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I always thought that being an adult was going to be different. I thought that I would FEEL different. I was always scared to be a "grown up". I thought that I would feel differently. You know how people always ask about how it feels to be your age, like, "So, how does it feel to be 22?" And the answer is always the same. "Feels the same as last year." I feel the same. What was supposed to change? I dont feel like a grown up. I have to pay my own bills. And I have a real job. And I have graduated from college. And I am MARRIED. I dont feel like a wife. I feel like me. Shouldnt I feel differently? I dont know, I was just driving home from work today and I felt like I was home. But I'm not home. I felt betrayed, almost. Like Anchorage has snuck up on me and... I dont know. Snuck on me pretending to be home. Iowa is home. And I feel like I am betraying it. I feel comfortable here. I like it here. I could stay here. I would have issues on being soooo far from Iowa, but I could. Matthew would sooner poke hios eyes out and cut off his hands than stay here. I know where we are going. But I have made a life here. I dont want to pick up and start all over again. What will I do? It was so hard to start over here. I was so alone and I had no friends. Now I have Rohni and I am so sick of saying good-bye to all these people that I love. On the flip side, i dont have to wait 6 months to see Matt only to watch him get back onto the plane a week later. That was tearing me apart.

No, I do feel feel more grown up. I moved from my high school years to my college years and that was tough too. But I had Kate and she made it so much easier. I moved from my college years to the beginning of my married years and i have Matt, which makes everything better. And now I have Rohni. ANd I guess when we move to Florida, I will still have Matt ane I will once again find a new best friend. And we will come HOME to Iowa for the holidays so my babies will see snow. And when we leave, Anchorage will be my home just like Wilton is my home and Iowa City is my home. Then Orlando will be my home and I can have a house. With a back yard and a morgage and a swingset with a sandbox so my kids can build sand cities, just like we did. And eat rhubarb and jump off the slide cuz it gave us the power to fly.

I wouldnt trade all the creeks, and hay bales, and snow forts, and mountain climbing, and swimming pools made out of calf water tanks, and playhouses on stilts, and weinie roasts and lightening bugs, and dandilion bouquets, and hay mows, and bug bites, and thunderstorms, and go-carts and bruises, and fights, and sweet corn and kittens for anything in this world. I know where home is. It is everywhere I go. And I know how it fels to be a grown up. It feels wonderful becuase I can look back and know that am the luckiest person in this whole world, becuase of all of those things and a billion more.

Being an adult feels pretty damn good.