Cuttin' Wood: Where Men can be Men

Time is running out

So we had Marcus and Amelia's going away party on Saturday. Which means that day is getting so much closer. This weekend is camping. We invited their neighbors too. Dana and Delise Roso (I think, or its Rosa, which is Rose in Spanish, hahaha). Yep, the Ga's have trouble remembering names, LOL. Anyway... Then its one more weekend... I am afraid for Matthew when Marcus leaves. I hope that knowing that we'll see them in a year will help. But we went to cut wood yesterday, me and Matt and Marcus (Amelia had to stay and clean). And they were having so much fun... It breaks my heart... But hopefully this next year goes by as fast as this last year went. We have less than 60 days till hockey starts, and that will help pass the winter... And then mom and dad are talking about coming up again, so that gives me something to look forward to. And Jim and Laurie might come in September next year, so I have all these things to look forward to, which helps pass the time along. Welp, Ihave some errands to run today so I had better go. I have to keep myself busy too. I dont like thinking about them leaving either. But we have Shelley and Ronnie, and now Dana and Delise, but its not the same... Without them, it wont be the same again...

Planning the fun

We have decided that once we go home, probably after Disney World, the four of us (us and the Ga's) are going to go to the Dells. I am almost as excited about that as I am about going to WDW. Almost. Just thinking about the Dells brings back so many great memories. I'm trying to talk them into going to Baraboo while we are there. Maybe I can get a train picture where I DONT look like I'm about to lose my luch. (Thanks mom) But anyway, just thinking about the Ducks, Noah's Ark, Tommy Bartlett, the boat tour, those rocks (you know which ones I'm talking about i pictures where something is jumping between them), Cheese curds and fudge. I almost want to go now. I've been looking at www.dells.com and it is just like a flood of my childhood. The campgrounds. And I think we stayed at the Mayflower Motel, cuz it looks REALLY familiar. Anyway. Just thought I would share.

yay

So AT & T bought Dobson Communications which owns Cellular One (our cell company). So we are now AT&T which I am VERY excited about for the following reasons:

• Fewest dropped calls*
• Unlimited Mobile to Mobile calling
• Rollover® Minutes
• Great web-only offers
• Exclusive phones

So YAY. At least it came while we still have time up here. If we were leaving in a couple of months, I'd be bummed. ANyway, Hurray for big companies.

Our Poor Little Baby...

We finally got Grizzly declawed (in the front). Our legs, our couch, our rugs and our carpet are already thanking us, but my poor little baby... It breaks my heart to see her in pain. She has a pain patch, but I'm sure it only takes the edge off. And whats more, Jackie is being a bitch, hissing and growling at Griz cuz she smells like the vet. And Jackie turns into a totally different, almost wild and rabid acting, kitty when she goes/smells the vet. And Griz doesnt need to be worked up right now, so we have to shut Jackie up in the basement until she either chills out, or Griz is healed enough so that we can give her a bath, but that is a least a week away, so Jackie just needs to chill out. But Grizzly has white paws so you cn se all the dried blood and it just makes my heart hurt. I know its for the best, but when I see that blood... I just want to wash her little paws, but I cant, or I risk infection...

Shhhhh...

I hate jts. I am SO sick of listening to those damn things fly. SICK OF IT!!!!! I am sick of having to pause whatever I am watching for 10 minutes while they fly over and over and over head. I CANNOT wait till I dont have to listen to it anymore. I cannot wait! I want the quiet. I want the peace. I am SOOO sick of these stupid loud jets!

Trading Spaces is NOT the same without Paige. I hated her when I watched it, but now that she's gone, its not the same. Frank is still fabulous though.

Heart stopping panic

So I got home today and I couldnt find Jackie anywhere. And the maintaince men came cuz the lock was fixed. So I paniced. AND she wouldnt come to treats. Which made me absolutely panic cuz they ALWAYS come to treats. Always. I had to go through the WHOLE house calling "Treats" until she finally came. I was crying and two seconds from calling Matthew... and then I heard a second bell (cuz Griz had been following me, pissed I hadnt acted upon my treats call) It was the greatest sound ever. i thought she had gotten out... I was so scared. But she's here and good. She probably just didnt like strangers in her house and hid.

Updates

So I still havent gone to the hospital to get my blood test done. I keep forgetting and get my juice like I do every morning. I'm telling you, if it wasnt for my routine I would be lost and if it isnt part of my routine, it isnt going to happen!!!!

I am havig these wierd feelings in my legs. Its very strange, like I am too weak to stand up, but I can and I do, but I'm a little more clumsy. Like I am tired. Hmmmm, a better way to describe it... Imagine squatting for a long time and then that feeling in your legs when you stand back up, weak and trembling... thats what it feels like. Its very strange, if it goes on much longer I'll have to call Dr. Osterhaus. Which I dont want to have to do.

I decided to go back and read Book 6. I am glad that I did, cuz things in Book 7 made more sense, like names and small details. I kinda wish I had read it first, but the more I think about it, I dont htink it would have been as effective cuz I wouldnt have known which details were important or which name would come up again. Since I had already read 7, I knew what to pay attention to. Plus I had forgotten that he knew about the cup and the snake and all of that. So I imagine I'll go back and read 7 again, a little closer this time. Take my time, since I was in such a hurry to read it the first time so no one could ruin it for me.

In the fitness arena, I have gained three pounds, but lost an inch around my stomach so its kinda a trade off I suppose. Kinda deflating though, givin how much work I have been putting in. Course, I still dont have a regular meal schedule. I dont know if that would make a difference or not.

Its getting chilly again. Yesterday was pretty nice, today is very chilly. A sign of whats around the corner. I cant believe it is almost August. Marcus and Amelia are done on the 28th. They have four weekends left before they leave. It is so hard to see them go. I know we'll see them in a year or so, but still, even we move home, instead of 4 minutes away, they'll be four hours away. It could be worse though, at least we're gonna be in the same area. Not like with Smith, who's four days away. ('cept by plane, of course) This year has gone by fast, I am sure the next one will too. Thats what I tell myself anyway. I have to since the Gas wont be the only ones we have to wait a year to see. I just cant wait till we dont have to do this anymore.

Check up

I went to the doctor, just for a check up, plus I was overdue for my girl doctor appointment. Everything fine, except my blood pressure was "a little high" so they did it twice and the second times it had gone down "a little' so they didnt seem to be too concerned. They were a bit surprised that I had never has my chloresterol or my thyroid checked so I have to do that. I was supposed to do it today, but I totally forgot and had my daily glass of V8 Splash. Ooops. It has to be a fasting blood test. So I will have to go back on Monday. The bad part of this is that I put a huge note on the fridge that said "Emily, Remember NOT to eat. Go to hospital for blood test!!!!" And I did it anyway. Oooops.

I'm donr

I sacraficed some sleep, but I have finished HP. I am not a spoiler, so what I WILL say is that I wasnt surprised. Which a little disappointing. But it is what it is. I still loved it. And I look forward to the movie version of this one more than any of the others. I wouldnt even care if they made it 4 hours long to get everything in, I would still gladly sit through it.

I hate everything

I swear I have something wrong with me. I mean besides the obvious. Everytime we start to get things put back together, I find someway to ruin it. I cant stop myself. I wish I could. Just another eason why I know I am not good enough for Matthew. He works so hard and I dont. I want to, but I dont. I dont know what I want to do with my life. I am lost and drowning and trying so hard not to bring him down with me. I dont know. I dont know. It is late and I'm pobably just tired. And I have applied to some places for a job. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. Once you take care of the tip... there is so much more underneath... And no matter what I do, I keep disappointing Matthew and everyone else. And everydy that passes I just get more and more down on myself, and its getting hard to deal with that. I know that people look at me from the corner of their eyes. Like I'm tainted. But no one is harder on me than I am. I just dont know. I am sick of crying. I am tired of failing. I cant pick myself up anymore. I am so sorry. I'm sorry I'm not better than i am. I have tried.... I just dont know what else to do.

Ridiculousness

Ok, I swore it wasnt going to happen, but I have been sucked in. I couldnt sleep last night, so I went down stairs to watch some tv, and the Victoria Beckham special was on, and there wasnt anything else on except for the Daily 10 but I didnt want to watch Britany Spears swimming in her skivvys so I watched it, and she sucked me in. It wasnt that bad, and she is kinda funny. The sad thing is that if her show had been a series, I would have totally watched it, and I like her. It is totally ridiculous and I am blaming it on the fact that it was late, and I was tired, but frustrated so I couldnt sleep. But it wasnt that bad. And I dont care what anyone says, I think her haircut is super cute. Amost makes me excited for the Spice Girls Reunion. Oh, who am I kidding? I was excited anyway. Ok, enough with that.

I hate coming back form vacation and not having any money. I thought I had planned for the vacation aftermath of not having a paycheck for 2 1/2 weeks, but I didnt take into account that Matt wouldnt be scheduled at UPS for another week after we get back.. That hurt us. And its hard to recover from that, especially when it makes Matthew so upset. I hate money, but more I hate not having any of it.

Blah...

I feel crappy. I feel bad that I didnt go in to work today... But I can hardly lift my head. I finally drug myself out of bed long enough to make some soup and settle myself into the couch. I hope Matthew doesnt give me too hard of a time about not going to work. I know he doesnt like it, but maybe I'll take a nap and then go in later on this afternoon. I really dont want to go in, i just dont think that I can be nice to people today.

Post Bday

I would like to say thank you to everyone who called (especially Amanda, who wins the prize this year for the worst rendition on "Happy Birthday") It was wonderful. And thank you for the cards and all. We didnt do anything special, I just went to work, but it was a nice day, sunny. Its all good. I had everything I wanted already. Now before anyone asks, no it doesnt feel any different than 24. Well, no thats a lie. It does feel different. Like I am an "adult", which sounds silly because I cant find a better way to describe it. But it is knowing that this year will bring more steps towards being on our way to making a real life. And its ok if you dont understand what I am saying. I always knew that we would have to put our lives on hold until we got done with the AF... I just never knew it would bother me so much. I know I sound like a broken record with this, but I still havent quite dealt with it. I think it all comes from knowing I really am 25 now. No turning back, right? Next stop 30.

Okay, I will finish since SOMEone was ina pissy mood and didnt want me typing yesterday. As I was saying, it as a very nice trip to Seward. I highly recommend it to people.

So today is the day, no, I am not doing anything special today, I am going to work. That's it. I had lots of celebrations so today is just the day. I got a present from mom and dad, but I havent opened it yet, prolly will tonight. So that's it. Happy birthday.

Blues...

I hope you have enjoyed the pictures I sent of our cruise. We had a wonderful time. I was a little sick at the beginning, but four sea sickness pills later I was feeling good enough to enjoy the ride. Couldnt go up to the upper levels for too long though. No amount of pills could fix that! But we saw some awesome wildlife, way more than I was expecting.

Back to Life... Back to Reality... Boo.

Back to Life... Back to Reality... Boo. But it feels good to be home. But it sucks cuz now I have to go back to the real world. When I am home it is like timne slows down. No one is in a huge rush, I dont have to worry about anything. And then I come back here... and there is this stigma. All this crap has happened here and it just reeks of it. And it taints the beauty thats everywhere. But I love both places. I love flying into Iowa, and its patchwork quilt. I love that I can stand at any point and see for miles. The fury of the sky on the verge of a storm. Thee is a beauty there that is nowhere else. I miss it. But this goodbye was the hardest one since that first one. Becase I didnt know how much I wanted to stay. I dont know when I am going to get to go back... And that makes it worse. I just keep telling myself that the next time I go home, it will be for good. It is little comfort...

Packing

I dont seem too concerned with whether or not I have everything. Of course I have done this so many times, its kinda of second nature, the whole packing thing. I'm not even really concerned. Plus, its not like I am goingt o the middle of nowhere. If i forget something, I canjust run to the store and get it. Eh. A few hours and I will be knocked out on a plane, so I dont really care. I am a little nervous about going through Chicago cuz I have only been in that airport once, but I have an hour and a half, so I should be fine. I am leaving 40 minutes earlier now than when I booked the flight, so I have 30 extra minutes there. A nice buffer. It ill be fine, the more I think about it, the more I get worked up, so I am just not thinking about it. I dont particularly like traveling by myself. I have a tendency to second guess my self and get all freaked out. I dont know why. Its just one of those things I guess. Welp, off to check and see if I have everything. I will see most of you in a few days.

Lalalalalalalala

Lalalalalalala. I have so many other things I should be doing right now. But I so cannot bring myself to do any of it. I just want to take a nap. I cant cuz its 6 o'clock... but I want to. I do hae one suitcase packed. it is alot easier to pack for summer than it is for winter. The clothes are so much smaller, but I am still bringing two home.

Smoke from the Fires

Took these yesterday morning. There is a fire burning north and one south of Anchorage.




The air was so thick with smoke it was yellow!

Over in the west you can see that we were supposed to have a clear and beautiful day.

Oops.

I have successfully done nothing to et ready for leaving on Sunday. I should be doing laundry or something but I am not. Before I know it is going to be Friday and i will go into panic mode because I havent done anything. I realize it is only Tuesday, but time seems to disappear when I am procrastinating. LOL. I should start laundry at least. Just get the clothes ready that I will not wear between now and Sunday. Matthew wants to go to the new Dairy Queen on Saturday with the Ga's. Saturdays we typically spend the four of us, especially sice they decided to leave. Last Saturday we sat down and had a family meal. I imagine that will continue until they leave. I am going to miss them so much and I am trying not to let their looming departure cast a cloud over me trip home. Anyway, I believe I have guilted myself into going up stairs and fetching my laundry. LOL.

What a pain in the butt

So I went to the office to get some of my stuff and namely a bunch of my paperwork, including the report papers I have to mail in. So Me and Matt went on Wednesday, and got my stuff, before we went to Best Buy to get my birthday present. Wel, I left the file folder with all those papers. I dint realize this until Saturday, cuz I figured I just left them in Matt's truck and I forgot to check. Anyway, this file has ALL the report papers. Which have the phone number and the address to the building I have to go to in order to pick up my travel pass. Well, like I said I left it at the office, no biggie, so I went to the office today and remembered that they are all gone to retreat till the 25th. So the office is locked and in it my information for getting my pass. Great. what now? So I went to the first office and asked to see Juilet. I figured she gave me the papers in the first place, she would be able to tell me where it was, or what the adress was or at least have a phone number. So I get there, and there is the guy who was there the very first time I ever went. Do you remember me talking about that? How he treated me like subhuman. Anyway, he's like "Juliet is VERY busy today." So I was just like, ok maybe you can help me. So I explained it to him and he's like really snoty about it "I'll check and she if MAYBE we have some" and then I was really nice and I just say, "Thanks you saved me." and he's like (Snobby voice) "I gave you two, keep one with you." But he smiled, which was a new turn. What a pain. I cant believe I left it there! Actually I CAN believe that I forgot it. The one thing I went there for and I forgot it. What a spazzoid.

Ok people I leave in 7 days 5 hours and 16 minutes. I am SO not ready. Yes I realize how much time is IN 7 days, but I have a lot of other stuff to do also, mainly working so we can have some spending money. Whay else, oh laundry and packing, and I was VERY dismayed to see how much my duffel bag was destroyed on our last trip and it is now unusable. Boo. What else, oh actually packing would be good. I will need to probably clean before we leave. I have started my lists, of course, and actaully started gathering up clean clothes I know I wont wear between now and then and put them in my suitcase. I have to find my swimming suit. I know where one is but not the one I want. of course, so I need to find that. I am doing my best not to let my arms get sunburnt at work, so I keep slathering on the sunscreen. By the time, I get home I am always ready for a shower. Between the sweat, dirt and the layers suncreen I am so gross!

I am also pretty pissed at our neighbors. After I thought we had finally ogt some ok people... Anyway they have these two dogs, and I was impressed cuz they are really well behaved and relatively quiet, and so pretty. But there are two, and i dont know if their poop killed all te grass, or what but they have no grass in their back yard (which they will regret when the rain comes!) Anyway, we have a window fan in the livingroom in the window closest to the wall. And the past couple days I swore I could smell dog poop. Finally Matt said he could smell it too. And if you look over in their yard there is just poop everywhere, fermenting in the sun. Remember we are approaching 20 hours of daylight! And add on top of it, we came down stairs this morning and there was dirt all over my couch, the laptop, the pillows and blankets, the ottoman... All blown through the windows from their "yard". And you can imagine since it came from their crap piles, what else is in that dirt. So I had to shampoo the couch and the ottoman and I just hope it didnt get INSIDE the laptop. So what now? We cant open our windows? Its summer, its only going to get hotter. Its been in the 70s. Which i realize doesnt SEEM hot to most of you, but your perception of whats "hot" changes when you spend 5 months in single digits. I have thought about repoting them cuz that HAS GOT to be against housing uniformity codes!!! And just plain unsanitary!

Mourning.

Today was Bob Barker's last Price is Right. Today a dream died.

Bummer

Geoff invited me to his birthday party on June 30th. I'm actually going to be home for it, and it would be great to see all those guys again. But thats Sarah's wedding which is more important, of course. But I cant help being a little disappointed.

My Birthday Present from Matthew

He wanted me to have it before I went home.

Blah

I am just buged today. I dont know what my problem is. I have an idea, but it isnt something I can discuss at this time, but I will eventually. Add onto that issue, Marcus and Amelia are leaving. Maybe as soon as August. I am so sick of goodbyes. I feel like crap, both inside and out. I dont know what is going on there. I am just hopin that when I take care of the first nonspeakable issue, I'll feel better. I havent totally decided. Which may be part of the problem also. Blah. I hate these funks.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot. I dont really know. Lately, I feel like I am just swimming. I dont feel like I am drowning anymore. You know, just trying to keep my head above the water... Just swimming. With decisions and choices and regrets and stuff. Especially with the year mark coming up. The biggest thing is how much I have changed, I guess. I was so unhappy when I was there. So completely unhappy. I was kinda stressed out right before the walk, and I realized, I was like that ALL THE TIME. How did I live like that? All the time. No wonder my blood pressure was kinda high. Its not anymore, of course, but it was. One more way she found to hurt me.

More tornado pictures

Ah!

I cant believe that I have only 18 days till I leave. Ah! I havent even gone down town to get my papers yet. I just have to do that a week in advance. Ah! SO much to do. Are you ready paople? Emily's coming home! I have to find my swimming suit. I am going to miss the kitties so much. Poor babies will be all by themselves. Oh lord, they are going to be on their own in my house... We'll have to clear off the tables and counters. I can imagine what Jackie is going to try to eat... ANyway, I have to get to work and make some spending money for my trip HOME!

some pictures for you to enjoy

Jackies new napping spot

Scares the crap out of me sometimes when I come downstairs and all of a sudden I looke up and there is a cat.

You can see how big the Grizzlys has gotten! She's such a big kitty. Not as big as Jackie.

She likes to workout with Matthew.

And nap with Matthew. Actually its the blanket. If you want Grizzly to cuddle with you, you have to have this blanket.

She also like to be upside down.
This is how she naps...

I dont know why she likes to be upside down...

Clarification

I see some clarification is needed. I was simply venting about the trip home. The whole thing was dealt with, Matthew and I came to a compromise that satisfied us both, but I still had some pent up issues that I needed to get out so that I wasnt carrying them with me. And I chose not to vent them to Matthew, because it would appear that I was bringing it up again, after it had been resolved, which makes it appear that I wasnt going to let it drop. I would never disrespect Matthew, or his dad, or his grandparents by being a spoiled brat about whether or not I wanted to go visit. I, of all people, know how important it is to see family, and Matthew's family is my family. I want to go to Missouri. I want to see julie and brian and Addy, so dont read that as me not wanting to do that, because I do. And I will never expect you to understand what it is like to fit all the people in your life into a short two week time span. I hate having to pick and choose who I get to see. I have two weeks to see my family, my friends, and Matthew's family. And everytime I come home, it only compounds the pain I have carried with me since the day that I said good bye. And now my husband is mad at me because he thinks that I dont want to go to see his grandparents. So the frustration and the fight and the tears that I was trying to avoid, happened anyway.

I understand your wanting to help, and I do appreciate everything. More than anyone will ever know. And the last thing I would want anyone to think about me is that I am ungrateful, but somehow I have come out of this feeling like a total bitch. I am not going to stop venting. I just hope that everyone understands that I am a very emotional person. But I DONT expect anyone to understand HOW emotional, except for Matthew. It is not something I can do anything about and if I could fix it I would. But I come here to calm down before I discuss my issues because I have nowhere else to go. Because I promise you, my husband does not deserve for me to unleash the full fury of the things that happen in my head. And since I left the people who know why I am the way I am, at home, I come here. And I dont want to devulge that information to just anyone. And I will not edit myself. I dont really understand why all of this has become an issue, but it has, and we have dealt with it. I always thought this was a way to understand why I am the way I am. And a medium to express myself. And I have chosen to share that. To share those thoughts and feelings, and issues. And I dont want to stop sharing that. Because one day, these words will be lost. Locked in a place in my mind that I will not be able to open. And here I have shown what I have done. Where I have been. What I am feeling and going through. And for that I will not apologize. But if what I have written, has been misinterpreted. Or has czused anyone pain, or frustration. That was never my intention. And I will apologize for causing those feelings, but not for what I said.

Muscatine Tornado (mom's pics)

Memorial Day

Jobs and vacations

So "we" have decided that I need to get a job, since my temp position with NMSS is over. Matt thinks I should work with them at UPS, which is less than appealing to me. Its ok for a second job, but not a primary one. And I already have a second job. So here we go again. I cant start until after we get back anyway, or at least I dont want to. Blah. I have only a few months left till normalcy returns to my life. At least some sense of normalcy. If that actually even exists.

Iam afraid this trip home is going to be stressful. I am a little aggrivated. When I planned this trip, Matthew wasnt coming with, then he decides to come home too. Ok, thats fine, but now I have to fit in a bunch of stuff he anted to do. Well, I dint alot for those things, sorry, but I didnt know he was coming with. All I said was that I wanted to be with my family for the fourth of July ( and yes, I know this has been resolved, but I need to vent it out, cuz when I mention it to Matt, he thinks I am trying to pick a fight) And then he wants to go to MO to see his grandma and grandpa. Ok, fine. I ake him do my family stuff I will go with him to his family stuff. Cept now he wants me to spend three day in Des Moines/Ames/Ankeny. Sorry, no. If I spend two days in MO and three days in DM/A/A, that means I am home for 6 days. If I knew he was coming with me, and wanted to go to all of these places, I would have stayed longer. Dont get mad at me when I say no. This is MY trip home. The last I will have till we move. I know it is his last one too, but isnt that all the more reasons to do our own thing and know that we got to do it? I dont need my vacation to be stressful.

I hate loud planes

I will be so happy the day I dont have to hear any g**d**n jets fly over my house. No stupid flightseeing tours. I hate planes, they are too loud.

Anniversary

For those of you who are wondering... No, we didnt do anything special. We did get some money, so we are going to go to an ACTUAL movie theater to see Pirates this weekend. We usually wait till movies come out on Netflix to see them, but we are going to go see it in the theater. Ironically, I think the last Pirates movie was the last movie we saw in the theater. So those are our plans. I have to go grocery shopping today. We dont have any food in our house right now. I dont really want to go, but its all good. In and out. Thats what I am hoping for. I am just procrastinating, as usual. Cuz I dont want to drive to the commisary. Save gas. $2.89 a gallon. Why? Cuz BP had to shut own the line cuz of water pipe leakage. Stupid BP. We make the stupid gas, and we have to pay almost $3 a gallon. that is pathetic! More and more I think we need to get biks. Not that I could take that to get groceries, but to run to the shoppette and go to Marcus and Amelia's. This is stupid.

Happy Birthday to Amanda!!!!

Summer is here

What a wonderful time of year. You know when its not freezing balls and you can actually see the sun... You always know summer has offically come to Anchorage when the following thigs happen: Cal Worthington stays open until midnight. RV's are EVERYWHERE (there's no escape) The weekend market is up and running. Weekend fishing suicide runs. And the mosquitos emerge. I saw my first one yesterday. I was out helping Matthew wash his truck (and by help I mean sittingin a folding chair in the driveway watching him wash his truck) and I thought there was a bee flying around me. Like one of those sweat bees. No, it was a mosquito. They still surprise me when I see them again after the winter. The f***kers are HUGE!

Here are the logo "party" pictures

Seymour Moose

Rosie Fletcher is counting down. Why start at ten? just say "3, 2, 1"

Here goes, the suspense is killing me...

Ah, good the decent looking one. I voted for this one, so I'm happy

And just to explain this, the inside circle are moose prints the outside circle are handprints to represent the harmony between wildlife nd ciilization. The orange surrounded by the blue is the midnight sun and the whole thing makes a snowflake. I like it. A lot of people dont, but they are mostly all whiners anyway. It isnt FOR the people who LIVE in Anchorage. The whole thing is to attract people from the Outside to come and visit Anchorage, spend their money and leave. Gotta love tourism.

this is the Child's small tee shirt I snatched. Try and give fre stuff only to kids... I wont have it!

And a close up of the logo. Trademarked. Logo.

Big Wild Life logo

SO I went to the "party" for the unveiling of Achorage's trademarked logo. Anchorage is only the second city to trademark a brand/logo. I thought it would be a cool thing to say that I was there at the unveiling. and it was ok, but SO UNclimactic. But I went, got free food. I only went to get a free tee shirt, but they only gave away children's sizes. BUT I took one anyway, just cuz. I'll prolly buy one later on, just to have one, but I wanted to be one of the first ones to have one, whether I can wear it or not. I'll post pictures later. And I met Rosie Fletcher, which was cool. Shes an olympic medal winning skiier for Girdwood, AK if you didnt know who she was. Oh, and Kikkan Randall. also a skiier. Anyway. Gotta make supper for the ol' man.

And I'm spent...

Thank goodness, I am finally done. It took 3 and a half days, but our house is clean... not quite move out clean but pretty damn close. And I am exhausted. And SO sore. Yoiu definately use muscles you dont usually use... anyway, I am done and now I just want to sleep for 3 days.

Who's brilliant idea WAS this?

So in my infinate wisdom, I decided to actually spring clean this year. I started inthe entry way and scrubbed the walls and doors and floor, sorted through shoes (yes, I am getting rid of some) and I moved on the the kitchen where I have been taking everything out of the cupboards and cleaning them out. While this has been a long time in coming, and very needed, I am already suffering. My arms are killing me! Who would have thought this would be so difficult? ANd I havent even finished the downstairs. The kitchen floor is nasty. and the bottom cupboards havent been done. Ug, who's idea was this? Oh, yeah, mine. Crap.

I am my father's daughter

Ok I am starting a new ongoing tracking system I like to call "I am my father's daughter" in which we will count the ways I have over the years become my father. It is a progression that, as it continues, has become more and more obvious.

1) "I might need it some day"- I believe this is the fundamental thinking in the progression of my development. And anyone who knows dad knows this to be true. Case in point, I have a suitcase that, the last time I was home, I had to literally sew back together, so I could get it back home. Did I throw this suitcase away? Nope, I might need it some day. And I did. (This will become clear in #2.

2) "Dont throw away ANYTHING without asking me first"- I have a bunch of cardboard boxes in the basement, because I might need them someday. When I need a card board box, I want to be able to go downstairs and peruse my selection and be able to choose the right size. Well, a couple weeks ago, Matthew gave away my large cardboard boxes cause Doug was PCSing to Utah. Not SOME, but ALL. I was peeved! He did not consult me before getting rid of my boxes...I cleaned out my closet and wanted to pack up my winter coats for the summer and had nothing to put them in. NOTHING? No not nothing, because in the genius of the fundamental "I might need it someday" school of thinking, I still had a perectly good storage suitcase sitting downstairs. I certainly cant use it as luggage anymore, but storage, yes.

3) "No specific use, but it will come" - it is a sub-category to #1, in that you collect objects, that you cant throw away because you are sure there is a practical use for them, but you dont know what that is, but when it comes up you will be prepared. Mom found and entire calf stall in the barn full (FULL) of empty laundry detergent containers. For no reason, just because. I happened to have 9, count them 9, empty detergent containers in my basement. Out of laziness, or out of need, I dont know. But if I ever NEED them I will be prepared.

4)"Untensil replacement"- I think this has more to do with memory than with ACTUAL UNTENSIL REPLACEMENT. Except that, apparently, I put untensils BACK into the drawer after I use them. I think he MAY do this on purpose, but I dont, so this leads me into a conflict of genetic questions. Has it been engrained into my genetic code? It is possible.

5) "thought Processes" (or lack there of)- LOL> I know how he thinks. How scary is that.? "Dont stop talking on account of me" yelled from the bathroom means "Its gonna be awhile" and sure enough a split second later he yells that too (Oh this was a part of the phone call I had with mom on Friday, I should have mentioned that).

So as new episodes arise I will relate them in this new thread. I hope you enjoy my spiral into the world of Lysle Whitmer. I know I will, and probably Amanda will too.

Hi.

I think "unfairness of the world" from my last post was a bit overly dramatic, but what else would you expect from me? I am having some weird moments of not being able to shut off my brain. I love when that happens, and you just cant stop thinking about certain things that have happened. No matter what you do. And what I am stuck on is not what you think it is, trust me. Though it does stem fromthat, as does almost everything else in my life nowadays. It was Jackie (no, not our cat) the one who sent me the message on MySpace. She called me a "stupid, fat b**ch" And its not the stupid part that bothers me, because I know I am not stupid. Far from it, so that hardly means anything to me. And its not the b**ch part either, cuz I know that I am a b**ch sometimes, and thats ok, too. It was the fat part that really bothers me. And not because she said it, because I believe it. It is my own insecurity. It lives inmy head no matter how much I try to ignore it. It is there. And while I dont use the f word myself, I know it is true. And the thought that other people say it about me, that does bother me. Especially since I pride myself on not caring about what other people think, and for the most part, I dont. Except for that one thing that I think about myself.

So where is all this self loathing/discovery leading me? I dont know exactly. But I know that I am on my way there.

Let's discuss the unfairness of the world, shall we? The MS Society is pushing Diana out of her job. And I think it is unfair. They have told her if she doesnt have 1000 walker for Anchorage walk she was going to lose her job (not in those exact words, but that was the message they were portraying) So we ended up having 999 (by an UNofficial count cuz we are still processing paperwork). So now they told her that if we dont make goal, she is going to get fired. Our goal is $90,000 for the Alaska walk. But the thing is that walkers have until June 22nd to turn in their money. And so far we are ahead of where were last year. And not all the money has been turned in. How can you be threatening someone's job when the results have not been tallied? How can you just push someone out who has been working for 5 years, giving so much of her own time and money to make your organization profitable. Yes, we are a non-profit, but you know what I mean. NO OTHER division brings in the kind of money we bring in, and we are smaller than a lot of other places. Its not fair, what they are expecting of her, and to keep her in limbo like that? We are going to threaten your job before the walk even happens, before we even have an inkling of an idea of the outcome, but you have to live in fear until the money comes in... Is that supposed to be motivation? Cuz that means to me, look ofr a new job while they decide your fate. Which is what Diana is doing. She told me I would be a shoo-in for her job, but I said no. I dont want that kind of stress on me!

My Birthday Party

I have decided that while I am home, I want a birthday party. And I am giv9ing mom a challenging task. I want a cake that embraces my 25 years. I want to put emblems and symbols of my quarter century. This is my tentative list so far: Jem, Patty O'Green from Rainbow Brite, Hand cuffs (mom will LOVE that one) nail polish, corn stalk, WHS, MS society logo, tigerhawk, Walk logo, Camera, Alaska (I dont know what to use to reprsent that, the flag, a moose? Still wokin on that.) Disney World (again I need an emblem, the mouse head? the castle?), Matthew, Aces' hockey and Zion, band. That's my list so far. And then I want it to say "Happy Quarter Century". Like a collage of my life. Okay, who can tell that my new favorite show is Ace of Cakes? It is going to be awesome. I am so pumped. I am excited for my birthday cuz after last year? Forget about it. This is 800 times better. Plus, since I thought I was 25 LAST year, I have dealt with the shock.

Disney World- A dream come true

We are starting to plan our 2009 trip to Disney World. And it looks like mom and dad are going to come with us. And that makes me even more exciting to go. I cant wait to share this world with them. I was lucky enough to have been shown the magic by my second family. And I want to share that with them. And it seems so corny, what I am about to say, but unless you have been there, and you have expeienced it, I suppose it would. But once you experience the magic, you just dont understand. But there really is no other place like it on earth. It truely is a another world. You enter those gates and you go back to a simpler time. A time where you didnt have worries or stree, or work or dire sickness. You can be a kid again and no one judges you for it. They encourage it. To dream that anything is possible, as long as you believe it. To be the princess you always knew you were.

To watch a fireworks show and hear the music from the movies that enchanted you as a child, and get chills and tears in your eyes because of what you feel. Because of the Disney Magic. Becaue of the love that surrounds you because you are sharing it with your family. You return to a simpler time. Where your every need was taken care of so all you had to do was enjoy it.

In the darkest time of my life, I went to DW, and all that evil I was going through, disappeared. It was an escape from the darkness of real life. Of the pain and hurt I had in my heart was lifted because I went somewhere where that stuff didnt matter. And wasnt able to follow me there. I know it sounds silly, but it is true. (so true I cant stop crying right now cuz I am reliving that feeling getting away from that)

And I will soon share that feeling with the two people who deserve an escape as much as anyone I know. To share it with two people who worked so hard my entire life to make sure my dreams came true. Who work today to keep them burning. To give them the magic and the joys of childhood again. Of the magic and joys of the childhood they gave me. It makes me so happy and light and so excited. I wish it were this Novemeber rather than in two years.

Randomness

First off, I love Dove Energy Glow lotion, cuz I REALLY didnt want to start tanning again. I was just too afraid I would get addicted again, but I didnt want to look like I hadnt seen the sun in three month, either. Great stuff.

I have been exhausted all freakin week. I decided that I needed way more air in my bed so I went from 40 to 65 on my Sleep number bed, and I have not slept so well in a long time! Cause I sleep on my stomach most of the time, and when I would wake up my back would be KILLING me! So I pumped up the bed so I'm not od concave when I sleep and I should have done it a long time ago!

Matthew is giving his first speech (briefing) in class tday. He was really nervous. He was more nervous to give in to me! He though I was judging him. I wasnt judging him at all! I WANTE#D him to get past the first 8 lines so I could learn something, but he was so sure I was judging him that he couldnt make it past that point. Once I made him realize that I just wanted to hear his speech, he relaxed and was able to get through the whole thing. I guess I dont make a very good audience.

I swear my skin thinks I am 13 again, cuz I am breaking out so bad. I am so sick of this. Time for some skin overhauling! I'm sure you didnt really care about that, but I seemed to think you needed to know.

Anyway, I should get back to work.