, but the time was right for us and I couldnt change that. I could have put it off, but I wouldnt have been happy about it. This makes me happier than I have ever been in my whole life.
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