Take two

We may still be coming home. I wish I knew. If we do, it will be this year. I am disappointed. I was looking forward to hockey next year. I had made my peace with staying here. Now the stress has returned. Now I dont know what to feel. I am scared. I am nervous. I dont know how I feel.

Disappointment

Matthew's package was denied. we aren't coming home.

Moving Update

Ok, so Matthew checked on the "package", and his supervisor has approved it and is sending it up the ladder so tomorrow it should get is second approval. And then it goes up and then the closer to the top it goes, the less people are going to look at it and just sign it cuz everyone else has already signed it and everything has been looked over and so on. So still not getting my hopes up, but.... No that's just a blatent lie, my hopes are up. I will be devistated if this doesnt go through. I need to go talk to my new "friend" and request a transfer and see what is involed in doing that. This is going to be fun... It is also going to cost about $185 to take the cats home on the plane, and that doesnt include health certificates, tranquilizers or new kennels, Jackie has grown out of hers. And what else? Oh, we decided to hire a Base Housing Approved cleaner to come and clean the house. My boss, Diana, suggested that would be the best thing. (her husband retired from the Air Force) She said when you do it on your own, you'll never pass inspections on the first time. But if you hire a BASE APPROVED cleaner you will almost ALWAYS pass the first time, cuz they know what needs to be done. Cuz some things HAVE to be immacculate and some things you dont have to worry about. So we think its the best idea. And I have found a flight that should be minimum travel time for the kitties. About 11 hours total, with layovers, so I think that they will be ok.

I'm really nervous about having to take both of them myself, but I'm sure it will be ok, people do it with their dogs all the time! I can do this. It is not as bad as I think it is. Its not. I've lived through a lot worse, right? Right. No biggie. No stress, I have people to help. No stress. Its all good. I am making lists. I have a "Send Home in Matt's Truck" list, "Emily's Packing List" sub-divided into catagories 'Shoes', 'Clothes' 'Bathroom', and 'Odds n Ends', "To-do" lists complete with deadlines. I am organized. I just need to know whn I can start executing my lists!

Stay Tuned.

The novelty has worn off the idea of going home and reality is started to set in to what lays (lies, w/e) ahead of me. There is so damn much to do and I want to get started so I dont feel so overwhelmed, but I cant cuz I dont even know if his request is going to be approved. So if it isnt, then i ould have done all of it for nothing, but if it is, then I will WAY behind where I want to be. I think maybe I will get a couple rolls of bubble wrap and start wrapping my little knick knacks so that much more will be dont and I will feel like I am doing something. And I am making lists, TMO lists, Mail lists, my packing lists, and lists of what I am sending home in Matt's truck. So again I feel like I am doing something. Cuz I HAVE to write everything down or I WILL forget. This is just crazy, but always an advocate for following the signs presented to me, everything is falling into place as we go along, so I cant even imagine this being the wrong decision. I just cant wait till the papers come back. I know everyone is like me, trying not to get their hopes up, juct in case it doesnt happen, but when I tell people I might be coming home, they are just like "ok". I just have to remember they arent getting their hopes up, cuz if I forget that, then I would get really depressed cuz no one seems to be all that excited. But the time will come. It better, people!

Ok, I need to get out and distribute some brochures. Oh, maybe I will do that tomorrow and instead, I'll go up and take a nap. I think I slept a total of an hour last night, I kept waking up cuz Matthew switched to mids so he went to work at midnight, so I kept waking up. I am SOOO tired!

Welp, Matthew is turning in the papers on Monday. We're one step closer to coming home. There is hope. Whether we address this now or in a year, we'll have to face most of these issues, so lets do it now. Especially after what happened on Thursday. I am happy to get out of here. We have been here long enough. So here we go. Soon we will find out how fast this roller coaster is going to take off. I just hope I can hang on.

I am just not ready for this. I cant make pressured decisions. I thought i had a lot more time to prepare for moving back. Now I may be back in June?!?! What am I supposed to do? You cant just tell me this and expect me to understand what is happening. I have just gotten back on my fet here, and I have been bowled over again. How does this work? I dont even know? How am i going to get my medications? Do I have to start all over? I guess that solves the problem of me not knowing what I am doing. Oh, wait I have to go home and figure out what I am going to do. i have to find a job. I have to transfer all my baggage down there too. And I dont mean suitcases. It's like $80 per extra suitcase. Cuz I can damn garuantee that I will need more than 2 suitcases if I am moving home in June and then I will have the cats too?!?! You have GOT to be kidding me! I going to need at least three suitcase if not four, AND the cats. Jackie will have to go under the plane, and I dont like that. I could carry grizzly on, she'll still be plenty small enough, but is that too much trauma for her, she is still so young, I dont want to screw her up! So we will have to get certficates for both of them, and it costs $80 per animal.

And where are we going to live? I have to find some place to live before I can get a job. So where are we going to live? I guess I'll have to move in with mom and dad for awhile. Maybe we can rent the house Matt and Cassie lived in! HA! Across the street from my mom and dad. Thats a thought. Amanda wont have to worry about taking care of them anymore. J/K, you still will. HAHAH. I think I am losing my mind. I cant even wrap my head around this! I was prepeared to leave in '09, not in 5 months.

Matt pretty much has a second job lined up so we can get things paid off and money saved up for a cushion. It wont be a very big cushion, but we can just go across the street and eat mom and dad's food if we cant afford our own. LOL. Plus they have slow internet. Are we gonna have to have slow internet too? And what about cable? Will we have to get a satellite dish? What am I talking about? I dont even know where we are going. Except I know we might be going soon.