Christmas

I read a comment left on Amanda's blog about her real Christmas tree post. http://epigone.blogspot.com/2007/12/it-feels-lot-more-like-christmas-with.html#comments
And I feel kinda bad about the comment I left after... I know that it was a pseudo-hormone rant, and I say pseudo cuz its not as bad as what was going through my head. And I know that the reason I got so defensive is because I don't like anyone questioning or judging someone else's traditions. And that's what I felt like was happening. (its also what I am probably about to do, but I am blaming my hormones because this really upset me, and I am about to illustrate why)

(Now I don't know this girl and I am sure that's not the case, but its how I felt.) Because since I can't be home for Christmas every year, like I would want to be, those traditions are all the more precious to me. My memories of Christmas make this holiday more than just a day to me. We used to go, as a family, in the cab of Greenie to pick out the perfect tree. No matter what, we went together. Whether dad was working, or Amanda was embarrassed of her family, or I didn't want to go...We always went together and we sang carols the whole way. They would take our picture at the tree farm... and we would have cider and cookies. Then come home and decorate the tree. Playing Christmas CDs throughout the house, we would do it together. The house would be decorated and the lights put up outside...and that night I would lay on the couch, in the dark, with the tree lit up and just cherish those moments. Even as a child, I knew that this was special, and I would want to remember it forever. And I am so glad I used to do that because now I have those pictures of that tree in my head. Every year, on the Sunday before Christmas, we would have the Ervin family Christmas gift exchange where we would eat too much and gather everyone in Grandma's living room to open presents and play with new toys, and play games and take naps... Then on Christmas Eve we would go to church, then go to Grandma & Grandpa's in between services and have soup and crackers and Christmas goodies. And I would try so hard to stay awake to go to the Candlelight service, lol, when I was younger it was quite the challenge, but I loved the candle light service. "Is your Heart Prepared for a King?..." My favorite Advent Choir song. And when we got home from church, we would go to bed, and I would lie there, looking at the lights reflecting off the snow, and listening so hard for the sleigh bells to ring. And sometimes I was convinced I could hear them. That's the magic right? And Christmas morning, we would wait till everyone was up and dad had set up the video camera, and we would go downstairs to do stockings. We would sit around the sunroom and do stockings while mom drank coffee, and everyone made stupid jokes about the underwear the was inevitably in everyone's stocking. Then we would wait while dad (or Lew) set up the camera in the living room... And we would open presents. I love watching people open the presents from me, because when I pick out a present I put a lot of thought behind them. And I love to see their reactions to the gifts that I spent forever thinking of and finding. I would rather watch people open their presents from me, then receive anything myself. And we would stop in the middle somewhere for hot chocolate and tea ring. then commence with the presents. And then we would have Christmas dinner of crab legs and twice baked potatoes. And then we would get ready and go to Grandma Whitmer's house and visit with family there for the afternoon. Usually getting to bring one of our new toys to play with.

And I just want to ask, isn't it better that this real tree is decorated with love and family togetherness. Instead of sitting in a box, molding and forgotten? This real tree is decorated with love and ornaments that reflect a time, a year, in the life of the child who hung it on that branch, and every time it is hung on a tree, it brings back that time and that tradition. That soon to be discarded tree is never really 'DISCARDED" because it lives on, to this day, in the memory of the adult who was once that child with the magic of Christmas reflecting in her eyes. That's not sad...that's Christmas.

I love Christmas. And all of those memories don't lessen my Christmas's here, they just make me appreciate the traditions and magic of the season all the more. And I know that Matthew knows how much I value being with my family this time of the year, when we are not able to do that, I worry that he feels inadequate, like he cant make our Christmas live up to my memories. And I know that he cant, but I don't want him to try either. I want to make our OWN traditions and memories together. And when our baby gets here, I want us to make our own traditions so that someday, our kids can value those traditions like I do mine.