I have almost lived through Hayden and Matthew being gone. The first day was really rough. But I spent last night at Mom and Dad's so that helped. And this morning I slept until 8:30!!! Maybe being by myself isn't so bad after all. It is just so quiet. And I miss Misters' laugh. Coming home from work and he wasn't at the top of the stairs laughing and smiling because I was home... That was hard. But they will be home tomorrow sometime. Mom and I are going shopping in Davenport so that will eat up the day until they get home. Misters' tee shirts are starting to be little small on him. I think he needs an 18 month size. So I am going to go try and find some clothes for him. And thanks to Vicki, I have been craving some soup, salad and breadsticks. I still need to clean the bathroom which is what I am avoiding right now. But the bathtub is pretty gross. I hate giving Hayden a bath in it... so I have to do that. And I need to go get Hayden a couple Camelbak water bottles. He will only use our big water bottles to drink out of. He does well with a straw but he does AWEsome with our water bottles so I am going to go get him a couple that are small enough that he can carry them around. They sell them at Scheels. So I have to go to Coralville, but I hate that its raining. So I will clean the bathroom and hopefully it will lighten up by the time I am done. And while I am there I might as well get some ice cream...LOL.

I have to get this out...

...before I explode. When it comes to customers, I have a high level of professionalism. I will joke when the time calls for it, but when I am on the phone, is not the time for jokes. So yesterday I answered the phone and the person that the customer asked for had stepped out and so that is what I told them. And as I was asking if they would like voicemail, one of the tellers hollered that the person was coming back in the back, so I stopped what I was saying to tell the customer that they had just come back, except they hadn't. The teller thought it was a funny joke, except I wasn't laughing. I was pissed because now I look stupid because I just told them they weren't here, then they were here, and then I had to tell them that they weren't actually here. I was so mad. How could you think that was funny? So I looked up at the teller and I knew my face was red, cuz I was mad. They're Like "Oh look at you all embarrassed." Yes, I WAS embarrassed, not because I fell for your stupid "joke" but because you made me look like a fool to the customer on the phone, but mostly because I was pissed off that they would do that while I was on the phone with a customer! I am still upset about it. The customer was laughing after I smoothed it over and explained the mistake, but I just can't believe that. There is a time to joke and there is a time for business.

Well, lets see. I don't really know what I have to talk about. I had a nice Mother's Day. We went out to Mom and Dad's and had lunch and made chocolate ice cream (Yummy!) I was pretty upset that Mom's present didn't come in time, but there isn't much I can do about it. Saturday I FINALLY went to the DMV and got my license changed over. It was kinda sad for me. It was that one little string that was tying me to Alaska was snipped. Granted, I have one more FANTASTIC tie to AK, which would be my Misters. But he is tied, not me, and it was like that license was MY last connection. So it was pretty sad to let that go. But I must move on. Its what I have wanted to do for so long now, and now I have to actually do it. But it is nice to have it done so I can stop thinking about it.

Work is going really well. I enjoy it. And I don't dread coming to work every morning, which is a change for me! If I do have to leave I think I will be really sad. Matthew starts classes next week, so Mister is about to go to Daycare. I still hate the idea of it, but I have no choice and it does seem like an ok place and Cassie says she has heard nothing but good things about it, so that was another mark in the pro column. Really, I haven't heard anything bad either, not that I think about it. I guess we are just starting a new stage in our lives. I am excited that he will be spending more time with my Mom. He just loves her so much. I had several people comment on Sunday about how much he lights up when he sees her (She was up front singing in the choir) As soon as he spotted her he just giggled and smiled... It was really adorable. I was feeling especially emotional, being Mother's Day, holding my son...and then the choir started sining "Go in Love" and I went from smiling to crying in a blink of an eye. I hadn't expected that it would affect me quite that dramatically. I mean it wasn't the first time I have heard it since Grandpa's funeral, but it was hearing for the first time, with Hayden in my arms. Knowing how much Grandpa would have adored my son...I just lost it. So I apologize to Nicole, who lost it, cuz I did...Unfortunately she was up there trying to sing...

Anyway... I guess that all. Most of this was ramblings anyway. OH! if you want to see some videos, Matthew has posted some on his blog, so hop on over there to see those!

I guess it has been awhile since I have posted. Things are going well. I have really adjusted well to the bank. It is better than I thought it would be. Vicki, Wendy and I get along well. Wendy and I actually worked at Wal-Mart in Muscatine together Well, together isn't an accurate description, at the same time would be better. Small world. I am really focusing on the Misters Monkey Party coming up next week. I cant believe my baby is going to 1. But we need to get the house ready for the "hundreds of people" who are coming. (Matthew thinks I invited too many people) I am pretty sure we will be ready. Mom said she would come over tomorrow and help me clean the sun room, so that eased my mind a bit. I a,m fretting a bit cuz I have to work tomorrow and I have the Girls' Day outing on Sunday so my weekend has, essentially, been cut in half. I am looking forward to a weekend when I don't have to do anything, but I don't have one of those in the foreseeable future, which sucks. Next week, on Friday, Misters has his 12 month well baby check up. I am VERY interested to know what that kid weighs now. He isn't big, but he is SOLID. Like you look at him and you don't expect him to weigh much until you pick him up... Anywhoo. I think that is about all. I don't think there isn't too much "new" stuff to report, just more of the same, really.

I am getting so excited about Mister's Monkey Party. He is just so adorable. He makes it so hard to leave in the morning. But I looks forward to coming home to his laugh everyday. The last couple hours that is what gets me through. Yesterday was especially wonderful I was walking up the front steps, and he was laughing and smiling, and he looks right at me and says, "Hi!" Matthew's jaw dropped. My head snapped up and I was like "Did he just say hi?" And Matthew was like "I was just going to ask you that!" So I am writing it down as a first word. Whether it was, or coincidence (which I cant believe it is cuz he has said 'hi' at the appropriate time before) I want it written down. If it wasn't then I'll cross it out, but I am just afraid if I don't then I wont remember on down the road. But it was enough that Matthew and I both took notice at the same exact moment. I know its early, but he looked at me and I could just see that he knew what he was saying. That's hard to dismiss.

I am also very excited about WDW. How can I not be? We are FINALLY going. We have been waiting for this since we got on the bus at Pop Century to go to the airport. But more than that, I get to share it with Mom and Dad. So I know how Matthew felt the first time he took me. And I am happy that Matthew is trying to watch all the movies before we go. He said things mean a little more to him know that he has seen the movies. Like he didn't know the Blue Fairy was from Pinnachio, and she was the fairy of wishes. And he watched Beauty and the Beast for the first time. I love that movie so much, and I have been waiting, impatiently, for them to rerelease it, but I borrowed Amanda's copy, so I loved that I was there for him watching it the first time.

I have to say that this move, leaving Alaska, has worked out a lot better than I thought it would. I didn't think I would be so... satisfied with the results. I like my job. I dont mind going to work in the morning (I don't like leaving my Boys) But being back in Wilton isn't what I thought it would be. I told myself that I would make the best of it, but in the back of my mind I was doubting it a little. But its kinda fun. Its fun to be involved and people know who we are. We're pretty famous around here. Till the novelty wears off, anyway. But the Bank is kind of a central hub in this town so its kinda fun to be in the middle of that, lol. I guess I'm a bit of an elitist, For now anyway. But our good fortune in all of this has not been lost on me. Trust me. I am thankful, everyday, of how the pieces have come together.

I have a few minutes so I thought, since it had been a while since I had blogged, I would do that. The job is going good. There is a lot to learn, but I seem to be catching on. The Proof machine was a challenge, but mostly because I had a hard time reading the numbers people write on their checks. So I would, often times, not balance for that reason. So I would have to go back and find the offending amount. I am doing Panini this week and I apparently rock at it. My first day, Vicki and Wendy were so impressed at how well I did, and in the end I balanced so they were VERY happy. That's what I am waiting for right now. But its going good. I get along with most everyone. Vicki and Wendy are so funny.

Misters is such a big boy. I hate leaving him in the morning but it isn't as bad as it will be when Matthew starts school and I have to leave him with someone else. It is easier now cuz he is with Daddy. I just HATE that someone else will be seeing him grow up. That's why I am glad it will only be a couple days a week. The majority of the time he will be with family, so I guess I can live with that. I don't really have a choice.

I guess that's it for now. Everything is good. OH! No! the most exciting part, we have our Disney trip booked and paid for!!!! AHHHHHHH!!! I am so excited. Now the next 8 months are going to DRAG by. And I FINALLY got the stuff for the Mister's birthday ordered. The monkey party is on. I am planning for Sunday, April 26th. I will be sending out invitations when I get those, but that is the date. I don't have a time yet, but I was thinking 2ish. For cake and ice cream, and I might have some snacky foods. Some dips and chips and monkey bread and stuff like that for people to munch on. I am so excited to host a party at my house. I just need to get the sunroom cleaned out cuz if it is nice out I would like to have the party out there, and on the patio. So we'll see how that plays out.

4th Day

Retha didn't come to work today. (I have been training with her) Her cousin, John Whitmer (no relation), passed away and she has to make all the arrangements. What did that mean for Emily? I was on a window by myself today. I was a little nervous, but I only made a couple mistakes, just things I hadn't been shown, and didn't realize that I was doing it wrong. And at the end of the day, my drawer was only over $5, so not too bad. I don't mind working there. I am the new kid and everyone is pretty nice. I got a weird vibe off only one of the girls, but I think she's warmed up to me. I just felt like she didn't want to have to babysit me. So in the beginning, if I needed help, she wouldn't SHOW me, she'd just DO it FOR me. But I can totally understand that. I can relate to not wanting to have to babysit. I know its easier to do it myself...I've been there. But, like I said, she's warming up to me. I feel like I proved something today, that I don't NEED a babysitter. I'm smart, I catch on fast, and I am not going to be a burden. So she was a bit warmer to me today. I'll wear her down, and if not, I'll be in the "back" room soon and not up front. I want to be clear, she isn't mean or rude to me or anything, just kinda tolerates my being there. Like when she's talking, like telling a story, she wouldn't look at me to include me in the conversation with everyone else, but today she did a bit toward the end on the day. So that's progress, I guess.

My First Day

...went pretty smoothly. I am working up front as a teller for a couple weeks, so I get the ins and outs of the bank biz before I move to the "back" room. I have my own desk, with my own phone and extension, and computer. Its a lot of little stuff that you have to keep track of, but I did ok. My drawer balanced so it was a successful day. We'll see how much I retain tomorrow, but all in all it went ok for a first day. I am still concerned that the pay will not be enough, but I am hoping that Matthew gets this intern position cuz I don't think he has started, seriously, looking for employment. And we will be needing a second income. I am covering the insurance and probably groceries, so we have cars, utilities and WTC that will need to come from somewhere. I guess that s where most of my disappointment about not getting the clinic job, stemmed from. Yes, it was a commute and I would be paying more for gas, but the Doc would have paid our premiums every month so that wouldnt be coming out of my check. And that was why I was so bummed, for lack of a better word, because it wasnt all disappointment, it was also worry about the pay difference.

We need to transfer our registrations and I don't know how much that will be, but that needs to be done soon. I also need to get my license changed over, now that I am employed in Iowa I can go get that done. Well, that and I have been putting it off cuz I didn't want to do it, but I cant put it off too much longer. If I go in before it expires, I probably wont have to take the test, but if I wait, I'll will have to and I don't want to take it.

So with all of this going on now, I am feeling more like we live here. It seems more like "home". I say "home" cuz its always home but it hasn't been "home" in almost 7 years. I never thought Iowa City would become "home" when I moved there, but it did. I didn't want Alaska to become "home", but it did without my realizing it. So I know, in time, I will feel back at "home" in Wilton. And then where ever we go from here, the same will happen. Anywhere I can hang my pictures will become home sooner or later. Just give me enough time.

Job

Welp, I didn't get the Eye Clinic job. I am pretty bummed. I was pretty hyped for it. I just built it up in my head, and then I didn't get it, so there has to be a bit of a mourning period. I'll get over it. I guess it is cuz its something that is so different from what I am used to, which is good in the end. It will be a challenge. And I know that there is a reason why I didn't get that job at this time. And it is a comfort knowing that I will be close to Hayden, if he needs me. And I don't have to make that drive everyday. I am a bit concerned about the pay... but hopefully that can be negotiable down the road. Tomorrow is a different day and things will be what they are and what has been set in motion. At least I have a job, and I am grateful for that, I know to be grateful for that. So once again I will be joining the workforce. Boo. LOL.

AHHHHHHH! I am so sick of all of this crap sitting around everywhere. The living room is done. So at least I have that done. But nothing else is finished. Mister's room is almost done except for a shelf and the jerseys need hung, which I asked Matthew you do, but he hasn't gotten to yet. We went to Mom and Dad's today and packed up me and Mister's stuff that was there and hat has all been put away. We have to get another brace for the pole in my closet cuz its bowing. It was kinda before I started hanging anything on it, but now it looks like it could just snap. There are still some boxes left in the little room, and there are a bunch downstairs, but I don't have to try to walk around those, so I am not as concerned about them. I am just ready to be done with this unpacking crap. Its just so much little stuff. I don't remember if I mentioned that we went to Menards yesterday and got the surround for the tub and paint for the bathroom. So We can get started on that soon. I am actually pretty excited about the bathroom. It is going to be so cute. I took a shower downstairs yesterday. It wasn't horrible, but I'm SOOOOO glad I wont have to shower down there all the time. It would be next to impossible for me to shave my legs don in that shower! I am excited to get my bathroom. Mathew is just going to keep that downstairs bathroom as his and the upstairs will be mine.

Lora Knouse called me to set up a second interview. I scheduled it for Friday. Since I am meeting with Dr Jensen on Thursday. I am expecting that to go well, but if it doesn't for whatever reason, I have the bank to fall back on. And if it goes good, then I can just call Lora and let her know that I am excepted another position. And Jim called Matthew and let him know about an IT intern position with a company that is working on the computers at their office in Moline. And the guys, at least the son, is former military so that is a BIG bonus. So he may be going to school and working this internship. He seems pretty excited about that. I wonder if MCC offers credits for an internship? Prolly if you get the internship through them. Maybe he should ask Shelly... Anyway...

Misters seems to be adjusting well. We put him back on his bedtime routine and he is doing fine. Back to normal sleeping. He isn't really taking naps though. But there is a lot going on here. He does take naps, they just aren't very long. Sometime only 10 minutes, but he seems to be fine after only 10 minutes. He is having some issues with his two top teeth. They are right at the surface, you can see them, they look like two little bubbles, but they just wont break through. So in the next couple of days, hopefully, he will have at LEAST one more tooth, if not two. I think he is enjoying his new home. I know he is happy to have the kitties back. He just squeals and smiles whenever he sees them. He has started tugging on tails. Grizzly tolerates it fine, cuz it its too hard. But Jackie doesn't like him trying to touch her and she has started nipping at him and trying to bite him. So we have to keep a VERY close eye on her when Hayden is around, but she usually avoids him. Sleeping on our bed while he is out here and then coming out when he goes to sleep.

We will be sending out a special edition of Picture Thursday this week. Along with Misters pics, we will be sending out pics from Matthew's drive home. And we recovered the pictures that were on the crashed hard drive that were supped to be included in the 1-15 Picture Thursday edition, so those will be in there too. I will also try to gather up the moving pictures from AK and delivery day here in IA. But that is low on my list of things to do right now.

Ok, I think that is enough for now.

I guess I have a few minutes. Our stuff was delivered on Friday. I am exhausted. I want to be done with all these boxes. I sick of having to maneuver around the house. Mom has the kitchen painted. It looks so good. I am VERY happy with the color, it really brightened the room up. We went and got paint for the bathroom and a tub surround to get the shower ready. I don't know when they will come to put it in, but I would say next week at the latest. We still have some boxes downstairs, but I am not as concerned with those because they are out of the way. What I really want is a complete room. I have every room started and none finished. I realize it has only been a couple days but it is getting really annoying to have all this chaos everywhere. If I had one room that was complete, then I could have somewhere to go that was away from the chaos. The living room is close. Not complete, but very close, close enough that it isn't a chore to be in there. I would like to get a footstool to go with the couch. I kinda wish we had kept the ottoman from the hated couch, but whatever. Let's see, what else. I do expect to be done by the end of the week. If I'm not don't by then, I will have lost my mind because this is just making me go crazy. So I WILL be done by the end of the week. Plus, I need to go to Mom and Dad's and pack all of our stuff back up and move it here. i am NOT looking forward to that!

I had an interview at the eye place. It went REALLY good. I am going back on Thursday to meet Dr. Jensen, and if I have his approval, then the job is mine. I am SO excited. Sara, the girl who interviewed me, said she wanted to let me know about Doc before I met him cuz he is very "Iowan" in his humor and it catches some people off guard. She goes "He is probably the most un-PC person you have ever met." To which I laughed and responded, "I don't know, you have never met my father!" I'm not worried, I can hold my own. Also, the bank called me today and wanted to set up a second interview. I need to call tomorrow. I am thinking about making it for Friday, so if Thursday goes well then I can call them and tell them I accepted a different position. I like the idea of working right in Wilton, but I am not really qualified for the job, so it would be a lot of learning. Whereas, I have to drive to Iowa City everyday, but I am so much more qualified for that job, and I'd be good at it. And the other girls who work there (there are 5) are all my age, or close to it. And I wouldn't live in the same small town as the people coming in... I was a little weirded out by that, I guess. And Jensen's offers insurance coverage, no dental, but health. And we get one free eye exam a year, and I get one free pair of glasses a year, and then my contacts and Matthew's glasses would be at cost so that is awesome. But I don't know if they cover Chiro appointments, but I could deal with later.

I am feeling pretty good right now. Better than I have felt in a LONG time. Once I get this job, a weight would be lifted off of me. But overall, I feel pretty good. I am having fun with the house, picking out paint and stuff. I am getting a little more used to the idea of living in Wilton. It was weird at first, but it helps that it comes with built in friends. I mean apart from the fact that I have my family here, a lot of my friends are still in the area and that is nice. I was so tired of being lonely. I mean I love Matthew and he is my best friend, but I like being able to go out and do something and leave them at home... have a break. I have been needing it, and I haven't really gotten it yet. But that is for a different venting post. I guess for right now, I am just tired of making decisions. I understand that when it comes to the house he doesn't want to do something without asking, but when it comes to Hayden, don't ask me everything!!!!!! I think at this point it is habit. "Do you think he's tired?" "Do you think he's hungry" I don't know! If you think he's hungry, feed him. You don't have to ask my permission. Its getting really old. And the worst part is that when I say "I don't know." He gets mad at me. Like I am supposed to know everything. I don't. Make a decision on your own. If you have an idea, try it out either it will work or it wont. But like I said I think at this point its habit. But since he is now too busy doing something VERY important., I have to go get a bottle ready for Hayden.

I am sick with anticipation for Matthew's return. Everyday goes by and its one day closer but at the same time its still SO far away. I feel like I have been waiting forever for him to be here. And now its only 3 more days, but its still 3 more days. Oh well. We are going to Iowa City tomorrow so I can fill out that application for the eye care place. I still have high hopes for that. I had my bank interview today. It went well. I just think there are more qualified people out there than me. And I am still not sure if I would even want to work there. I mean its REALLY close to home, which is a good thing and a bad thing. You know? I mean everyone there knows mom and dad and Matthew's family...and I would just feel weird I guess. But it went pretty well, I think I answered their questions ok. It was nice not HAVING to talk about LA. Well, I did, but it went well, cuz throughout I was giving examples of "good" work environment and "bad" environment and I eluded to LA almost every time on the bad so Lora asked if I had ever been fired from a job, and I didn't have to say anything but yes, I was but that was the "bad" job I was eluding to, and I just said that I was accused of something I didn't do, because the owner was trying to find any reason to get rid of me before I hit my 2 year mark and I became more expensive. Which is the truth. And it felt good that I didn't have to say anything more, or defend myself against that stupid woman anymore. Well Mom wants to try and get an early start tomorrow so we can go to the house and get some cleaning done and some moving stuff around done, as best we can do with just the two of us and the Misters, who will be an enormous help I am sure. So I should go to bed now.

Ray came this morning to look at the upstairs bathroom. He said it wouldn't take much at all yo put a shower in. A couple hours work is all. A new faucet that has a diverter thingy, and a little more plumbing. So it sounds like it is doable soon. I just need to find a surround I like, or decide if I want to tile a surround... whatever is less expensive I imagine. Mom found some bigger tiles in white, cream and beige that would look nice, and they were on sale. She didn't buy them, of course, but it is an option if we wanted to pursue it. We also painted the inside of the kitchen cabinets today. Just white, and we were very careful not to get any paint on the wood, but we just couldn't get the walls clean, and it REALLY brightens up the inside of the cupboards so you can see. It looks MUCH cleaner, and I'm sorry that you have to mourn the loss of that BEAUTIFUL green color, but I think we will all be better off! I didn't want to get anything on those cupboards so we were insanely meticulous and it took FOREVER. There is a sand paint on the walls, and it just sucked up the white paint. I am going to feel it in my shoulders tomorrow. I am getting a bit nervous for my interview tomorrow. I would maybe feel better if I knew what I was interviewing for. Oh, and the Eye place called, they already got my resume (I just mailed it yesterday, right?) and asked me to come down and fill out an application, so I have to go do that. I might do it right after my interview tomorrow since Mom will have the kid and I will look decent. I don't want to go looking like a hot mess. I better get the table set for when Dad gets home.

Some Updates

I am assuming, because Matthew hasn't called me yet, that there isn't a working phone on board the ship... I wasn't really expecting there to be. He got some good news though, one of the guys from his shop, John Wayne, is on the ship with him. So I was happy to hear that. I am getting so excited for him to get home. We are going to St. Louis on Tuesday to get my car. And Laurie said that the Arsenal called and our stuff is here, waiting for a delivery date. Too bad I don't have a house that's ready for it to go in... but Mom and I are going back tomorrow to do more cleaning and probably some moving furniture. Gotta have somewhere to put the bed and the crib... but we'll do what we can and then when Matthew gets home, we'll be able to do more. But we have a lot to keep me busy until Sunday.

Oh, I have an interview at the bank on Thursday. I have several resumes out, but they have been the first to call. I am not even sure what the job is! Mom was in there on Friday and Bill Vetter told her that they had just posted an opening and that I should turn in my resume. Mom is going to call Annette tomorrow to see if she can get some info on what he job actually is... I am really excited about this job at an eye care place in Iowa City. I want that one too much, so I am sure that means they wont call. It is so cush...and full benefits. So send out good thoughts on my resume situations. I went to Wilton today to drop off my resume at the bank and mail out a couple more, and I got to the bank and dropped it off to Lora Knouse, and I get back in the car to go to the Post Office, and there is only one envelop, and I KNEW I had both when I left the house. And I remembered that I had set them on the car when I put the car seat in, and I must have left one on the car. So I freaked. I pulled a total Coffee Mug, and drove off with it on the car, so I was hoping it fell off in the garage. So I drove all the way back home, and I pulled into the driveway (Keep in mind we had 35 mph winds today) and I pulled into the drive way and there was the manila envelop, caught in the lilac bush at the end of the driveway!! So I snatched it up and drove back to Wilton to the Post Office. So maybe that one will be good luck!

This last Sunday I went over to Sarah's house for game night. It was a little awkward cuz it was Sarah and her husband Mike, Katie and her boyfriend Brian, Cassandra and her husband Mike, and then me and the Misters. I wasn't going to bring him along, but the girls wanted me too, so I did. He was a hit, as he usually is anywhere we go. It was nice to be around friends again. To be invited to go somewhere... I have missed having friends...lol. We played Outburst, which I haven't played in years, and Catch Phrase. And they were playing Pictionary when I left. It was 9 and the Misters needed to go to bed. I'm kinda glad cuz he gave me a reason to leave cuz the teams were uneven with me there and I felt like the odd man out, but they didn't seem to care. I am sure it was a bigger deal to me than to them. Obviously...lol. I hope Matthew will be willing to go with me cuz we may end up making it a monthly thing and if we do, I don't want to be the 7th wheel every time, and I don't want to have to blow them off every month, especially since I have waited so long to have my friends back.

Home Sweet Home

I am feeling so good about this decision to live in Wilton for a bit. It just takes so much pressure off of me. I am able to handle things so much better because I don't have this weight on my brain, knowing that it was up to me to find a place to live and a job in a place I had never even seen before. That was such a daunting task that it was just too much. And now, I don't have to worry about that right away and it gives my full attention to finding a job. I really hope this all pans out. I know that it is news to a lot of you. And this decision has developed in the last couple of days. But we are thinking of staying in Ken's house, for a bit, maybe a year, while we get on our feet, and are a little more prepared to strike out on our own. Ken hasn't been living there, and its sitting empty (of people) so if he would be willing, it would give us a place to transition back into civilian life. And I think that is what we need more than anything. Time to adjust to a whole different way of living. And I don't mind commuting to Iowa City or the Quad Cities for work. Like I have said before, I am willing to do what it takes to get by and if that means a 40 minute drive everyday then that is what it means. And we can put Misters in Daycare in Wilton and maybe Mom could pick him up after she gets off work and watch him till we get home from work. Either way I am sure that it will be a little more economical than a bigger city. But I am feeling better. There are some kinks, like the fact that the house is fully furnished so we aren't sure what to do with our stuff, or Ken's... or how to handle that. But I am sure it will work out. Plus, I want Matthew to find out if his credits from AFCC will transfer to MCC so maybe he could finish up his AA there. I mean if it is just some math and communications, then it would be really easy to finish it up there. So we have more options with this route I think. And that makes me feel a bit more comfortable.

Ok, reality has set in. And I just don't know if we are going to be able to do this. You know all that crap I was spewing about wanting to just get on with it, and get on with starting the new phase? Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. I just don't think we can do this. I am afraid that I wont be able to find a job that will pay the bills. This is just a horrible time to try to start completely over. If we didn't have Hayden I think it would be a different issue, but we do, and he is my priority. But now we have to factor in my stupid car payments... I just don't know what is going to happen and I hate that. I hate surprises. I hate the very idea of the unknown. I should have been a psychic. Now how do I explain all of this to Matthew? There is no turning back now. There is no way he will stay in and I cant ask him to because he is SO completely unhappy. Unhappy is not a strong enough word for how he feels about the military. I just don't know what to do. And now my prep time has been cut by two weeks. Me and the misters are going to be home between the 8th and 15th or January. That is LESS THAN A MONTH. And then it is up to me to try to find a place to live and a job and daycare and everything else, so we are set up when Matthew gets here. I am not expecting to be totally settled into anything, except maybe a job by the time Matthew gets here. I am so scared. I would rather stay unhappy than risk change and fail. That is the honest truth.

OOOOWWWWWWWWW!

So I put in a whole day today. It was the case lot sale today. It was BRUTAL! And I am SORE. BUT I made some good money today so we will have some to spare for when People are up here next week. Since I wont be getting much work done then. But my back is killing me. You can only load so many cases of laundry detergent before you want to scream. Thank goodness I still have some Norco left over from after Hayden was born, so I plan on that getting me through tomorrow, which is the last day of the Case Lot sale. If I can do as good tomorrow as I did today we should be good.

I probably wont get much cleaning done this week. I don't know how many more nights I can go without sleep. Its starting to wear on me, I think. But Matthew can help out a little bit too. Mostly, at this point, it just picking up, and vacuuming. So I guess its not that bad. I just don't want to do it. That's what it really comes down to...

Several updates

I have decided to move Hayden's bedtime up. slowly, half hour by half hour. So we are starting to do our routine at 8 now, so he is put in his crib by 8:30. I think it is best for everyone. It does mean that he gets up earlier... so that is my downside. So if I want my sleep, I should go to sleep when Hayden goes to sleep. But if I want to see Matthew for more than 30 minutes, I have to stay up with him. So it is hard to make my decision.

Today Hayden and I went to Housing so we could pay our $2.89 energy bill. We went over our allowance because of the air conditioner. Anyway, we went in and all I brought was Hayden (in his car seat) and $3. I get in there and one of the girls behind the counter tells me they don't accept cash. Are you kidding? Its $3. I don't even care about the 11 cents... They are not bonded for cash or something. So at this point, one of the girls is already down on the floor playing with Hayden. So I'm like "Ok, can you watch him so I can run out to the car and get my debit card?" And she is like "Of course I can watch this cutie!" So I run out to the car, when I get back BOTH of the girls are on the floor playing with Hayden, who was smiling and flirting as usual, and there was a guy waiting at the counter! But they were too busy playing with Hayden. He is such a ridiculous flirt!

We also went Wal-Mart on our outing because Misters needs bigger jammies, he has grown out of all of his jammies. And we had to get new diapers cuz Size 1 doesn't fit anymore. So my baby is in Size 2 diapers! :( He was having poopy leaks lately, which we haven't had since we switched to the Pampers/Luvs (Huggies SUCK), AND he was having pee leaks cuz he would move and the diaper would shift slightly cuz it was too small to cover his little (not so little) butt. The sucky thing is that I just bought an 86 ct package that I had just opened up to fill the basket, so I cant go and exchange it for the different size.... So we are just going to give them away, its better than throwing them out. I got him the cutest pair of shoes, little brown boots. But they didn't have the jammies that I wanted. I wanted to get some 6-9 month jammies cuz he is going to be out of 3-6 month jammies in about a month and a half or so, so I didn't want to spend $12 on new jammies that he wont be wearing in two months, but they didn't have ANY boys jammies in 6-9 month. NONE. I told you store were sexiest against boys. And Hayden decided he didn't want to wear pink Jammies, so we got one package of 3-6 months and will hope they have the right size when we need it.

I printed out the forms to obtain my Primary School Substitute Teacher Certification for the State of Illinois. Its an option. I want to do something a little more along the lines of what I posted before, but its an option.

Clarification.

I would just like to say that I HAVE a job. I actually have two jobs. Matthew keeps telling people that we cant do this and cant do that "until Emily gets a job." I have a job, and the way he is saying that makes it sound like lazy ass Emily doesn't have a job again... I do. And the a=way he is going I will end up back at it sooner than I expected.

Aren't you so glad that I work in a salon again so I have all this drama. 'Cept this time I am not involved in it! LOL. The girl with the psycho ex is leaving state by the end of the month, and another girl has to go to part time cuz of child care, and another one is COMPLETELY useless. So its going to be a TOUGH two months, and then I leave... And I am thinking that when I come back I am going to do 4 days a week instead of five. With everything that is going to be happening this year, I think the extra day off will help me be able to get things done, cuz just having Monday to be able to get things done isn't going to work. I cant do EVERYTHING on Monday and I still want my Sundays with Matthew, so I think having another weekday will help me. And that is one less day I have to put Hayden in daycare, which is breaking my heart already! I am having MAJOR issues with the daycare thing already. But there isn't much I can do about it. We both have to work, that is just the reality of our lives. there just isn't a choice to be made, because we cant afford to live on one income. I wish there was something I could do, but it just isnt plausible. So I want to have an extra day with my son, I dont want daycare to raise my boy, and I hate that idea. I hate it.