Week 11

I lost another 2.8 pounds this week. I guess I didn't realize that it had been only 11 weeks. I mean that's not even three months yet! So I am pretty happy about the 27 pounds I have lost. I mean I guess its in perspective now. I thought it was going so slow, but I am really proud of myself right now! I have learned a lot this last 11 weeks. One of the big ones is that it is ok to eat. I can have cake and I can have pizza, but that doesn't mean that I have to eat 5 slices of pizza or 3 pieces of cake. I understand the role of food a lot more. I mean, I always knew that my relationship with food was super screwed up, but now I understand a little better. That stuffing my face full of food isn't going to make me feel better about myself. I know that if I want to spend my calories on a food then I want that food to be worth the calories I spend on it. It makes me appreciate good food that much more. I want to eat the things that are good for my body and not just eat it because I want to stuff my stomach full. I can enjoy eating for the joy of eating good food rather than just hiding behind sub par food. Hiding. I don't want to hide anymore. I want to be proud of myself, of what I am doing. For myself, but also for my family. I want Hayden to appreciate good food, healthy food, not just easy food. It is taking a lot of work with him...but I know it will come. He will eat his veggies, he already loves fruit and chicken. We are working on the veggies. And I am also learning that I can be proud of myself. I can accept compliments (though that is still VERY difficult). And there isn't anything wrong with that. I will be a better mommy, I will be a better wife, but first and foremost, I will be a better Me. 11 weeks is not a very long time, but it feels like forever since I started because of everything that I have already accomplished.

True setback

Welp, Sunday should be interesting. I had a true roadblock this week. I hurt my tailbone and I couldn't move for two days. Literally. Couldn't. Move. I am still VERY sore but I tried to be more active today. I can move a bit better, a lot better. The only problem is that I didn't really adjust my intake to accommodate the that that I wasn't moving at all. So it should be interesting. I am trying to make up for it today and I will be pretty busy tomorrow. I have LOTS of cleaning to do so that will burn some calories and I would like to go for a walk since it is supposed to be nice tomorrow. I just have to eat really well tomorrow too and hopefully my deficit will be enough that I drop a couple lbs this week. If not, I cant beat myself up too much cuz really it was just yesterday that was the problem with eating. Wednesday I was in so much pain the thought of food made me ill. Another aspect (TMI ALERT) that I must consider is that I haven't gone #2 since I got hurt. The very thought makes me cringe. I know the situation is similar to right after I had Hayden and I was afraid to go because of the pain, so I didn't. The lesson I learned from that was that the anticipation and the dread leading up to the "event" was much worse then the "event" itself, but that doesn't seem to matter. My brain is afraid so it wont let my body do it. Its frustrating. I could probably drop a couple pounds that way! LOL. So there is a glimmer (glimmer may not be an appropriate description in this case) of hope, but I am holding out for a maintain rather than a gain. If there is a loss I will be surprised and VERY happy. But I am not holding my breath. Stay tuned.

Winding Down Week 4

I found it much easier to hit my calorie burn this week because it was so nice out. I took Hayden to the park, we took walks downtown... It is so much more enjoyable to burn calories actually DOING something then it is sitting on a stationary bike for an hour. I am finding it a challenge to eat as many calories as I should. I try to account for this by keeping .y deficit as close to my target as I can, but I am afraid of eating too much. So I ere on the side of caution, but I think I am too far over on that side! So I will see what my results are tomorrow and adjust from there. I have set myself some pretty high goals on my BodyBugg system. So I may need to be a bit more realistic.

I have been constructing a Goal List which I will post at a later date. I continue to edit the list because I have decided that no matter how small the goal seems it deserves a place on my list. The items range from being able to climb to the top slide on the playground with Hayden to having more shoe options to adding years to my life. I think it is important to remember why I want to do this, especially when it starts to get tough and I want to quit. I mean, staying fat is easy, but it wont get me any of those things on the list. If it did, then there would be no need to make the list. I want to be able to play with Hayden and keep up. I want to be able to ride the Kiddie Rides with him next year in Disney World. I want to buy cute strappy sandals. I want to have another baby... There are so many things that I want. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much I make myself do without just because its easier. And the more I realize that the more angry I get with myself for settling in an unhealthy, sub par body. There are so many things to do with this life and this is what I have chosen to do with mine? I make me a little sad. No, a lot sad.

Watching hockey with Daddy

sledding

Conversations with Charlie

Halloween present from Grandma & Papa Whitmer

Hayden got his very own cell phone as a Treat this Halloween. He pulls out a lot of his tricks in the these videos right after Grandma W. gave it to him. Enjoy.

My Little Lawn Gnome

Hayden Dancing to "Thriller" on Halloween

Playing with Tigger

Hope this makes up for not posting lately!

Wow, shame on me!

I guess that it has been over a month since my last post/update. Wish I could say I was busy but that isn't really it. Matthew has started classes and so much of his time is spent on the computer. Since our laptop has crapped out on us, that leaves us with one computer. Which is ok, I would rather spend my free time with Mr. Hayden. He is growing and learning by leaps and bounds. He is adding a word a day to his vocabulary. It is fun as he becomes more vocal and is able to express himself in new ways. It also means he is throwing temper tantrums to get what he wants. He knows we can understand him, but I don't think he understands WHY we wont let him play with the electrical plug, or why he cant have two cookies. So we are dealing with that right now.
Like I said Matthew started classes up again. He is still working at the college and seems to be doing well. He was named to the President's List at MCC for maintaining a 4.0 GPA for his summer classes. He was VERY proud of that!
We are looking forward to going on vacation in November to WDW. And planning is underway for that trip. I am ready for some time off work, I am NOT looking forward to leaving the mister Haydens behind. But we all decided that he is just too young this time around. So his 1st trip may be in 2011. Thanks to our final PFD, we should be able to raise the funds in time to go.
Cant believe its September which means its almost time for hockey to start up again. We are pretty excited for that I haven't been to a live game since December or January... I think that is everything. Nothing too new. I'll try to keep up better but work and Hayden monopolize much of my time!

I have almost lived through Hayden and Matthew being gone. The first day was really rough. But I spent last night at Mom and Dad's so that helped. And this morning I slept until 8:30!!! Maybe being by myself isn't so bad after all. It is just so quiet. And I miss Misters' laugh. Coming home from work and he wasn't at the top of the stairs laughing and smiling because I was home... That was hard. But they will be home tomorrow sometime. Mom and I are going shopping in Davenport so that will eat up the day until they get home. Misters' tee shirts are starting to be little small on him. I think he needs an 18 month size. So I am going to go try and find some clothes for him. And thanks to Vicki, I have been craving some soup, salad and breadsticks. I still need to clean the bathroom which is what I am avoiding right now. But the bathtub is pretty gross. I hate giving Hayden a bath in it... so I have to do that. And I need to go get Hayden a couple Camelbak water bottles. He will only use our big water bottles to drink out of. He does well with a straw but he does AWEsome with our water bottles so I am going to go get him a couple that are small enough that he can carry them around. They sell them at Scheels. So I have to go to Coralville, but I hate that its raining. So I will clean the bathroom and hopefully it will lighten up by the time I am done. And while I am there I might as well get some ice cream...LOL.

I am having fatigue day today. It has been awhile since I have had a bad one. Its a hard thing to explain, but it helps when your boss has a DIL who also has MS, so she gets it when I have an off day. It is, otherwise, a very difficult thing to explain to someone who has no experience with this type of fatigue. Its different from being tired, or worn out even. Its like a total and complete lack of energy to do anything even as small as blinking, so it becomes a conscious effort to do even the smallest thing which takes more effort than you have energy for, its a vicious cycle. And here I am wasting my time typing. I am just hoping to highest hopes that we are not busy today. Or in the very least I am hoping that everyone will do their own work so I don't have to exert too much effort. Here's hoping.

Misters is already improving so much. If you haven't heard, he has his first ear infection, just in his right ear. He has amoxicillin and it seems to be helping him already! He never really exhibited the "classic" ear infection symptoms like fever or ear tugging, he was just kinda whiny and slept a lot and had a running nose which is how he acts when he is teething, so I didn't think too much of it. Till his eye got gunky and then I started to worry. So anyway, he is already VASTLY improving and seems to be in a much better mood. And in my defense, he WAS teething cuz his other top tooth FINALLY came in! we've been waiting FOREVER for it to pop through and it finally did! But he is much happier now. Even the daycare lady noticed yesterday. They wrote on his paper for yesterday that he had a "great day". Matthew had to explain that what they experienced was the REAL Hayden. The one that isn't teething and doesn't have a raging (aka:mild) one ear infection. LOL

I guess it has been awhile since I have posted anything. I don't really have much to post about lately. Just busy working and squeezing in as much time with my boys as I can. I haven't had a weekend with Matthew for almost 2 months now. We always have other things to do. I am trying to make a point of going to Mom and Dad's for lunch on Sundays.

We are taking the Misters to the doctor today, and by "we" I mean Matthew is taking him and I will be sitting anxiously waiting to hear what they have to say. He just hasn't been able to shake this cold and now his eyes keep getting all mattery. I suppose it was only a matter of time though, as much as he rubs his runny nose and then his eyes. So we will see what they say... hopefully it isn't anything... just a cold.

Matthew started English Comp today. This is the class he was dreading, but its better to take it now and get it over with so he can focus on Math come fall.

We got alot of weeding done yesterday, finally. I worked on the front, which was overgrown with clovers. Matthew worked on the back. He cleared out one of the back beds. He pulled out everything and planted his garden. He is very excited. So hopefully, we will have Sweet Corn, Beets (for me), Squash and Sugar Baby watermelon. He worked VERY hard yesterday so I am hoping that everything will come up.

Edit: Hayden has an ear infection in his right ear.

On Sunday, Misters and I went out to Mom and Dad's to hang out and have lunch. Mom gave Hayden his first haircut. She was reluctant to cut off his curls, but I think he looks much better. He looks like a little boy!

First Day at Daycare.

So today is D-Day. D for Daycare. Matthew dropped him off this morning. I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. He said that Hayden was walking around and laughing and playing when Matthew left him. That is a small comfort when you are trusting near strangers to take care of your baby. Maybe it is more that this is another way I have to let him go, but I don't want to. I know he will be fine. He isn't afraid of strangers. He will [play and eat and laugh and poop, just like he would at home. I am doubting he will sleep there. Not at first anyway. I was standing in the living room after Matthew had left and looking around at all of the Mister's toys, that he should have been there playing with, my heart broke. Just ripped in two. I console myself with the thought that it is only a couple of days a week and for only a few hours. And then he will be with Grandma. But it is little comfort. I don't want to share him. I know that's selfish, but I don't want to share his laughter and his smiles and his talking and his silly Mister walk and his dancing. I don't want to share that with strangers. I don't want him to waste his adorableness on people who will not appreciate it as much as I do. Maybe that is what it boils down to: I don't want to share him.

Well, lets see. I don't really know what I have to talk about. I had a nice Mother's Day. We went out to Mom and Dad's and had lunch and made chocolate ice cream (Yummy!) I was pretty upset that Mom's present didn't come in time, but there isn't much I can do about it. Saturday I FINALLY went to the DMV and got my license changed over. It was kinda sad for me. It was that one little string that was tying me to Alaska was snipped. Granted, I have one more FANTASTIC tie to AK, which would be my Misters. But he is tied, not me, and it was like that license was MY last connection. So it was pretty sad to let that go. But I must move on. Its what I have wanted to do for so long now, and now I have to actually do it. But it is nice to have it done so I can stop thinking about it.

Work is going really well. I enjoy it. And I don't dread coming to work every morning, which is a change for me! If I do have to leave I think I will be really sad. Matthew starts classes next week, so Mister is about to go to Daycare. I still hate the idea of it, but I have no choice and it does seem like an ok place and Cassie says she has heard nothing but good things about it, so that was another mark in the pro column. Really, I haven't heard anything bad either, not that I think about it. I guess we are just starting a new stage in our lives. I am excited that he will be spending more time with my Mom. He just loves her so much. I had several people comment on Sunday about how much he lights up when he sees her (She was up front singing in the choir) As soon as he spotted her he just giggled and smiled... It was really adorable. I was feeling especially emotional, being Mother's Day, holding my son...and then the choir started sining "Go in Love" and I went from smiling to crying in a blink of an eye. I hadn't expected that it would affect me quite that dramatically. I mean it wasn't the first time I have heard it since Grandpa's funeral, but it was hearing for the first time, with Hayden in my arms. Knowing how much Grandpa would have adored my son...I just lost it. So I apologize to Nicole, who lost it, cuz I did...Unfortunately she was up there trying to sing...

Anyway... I guess that all. Most of this was ramblings anyway. OH! if you want to see some videos, Matthew has posted some on his blog, so hop on over there to see those!

Mister's 1st Birthday.

We sang to the Misters right when he woke up. He had the most confused look on his face, so cute. And then after I got off work, we went out to Mom and Dad's. They got him a Little Tikes swing to put on the big swing set, and he LOVES it. They also got one to put up at our house, so Grandpa will have to find some time to come out and put it up somewhere. Wendy and Vicki both got him presents. Wendy got him some bocks and a bubble machine ad Vicki got him the cutest monkey pj's. That was so sweet of them. Our present hasn't gotten here yet, hopefully, it will get here before Sunday but we're running out of days! Today we took him to IC for his 12 month well-baby. He got 3 shots. It should have been 2 but he is WAY behind on the Hib, so we did that today too. He did SO good. He cried right when they stuck him, but then he was fine. He is 26 1/2 inches long and weighs 22 lbs. His head in 19" and in the 90 %. Which is what it always has been, but if his body is going to catch up with his head, we're gonna have a big boy. We took him to Build A Bear and made him a monkey. We named him Mo and Hayden loves him. He held him all through the mall and only dropped him once, which is good for the Misters. Then we went to Bennigans and he had a grilled cheese sandwich and ate almost all of it!

I should have just taken the whole day off. It is a little too warm for me. I was hoping to ease into the 80's a little slower. But it is so nice out, who's gonna come to the bank? Anyway, I have the living room almost dusted and that is all the farther I have gotten so far on the house. I want to get the living room done and maybe the bathroom tonight so we just have the kitchen and the sun room to do tomorrow. But I think Lew and Kelsey are going to be here tonight, but don't know when... Anyway. I will post some pictures of Hayden swinging when I get a chance.

I guess it has been awhile since I have posted. Things are going well. I have really adjusted well to the bank. It is better than I thought it would be. Vicki, Wendy and I get along well. Wendy and I actually worked at Wal-Mart in Muscatine together Well, together isn't an accurate description, at the same time would be better. Small world. I am really focusing on the Misters Monkey Party coming up next week. I cant believe my baby is going to 1. But we need to get the house ready for the "hundreds of people" who are coming. (Matthew thinks I invited too many people) I am pretty sure we will be ready. Mom said she would come over tomorrow and help me clean the sun room, so that eased my mind a bit. I a,m fretting a bit cuz I have to work tomorrow and I have the Girls' Day outing on Sunday so my weekend has, essentially, been cut in half. I am looking forward to a weekend when I don't have to do anything, but I don't have one of those in the foreseeable future, which sucks. Next week, on Friday, Misters has his 12 month well baby check up. I am VERY interested to know what that kid weighs now. He isn't big, but he is SOLID. Like you look at him and you don't expect him to weigh much until you pick him up... Anywhoo. I think that is about all. I don't think there isn't too much "new" stuff to report, just more of the same, really.