Winding Down Week 4

I found it much easier to hit my calorie burn this week because it was so nice out. I took Hayden to the park, we took walks downtown... It is so much more enjoyable to burn calories actually DOING something then it is sitting on a stationary bike for an hour. I am finding it a challenge to eat as many calories as I should. I try to account for this by keeping .y deficit as close to my target as I can, but I am afraid of eating too much. So I ere on the side of caution, but I think I am too far over on that side! So I will see what my results are tomorrow and adjust from there. I have set myself some pretty high goals on my BodyBugg system. So I may need to be a bit more realistic.

I have been constructing a Goal List which I will post at a later date. I continue to edit the list because I have decided that no matter how small the goal seems it deserves a place on my list. The items range from being able to climb to the top slide on the playground with Hayden to having more shoe options to adding years to my life. I think it is important to remember why I want to do this, especially when it starts to get tough and I want to quit. I mean, staying fat is easy, but it wont get me any of those things on the list. If it did, then there would be no need to make the list. I want to be able to play with Hayden and keep up. I want to be able to ride the Kiddie Rides with him next year in Disney World. I want to buy cute strappy sandals. I want to have another baby... There are so many things that I want. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much I make myself do without just because its easier. And the more I realize that the more angry I get with myself for settling in an unhealthy, sub par body. There are so many things to do with this life and this is what I have chosen to do with mine? I make me a little sad. No, a lot sad.

Watching hockey with Daddy

Week 4

Today is the start of Week 4. I guess I have been doing OK. I haven't been meeting my burn every day, but I believe I have hit my deficit everyday. Today was another pound loss. If I wasn't taking measurements I would be VERY discouraged at this point. BUT I am measuring my hips, waist and chest cuz those are the three I care about right now. I suppose I should do my thighs too, but I haven't been. I have lost two inches off my hips in the last two weeks, and an inch and a half off my waist, and 1/2 an inch off my chest. SO OBVIOUSLY, I am doing something. And though the scale doesn't reflect it, based on my Body Fat loss percentage I have lost 11.8 lbs of body fat, and I am VERY satisfied with that cuz the rest is muscle gain. I know that the scale will eventually start showing me numbers that I want to see, but its tough. The logical and sensible part of my brain is telling me that I am doing really good and the number on the scale is a VERY small part of the whole picture, just look at the measurements! But the other part of me, the brainwashed part, thinks that the scale should be telling me bigger losses and smaller numbers. I know how this works though. You wouldn't think it by looking at me, but I know that there are LOTS of factors that go into it: water weight, muscle gain, hormones... They are all "invisible" variables, but try telling that to my brainwashed side. I guess part of this battle is overcoming that, too. It is all about choices. I am still learning to make wiser choices when it comes to my health. If I change too many things at once, I will be overwhelmed and quit. And I am trying to avoid that. I am trying to overcome the brainwashed said that would see me give up because the scale isn't saying what I want it to say. Good thing I have the logical side too that knows that no matter what I am eating better and exercising more and even if that's all I do, its better than what I WAS doing, because in the end, those things WILL pay off. I will feel better. I already do. I like exercising. I miss it when I don't do it. I feel guilty too, but more I miss it. Its 'Me' time when its just me and the TV, or my iPod, doing something that is good for ME. Not taking care of Hayden (though indirectly it does take care of Hayden cuz a healthier Mommy will be around longer for Mister Hayden and I can chase him around longer) I not cleaning up after Matthew and dealing with his mood swings. I am doing it for me, and I have to get used to that too. Accepting that it is ok to do something that is just for me. I am looking forward to when it gets nicer out and I can go walking with Vickie, or take Hayden to the playground where we can run around and Mommy wont get so tired as quickly. Its those goals that I try to keep in my mind. I have a list of goals for me. I will share those at a later time. But I decided that no matter how small the goal was, I was going to write it down, so that when I get discouraged, i can look at that list and remember why I am doing this in the first place. Its not to see a certain number on the scale, its to look at those things on my list and know that I can do them.

Long Time No See

I know I haven't been updating this that much, but now I think I will. Amanda bought me a Body Bugg and at times I find myself wanting to say things and share my journey, but I guess I don't really know when I can sit down and do it. I have a minute now before Hayden wakes up so maybe I can start on that. As I said, Amanda bought me a Body Bugg, like what they use on the The Biggest Loser in order to track calorie burn and intake levels. The Bugg is strapped to your arm and monitors what your body burns and then you enter in what you eat and it does the calculations and stuff and shows you the deficit. You always know where you stand and I like that. It is like having a bit of control, knowing how many calories your body is burning. Having that control gives me a mindset of having control over what goes into my body as well. I like that. I am a bit obsessive about checking my calorie burn but I think at this point I need to be. At least until I am more aware or my body and the things that it does and needs. I am starting my third week. The first week I lost like 5 lbs. This last week I only lost 1 pound, but I am ok with that cuz its Women's Week, and I lost an inch around my waist and an inch around my hips so I know its muscle gain that offset my fat loss. And I am A-OK with muscle gain! I did bump up my weights a bit this week so, like I said, I am OK with one pound. I know I need to work a bit harder this week.

sledding

Conversations with Charlie

Halloween present from Grandma & Papa Whitmer

Hayden got his very own cell phone as a Treat this Halloween. He pulls out a lot of his tricks in the these videos right after Grandma W. gave it to him. Enjoy.

My Little Lawn Gnome

Hayden Dancing to "Thriller" on Halloween

Playing with Tigger

Hope this makes up for not posting lately!

Wow, shame on me!

I guess that it has been over a month since my last post/update. Wish I could say I was busy but that isn't really it. Matthew has started classes and so much of his time is spent on the computer. Since our laptop has crapped out on us, that leaves us with one computer. Which is ok, I would rather spend my free time with Mr. Hayden. He is growing and learning by leaps and bounds. He is adding a word a day to his vocabulary. It is fun as he becomes more vocal and is able to express himself in new ways. It also means he is throwing temper tantrums to get what he wants. He knows we can understand him, but I don't think he understands WHY we wont let him play with the electrical plug, or why he cant have two cookies. So we are dealing with that right now.
Like I said Matthew started classes up again. He is still working at the college and seems to be doing well. He was named to the President's List at MCC for maintaining a 4.0 GPA for his summer classes. He was VERY proud of that!
We are looking forward to going on vacation in November to WDW. And planning is underway for that trip. I am ready for some time off work, I am NOT looking forward to leaving the mister Haydens behind. But we all decided that he is just too young this time around. So his 1st trip may be in 2011. Thanks to our final PFD, we should be able to raise the funds in time to go.
Cant believe its September which means its almost time for hockey to start up again. We are pretty excited for that I haven't been to a live game since December or January... I think that is everything. Nothing too new. I'll try to keep up better but work and Hayden monopolize much of my time!

August 19th: State Fair, here I come! :)

FOOD ON-A-STICK

The Iowa State Fair boasts nearly 200 food stands and more than 40 delectable items available on-a-stick. Here's the list as of August 2008:

Pickle on-a-stick
Pork chop on-a-stick
Corn dog
Cheese on-a-stick
Cajun chicken on-a-stick
Sesame chicken on-a-stick
Carmel apple
German sausage on-a-stick
Teriyaki beef on-a-stick
Corn on the cob on-a-stick
Cotton candy
Veggie dog on-a-stick
Turkey drumstick
Nutty bar
Fried pickle on-a-stick
Hot bologna on-a-stick
Shrimp on-a-stick
Chicken on-a-stick
Monkey Tails (chocolate covered banana on-a-stick)
Taffy on-a-stick
Honey on-a-stick
Ice cream Wonder Bar
Deep fried Snickers bar on-a-stick
Deep fried 3 Musketeers bar on-a-stick
Deep fried Milky Way bar on-a-stick
Deep fried Twinkie on-a-stick
Lamb on-a-stick
Meatballs on-a-stick
Deep fried hoho on-a-stick
Fudge Puppy (waffle drenched in chocolate syrup and topped with whipped cream)
Chili Dog on-a-stick
Funtastick Pork on-a-stick
Dutch letters on-a-stick
Turkey tenders on-a-stick
Deep fried hot dog on-a-stick
Chocolate covered cheesecake on-a-stick
Potato Lollipop (4 thick slices of russet potato deep fried and on-a-stick with dipping sauces)
Pineapple on-a-stick (Fresh pineapple dipped in funnel cake batter and deep fried)
Chicken lips on-a-stick (breaded chicken breast smothered with hot sauce, served with blue cheese dressing).
Cornbrat on-a-stick (bratwurst dipped in corndog batter)
Frozen fudge brownie on-a-stick
Ice cream cookie sandwich on-a-stick
Rock candy on-a-stick
Salad on-a-stick
Hard-boiled egg on-a-stick

I have almost lived through Hayden and Matthew being gone. The first day was really rough. But I spent last night at Mom and Dad's so that helped. And this morning I slept until 8:30!!! Maybe being by myself isn't so bad after all. It is just so quiet. And I miss Misters' laugh. Coming home from work and he wasn't at the top of the stairs laughing and smiling because I was home... That was hard. But they will be home tomorrow sometime. Mom and I are going shopping in Davenport so that will eat up the day until they get home. Misters' tee shirts are starting to be little small on him. I think he needs an 18 month size. So I am going to go try and find some clothes for him. And thanks to Vicki, I have been craving some soup, salad and breadsticks. I still need to clean the bathroom which is what I am avoiding right now. But the bathtub is pretty gross. I hate giving Hayden a bath in it... so I have to do that. And I need to go get Hayden a couple Camelbak water bottles. He will only use our big water bottles to drink out of. He does well with a straw but he does AWEsome with our water bottles so I am going to go get him a couple that are small enough that he can carry them around. They sell them at Scheels. So I have to go to Coralville, but I hate that its raining. So I will clean the bathroom and hopefully it will lighten up by the time I am done. And while I am there I might as well get some ice cream...LOL.

I am having fatigue day today. It has been awhile since I have had a bad one. Its a hard thing to explain, but it helps when your boss has a DIL who also has MS, so she gets it when I have an off day. It is, otherwise, a very difficult thing to explain to someone who has no experience with this type of fatigue. Its different from being tired, or worn out even. Its like a total and complete lack of energy to do anything even as small as blinking, so it becomes a conscious effort to do even the smallest thing which takes more effort than you have energy for, its a vicious cycle. And here I am wasting my time typing. I am just hoping to highest hopes that we are not busy today. Or in the very least I am hoping that everyone will do their own work so I don't have to exert too much effort. Here's hoping.

Misters is already improving so much. If you haven't heard, he has his first ear infection, just in his right ear. He has amoxicillin and it seems to be helping him already! He never really exhibited the "classic" ear infection symptoms like fever or ear tugging, he was just kinda whiny and slept a lot and had a running nose which is how he acts when he is teething, so I didn't think too much of it. Till his eye got gunky and then I started to worry. So anyway, he is already VASTLY improving and seems to be in a much better mood. And in my defense, he WAS teething cuz his other top tooth FINALLY came in! we've been waiting FOREVER for it to pop through and it finally did! But he is much happier now. Even the daycare lady noticed yesterday. They wrote on his paper for yesterday that he had a "great day". Matthew had to explain that what they experienced was the REAL Hayden. The one that isn't teething and doesn't have a raging (aka:mild) one ear infection. LOL

I have to get this out...

...before I explode. When it comes to customers, I have a high level of professionalism. I will joke when the time calls for it, but when I am on the phone, is not the time for jokes. So yesterday I answered the phone and the person that the customer asked for had stepped out and so that is what I told them. And as I was asking if they would like voicemail, one of the tellers hollered that the person was coming back in the back, so I stopped what I was saying to tell the customer that they had just come back, except they hadn't. The teller thought it was a funny joke, except I wasn't laughing. I was pissed because now I look stupid because I just told them they weren't here, then they were here, and then I had to tell them that they weren't actually here. I was so mad. How could you think that was funny? So I looked up at the teller and I knew my face was red, cuz I was mad. They're Like "Oh look at you all embarrassed." Yes, I WAS embarrassed, not because I fell for your stupid "joke" but because you made me look like a fool to the customer on the phone, but mostly because I was pissed off that they would do that while I was on the phone with a customer! I am still upset about it. The customer was laughing after I smoothed it over and explained the mistake, but I just can't believe that. There is a time to joke and there is a time for business.

I guess it has been awhile since I have posted anything. I don't really have much to post about lately. Just busy working and squeezing in as much time with my boys as I can. I haven't had a weekend with Matthew for almost 2 months now. We always have other things to do. I am trying to make a point of going to Mom and Dad's for lunch on Sundays.

We are taking the Misters to the doctor today, and by "we" I mean Matthew is taking him and I will be sitting anxiously waiting to hear what they have to say. He just hasn't been able to shake this cold and now his eyes keep getting all mattery. I suppose it was only a matter of time though, as much as he rubs his runny nose and then his eyes. So we will see what they say... hopefully it isn't anything... just a cold.

Matthew started English Comp today. This is the class he was dreading, but its better to take it now and get it over with so he can focus on Math come fall.

We got alot of weeding done yesterday, finally. I worked on the front, which was overgrown with clovers. Matthew worked on the back. He cleared out one of the back beds. He pulled out everything and planted his garden. He is very excited. So hopefully, we will have Sweet Corn, Beets (for me), Squash and Sugar Baby watermelon. He worked VERY hard yesterday so I am hoping that everything will come up.

Edit: Hayden has an ear infection in his right ear.

On Sunday, Misters and I went out to Mom and Dad's to hang out and have lunch. Mom gave Hayden his first haircut. She was reluctant to cut off his curls, but I think he looks much better. He looks like a little boy!

First Day at Daycare.

So today is D-Day. D for Daycare. Matthew dropped him off this morning. I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. He said that Hayden was walking around and laughing and playing when Matthew left him. That is a small comfort when you are trusting near strangers to take care of your baby. Maybe it is more that this is another way I have to let him go, but I don't want to. I know he will be fine. He isn't afraid of strangers. He will [play and eat and laugh and poop, just like he would at home. I am doubting he will sleep there. Not at first anyway. I was standing in the living room after Matthew had left and looking around at all of the Mister's toys, that he should have been there playing with, my heart broke. Just ripped in two. I console myself with the thought that it is only a couple of days a week and for only a few hours. And then he will be with Grandma. But it is little comfort. I don't want to share him. I know that's selfish, but I don't want to share his laughter and his smiles and his talking and his silly Mister walk and his dancing. I don't want to share that with strangers. I don't want him to waste his adorableness on people who will not appreciate it as much as I do. Maybe that is what it boils down to: I don't want to share him.

Well, lets see. I don't really know what I have to talk about. I had a nice Mother's Day. We went out to Mom and Dad's and had lunch and made chocolate ice cream (Yummy!) I was pretty upset that Mom's present didn't come in time, but there isn't much I can do about it. Saturday I FINALLY went to the DMV and got my license changed over. It was kinda sad for me. It was that one little string that was tying me to Alaska was snipped. Granted, I have one more FANTASTIC tie to AK, which would be my Misters. But he is tied, not me, and it was like that license was MY last connection. So it was pretty sad to let that go. But I must move on. Its what I have wanted to do for so long now, and now I have to actually do it. But it is nice to have it done so I can stop thinking about it.

Work is going really well. I enjoy it. And I don't dread coming to work every morning, which is a change for me! If I do have to leave I think I will be really sad. Matthew starts classes next week, so Mister is about to go to Daycare. I still hate the idea of it, but I have no choice and it does seem like an ok place and Cassie says she has heard nothing but good things about it, so that was another mark in the pro column. Really, I haven't heard anything bad either, not that I think about it. I guess we are just starting a new stage in our lives. I am excited that he will be spending more time with my Mom. He just loves her so much. I had several people comment on Sunday about how much he lights up when he sees her (She was up front singing in the choir) As soon as he spotted her he just giggled and smiled... It was really adorable. I was feeling especially emotional, being Mother's Day, holding my son...and then the choir started sining "Go in Love" and I went from smiling to crying in a blink of an eye. I hadn't expected that it would affect me quite that dramatically. I mean it wasn't the first time I have heard it since Grandpa's funeral, but it was hearing for the first time, with Hayden in my arms. Knowing how much Grandpa would have adored my son...I just lost it. So I apologize to Nicole, who lost it, cuz I did...Unfortunately she was up there trying to sing...

Anyway... I guess that all. Most of this was ramblings anyway. OH! if you want to see some videos, Matthew has posted some on his blog, so hop on over there to see those!