The Next Morning

Hayden did really good last night. He woke up once at 4:30 and I fed him and he fell right back to sleep. I know understand why they say to have NOTHING in the crib with him, because when I went in I found him turned a complete 180 degrees from the way I left him and all the way up in the upper left hand corner of the crib! I guess I am going to have start putting him don at the bottom of the crib so he can work his way up... Anyway, he then slept all the way to 7, when the f*#%ing revelry starting playing and woke him up. I knew it would, but there isn't anything I could do about it cuz its coming from his room's side of the house. I guess its just one more thing we have to adjust around. So I went and got him and he slept with me for about 2 1/2 hours, till Matthew came to bed. Hayden wakes up when Daddy comes to bed and that's their happy time cuz Hayden is all smiles, an he tells Daddy about his dreams from that night while I go put my contacts in and wash my face and such. SO needless to say, Hayden did better than I did. I was nervous. I woke up at every little sound...I finally had to put my earplugs in again. ( I can hear him crying, but not the little sleepy moans) I just couldn't sleep. And then I was awake for about an hour after I had finished feeding him... I am afraid tonight will be a little rougher, but Matthew will be here to help me out. He is a bit nervous about when to go in and when not to and such...But I will feel better knowing he is here cuz then My brain will know that if I am asleep, and I don't hear him crying (which is impossible, but that's the thought that keeps me awake) I know that Matthew is here and he will check on him or feed him or whatever, just in case I apparently die in my sleep, cuz that's the only thing that would prevent his crying from waking me up... So as everyone expected, Hayden did good, I was pseudo-weak, but did as well as I could or the first night, and now the first night is behind us and it will never happen again and we work towards the independent night, knowing that tonight, we are closer to that point than we were last night, and that is something.

Crib

Tonight is Hayden's first night sleeping in his crib, all night. I am trying to be strong...He is fast approaching 4 months so I know this has to be starting NOW. It is the best thing for all of us, if he starts sleeping in his own bed. It is a bit bitter sweet. I want my bed back, but I will miss him. It will be ok. Two weeks and he will be accustomed to his crib and I will be adjusted to yet another change that distances me a bit more from my baby. He cried for about 25 minutes, then I went in (he was 1/2 asleep) so I could give him his binkie, cuz I know, from experience, that the second I gave him his Binkie he would pass right out. And he did. We put Matthew's Mickey that he got from mom up there. I got a couple CD's worth of lullabies from iTunes and put them in my iPod, so we could hook it up to the Mickey and he could have his music playing like at nap time. I can do this. I will enable him to fall asleep by himself. I will let go just a little, and I will look forward to his smiling face every morning. I will.

Holy Crap!

Wednesday, Aug 13, 2008 9:15 pm EDT

Michael Phelps eats 12,000 calories per day
By Chris Chase

After he retires from swimming, Michael Phelps might want to try his hand at competitive eating. The Olympic star recently said he consumes 12,000 calories per day, or 9,500 more than the FDA recommends for an active, young male.

Phelps has to keep his intake up in order to compensate for all the calories he burns during the 30-hours per week he spends in training. He told NBC that an average day might have the following menu:

Breakfast: 3 fried egg sandwiches, 2 cups coffee, 5-egg omlette, bowl of grits, 3 pieces of french toast, 3 chocolate chip pancakes

Lunch: 1 pound pasta, 2 ham and cheese sandwiches, energy drink (1,000 calorie)

Dinner: 1 pound pasta, 1 large pizza, energy drink (1,000 calorie)

Three years ago, Phelps told an interviewer:
I eat pretty much whatever I want. I don't have a strict diet. It's all about cramming in as many calories into my system as I possibly can. To be honest with you, I have a tough time keeping weight on.

Michael better be careful there. There's no surer way to turn new female fans into former female fans than by complaining about how hard it is to keep on weight.


Note: I am growing tired of swimming. I mean its exciting to win and all that. but I m ready for something else to start. Not that I love track and field... No, thats not true I REALLY enjoy the field part, i.e. High jump, pole vault (do they still do that?) discus, etc., but not so much the track part...

While he naps...

I know that I have been posting alot during the day, but I try to get it in while he sleeps so usually each post represents a nap! I realize I could edit the same post, but I don't. HA!

I feel really good about going to the gym last night. I really hope I can get myself into the habit of going. I have been pretty bummed since I had Hayden. I knew my body would change, and I know its only been 3 months. But its a mental downer when you know that you weigh less than you did when you got pregnant, but your shirts are still tight cuz your stomach is all stretched out. Like I said before, its like a Ziploc bag with water. Its weird and I don't like it, and there is only one way to change it. Add on top of that my hips are still all spread out.... Yes, I know its part of the package and I know it will never be exactly the same but it bums me out. So I really want to make myself do this, and I do like the gym... I am a little self conscious being there, but I keep telling myself that no one cares. No one cares what you are doing, they are focused on their own thing. I have to keep telling myself that no one is watching, no one is paying attention to how fast I am pedalling, or what the resistance is set to, or what I am wearing. All of this is BEFORE I get there, cuz I get myself all self conscious, and I wont go. Once I am there, on my bike, my earbuds in, and my iPod or TV on, I don't even know anyone else is there, but its the getting there that will prove to be the challenge until I get it to being a habit and not an obligation. And that is always my challenge. I am never consistent enough to make it into a routine, and I really do want to. I just have to make that decision. And I have to make it for myself, not because anyone else wants me to, or tells me that I need to, it has to be my decision 100%. That is just the way I work. Like when I quit smoking (I know, I know, get over the fact that I did it, I don't anymore) I wouldn't stop just cuz its bad, or because anyone wanted me to, but one day I decided that I didn't want to do it anymore. So I threw away the rest of my pack and I haven't done it since, never even wanted to, well, no that's not true, I had some weak moments where I THOUGHT I wanted to, but I never did cuz I knew I didn't... Anyway, the moral of the story is that one day I decided not to do it, so I never did. I overcame an addiction with sheer will power, mental strength. SO I KNOW that once I do it, make that decision, I will succeed. I think the key is not to focus on losing weight as the reason for doing this. I think if I am doing it because I WANT to, because I enjoy it, and it makes me feel good. that will be the difference. I haven't found anything that I really enjoy, except riding my bike (and roller blading, which is out) So I have high hopes for my latest endeavour. Because at the end of the day, I want it to be because it makes me FEEL good. I want to feel GOOD. I don't care if I LOOK good, I don't care how much weight I lose, I don't care what the number inside my jeans says, I want to feel GOOD. And once I start to feel better maybe I will branch out, maybe I will enjoy my elliptical then. (Matthew doesn't want to sell it, cuz he uses it too) 9 months to put it on, 9 months to take it off. I guess I do have ONE size goal, I want to sit comfortably (as possible without any leg room) on the airplane when we fly home.

Gym

We all went to the gym last night. Its really nice facility. They did a good job with it. So Matthew and the Misters walked around the track while I was on the bike. They have TV's hooked up to all the bikes, treadmills, stair climbers, and elliptical. Or you can hook up your iPod to the machine or whatever. Its really nice. It'll give me a place to go until I get saved up for my bike. I want to go in the mornings, so when Matthew gets home from work, and Misters is still asleep, I think I will go. I like working out in the morning better then at night, cuz I just cant fall asleep, plus Matthew doesnt really know our bedtime routine yet, so I dont think he wants to put him to bed. Plus, I dont think he wants to be involved in the crib transition cuz he doesnt like the crying. I am becoming more calloused to the crying. Somethimes, I dont even care if he cries himself to sleep, cuz I have tried everything to soothe him and nothing works...its the only option left. But he is getting better. We start our routine a little earlier, and he sems fine. Last night he oly cried for 4 minutes when I put him down. So we are doing good. He should be comfortable with his crib soon. He likes to sleep on his side, bent backwards. I would take a picture if I thought the flash wouldnt wake him up. And he is starting to move around in his sleep. I put him to bed vertical, and when I fed him at 4 this morning he was completely horizontal.

Russia vs. Georgia

This whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. I have never paid attention to anything so hard. We just need to mind our own business... Keep any effort purely humanitarian. I know the chances are VERY slim that should something happen that Matthew would be sent anywhere. Alaska is close enough that they would do any live loading here anyway. Which also scares me because we are so close, they could do the same to us. As much as it would hurt me, I would pack us up and fly us home. If there was a risk of it spilling over (if the US doesnt keep their nose out of it) I am NOT staying here. My SON is NOT staying here. So its in the back of my head, and in the pit of my stomach. I know exactly what Matthew would say, which is what I have already said here, but it doesnt stop the worry. Even if he knew something, he wouldnt be able to tell me.But I think i we were any real danger, he would tell me, because I believe he would support my decision to get out, to take our babies and leave.

We dodged a bullet for next year cuz his shop is planning a 4 month deployment. I dont know where to, but I am SO glad he wont have to do that! I told him if he did, I would be going home for 4 months. There is just no way I could be here, alone, for 4 months. He says that's what a lot of wives do, and then they never come back. He says he knows a few guys who got a phone call saying "I'm not coming back" Goes back to the "Poopy Head" blog. Its just common place. People cant handle it.

I need help.

What color frame shoud I put this in? Mahogany? or Dark walnut? or something else?

State fair

Matthew has been REALLY wanting to ride the railroad and he wanted to make sure that he did it before we left. I don't really know f it mattered WHERE we went, but I know he would have like to go north to Denali, but its just too much money to do that, so we are going to take the train to the State Fair on the 23rd. Which I am SOO ok with cuz then we don't have to drive the hour to Palmer, using OUR gas (cuz prices are not going down here, we are still at $4.36/gal) and we don't have to deal with parking (which is a nightmare) and we don't have to pay extra for parking that's like a mile away from the fairgrounds. On the train they have a station right at the entrance. So it should be fun. It is Target Family Day at the Fair (yes, that's Target, the store, Day) They are really hyping up the store openings in October. One more reason why I WONT be going to the new Target, unless its WAY early in the morning when no one will be there, and that is still only after a couple months. Just in time for Christmas shopping... maybe I wont be going to the new Target... Anyway, its Target Day so there are going to be some pretty awesome fireworks, but I don't think we will be staying that long. They don't start till after 10 pm and that is already too late for the Misters to be up, and then we would have to watch the show then still have the ride home... too much, so we opted not to stay that long and take the early train home. Plus that's a pretty long, boring day at the Fair.

On a side note, and to whet your appetite for Picture Thursday, I may have taken THE best picture of Matthew with the Misters this week. Watch out for it. I am totally getting extra copies to have framed!

And on the other side, I have had some ask about why I call him Misters. Its because all the nicknames I have given him start with Mister (i.e. Mister Stinkies, Mister Milkface, Mister Slobbers) So I have encompassed all nicknames into Misters or Little Misters. So there you go.

one more

new videos

My New Favorite Website

I have decided that this is my new favorite site for picking out toys for Hayden. I never know what to get that will be the best use of my money, but this site breaks it down, explains what skill each toy develops and gives to suggestions for extended play, so it tells you how long the kid can play with the toy and still benefit from it. It is really cool. I have already created a registry for Christmas presents! LOL. It didn't take long! But its kind fun o browse the different age groups.

Sorry, Sweetie! :)

But I do love to watch men's swimming... Yummy. LOL. Plus, I like when we win, and swimming is a good option for watching the US win. Go Phelps!!!


EDIT: Eat it French Relay Team! HAHAHAHAHA! That was AMAZING!

Note on Christmas Gifts

I dont remember who we have told so I am making a note about it here. Since we are starting to get ready to move, and its time to start thinking about Christmas shopping, we have decided that it makes more sense to have a Christmas for us, after we come home. It seems silly, to us, for you to pay shipping to get gifts up here, and then have us pack them up and send them right back. Plus any gifts you get for Hayden would be there for him while most of his things are in transit. Now, of course, if there is something you want him to open up on Christmas, by all means send it up, but either make sure its something that could easily be packed in a suitcase, or its going to get shipped TMO, so he will only have it for a couple weeks, and then its gone again. Or if its clothes that will only fit for a certain amount of time... well, you use your best judgement and then when we get home, we'll plan a post-Christmas party for Hayden's first Christmas.


Edit: One more thing, stores are sexiest against boys!!!I am disgusted with the BX right now cuz they have a HUGE section of infant clothes for girls (like 7 rows of racks!) and a teeny-tiny section for boys, only TWO rows! (but toddler boys have ONE row). They have a whole huge display of girls/infant's coats/snowsuits. And one pitiful little rack of boys with ONE option and the smallest size is 18 months. Wal-Mart isnt much better! Is this the norm or is it an Alaska thing?

Rough Day Yesterday

oh, my goodness, was I missing my bright eyed, happy baby (and feeling VERY sorry for Julie) yesterday. He was just crying...and crying... and crying. I figured eventually that he was just tired... but I didn't know what to do for him. I didn't know if he was sick... Took my first rectal temperature yesterday, he handles that like a champ, so I don't feel so bad about doing it anymore. He didn't take real long naps, but I finally got him to go to sleep... and that seemed to help. So last night we went to bed a bit early (I am SOOOO ready for him to sleep in his own bed, I think he is getting close) and he screamed for about a half an hour. I had Matthew bring my some ear plugs. (Hayden sleeps on Matthew's side of the bed, since he doesn't sleep at night with us.) And he eventually fell asleep and slept ALL night. All the way through to 6 am. Usually he wakes up, but I think that maybe I wake him up, unwittingly. Cuz every time he makes a noise I lean over and check on him, but last night I had earplugs in so I couldn't hear all those little noises, only the cry at 6 am, so I didn't move and he apparently just fell back to sleep. So I think that he is ready to move into his bed, or at least into the pack 'n' play and out of my bed. It is going to be kinda hard, but I am ready to have him sleep in his own bed. But its really hard for me, cuz I feel like I am disconnecting myself from him, and it hurts. Between going to work, and no longer breastfeeding and now, not cuddling with him at night, I am feeling like I am distancing myself from him... which I know isn't true cuz we just bond in different ways now like playing and reading books and bath time... but it isn't as physically connecting as it was before. But I feel really good about the bond that we developed in these early months. I am happy that I didn't have to go back to work right away so we had all that time together. Unfortunately, it makes me have a bit of separation anxiety (for lack of a better term) about all of this growing up. Like I said when we left him with Amanda for the first time, it feels like I am taking steps towards letting him go... I know I am making him independent, and that's what I need to do.

Talking about the Olympics

Matthew is blowing on Hayden's hair to make it move and it apparently startled him...

I LOVE this picture, between the hair and the eyes and the shirt, it has to be one of my FAVORITE pictures of Misters.

Rolling over

The first video is to illustrate his hard work to get himself over, and a bit of his movment now, though I have better video of that for later. The second video is of him finally doing it after so long, you can tell how happy I am!

First Juice

Poopy head

I guess the guys at Matthew's work were talking about the quality of their relationships (that's politely phrased for my audience) and they were all in disbelief when Matthew told them about us. That we actually go out and DO things together and the we make each other laugh. they're like "You mean you actually LIKE each other?" LOL> Sad isn't it. Matthew's like "Yeah, we even play games together. We're friends" They had such a hard time believing that we are as close as we are and they could barely believe that we were high school sweethearts and we're still together. I just think its so sad. and all Matthew could say was "Well, you have to remember that it is the military." Yes, it is and that is also sad. Relationships just have a terrible time surviving the military. But we ARE friends and we DO make each other laugh and that has saved us on many occasions. When we are at each other, one of us will make a stupid joke and that's it, we refocus. And we don't have big fights very often, rarely, actually. We have stupid arguments and ends with us calling each other a poopy head. And yes, poopy is the word we use. I love us.

talking

Tuesday's Tummy time (Chasing Kitties)

How many posts can I make in one day...

I talked to a nurse today about Hayden. She suggested that I add a bit of fruit juice to his diet, since he is old enough now. If he has anymore blood I am to bring him in so they caqn make sue it is the formula and not something else, like an infection. But like I said I took his temperature and he didn't have a fever, so I don't think its an infection. So Hayden had his first taste of juice today. VERY diluted juice, but juice none the less. I have a little video of it. And a REALLY funny picture of him right after is VERY first taste. I have to thank Grandpa Whitmer for that picture cuz he was the one who requested that I take it. It will be included in tomorrow's Picture Thursday, of course. I just hope this helps him. I don't want him to be in pain like that... He is such a sweet little boy, and that makes it so much worse. Not saying that if h wasn't such a sweetie that he would deserve it, or anything, but he never cries, so to see him cry, especially out of pain... it hurts me. Physically hurts me. Now I understand why Mom was on the floor in the corner when I had to get stitches in my knee... and why she had to leave the room when I got my lumbar puncture. And I understand now that that night she left me in the hospital, that it was probably harder on her to hear me crying on the other end of the phone as it was for me to be scared and alone. And that is an understanding I would NEVER have had if I hadn't have become a mother.

Sorry I gave you such a hard time about it!

I am watching a Bridezilla marathon on WE (no, there is nothing else on) OMG, how do people put up with these women?! I have never seen this show before today, I cant believe this behavior. I am shocked, SHOCKED, that these women aren't left at the altar. I would leave them at the altar!

My Poor Baby

He had some hard poopies this morning. It was horrible cuz there wasn't anything I could do to make it easier for him. His face was getting all red and he was crying. I think I was twice as relieved as he was when he finally passed it. The first part was all hard and there was a little spot of blood where it torn him a little, I about cried! I think we ALL know how that feels, which makes it even worse. But once the hard part was out the rest was all normal... I know its because we are transitioning him over to formula. Which makes me feel even worse for making this decision the way that I did. It makes me feel so selfish because now my decision is literally causing him pain. I left a message with his PCM (Primary Care Manager, for you non-military people) so I am waiting to hear back from them to see if they want to see him, or if there is something I can do to make this transition a little easier for him. I don't think I can give him juice quite yet... I have read that I could put some Karo syrup in his formula and it acts as a stool softener, but I am not going to do that unless his PCM says its ok. This is the first hard stool he has ever had, and he didn't seem at all uncomfortable yesterday. He didn't go poopy at all but that is fairly normal for him. He usually just has one really big poopy a day, and sometimes he doesn't go at all, and that's his norm. He doesn't have a fever. I didn't do a rectal temp though, cuz I figured his butt was just too sore right now. I figured mine would be, so I couldn't bare putting something back up when he had just suffered so much to get it out! So I did it in his armpit and it was 98.0 F so I figured a rectal would be about normal. So now its a waiting game, to see if he has another hard poopy, for the doctor's team to call, and for Julie, my Baby Advisor, to return my email. But he is sleeping now, he went poopy and fell right to sleep. I hope he's not dehydrated...

A little Tummy Time for you. today he made it all the way across his mat in about 8.5 ,minutes or so. I have it on the video camera. So far he has figured out how to hold up his shoulders. And he has figured out how to get up on his knees, just not at the same time, so his moving is similar to an inch worm, but he's moving! I didnt help him at all. Here he will tell you about it.

I am getting my haircut tomorrow!!!! I am so excited. This hair is driving me CRAZY!!!!!

Storage

So I sorted through all of Hayden's clothes to pull out the newborn and 0-3 month sizes. In my denial I have been not doing it cuz I didn't want him to be getting bigger already. He is definitely into 3 month clothes. Most 0-3 mo clothes go to 12 lbs and he is just over the 12 lb mark so some of them fit, most all of them didn't. He is on the smaller end of the scale, but I guess I want him to stay my little baby for a bit longer. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am excited for the next phase. When he starts to do more on his own, starts to crawl and get toofers and do more and more things on his own, but I will miss my little baby. He is such a big boy now. I got a Bumbo seat (thanks for that Julie, I LOVE it!) and he just sits there, so patiently, watching me do whatever I am doing. I guess the next step is getting him to sleep in his own bed... I am going to start out putting him in the Pack'n'Play in our room for a couple more weeks, till he is a a little more comfortable with sleeping by himself, and then we will move to his own room and working on letting him fall asleep on his own. But that is a couple weeks off. I would like to have him in his own crib by the time Matthew's family comes to visit. Mom sent up a bunch of my books from when I was little, so we have a MUCH BIGGER variety of stories to read at night. I know he doesn't know the difference but I can read Brown Bear, Brown Bear so many times in one week!

So anyway, this sorting has led to going through his bottles and everything that he has grown out of. We're hanging on to everything, for now. I haven't decided on the bottles yet, but we will probably hang on to those too, for the next one. No sense in buying all new clothes f the next one ends up being a boy, and a lot of it is unisex like all the rubber ducky stuff, so I just cant bring myself to get rid of it. So this has planted the bug of going through everything. We have a little over 160 days until we move, and I have a LOT of STUFF. Its in my genes to be a pack rat. I just need to honestly go through everything and get rid on some stuff. Plus we are going to be starting on taking stuff down off the walls, and patching holes and things like that, so we have a head start. I mean it is already August! We have 4 real months to get these things started, and we all now how I love to procrastinate! I just cant believe it is already August. This year seems to be going by faster than last year did!


Oh, and I am torn between a train party and a monkey party.

Is it too early to start planning a 1st birthday party?

Work

I decided to nurse Hayden for another month, till he starts on solid foods, and then I will go back on my meds. It is recommended that you breastfeed exclusively for 6 months...but I talked it over with Mom and she says that I gave him a really good start, but I need to think about me, too. And formulas today are so much more advanced. Nutrition-wise they are VERY similar to breast milk. They just don't have the immunization qualities.

I need to get back on track. I was doing so good right before I got pregnant. I was taking all my medications, I was losing weight, I was feeling good. I need to get back on that track. I know that they say to give yourself 9 months to get back to your pre-pregnancy self. I don't really need to worry about the pregnancy weight cuz I have already lost that, basically when Hayden was born, but I hate how stretched out I am. My stomach feels all weird and loose, like water in a Ziploc bag. But my stretch marks are fading pretty quickly. I need to get back on the elliptical. I kinda wish I had gone with my first desire on that and got a stationary bike instead, but it is what it is. We're probably selling it when we move anyway, I'll just get a bike then. But they are relatively inexpensive, maybe I'll use my birthday money to get one, since we're selling the elliptical anyway... I will have to think about it. I just don't like the elliptical and I did really good with Katie's bike before the wedding, just sit there and bike for an hour while I watch SVU... I just wish it were a real bike. I miss being able to ride a bike... I can just hear Matthew... "Are you going to actually USE it?" I wish the gym were open 24 hours, cuz then I could swing by on my way home from work and spend an hour on the bike there, at least thats free! Of course that would mean Matthew would have to put the kid to bed every night. But once he starts sleeping in his bed exclusively, he is going to have to do that anyway... we have to start sloly changing his bedtime to get him somewhat adjusted to the time change. We have some work ahead of us.

Letting go...

Well, we did it. We went to see Batman. I did it. It was so hard but I was better than I was on Friday. There was NO WAY I could have gone on Friday. But he did really good at Amanda's, slept most of the time, as I figured he would. The best part was seeing his smile when he saw me again. I took a big step today. I mean I cant really explain what it feels like to leave him. Its like taking everything that makes you happy, makes you alive... stuffed into your heart which you then cut out and hand it to another person and you are supposed to trust that person with it, to keep it safe. That is the trust you have to have, and I find it very difficult to find that level of trust in someone. He is my everything, and in a way, this has started me on a path of letting him go. Matthew says it will get easier after this, but now its like the first step in a line of letting go has been taken... All of this for a movie.

We were supposed to go and see Batman today... I couldn't do it. We were going to the 10:45 am show. We had a babysitter all lined up... I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave him. I had been up since 5 am worried and warring about going. I know I have to leave him eventually. And I made a big step going back to work, but its different cuz I'm leaving him with Matthew. (Which, btw, has been REALLY great for the two of them. I think they are BOTH more comfortable around each other) I just couldn't do it. I know Matthew was disappointed that I decided not to go, but I couldn't force myself to go. So he is going to MAKE me go on Sunday. I have full faith in Amanda. I know she will be fine with him, and its only a few hours, but I just couldn't do it. I mean, going that early in the morning, He would just sleep the whole time anyway, and probably not even know we were gone... I am a little disappointed in myself. I know I need to do this... I will do this. I can leave him. I know I can.

FYI: Heartburn in back. I have never had heartburn before being preggo. Good thing I have meds left from before!

I love this video cuz Hayden's look towards me when he turns arouns and realizes that I am recording him is PRICELESS. It looks like "What the hell is going on here? What do you think you are doing?" LOL.

Daddy time

Sesame Street

I am so enamoured with Sesame Street. I have come to appreciate it in a whole new way. My 3 month old son LOVES Sesame Street. I am sure it the colors and the music and voices. He has no idea what's going on, but he LOVES it. He smiles and dances and laughs (yes, laughs, its amazing) and he LOVES Cookie Monster. It is good though cuz we can play and dance and it gets him nice and tired for his nap at 11. But I have a new respect because it is designed to appeal to all children. Its ingenious, that Sesame Street.

Oh, what a day. Last night I couldnt get to sleep so I was up half the night. And Hayden has been crabby lately. I am starting to think his toofers are starting to come in cuz he isnt really taking very good nap, his gums are all red and he doesnt eat a whole lot at each feeding. But then again, he might not be feeling well in general. He doesnt want to sleep in his swing, he wants to be held, so I am thinking he has a little bug or he is starting to cut teeth. Either way the next couple days will be fun!

More Videos

Shadows

There are things that happen to us in our past, things that find their way into your present, no matter how you try to hide from them. I have spent years trying to stay away from the past... things I never thought I would have to face, things that are leaking into my path like haunting shadow, overwhelming me. I cant face them, I cant grasp them, and that makes me hate them even more. And as that hate spreads as the shadow looms larger... How do I escape the shadow? Something that I am scared of... something I am ashamed of... I need to hide... But I need to hide in the light, where the shadows cant overwhelm me.

Some more videos

I didnt realize how I was holding the camera, but I figured it out eventally.

3 months

We went and got Hayden's 3 month pictures done at Sears. He did a really good job till the end when we were doing the family pictures and he was getting hungry. But there are a few good ones. I wish I had thought about the fact that my hair hasnt been colored since December so I have some nice dual colors going. You cant even say that they're roots cuz its like 4 inches of grow out. Oh, well, next time for the 6 month pictures I will be more cognizant of it. But here is a taste...

This one of just Hayden we got the package of so I will be sending out small ones of this one, and I got it for the big 10x13. I just love it, it is just so him.

You want wriggling? :)

Hayden is becoming VERY aware of the camera so if he is smiling and talking and I pull out the camera, he knows. He stops what he is doing to study the camera. but this is more Tummy Time.

Simple Enough

I was standing in line at the BX yesterday before I headed in to work and there was this couple and their two boys in front of me. One of the boys, probably 6 or 7, points out a magazine cover featuring the "pregnant Man" and "his" daughter. Here coming the question I am not looking forward to explaining (not necessarily THIS question, but this type) "How does a boy have a baby?" So the mom goes ahead and explains that the "man" is a girl living as a man. I can tell that the older boy (maybe like 10) understands but the younger one doesn't get it. "How is a girl living like a boy?" The mom goes on to explain (impatiently, characteristic of an Army wife) about hormones and testosterone and such. The dad is desperately trying to NOT have this conversation in the line at the BX with the lady behind them listening and smiling (laughing to herself) So to nix the question in the bud dad says, "She does everything like a boy but stand up to pee." End of conversation, but I actually laughed out loud that time cuz the declaration of this simple difference between what it is to be a boy and to be a girl was enough to satiate the curiosity of this boy. The "man" who was a girl, lived just like a man, except "he" had to sit down to pee. Simple enough.

I feel much better having talked to Julie about the sleeping and crib transition situation. I had a good idea about what I wanted to do and how to do it, but was being overwhelmed with information, so to have her tell me basically the same thing I was already thinking has calmed me considerably. Not to say that I am comfortable leaving Hayden to cry, but I know that I am ok NOT doing it quite yet... so that also makes me feel better. I know this wont be super easy, but I feel more confident about it. AND I left the boys alone today and went to work for a couple hours at the commissary. They seemed to survive all right without me.

Crying

So I thought we would try to have Hayden sleep in his crib last night. I convinced (sort of) myself that it was time... so I sat there and listened to him cry... while I cried. I just don't think I can do this. I decided we weren't ready. Maybe I decided I wasn't ready. Which ever is the case...He didn't cry for THAT long. Maybe ten minutes and then he fell asleep for about an hour and then he woke up again and didn't seem to be at all tired anymore. So we laid in the big bed and fell asleep. I just cant listen to him cry. Even if everything says that its the best way to do it, I just don't think I agree... or rather I don't think I can stand to hear him crying. I just feel like he is going to think that I abandoned him in this scary, dark room. I don't want him to ever think that I abandoned him. And I know that regardless, he wont remember going through this transition. I realize its my own fears and memories that I have to contend with. I just have to remember that he wont remember this. Its for his own good (cant have a 5 year old sleeping in our bed every night) and that its this hard for everyone who decides to transition from the big bed to the crib....

Decisions

Its time to make the decision that I was hoping I would be able to put off forever. Everyday my body returns more and more back to normal. "Normal" for me is exhausted and no sense of balance... So I have to decide between continuing to breastfeed Hayden and give him the best developmental nutrition that I can, and going back on my meds. I guess a large part of me hoped that by having Hayden would make me better. Foolish I know, but it was a hope that held me up for a while. I can't ignore that everytime I start upstairs I teeter like a weeble-wobble. And I know that with every misstep on the stair, every tired, over worked muscle, everyday I ignore what my body is telling me, is one more step towards a future that I don't want and never asked for. So now I have to decide between what I know to be the best for Hayden and what I know is the best for me, and for the first time I don't know what to do. Do I sacrifice Hayden's health and development for my own? How can I bring myself to do that? Except then I tell myself that if I want any kind of decent future with my son I need to do what I know I have to in order to ensure that I will be the best mommy I can be... I wish this day hadn't come. I knew i would. I knew the risks before we got pregnant, but I wouldn't change our decision for anything in this world. If having Hayden means that someday I wont be able to walk, it is a sacrifice I will make 1000 times again. I don't know... I mean I know that there are LOTS of babies who aren't breastfed and they are fine... But they hammer it into your head how important it is for you to breastfeed, and while that was made me suffer through those first weeks when I thought I would pass out from the pain, but it is also what makes me feel ridiculously guilty for stopping. But Hayden has been having formula for a couple months now, but it hasn't been his sole source of nutrition. This sucks.

Mommy milestones

Oh, its so nice to have Matthew home. We've just been hanging out, cleaning the house. Getting things done that we have been putting off. So he is home and everything is fine. I didn't realize that I didn't update that he is home now. I guess I am headed back to work this week. Matthew is going to watch Hayden during the afternoon/evenings. So I am dealing with that. I feel better about leaving him with Matthew, but I have a feeling I am going to get a lot of phone calls and questions...which is fine. And it'll be good for him, he needs to learn and spend time with Hayden. And that's good. But now he wants to go to a concert at the state fair, and I have to leave him with a babysitter. And I have some friend who I would rust with him, not many, but a few. But I am not going to be able to have fun because I am going to be worried about him the whole time. Mommy has milestones too.

why am I surprised that he wont be home today? I shouldnt ever be surprised when something happens that will disappoint me.

New Formula

I decided to change Hayden's formula from the original Lipil to the A.R. Lipil to hopefully cut down on how much he spits up. It has made a Big difference. He still spits up, but not NEARLY as much as he was. and he seems to even keep BM down better too. the only thing that sucks is that the cans are smaller and more expensive. Good thing its not his main source of nutrition! But I feel much better knowing that he is keeping everything down. and I can tell he is getting bigger. I think his next weigh in will be drastically different. I just wasn't comfortable with 25%. Is that bad of me? I mean I don't want him to be a chunker, but he just wasn't growing very much. And his crookedness is going away. He had his bulge on his left side, like all of his organs and innards were in a ball on his left side, but it seems to be evening out now.

After his visit with Santa...

I miss my husband so much, its making my stomach hurt.

Rolling over

This is the best footage I could get right now. He does it at random times and I dont always have the camera ready. But he does it right at the beginning. Like I said, its not the best, but its the best I have right now. I will try to get better footage. He almost did the back to front roll today on the changing table. Freaked me out cuz I wasnt expecting it... Anyway, here is Hayden rolling over.

Delayed Video

This is the video I was saving just in case there wasnt a Picture Thursday this week.

We had a lot of fun. Fairbanks is a hole, if anyone ever wondered. I had never been there before, and once is enough. But we had a barbecue on Saturday and they slow cooked brisket. It was SO good. And then we went to see Santa at North Pole. We have an AWESOME Christmas picture for this year's card. There were SO many ornaments to choose from, it was overwhelming. But I got Hayden a copy of Night Before Christmas. I thought it would be a cool heirloom for him. I am going to put the picture of him and Santa in the front cover. The North Pole Pizza Hut is a pretty hopping place, it took 2 hours but the pizza was really good. The crust was kinda sweet... very good. Hayden was so good in the car. He slept most of the time. We only had to stop once. Oh, and he rolled over! On Friday he figured out how to roll over from front to back. He hasn't figured out the back to front roll yet, but he has fun rolling now. so Tummy Time consists of rolling over and sucking on our fists. Very productive. He loves sucking on his fists now. Um., lets see what else? Matthew got some pretty cool pictures on his Incentive Ride. I am going to send everything out on Thursday. I probably wont separate out the Hayden pics from the Fairbanks pics. It seems like a lot of work... not that I have a lot to do till Matthew gets home on Friday. Ok, Hayden is asleep so I am going to finally eat something and take a nap myself. I have been up since 3:30 this morning. I was having bad dreams about driving back.

We're back. We have some great pictures for you. But you'll have to wait!

Yay.

We are going to go visit Daddy. We have a room on base, and the smokes-alot neighbors are gonna keep an eye on our house. So the challenge becomes a 6 hour drive with Hayden. I'm sure he will be fine. We wont be in any hurry so I am not too concerned. He'll probably end up sleeping the whole time anyway. So we'll have some fun pictures for next Picture Thursday/Mommy's birthday. This trip is my present to myself. And mom and dad's present to me :).

Bathtime

Yay, we finally like baths! Now we can play in the water more often.

So my son, who felt he didn't need to take a nap, decided he also didn't need to sleep. Again, not being cranky or crying, just not falling asleep. So we headed up to bed at 8:30, called daddy, ate on both sides...FINALLY, around 10:40 he starts to fall asleep. He was hovering right on the brink and about to fall over and that's when the cigarette smoke started blowing into the window, so I had to gt up and switch the fan to exhaust. Which of course, wakes Hayden up. I was so pissed. two hours and ten minutes down the drain because SOMEONE has to go out and smoke at 11 at night. So I wait and switch the fan back and go back to bed and turn Friends back on and started over. This time, it only took about an hour and sure enough, here comes the smoke again. I mean you have GOT to be kidding me. SO I got up again and did the same thing, luckily Hayden fell asleep and stayed asleep that time. I was so pissed I yelled out the window, I don't remember exactly what I said but something about it being midnight and every time they light up that cigarette the smoke blows into my house and my baby has to breathe it. But I know it was a lot more colorful than that. I may have sparked a neighbor war, but oh well. Actually, I may have just added fuel to the fire because the neighbors on either side of us don't like each other. The ones on the left side slams the door between the garage and the entry way so hard that the people on the right side can hear it. And I guess they went over and yelled at them. But I can tell you that it didn't make any difference. So they have been arguing back and forth. And we hate both of them for multiple reasons but the big one is the smoking. Less than two hundred days... I cant wait to live next to grown ups. Like Matthew said the military is like high school. And the people act like high schoolers, the maturity level is the same. No consideration for the people around them. I am so sick of it. We are hoping that when we move back, our neighbors will be quiet, old people.

Naps

We have apparently decided that we don't need a nap today. Hayden has slept a total of 30 minutes today. He isn't cranky, but he isn't really happy either. He's not crying or anything. I guess we'll be going to bed early tonight! He isn't even falling asleep in the swing, which is VERY strange. He is just sitting and swinging and whining once and a while when he realizes that his Binkie isn't in his mouth anymore. SO I go over and put it BACK in his mouth, he spits it out and laughs. And then whines till I give it back to him, then he leaves in in for a bit till he spits it out all over again. Fun game, lemme tell ya. I've even tried playing with him. His has been on his tummy mat, and I got him these little buggy toys that Velcro to the handle of the car seat or whatever and each one make a different noise... anyway we had fun with those for a while and then back on the mat and we did a lot of push ups and A LOT of standing. I cant believe that he isn't exhausted by now. AND he has completely eaten me dry PLUS we have gone through about 12 ounces of formula. This has been a VERY odd day, not his regular routine at all. Hopefully its just a fluke, this no nap thing. He needs to get some sleep during the day. I just cant believe the swing isn't cutting it right now.

I am so bored. I don't understand why it makes such a difference that Matthew isn't here. I mean he isn't here during the day anyway, or if he is, he's sleeping. So why is is it that because he is gone, I am so bored. Probably because I know that he isn't here, and he isn't going to BE here. He isn't waking up, or coming home. I still really ant to go up to Fairbanks this weekend. I was just so hopped up on doing it, I would rather have decided against going for myself (which I probably would have done), but since I CANT go, it make me REALLY want to go. And its not that I CANT go, its just that its more difficult. And we are going to go up later. Like next month or so. Matthew gets 3 CTO days (days off that don't count against his leave) because he won the Load Comp. Anyway, I am just bored. Mom is right I need a project. I do have all of those cards from the card shower and Hayden's birth to put into a scrapbook. I just need to get some glue. I also need to find an outfit for Hayden's 3 mo pictures... But I think I want to go to the mall the Gymboree for that. I want something really adorable. If I cant find anything I like I am going to go with the yellow and blue puppy outfit that me and Matthew love. I may do it anyway, because we love that outfit so much.

Boo.

Our trip to Fairbanks has been derailed. After I had decided to go. Instead of having his own room, and sharing a bathroom like they were supposed to, they are sharing a room. So we would have to get a hotel room either way. And so Matthew said he doesn't really want us to drive up alone. He'd rather be there with us, in case something happens. Its a long drive, through mountains. Just me and the baby. So I understand. I am still going to look for a room.

He has his incentive flight today. I am waiting to hear from him. to make sure he made it through ok. I am still waiting. I ran my errands already... and now I am feeding Hayden. Maybe I'll take a nap... anything to keep from worrying. He tells me not to worry...yeah, ok.

EDIT: Matthew called. His flight went good. He didnt black out or get sick or anything. He tried to take a lot of pictures but it was cloudy/rainy. But when there was a break in the clouds he would snap some pictures. So I am really looking forward to seeing those pictures.

Good-bye again...

Well. we dropped Matthew off again. This sucks so bad. I feel like we just picked him up from the airport. He just left less than a month ago!! I know this one is shorter (by 3 days) but it still sucks. I know I could just drive up there this weekend if I wanted to. I actually might cuz I want to go to Santa Claus' house in North Pole before we leave AK. And we are running out of summer. But a six hour drive with an infant, by myself, isn't that appealing But I really want to go to the North Pole. I just think its something that I must do just to it! So its definitely in my mind. I wouldn't even have to think about it if gas wasn't so high. But on the other hand Matthew does have free room to stay in. Its not a one day trip. Its 6 hours up there, so if the 3 of us go up later we'd have to get a room somewhere. We arent going to drive 6 hours, stay for two and turn around and drive another 6 hours back.

Edit: I LOVE our swing! and now Hayden does too. he always swang in it for awhile but only to sleep. now he is happy just chillin' listening to the music.it is so nice cuz I can get some things done. The only problemis the music. I can hear it ALL THE TIME! in the quiet of night. in the hum of the fan...I hear the music. I sometimes have to get up and check that the music is off cuz its so loud and surprisingly accurate in my head.

Last night we had a successful bath!!! No screaming, no crying. There were even a couple smiles!!! It was a very good night. AND he went to sleep at 10:30 instead of 12/1 o'clock. A good night indeed. But I am excited aout the bath. There will be pictures included in a small installment of Picture Thursday. I am kinda bummed that Matthew will have my camera. I am never without my camera and its a weird feeling. I mean just in general, what if a moose wonders into our backyard and I dont have my camera?! But this is a once in a lifetime thing for him so it trumps my "possible" moose sighting...but not by much.

Scooting

Hayden is starting to scoot around, slowly but surely. He hasnt quite figured out how to use both arms at the same time so he scoots around in a circle. But I tell you what, once he figures out that other arm, we're in trouble. We'll be going to get gates in the next couple weeks, i'm sure. But he is starting to become a little more mobile. And he likes to stand up. Today he was fussing, he didnt want to eat, or sleep, or burp, and the binky wasnt cutting it... turns out he just wanted to stand up! So I had to hold him until his little legs got too tired and then he fell asleep. Who knew? All he wanted was to stand up... So add that to the list of things to check when he is fussy.

Oh, I should mention that this video was taken a week or so ago, so its not of him actually moving, so dont get your hopes up, its just to show his arm troubles. :)

Load Crew of the Quarter

Another plaque for Matthew's wall.

Air Show

Some footage of the AF Thunderbirds

and Hayden's discussion of the Air Show

I decided not to publish any pictures of Haydn at the Air Show, you'll have to wait until Picture Thursday. I have to save up as many pictures of him as I can before Matthew leaves cuz the is a very good chance that he will be getting his Incentive Ride (FINALLY!!!) in an F-15 while he is in Fairbanks so he will be taking the camera with him. So Picture Thursday will be postponed for a couple weeks, until he gets back. I dont want to hear ANY complaining. You dont get pictures, i dont get my husband for ANOTHER 2 weeks, op, I win. No complaining. I will try to post a video instead, but like I said I am going to try to take a bunch of pictures this week and spread them out. I know its not the same, but deal. I hate to lose documentation of him a whole two weeks tough. He changes so fast...maybe I will get a disposable camera. That might work. Anyway, just letting you know the situation.

We took Hayden to his first Air Show yesterday. We are going again today. He slept through it. Big surprise. I couldn't really enjoy myself. One, because I didn't bring EP's for myself. And two, cuz I was so worried about him. He had Matt's EP's from work on and the kid was sleeping but I was still worried about the noise. And then when I had convinced myself that it was fine otherwise he wouldn't be sleeping, I was worried that I didn't put enough clothes on him. So today he is probably going to be too hot cuz I am going to put layers on him... And three I forgot Bernie. I am going to really have to learn to remember him otherwise Hayden doesn't have anything to hold on to! Poor Bernie was all alone up i mommy and daddy's bed and Hayden had to do without his Bernie! Such a guilt trip. But I will know better today. Then we are going to hang around till the end of the show so that we can get some good pictures of Hayden and the planes without a huge crowd there. So look forward to Picture Thursday! Maybe I'll post a teaser picture when we get home. We'll have to see what kind of mood the kid's in. Yesterday we got home and we all crashed on the couch for two hours before we went upstairs to bed! LOL.

Hayden telling stories

Hayden decided to share story time. Enjoy.

I have been craving a DQ Brownie Waffle Bowl Sundae cuz it looks SOOO good in the commercial. And I usually never get something like that off TV cuz the craving usually goes away. But every time I see that commercial I think it looks o good, so I broke down and got one. And you know how it always looks so good on TV and you have it all built up in your mind as a great thing, and then you get it and it is SO not as good as you imagine... That is SOO not the case here. I got the sundae and it was SOOOOO good. A little much for me, but so good. Sweets tend to make me sick. Ever since I got pregnant with Hayden, I just have no desire to eat sweets(I will anyway, but that is a different struggle). I am more of a salty person now since now I tend to get a tummy ache with sweets, but this was SO worth it. I just thought I would share that while Mr. Stinkies is taking a decent nap. (Hayden, not Matthew for those of you not familiar with Hayden's nicknames) He hasn't been sleeping all that well since his shots, I think his little legs hurt.

Chatter Box

2 month appointment

Hayden did really well today. He weighs a little over 10 lbs and is almost 23 inches long. He is in the 25 percentile for height and weight. He got two shots today... he handled it better than I did. He only cried for a couple seconds and then fell asleep. I cried for longer... The needle was so big! Two more months before I have to do that again. But Dr. Traven said he is perfect, spine is straight, eyes and ears are good. And he said Hayden was "rather cute" Yes, I do have to agree.

Matthew and I have decided that until we have some set daycare (don't get me started) that he will go to sleep right when he gets home and then wake up around three so I can go to work. I kinda love that arrangement cuz Hayden would be with one of his parents at all times. I just hate the idea of him being with a stranger.

Stupid Matt's work. He has to work all this weekend at the damn Air Show and then he leaves again, and it is really hitting him hard cuz he missed Hayden so much while he was in Texas. I think he was a little surprised at just how much he missed him. I wasn't surprised...

Swinging

Talkin with Daddy

Telling Daddy all about what happened while he was gone.

Well, everyone is gone. The house seems so empty... its just me and the kid again...Matthew is upstairs, asleep. I swear Hayden is wondering where everyone went. He's been hollering out ever since we got home from dropping Grandma off at the airport, almost like he's looking for her, for his fans. He cried all the way home last night. I miss them already. I knew I would. No matter how much they drive me crazy, I always miss them so much more when they are gone.6 months.

Hayden Talking

This second video was taken up on Mt. Aleyaska. If you listen close after he sneezes, it almost sounds like he says "Thank you." LOL.

I miss my husband. Thank God he will be home tomorrow. When he is here, I never truly realize what he does for me. He grounds me and makes me sane. I love my family, but being in this tight of quarters for this long is too much for me! I need him. I need to vent to keep my head about me. I am doing really well. I have snapped only a few times, mostly at Amanda. Some she deserved, some she didn't. I just need my house back. But I know as soon as they leave, I am going to miss them like crazy. Because when they leave I have to start facing reality. I m going to have to start facing leaving Hayden during the day. I am going to have to face getting ready to leave. And I am really worried about it. About the economy, finding a job, a home... I'm scared. I am SO scared. What will we do? How are we going to live? I have 6 months to agonize over this. Its like starting all over. And not like last time. Last time it was just me. Me, leaving to be with Matthew. But now we have Hayden... And he is my everything. I am just so scared. Nothing like having a child to realize there are so many more things in this world to be afraid of then you could have imagined. I need Matthew.

Glacier Cruise

This is Harvard Glacier out of Whittier.

My first try at directing...

Testing, Testing..1,2,3

Hayden is handling all this excitement like a champ. And he is talking so much. He has been increasing his interaction time and seems so much more focused and responsive. And really interacting. And he has been smiling A LOT. I wish Matthew were here to see him. I know that he will when he gets back, but I hate that he is missing it for the first time, you know? I know he has seen him smile, and he can hear him talking on the phone, but its not the same. He misses Hayden so much. And what sucks is that in a couple weeks he is going to have to leave again. Meanwhile I am trying to deal with my fear of leaving him to go to work. I just don't want to leave him with someone else. And I am REALLY trying to be ok with the idea, but I'm not. How do I know he's ok How do I know if he's eating or sleeping ok? What if he gets scared at someone else's house? And I am not there to comfort him. He's my little baby. I don't know if I can do this... I am going to cry so hard that first day, even if its just for a couple hours at first, I am going to cry!!!!

cuz he's so damn cute!

They're here, safe and sound

A few more hours..

Now we're just killing time until Dad and Amanda's plane gets here. Its schedules to arrive at about a quarter after 7, 30 minutes early. So we're taking naps and I am tiding up and changing sheets and blankets and such. I don't know why, maybe its a new mom thing, but I am actually not too excited about the invasion into my house. Now, don't get me wrong, I am SOOO happy that my family has come up to visit, but for some reason I am irritated at the thought of everyone being in my house. Using my stuff, invading my space. I have never been like that before. Which is making me a bit edgy and Amanda hasn't even gotten here yet. I love my sister, but I am not going to sugar coat our relationship There is no one one this earth who can get under my skin faster than she can, nor with as much accuracy... This will be trying, especially since Lew isn't here, cuz he can run interference with the best of them. Mainly cuz he makes us laugh and it cuts the tension. And Matthew isn't here for me to vent to...

We are waiting for the UPS man to get here with the package. Then we'll go check out the line and see how long the wait is at the Service office and if it isnt toolong, we can get this ID thing taken care of. If not, we'll do it right away in the morning again. Either way it'll be done by tomorrow night when we have to go pick up dad and Amanda. So ridiculous, this whole thing.

I.D. Card

One more reminder of the fact that the U.S. Military does not consider me to be a real person. I am a dependent and I must remember that. I went in to get my ID card renewed cuz it expires on Friday (I didn't do it sooner cuz I thought I had till the end of the month) and the lady is like, "Are you Active Duty?' (i think do I LOOK like I'm Active Duty? LOL) "No." "Is your sponsor with you?" "No" "Is he here?" "No, he's TDY, Texas." "Do you have Power of Attorney?" "No." "Well you cant do this without your sponsor." "Great, now what?" "You will have to call him and have him go to the Customer Service office where he is and fill out a Form DD 1172 and fax it here." I am freaking out and pissed. I have to have my ID to get on base, WHERE MY HOUSE IS!!!, to buy food, go to the doctor... and pissed cuz here I have a valid ID in my hand, and I still have to Matthew there to get it updated. So I call Matthew and he gets the form, but they tell him down there that I am going to have to have the original, so he had to go to UPS and have it Next Day'ed up here so I can have it in time to get it renewed before it expires. It should be here on Wednesday. So we had to spend $30 to get this stupid paper sent up here cuz I cant just do it myself. I cant to move back to the real world where I can be a real person again.

Grandma delayed...Again

She got delayed again so now she wont be here till 2:30. At least she'll be here today!

Stupid Weather!!!!

The curse strikes again. The plane mom was supposed to be on right now got delayed coming into Moline, so she would have missed her connecting flight to Anchorage out of Minn/St. Paul and there are only 2 flights a day, she has to wait till tomorrow. So she wont be here till noon. Its the same thing that happened to us in December except with rain instead of snow. This sucks. I am so bummed. Stupid storms.

EDIT: So we are taking Matthew to the airport in a couple hours and it has hit me that my mom isn't going to be there. The one thing that was going to make saying good-bye tolerable wont be here till tomorrow. I just keep picturing him walking away from me and Hayden at security and I have to bite back the tears. I hate that he has to leave Hayden. I think its starting to hit him too, that he has to leave the baby behind. Even if it is for only two weeks... That's a long time to be away from your son. And now he is going to be going to Fairbanks for 12 days next month, over my birthday, which I don't really car about that, but another two weeks away from Hayden... But I am trying to be understanding cuz they didn't make him go anywhere when I was pregnant. So I cant complain too much, and Sgt. Eldridge gave him like 3 extra days off when Hayden was born, that he didn't have to use leave for, so I owe him a lot for that. But its fine this is what military wives do. They stand back and say good-bye and get through it until he comes home again. I don't know what I would have done if everyone wasn't coming up here while he was gone. I just wish that it wasn't storming in the Lower 48. Stupid weather!!!

While he sleeps...

I cant believe that mom is going to be here tomorrow. I have the house, basically, cleaned up. As much as I can when there is baby stuff everywhere. Who knew how much stuff one little bitty person needs!?! I am still not sure about sleeping arrangements, but we'll figure it out. Mom thinks she is going to sleep in the basement, but I don't like that. The cats will get locked up down there, and there is enough room in our room to put a mattress down. Matthew wont be here, so its not that big of a deal. Or we can put it downstairs. And when Amanda and dad get here, I can put a mattress in Hayden's room and sleep there with him. And then have one downstairs and mom and dad can have our bed. I think that is the best way. But who knows? My family is weird... Anyway, I should get to vacuuming the stairs, they are kinda gross with cat hair. The cats are shedding their winter coats so I am having trouble keeping up with the shedding.