I have almost lived through Hayden and Matthew being gone. The first day was really rough. But I spent last night at Mom and Dad's so that helped. And this morning I slept until 8:30!!! Maybe being by myself isn't so bad after all. It is just so quiet. And I miss Misters' laugh. Coming home from work and he wasn't at the top of the stairs laughing and smiling because I was home... That was hard. But they will be home tomorrow sometime. Mom and I are going shopping in Davenport so that will eat up the day until they get home. Misters' tee shirts are starting to be little small on him. I think he needs an 18 month size. So I am going to go try and find some clothes for him. And thanks to Vicki, I have been craving some soup, salad and breadsticks. I still need to clean the bathroom which is what I am avoiding right now. But the bathtub is pretty gross. I hate giving Hayden a bath in it... so I have to do that. And I need to go get Hayden a couple Camelbak water bottles. He will only use our big water bottles to drink out of. He does well with a straw but he does AWEsome with our water bottles so I am going to go get him a couple that are small enough that he can carry them around. They sell them at Scheels. So I have to go to Coralville, but I hate that its raining. So I will clean the bathroom and hopefully it will lighten up by the time I am done. And while I am there I might as well get some ice cream...LOL.

Well, lets see. I don't really know what I have to talk about. I had a nice Mother's Day. We went out to Mom and Dad's and had lunch and made chocolate ice cream (Yummy!) I was pretty upset that Mom's present didn't come in time, but there isn't much I can do about it. Saturday I FINALLY went to the DMV and got my license changed over. It was kinda sad for me. It was that one little string that was tying me to Alaska was snipped. Granted, I have one more FANTASTIC tie to AK, which would be my Misters. But he is tied, not me, and it was like that license was MY last connection. So it was pretty sad to let that go. But I must move on. Its what I have wanted to do for so long now, and now I have to actually do it. But it is nice to have it done so I can stop thinking about it.

Work is going really well. I enjoy it. And I don't dread coming to work every morning, which is a change for me! If I do have to leave I think I will be really sad. Matthew starts classes next week, so Mister is about to go to Daycare. I still hate the idea of it, but I have no choice and it does seem like an ok place and Cassie says she has heard nothing but good things about it, so that was another mark in the pro column. Really, I haven't heard anything bad either, not that I think about it. I guess we are just starting a new stage in our lives. I am excited that he will be spending more time with my Mom. He just loves her so much. I had several people comment on Sunday about how much he lights up when he sees her (She was up front singing in the choir) As soon as he spotted her he just giggled and smiled... It was really adorable. I was feeling especially emotional, being Mother's Day, holding my son...and then the choir started sining "Go in Love" and I went from smiling to crying in a blink of an eye. I hadn't expected that it would affect me quite that dramatically. I mean it wasn't the first time I have heard it since Grandpa's funeral, but it was hearing for the first time, with Hayden in my arms. Knowing how much Grandpa would have adored my son...I just lost it. So I apologize to Nicole, who lost it, cuz I did...Unfortunately she was up there trying to sing...

Anyway... I guess that all. Most of this was ramblings anyway. OH! if you want to see some videos, Matthew has posted some on his blog, so hop on over there to see those!

AHHHHHHH! I am so sick of all of this crap sitting around everywhere. The living room is done. So at least I have that done. But nothing else is finished. Mister's room is almost done except for a shelf and the jerseys need hung, which I asked Matthew you do, but he hasn't gotten to yet. We went to Mom and Dad's today and packed up me and Mister's stuff that was there and hat has all been put away. We have to get another brace for the pole in my closet cuz its bowing. It was kinda before I started hanging anything on it, but now it looks like it could just snap. There are still some boxes left in the little room, and there are a bunch downstairs, but I don't have to try to walk around those, so I am not as concerned about them. I am just ready to be done with this unpacking crap. Its just so much little stuff. I don't remember if I mentioned that we went to Menards yesterday and got the surround for the tub and paint for the bathroom. So We can get started on that soon. I am actually pretty excited about the bathroom. It is going to be so cute. I took a shower downstairs yesterday. It wasn't horrible, but I'm SOOOOO glad I wont have to shower down there all the time. It would be next to impossible for me to shave my legs don in that shower! I am excited to get my bathroom. Mathew is just going to keep that downstairs bathroom as his and the upstairs will be mine.

Lora Knouse called me to set up a second interview. I scheduled it for Friday. Since I am meeting with Dr Jensen on Thursday. I am expecting that to go well, but if it doesn't for whatever reason, I have the bank to fall back on. And if it goes good, then I can just call Lora and let her know that I am excepted another position. And Jim called Matthew and let him know about an IT intern position with a company that is working on the computers at their office in Moline. And the guys, at least the son, is former military so that is a BIG bonus. So he may be going to school and working this internship. He seems pretty excited about that. I wonder if MCC offers credits for an internship? Prolly if you get the internship through them. Maybe he should ask Shelly... Anyway...

Misters seems to be adjusting well. We put him back on his bedtime routine and he is doing fine. Back to normal sleeping. He isn't really taking naps though. But there is a lot going on here. He does take naps, they just aren't very long. Sometime only 10 minutes, but he seems to be fine after only 10 minutes. He is having some issues with his two top teeth. They are right at the surface, you can see them, they look like two little bubbles, but they just wont break through. So in the next couple of days, hopefully, he will have at LEAST one more tooth, if not two. I think he is enjoying his new home. I know he is happy to have the kitties back. He just squeals and smiles whenever he sees them. He has started tugging on tails. Grizzly tolerates it fine, cuz it its too hard. But Jackie doesn't like him trying to touch her and she has started nipping at him and trying to bite him. So we have to keep a VERY close eye on her when Hayden is around, but she usually avoids him. Sleeping on our bed while he is out here and then coming out when he goes to sleep.

We will be sending out a special edition of Picture Thursday this week. Along with Misters pics, we will be sending out pics from Matthew's drive home. And we recovered the pictures that were on the crashed hard drive that were supped to be included in the 1-15 Picture Thursday edition, so those will be in there too. I will also try to gather up the moving pictures from AK and delivery day here in IA. But that is low on my list of things to do right now.

Ok, I think that is enough for now.

Some Updates

I am assuming, because Matthew hasn't called me yet, that there isn't a working phone on board the ship... I wasn't really expecting there to be. He got some good news though, one of the guys from his shop, John Wayne, is on the ship with him. So I was happy to hear that. I am getting so excited for him to get home. We are going to St. Louis on Tuesday to get my car. And Laurie said that the Arsenal called and our stuff is here, waiting for a delivery date. Too bad I don't have a house that's ready for it to go in... but Mom and I are going back tomorrow to do more cleaning and probably some moving furniture. Gotta have somewhere to put the bed and the crib... but we'll do what we can and then when Matthew gets home, we'll be able to do more. But we have a lot to keep me busy until Sunday.

Oh, I have an interview at the bank on Thursday. I have several resumes out, but they have been the first to call. I am not even sure what the job is! Mom was in there on Friday and Bill Vetter told her that they had just posted an opening and that I should turn in my resume. Mom is going to call Annette tomorrow to see if she can get some info on what he job actually is... I am really excited about this job at an eye care place in Iowa City. I want that one too much, so I am sure that means they wont call. It is so cush...and full benefits. So send out good thoughts on my resume situations. I went to Wilton today to drop off my resume at the bank and mail out a couple more, and I got to the bank and dropped it off to Lora Knouse, and I get back in the car to go to the Post Office, and there is only one envelop, and I KNEW I had both when I left the house. And I remembered that I had set them on the car when I put the car seat in, and I must have left one on the car. So I freaked. I pulled a total Coffee Mug, and drove off with it on the car, so I was hoping it fell off in the garage. So I drove all the way back home, and I pulled into the driveway (Keep in mind we had 35 mph winds today) and I pulled into the drive way and there was the manila envelop, caught in the lilac bush at the end of the driveway!! So I snatched it up and drove back to Wilton to the Post Office. So maybe that one will be good luck!

This last Sunday I went over to Sarah's house for game night. It was a little awkward cuz it was Sarah and her husband Mike, Katie and her boyfriend Brian, Cassandra and her husband Mike, and then me and the Misters. I wasn't going to bring him along, but the girls wanted me too, so I did. He was a hit, as he usually is anywhere we go. It was nice to be around friends again. To be invited to go somewhere... I have missed having friends...lol. We played Outburst, which I haven't played in years, and Catch Phrase. And they were playing Pictionary when I left. It was 9 and the Misters needed to go to bed. I'm kinda glad cuz he gave me a reason to leave cuz the teams were uneven with me there and I felt like the odd man out, but they didn't seem to care. I am sure it was a bigger deal to me than to them. Obviously...lol. I hope Matthew will be willing to go with me cuz we may end up making it a monthly thing and if we do, I don't want to be the 7th wheel every time, and I don't want to have to blow them off every month, especially since I have waited so long to have my friends back.

I miss my mommy...

I hate when family leaves. I always get so depressed and it doesn't matter how many times I say "85 days"... I have basically been crying since I left mom at the airport. I hate the airport. I am sick of the airport. But more than all of that, when family leaves, it is just a reminder that I am alone. I have a 6 month old to talk to most days. All of my friends have moved away by now. I am not going to bother investing my time and emotion in finding new friends. I just miss my family. I love when people visit, but I hate when they leave. So I come home and everything just reminds me that she isn't here anymore. The suitcase is gone, the air mattress is deflated. The food she cooked is in my fridge... I have to go back to doing everything myself, and most of it, not well. It is all coming together and I am breaking. There are so many things that I am dealing with and worrying about and messing up, so when I realise the missing my mom emotion all the rest is coming out too and I cant stop it, I cant get it back under control. Some of these things are legit concerns, and most of them are things that I have no real control of so its of no consequence to stress over them... it isn't going to change anything. I just need to go to bed, but Matthew is up there, and he will try to comfort me, cuz he knows I am probably down here crying, but as soon as he does that I will lose my control again, and right now its all I have and even that is slipping away. Quickly.

He's such a Guy...

Arg, I am so sore. My shins hurt so bad. And my Achilles heel muscles are sore. But I actually feel really good. I am sore, but I feel really good. Matthew is still harping on me to exercise. It is starting to really bug me. Again. I know I discussed this previously, about me needing to do this because I want to do it, not because he is making me, which is how it is starting to feel again. We got into a heated discussion about this with him declaring that he will just stop caring about me then, and me being a silent bitch which is my favorite way to fight. We resolved that he would sit over by the computer and care and I would sit on the couch and be pissed/annoyed and that was what we agreed on. He is just such a guy. I was complaining that my shins hurt and made the comment that if I walked normal (heel-toe) rather than flat footed like I do, my shins wouldn't hurt enough. Well, being a guy, he thought that meant I needed him to solve the problem, when I just wanted some sympathy. He told me I should start walking around the block, concentrating on walking heel-toe to break the habit. It was also a good way for him to subtly tell me to exercise more. Which was too much. I could have shrugged off the need to "solve" my "problem", but it was the underlying exercise jab that pissed me off, especially since I am SO sore from working my ass off this weekend, and he's not giving me the sympathy I want, instead he's harping on me. ARG! So annoying. But kisses goodnight were given and all is well. It is just so funny (and a bit irritating) that when he fishes for sympathy/compliments and I do to him what he does to me (i.e. solve his issue, or tell him what to do differently) he gets all baby-like and says "Why don't you love me?" Because I'm not fawning all over him like he wants. But when I want sympathy and he giving me "solutions" I need to accept them and appreciate his suggestions, even when they are not wanted. And so I say again, he is such a guy!

Oh, and I told him that those videos were too funny to delete so I posted them. And he was like "Really?" and he watched them and was CRACKING up. The reaction he has at the end of the short video is his reaction to spit up, but he didnt know that he made that noise, and he just thought it was so funny and watched it like 5 times, just laughing harder each time. Which made me laugh cuz he is laughing. He's like "good thing you didnt delete that. I didnt realize it was so funny." I am just SO happy I watched them before I deleted them, instead of taking his word for it and just deleteing them.

Karma: The Bathroom Edition

I think my head is going to explode. I have immersed me in allergy nightmares this week. Namely the basement which is filled with Jackie's hair and dander and now I am paying the price. Plus I am out of coffee so I am sure this is a caffeine headache also, so that cant be helping. I spent last night cleaning the kitchen. I deserted the drip pans, finally, and bought new ones. I tried to scrub the grease off the cupboards over the oven, but they still feel sticky. And what I don't get is why the cupboards are so sticky and the oven hood was hardly dirty at all. And a lot of it was just Jackie fur... And I wipe down the cupboards 600% more often then I clean the inside of the oven hood! I didn't scrub the floors and I STILL haven't done the upstairs bathroom. Honestly, I think I am putting it off. I know this is my punishment for never doing my chores (cleaning the bathrooms) as a kid. Cu Matthew doesn't clean the bathroom, and Katie never cleaned the bathroom either. So if it was to be done it had to be done by me. Its the same now. And I know its karma for not doing it when I was younger. Guess what one of Hayden's chores is going to be! LOL.

Cleaning Commitee

I didn't get anything done today. We were going to clean today. I formed a cleaning committee consisting of myself and the Misters. (Since Matthew was sleeping and then going to the driving range) Unfortunately, we didn't get much cleaned because ONE of the members of the Cleaning Committee refused to nap today. So we only got the closet in Hayden's room cleaned and organized. Which is ok with me, I guess, because it has actually been bugging me for about 5 months, since I asked Matthew to clean the closet out, and he just pushed everything to the other side. So I got it boxed up and sorted through so it is one less thing I will have to do later. But I didn't get anything cleaned, so I guess I will have to wait until he is asleep for the night and then I can get the bathrooms cleaned at least.

Random

We are being flooded by Hayden's drool lately. He is soaking through EVERYTHING! And he has definite white spots on his bottom gums. So I am expecting toofers in the next couple of weeks. But who knows? I've started putting him to bed earlier. He seems to be falling into a 7:30-8 bedtime. Which is good, if we stick with this he will go to bed around 10 pm by the time we go home. Which we can work with. But, again, this causes him to wake up early, like 6:30 am. He is still eating a lot too, so if he is teething it doesn't seem to effecting his appetite yet. He has started doing something a bit more disturbing (to me, anyway) is that he has started waking up crying. Remember that night that I thought he had a nightmare. He has been having that happen a bit more often, lately, which is another reason why I think he may be in a little bit of pain. Plus there was yesterday when he was SOOOO quiet. From 9:30 to noon, he did not make ONE sound. Not a sound out of my little Chatterbox, but he didn't make a sound, he just laid his head on my shoulder and sucked on his Binkie. And EVERYTHING goes in his mouth, everything. Hands, towels, toys, bibs, mommy's hands, your nose if you get too close, kitties if they get too close... the arm of his Bumbo seat, Bernie, His ducky... everything is teething fodder. Even though I have toys in the fridge for him, he doesnt want those he wants everything else.

I have started sorting through my clothes, dividing them into suitcase clothes and TMO clothes. I think for a preliminary division I have done pretty well. I am sure I will have to dwindle it down a little more, but I did pretty well. I will just have to do a lot of laundry till the rest of my clothes come, or until we have a place to have our things delivered to. I am concerned about having a vehicle to drive. We will need something that can make trips to St. Louis, and something reliable for hauling Hayden around. There are just so many things to figure out, but I feel like I am starting the process, so I feel like I am doing something.

I am absolutely disgusted.

I just finished watching Nastia on the uneven bars... that was an OUTRAGE. I mean, I don't care what countries it was, it could have been China and Romania or Romania and Russia, if two athletes put in two routines that were judged (competently, or not) they were judged to be equal, down to the hundereth of a point, then BOTH of those athletes should receive a Gold medal. They tied, fine, give them BOTH what they earned. I have watched basically everything I CAN watch and I have seen two people win silver medals, because they competed and were deemed equal. I have seen two bronze medals awarded. Why not two gold gymnastics medals? I just don't understand. Does it hurt more cuz it was the US? Sure, but like I said, it doesn't matter the countries, if you tie with another athlete, in the spirit of the Olympics, you should both get medals. Gymnastics pisses me off, but I love to watch it.

Sometimes its better NOT to look

Prompted by a statement about Google searches on Amanda's blog, I decided to Google myself (does that sound dirty to anyone else?) knowing that MY Google search would revolve around a certain movie. But I scrolled down and at the bottom of the page it says: "searches related to Emily Rose: Lucifer" Makes you feel all warm and snugly doesn't it? LOL.

Sorry, Sweetie! :)

But I do love to watch men's swimming... Yummy. LOL. Plus, I like when we win, and swimming is a good option for watching the US win. Go Phelps!!!


EDIT: Eat it French Relay Team! HAHAHAHAHA! That was AMAZING!

Poopy head

I guess the guys at Matthew's work were talking about the quality of their relationships (that's politely phrased for my audience) and they were all in disbelief when Matthew told them about us. That we actually go out and DO things together and the we make each other laugh. they're like "You mean you actually LIKE each other?" LOL> Sad isn't it. Matthew's like "Yeah, we even play games together. We're friends" They had such a hard time believing that we are as close as we are and they could barely believe that we were high school sweethearts and we're still together. I just think its so sad. and all Matthew could say was "Well, you have to remember that it is the military." Yes, it is and that is also sad. Relationships just have a terrible time surviving the military. But we ARE friends and we DO make each other laugh and that has saved us on many occasions. When we are at each other, one of us will make a stupid joke and that's it, we refocus. And we don't have big fights very often, rarely, actually. We have stupid arguments and ends with us calling each other a poopy head. And yes, poopy is the word we use. I love us.

I am watching a Bridezilla marathon on WE (no, there is nothing else on) OMG, how do people put up with these women?! I have never seen this show before today, I cant believe this behavior. I am shocked, SHOCKED, that these women aren't left at the altar. I would leave them at the altar!

I am getting my haircut tomorrow!!!! I am so excited. This hair is driving me CRAZY!!!!!

Matthew's new skates

Alright I have FINALLY seen the new Harry Potter movie. Its been so long in waiting! I got it on PPV. So that is what I have spent my day off doing. Laundry and Harry Potter. Its been a good day. Matthew's ice skates came today. He wants to get them sharpened after work today, but I really dont feel like going with him, its just too cold outside. Ok, he is home so now I get to tell him I dont want to go, and have him be all sisappointed so I will feel guilty and go with him. It has become a sort of system.

Bored.

So I am keeping an extra close eye on me. For some reason, this winter is really getting to me. I cant get out of bed in the morning, I just want to sleep, and I don't want to do anything. Like going to the hockey has become a chore to me. An inconvenience. But I know deep down I want to go, I just really don't want to go...if that makes sense. I don't know, maybe it would be different if I didn't know I would have to drive home after it was over. Anyway, i am paying close attention to all of this, so if it becomes a big problem I am going to talk to my doctor about it.

I miss sleep. I know that I have said it a million times before, but I miss sleeping! I bought a wedge pillow today so I am hoping that will help. ( I do realize that the lack of sleep may be contributing to my above concern.) I know it wont make my bladder magically uncompressed, or outside my body, but I am hoping it will help me be more comfortable.

It has been snowing for two days. At least it isn't piss-a** cold anymore. Haha, as I understand it you Iowans are getting a taste of that. Hahaha, misery really DOES love company.

Work is going ok, I am pretty worn out by the end of the day, this week anyway, cuz we had a girl quit, another girl has DRAMA in the lines of a harassment charge (and arrest warrant) put in place by the boyfriend she just broke up with, and another girl who's (possessive) (now ex-)fiance kicked her out of their house and ended their engagement so she didn't come to work a few days... Anyway, needless to say I have been out on the floor instead of in the salon, so I am pretty drained when I get home. And then Matthew wants me to make him food (though if I protest he will do it, and has been doing it lately). Anyway, I had forgotten about the drama that surrounds this industry. All I ask is that you keep me out of it! But that hasn't been the case. We are smack dab in the middle of the ex-fiance thing. And yesterday I was actually scared. Cuz if this guy is the way she describes him, I don't want him coming in the store to "handle his business" so to say and so ape shit on us. Cuz from what we have heard he isn't the greatest person in the world, so last night Kera and I were pretty disturb, cuz we didn't want to tell him when he called, that she wasn't here (cuz she was supposed to be) so we told him she was unavailable. Which technically wasn't lying... But we were afraid he would get off work and come looking for her, and when she wasn't there, he'd take it out on us, and maybe I was overreacting (I wasn't, according to Kera), but I have my son to worry about too. And that just PISSED me off, to be put in that position. Because at that point it wasn't about her, or him, it was about me and my unborn child's safety. I felt so much better when Scott (our security guard) got here!

So there are your updates!

Too much TV

So best of intentions fell by the waste side yesterday. I went upstairs to put away my laundry and such, but instead I crawled in bed and slept for two hours with Jackie. LOL. Oops. So I guess that next weekend will have to be a cleaning weekend also. But I got to relax and I got to spend some time with Matthew when he got home. So its all ok. But today its back to work for another week... Which I am not really looking forward to. I just get so tired by the end of the week, that once I get to my days off, I am just so tired. I cant sleep. This is going to become a broken record over the next three months, not being able to sleep. But last night I only had to pee once, but I was having all these vivid dreams where I had to fight for my life. But these dreams are different. Vivid. Real. I mean I usually have vivid dreams, but its more like watching a movie. I know its just a movie. So I know the movie has to end sometime. So I just watch it. But these new dreams are a movie, but I am IN the movie. I'm not watching it, it is my perspective. i see what I am looking at. I am IN the movie, so I don't know that its not real, or that it has to end some time, and I have to run/fight for my life. And I wake up with my heart pounding, breathing heavy, my blood racing. And I think to myself, "this cant be good." Because I am obviously distressed and that is not a good condition to be in. So I am going to see if this is a one night thing, if it continues, I might need to call the doctor. The only thing I have changed is taking the Zantac for heartburn. So hopefully it was just an after effect of watching 4 hours of Terminator: The Sara Connor Chronicles. Which is what my guess would be. So note to self, back off the Terminator!

Yuck!

So here are some pictures of my poor face after this horrible day. I have just been spewing acid all day. I feel like I should be in an Aliens movie. All these broken blood vessels have destroyed my wonderful complexion! These dont really look as bad as they did this morning when my face was all swollen... if you didnt know you'd think Matt was beating me!!!! Thanks goodness it has faded a bit, so I have hopes that it will fade. I have an appointment on Wednesday so I am just trying to hang on till then. (Also please ignore the fact that I need to wax my eyebrows, I know this already) I suppose this is my pennence for not having morning sickness. This is the pregnancy karma evening itself out...