Sometime I dont know what is going through his head and what the hell he is thinking when he says stuff. I mean I know that he doesnt know how important Christmas is to me, or how special things associated with it is to me... Then I just have these realizations that he doesnt really know a lot about me, if he did then he would know that saying that he was mad that we had to get a star that matched the decor. I'm sorry but I like to have a theme. I let him put his obsenely large ornaments on the tree. I could have said no, knowing that he would do it if I said no, but I didnt. I let him pick out whatever ornaments he wanted. Because it made him happy. All I wanted was a star that matched but we couldnt find a blue and/or siliver star that lit up. He wanted it to light up so I looked for one that lit up. There was one white one that lit up but with red lights, so we bought some blue lights to switchout with the red. When we plugged it in, it blew up (sort of). So he got all frustrated and knocked an ornament off the tree and then kicked it. I told him I didnt care about the star, I was more upset that he kicked my ornament. So he said HE was upset we had to have a star that matched. Now hes all mad that I have shut myself up in the computer room. I'm sorry but I dont want ot be around him. He has these mood swings that really bug me. One minute he is all cute and cuddly, the next he cant kepp his hands of me and the next minute he is all pissy. I swear, you people thought I had mood swings.
I cant help that Christmas is very special to me, and it is really hard to be away from home. And all I have to connect me to my family are the ornaments on that tree. I dont care if it is one I got when I was a baby or one I bought with Katie. I just said how much they mean to me. And him not caring about them is like not caring about a piece of me. I know that sounds stupid but anyone who knows me knows how much sentiment I put into things. Now matter how small or insignificant. I just dont think that he gets that sometimes. ANd those times I lock myself up and shut him out. Thinking that will teach him a lesson but knowing that it doesnt do anything.
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My tears do not compromise my strength.
4 comments:
Those huge ornaments are awesome!! I might get some for our tree.
Julie
Maybe Matt's pregnant...or it could be just a Rose thing.
Julie
Maybe instead of locking yourself away (or after you lock yourself away and calmed down) you should say "When you do _____, it makes me feel ________." Like, "When you kicked my ornament, it made me feel like you didn't care how much I miss my family." Then you'll have to explain the relationship between those two phrases, because I guarantee he will not understand, because he is a guy and also because he is a seperate person from you. He may not ever fully understand how much Christmas means to you, but maybe he can begin to understand. And he won't do that until you explain it to him. You'll have to explain to him that since you felt you were compromising on the ornaments that didn't quite match, so you thought he could be flexible on the star part for you. He may not realize that you felt that way. So I guess my advice is to figure out why the things each of you do make you feel the way you do. The answers may seem stupid to each other, but trying to understand will go a long way toward truly understanding each other.
Those have got to be the biggest dang ornaments I have ever seen!! They are so Matt. :-)
Laurie
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