New Milestone

My 3.6 lb lost this week has pushed me past 50 lbs lost. I made a few changes this week that seemed to really help with my wall. I made more of an effort to eat breakfast, which I have not been doing the last couple of months. I know its important, but I am not hungry and I usually don't have time. This week I have just been throwing a bagel flat and my white chocolate peanut butter in my purse and toasting it at work, and eating on my first break. It seems to really be making a difference because by noon I am not famished and snacking on the candy! Vickie and I are also consistently doing at least 3 miles a night, sometimes four. I want to add in some serious strength training too. I know I have been saying that for awhile now, but I know it is something that I need to be doing! It may be this week, or next week, but i will be starting that soon too. This week I will add bike riding to the equation also so hopefully I will have another good week.

I do feel good. Its hard to really revel in my 50 lbs (which seems silly because its 50 POUNDS!!!!) because I have so far yet to go, but come on, its 50 pounds! And right before my birthday... Its bitter sweet, I guess. Why can't I feel better about this? I will. I know why, because I haven't gotten to really appreciate what I have accomplished. I still see that other person when I look in the mirror. The fact that this new person is still wearing, and hiding in, the clothes of that other person doesn't help. But right now I still have the need to hide. I am starting to want to be more... visible, I guess, but I am still hiding, and I know it.

Mom and I went shopping today for my birthday. It was a bit disappointing. I needed denim capris (my first mistake) and I couldn't find any in my new size anywhere. I guess when you are suddenly the same size as a lot of other people, your clothes selection becomes smaller. I did find a pair at Dress Barn (sz 16!) and a REALLY cute top that I will probably wear on my birthday. And I found a couple tops at Old Navy that really were cute, cuz they make my waist look small and my boobs look big so that is a bonus! LOL. I got a couple pairs of new walking pants since Vickie informed me that I REALLY needed to invest in some smaller pants, so I did. There was a REALLY cute pair at JC Penny's that I wanted but they were just a bit too small. I could have gotten them, but they wouldn't have fit for another month or so (maybe less depending on how the changes pay off.) So I guess it wasn't all that disappointing overall, more targeted towards Kohls. Last time we went there I ound all kinds of stuff. It IS the end of the season though, so I shouldn't be all that surprised. I suppose that is how it goes though, sometimes you hit big and sometime you don't find anything. The important thing is that I had a fun day with Mom and Hayden, I have lost 50 pounds, Saturday is my birthday, and I feel really good.